Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Family Vacation

This past weekend, I took off on a little 4 day family vacation with Cornholio, the boy son, and Cornholio's parents to Myrtle Beach, SC.

Family vacations aren't something that I do very often cause to be honest, they're usually just not that fun. Especially when Cornholio's parents around since they frown upon my drinking and smoking.

However, on this particular family vacation, several turn of events would make this particular family vacation one of the best in the history of all family vacations.

While on our trip, one of Cornholio's uncles had heard that we were down at the beach. He ended up calling Cornholio's mom and she, not being able to say no to her brother, allowed him, as well as another sister, her 4 kids and her boyfriend, crash the family vacation.

I have to admit, I was a little annoyed in the beginning, especially since I don't even know these people that well. However, they soon proved themselves to be a lot different then Cornholio's mother.

When Cornholio's uncle and aunt arrived, it was obvious that they were both already intoxicated (The aunt's boyfriend drove and he was apparently sober).

The first thing his uncle wanted to do was go to the strip club to see naked woman of course and to keep on drinking.

Cornholio's mother offered to watch the boy son, along with her sisters 4 kids so that we could all go out together, so of course we took her up on the offer.

When we got to the strip club, we found out that the aunts boyfriend is only 19 years old (she's in her mid-late 30's). It kinda caught us off guard, but hey, who are we to judge if she's a cradle robber?

There were several strippers who were obviously too fat to be working at a strip club but whatever. It's 8 hours away from where I live, so why would i really give a shit.

To be honest, even the strippers who were in shape, were still ugly. Out the whole lot, there was maybe 4 or 5 who were decent looking and not over weight.

While Cornholio's uncle was wandering the club, hitting on drunk strippers, his aunt and her 19-year-old boyfriend sat huddled up next to each other, looking extremely uncomfortable and out of place. Apparently, it was the first time for both of them.

Not that surprising considering that she use to be a Christian. I guess all that went out the window when she starting dating her little boyfriend.

Me and Cornholio pulled up a seat and got a front row view of the strippers. Then it happened. A hot stripper approached us. She kissed me, then went over to Cornholio, rubbed his head in between her tits, slapped him so hard I could feel the sting, and called him a bitch.

I have never been so turned on in all my life. I think I just fell in love with a stripper. I just wanted to take her home with me. Wow. That's all I could really say. Just wow.

And that was the highlight of my family vacation. Other then that, we went to the beach, pool, did some family like things, blah, blah, blah, who really cares?

This all just proves that even my family vacations can never be what most people would consider "normal".

Whatever. All I know is that the next time I'm Myrtle Beach, I'm definitely hitting up that strip club again.


Anonymous said...

Damnit! I never get any cool family vacays like that. Fuckin' muslims and their rules....


Angry Girlfriend said...

You should come and join me on the dark side, LOL

The Life of a Jersey Lesbian said...

LeMme Buy You a DraNkKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ... im in LoVe WittA STRIPPERRRRR .... those songs are for you and this past weekend. i woulda love to seen cornholio get smacked not because it would turn me on ( double EW) but i wouldve enjoyed it for reasons not good ones either. if i walked up in there woulda said...BITCHES BITCHES the Female God is here come rub your titties in my face and smack me... BITCHES