Oh Titusville, you of all people know my wrath and vindictiveness. Which is why I can't seem to figure out why would you want my forgiveness to begin with?
I'm not the nice one, remember? That was part of the reason why you decided your ex-girlfriend was a much more suitable partner for you than myself.
Let's be real. Yes, you are 33-years-old and have a very limited relationship history, but are you really going to play the ignorance card with me?
Again, remind me... Which mistake are you apologizing for? Is it because you shat on my heart or because you slept with your ex-girlfriend?
And in case you're wondering, because I'm sure you are, I didn't sleep with my ex-husband out of spite for you. I slept with him, well to be quite honest, because it was fun. And I keep sleeping with him because it's just that much damn fun. Honestly, I have no plans to stop sleeping with him while I'm out here.
You know that day you called me to tell me that you had slept, I'm sorry, made love to your ex-girlfriend? I wasn't even mad. In fact, I laughed a little. You gave me the closure I needed to say goodbye to your pathetic ass. I'm sure I made that clear in the last text message I sent you, which I assumed would be the end of it.
And yet again, I was wrong. So explain to me... Why do you want my forgiveness? I'm not a nice person and my forgiveness comes at a high price. Honestly, you can't afford it. Why not just walk away, the way I've decided to?
You're text message made me laugh. Something about you being miserable makes me smile. You really shouldn't expect me to forgive you. And as for the friendship, maybe somewhere down the road when the dust has settled, we can drive back down that alley again. But that wont be happening anytime soon. I really wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
You did more then make a mistake. You completely fucked the pooch on this one. I didn't think it was possible for you to fuck up this hard. And here I thought that I was the bad one. You definitely outdid anything I could've ever done to fuck you over.
Congratulations on becoming the kind of man that not only do I not respect, but refuse to make time for in my life.
And for all the shit you talked about Billiard, who'd ever thought you turn out to be the bigger asshole?
Remember the simplicity you spoke about your ex-girlfriend? I kinda have the same feelings towards Billiard. Sure, it's safe. Boring, but safe.
Also, remember how you said you would give your ex-girlfriend the stars and earth if she asked it from you, even if it meant shutting me out as a friend? The same shit you use to say to me up until 5 months ago? (You should work on your creativity).
Obviously, you're only coming to me now because she shut you down, which makes me second, not just as a choice as a girlfriend (although I'm sure you're not stupid enough to try to work things out with me on that end at this point), but it also makes me second choice as a friend.
Second place is the first to lose, my friend, and by all means, go fuck yourself, because I'm not a fucking loser.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
The Bet
Shortly before Titusville and I decided to take an indefinite amount of time apart, much needed, might I add, he challenged me to a bet on whether or not I would sleep with my ex-husband if I somehow made it to the East Coast for the holidays.
I can't really remember why the whole bet thing came about. Maybe he wanted me to sleep with Billiard so that he would feel less like a shit head for majorly screwing the people he's screwed over in this little twisted game he's been playing for the last week and a half.
Well, I did make it to the East Coast, and I'm calling off the bet. I'm not saying that I lost, but the bet should've never been made to begin with. The idea of bringing in one more person into this situation just doesn't seem fair, especially when Billiard has nothing to do with the mess you've created.
Just more of Titusville playing his stupid games and me being completely asinine and playing right along with him. I'm done playing those games. Go play by yourself.
I am holding back a lot, because there is so much I want to say to rip you apart, but if I say it, I can never take it back, and believe me none of it is nice or pleasant.
All I will say is that it is Game Over, on my end.
Happy Christmas!
Oh and one last thing Titusville:
Don't wait around for that Christmas card. I had written it before this whole incident, so there were things written in there that no longer matter, nor do they any longer apply to us.
I can't really remember why the whole bet thing came about. Maybe he wanted me to sleep with Billiard so that he would feel less like a shit head for majorly screwing the people he's screwed over in this little twisted game he's been playing for the last week and a half.
Well, I did make it to the East Coast, and I'm calling off the bet. I'm not saying that I lost, but the bet should've never been made to begin with. The idea of bringing in one more person into this situation just doesn't seem fair, especially when Billiard has nothing to do with the mess you've created.
Just more of Titusville playing his stupid games and me being completely asinine and playing right along with him. I'm done playing those games. Go play by yourself.
I am holding back a lot, because there is so much I want to say to rip you apart, but if I say it, I can never take it back, and believe me none of it is nice or pleasant.
All I will say is that it is Game Over, on my end.
Happy Christmas!
