Saturday, February 28, 2009

What Is Wrong With Me?

After having the last week of work all to myself without the prying eyes of that evil stalker monkey villain who continually haunts me, I decided that in order to make the best of my free time that I would post these seemingly normal ads on Craigslist.

We should all know by now what the outcome is for anyone who responds to one of my ads. But now I am forced look at myself and wonder about my mental sanity.

I mean, what kinda of normal person would dedicate 5 consecutive days to doing something like that and for hours at a time?

I don't think that's normal... or even sane.

What's worse is the fact that not only does this little recreational activity of mine keep me entertain, but I'm amused at my own responses and seem to be always looking for that new level to take it.

I want to say that I will stop and try to act like a more respectable, decent and productive member of society, but the chances of that actually happening are pretty much slim to none.

I should probably be medicated, or locked in a room with padded walls because I'm starting to enjoy this little activity of mine just a little too much.

It's like a high and I'm addicted.

P.S. If there is anyone who wants to see the pics of the guys from the ads and their members, I have no problem emailing those pics to whoever is interested.

Thought anyone who asks me for those pics is probably a little more twisted then I am, LOL.

I would post them on my blog but most of them have really ugly penis' and I don't want to scare anyone away.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Fun on Craigslist: Short Short Man

As promised, here are some more Craigslist ads with responses from yours truly:

Short Short Man - w4m - 22 (Seattle)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-02-26, 10:00AM PST

So here's the deal...

I've had sex with several guys who are of average length... The problem is that it hurts...
I'd like to experience some pretty wild and crazy, fun sex... but with a guy who is 6 inches or below.

I'm 22 year old white female, D&D free, and I'm interested in meeting up with someone possibly tomorrow or sometime this weekend.

The only thing I ask of you is that you be at no more then 6 inches and also D&D free.

Victim #1:
Hello, I'd like to have fun with you. :) May I try that? I'm average asian size. I think I'm sweet, decent, and always showing respect toward ladies. Would you like to come over have some tea and see where it goes? I'm 24 asian guy, study in language program now. live alone in U-D, next to UW. I'm 5'6(170), 143lbs. I'm DD free, and non-smoker. looking forward to hear from you soon. :) Y.

My Reply:
Yes! An Asian!!! You guys are known for having small cocks.... I think you're could be the one that gets me off! Boooo, ur not a smoker... I am, hope you dont mind... I tend to smoke when the sex is lame, but I'm sure it wont be with you cause you asains are all aerodynamic and stuff.. I've seen Americans Next Best Dance Crew... you guys can really dance... so what is your weekend looking like... maybe we can meet up at a bar or something?
Victim #2:
I’m 5”

My Reply:
YES! Sounds like you could be a match... I think it could be fun trynna ride your tiny cock with my moist and hairy vagina... hope u dont mind the fuzz but I like it alll natural...

His Reply:
No I don’t mind. Would you mind if I’m in a wheelchair?

My Reply:
Why the hell would I care if you were in a wheelchair... As long as you have a small penis and it doesnt hurt when we fuck, then its all good.

His Reply:
Will you call me?
Victim #3:
Can you handle a 8incher I
Promise to take it slow and short

My Reply:
Fuck! DID you not read the fucking ad?? Maybe I should've specified a man who isn't fucking illiterate...
Victim #4:
Hi hun, I think I meet your requirement. I'm 24 Asian, my cock is 5", kind of embarrawed but that's average Asian size. Do you want to try it out? I'm clean and disease free. And I'm real. Hit me back if you are too

My Reply:
I don't know why I didn't specifies Asains to begin with... I probably should have
So tell me Mr Shrimp Fried Rice, what kinda kinky things are you into?

His Reply:
lol...I love the Shrimp fried rice name...I don't wanna just go with you and release my need without taking care of I would take it slowly, we take a sweet bath together first, then I explore your body, lick your tits, you suck my cock