Oh and one last thing Titusville:
Don't wait around for that Christmas card. I had written it before this whole incident, so there were things written in there that no longer matter, nor do they any longer apply to us.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Love Sick
People do stupid things when they are in love, more so when they are in love and the person they are in love with is in love with someone else. Ahhhh, the infamous love triangle.
I'm not sure what purpose it will serve if I decided to sleep with my ex-husband just in spite of Titusville, in fact, I'm very certain it's a horrible idea.
I don't even like him as a person most of the time.
I suppose I'd be using Billiard as yet another way of self-destructive behavior. Honestly, this is probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had. But no matter how much we fight and can't stand to be in the same room together, Billiard is always willing to drop his pants at a moments notice. I guess I have options...??? I don't think this is really a compliment... to myself, that is.
Really? Billiard's my only other option? Ehhh... (No offense, Billiard).
Luckily, Billiard lives on the other side of the country so I have plenty of time to rethink this very bad decision. Actually, as I write this, I think I've already changed my mind. I'm probably better off picking up some random guy at a bar that I never have to deal with again.
On second thought, I think I rather just drink myself into a coma. Maybe indulge in some more cutting and bulimia. That seems safer.
Make the outside of my body match the inside... Ugly, wounded and broken.
Yeah, I think that's a better idea.
I'm not sure what purpose it will serve if I decided to sleep with my ex-husband just in spite of Titusville, in fact, I'm very certain it's a horrible idea.
I don't even like him as a person most of the time.
I suppose I'd be using Billiard as yet another way of self-destructive behavior. Honestly, this is probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had. But no matter how much we fight and can't stand to be in the same room together, Billiard is always willing to drop his pants at a moments notice. I guess I have options...??? I don't think this is really a compliment... to myself, that is.
Really? Billiard's my only other option? Ehhh... (No offense, Billiard).
Luckily, Billiard lives on the other side of the country so I have plenty of time to rethink this very bad decision. Actually, as I write this, I think I've already changed my mind. I'm probably better off picking up some random guy at a bar that I never have to deal with again.
On second thought, I think I rather just drink myself into a coma. Maybe indulge in some more cutting and bulimia. That seems safer.
Make the outside of my body match the inside... Ugly, wounded and broken.
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| Photo Credits Picture Taken by: BrighterNites Model: BrighterNites a.k.a AngryGirlfriend |
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Relapse
What people don't understand about self-harming is that it's just another coping mechanism. As it happens, I was a cutter for many years, as well as bulimic.
I thought I had it all under control, but here at 31 years old, I've relapsed on both.
What happened to trigger this old bad habits, you might ask?
Long story short, I fell in love for the first time. We all know I was married before and that ended horribly. But I was never in love with my ex-husband.
I fell in love with who you know as Titusville, a long time friend who had always claimed to having feelings for me since we met about 13 years ago.
He's the kind of guy who likes the conquest of taking on the unknown and then destroying it. I thought this only applied to work. He's very good at his job, because of this quality. Apparently, it also happens to be that he's the same way in his relationships with people. I wish I would've known that much about him before we were in a relationship.
I was just another conquest, and he conquered me, that I can't deny. And just like that, it was over, and back off into the friend zone, I went. Like a toy he got tired of playing with and put back on the shelf... For good, I might add.
When he gave me the news of being still in love with an ex, lets just say, I fell apart. Old habits came back.
So out with Titusville and in with old bad behaviors...
Cutting and bulimia, Welcome Home!
It's been a long time... I'm glad to have you back, because I need you both right now to get through these troubled times.
I never thought I would fall so hard, but I did and now I'm paying the consequences. I might need therapy, but until the day that happens, all I have is my self-destructive behavior.
I wish I had a dad to kick your sorry ass.
I thought I had it all under control, but here at 31 years old, I've relapsed on both.
What happened to trigger this old bad habits, you might ask?
Long story short, I fell in love for the first time. We all know I was married before and that ended horribly. But I was never in love with my ex-husband.
I fell in love with who you know as Titusville, a long time friend who had always claimed to having feelings for me since we met about 13 years ago.
He's the kind of guy who likes the conquest of taking on the unknown and then destroying it. I thought this only applied to work. He's very good at his job, because of this quality. Apparently, it also happens to be that he's the same way in his relationships with people. I wish I would've known that much about him before we were in a relationship.
I was just another conquest, and he conquered me, that I can't deny. And just like that, it was over, and back off into the friend zone, I went. Like a toy he got tired of playing with and put back on the shelf... For good, I might add.
When he gave me the news of being still in love with an ex, lets just say, I fell apart. Old habits came back.
So out with Titusville and in with old bad behaviors...
Cutting and bulimia, Welcome Home!
It's been a long time... I'm glad to have you back, because I need you both right now to get through these troubled times.
I never thought I would fall so hard, but I did and now I'm paying the consequences. I might need therapy, but until the day that happens, all I have is my self-destructive behavior.
I wish I had a dad to kick your sorry ass.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Angry Girlfriend Revealed
Obviously, I've been going through some issues lately.
I came up with this whole "Love Hurts" photography series, in light of a recent breakup that I can't exactly say I've been handling very well.
For the first time ever, I've become a very Angry Ex Girlfriend and a little overly emotional, which I don't care to admit, but shit happens and unfortunately, I got hurt for once.
Anyways, enough about that. There's no real anonymity on the internet, so in case you haven't figured out who I am or what I look like, here it is. These are my newest self portraits:
For the first time ever, I've become a very Angry Ex Girlfriend and a little overly emotional, which I don't care to admit, but shit happens and unfortunately, I got hurt for once.
Anyways, enough about that. There's no real anonymity on the internet, so in case you haven't figured out who I am or what I look like, here it is. These are my newest self portraits:
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| MY HEART Here is my heart. I'm giving it to you! Photo Credits: Picture Taken by: BrighterNites Model: BrighterNites a.k.a AngryGirlfriend |
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| BROKEN HEART I should've known better than to let you play with it. Well... It's damn sure not going to fix itself. Photo Credits: Picture Taken by BrighterNites Model: BrighterNites a.k.a AngryGirlfriend |
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| THEY DON'T MEND EASY Wish I could throw out my heart and get a new one. Photo Credits: Picture Taken by: BrighterNites Model: BrighterNites a.k.a AngryGirlfriend |
Thursday, November 1, 2012
What's That Saying?
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| Picture Credits: Photo Taken by BrighterNites |
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".
I loved... I lost... And I now I know better than to ever do that shit again.
I literally wear my heart on my sleeve.
Reckless behavior to ensue in 3...2...1...
The good news? Nothing gets my creative juices flowing like being scorned. It's on, bitches! Wrath is my name.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Racist? I Think Not
My sister and I go Trick or Treating in my moms neighborhood every year for multiple reason:
1. They give out lots of candy
2. It's a "good neighborhood" and by that I mean lots of rich white people.
3. See reason number 2
Today, my sister got a text message from I'm guessing an acquaintance that she really didn't want to hang out with, but didn't know how to politely tell her that she wasn't interested in going Trick or Treating with her.
We had a conversation that went something like this:
E: How do I ask this chic to go Trick or Treating with me out of courtesy, but get her to say no?
Me: Tell her you're going out with me and I live in the ghetto.
E: She's black.
Me: Oh... Tell her I live in the Mexican ghetto?
(Pause)
My sister laughed hysterically for a second, said I was funny... Racist, but funny and decided to ignore her acquaintance altogether.
My way was somewhat more polite, but I could be wrong.
Happy Halloween, Ass fuckers!!!
On an irrelevant note, we all know that Halloween is just an excuse for all women in general to dress like sluts.
As a disclaimer, as Mitt Romney said, "Rape isn't really rape if you're dressed like a slut. Then you're just asking for it". Maybe he didn't say that, but I'm sure I heard it on the internet so it must be true.
I'm rambling on about nothing because I need to sleep. So goodnight. I'll be more coherent in the morning.
1. They give out lots of candy
2. It's a "good neighborhood" and by that I mean lots of rich white people.
3. See reason number 2
Today, my sister got a text message from I'm guessing an acquaintance that she really didn't want to hang out with, but didn't know how to politely tell her that she wasn't interested in going Trick or Treating with her.
We had a conversation that went something like this:
E: How do I ask this chic to go Trick or Treating with me out of courtesy, but get her to say no?
Me: Tell her you're going out with me and I live in the ghetto.
E: She's black.
Me: Oh... Tell her I live in the Mexican ghetto?
(Pause)
My sister laughed hysterically for a second, said I was funny... Racist, but funny and decided to ignore her acquaintance altogether.
My way was somewhat more polite, but I could be wrong.
Happy Halloween, Ass fuckers!!!
On an irrelevant note, we all know that Halloween is just an excuse for all women in general to dress like sluts.
As a disclaimer, as Mitt Romney said, "Rape isn't really rape if you're dressed like a slut. Then you're just asking for it". Maybe he didn't say that, but I'm sure I heard it on the internet so it must be true.
I'm rambling on about nothing because I need to sleep. So goodnight. I'll be more coherent in the morning.
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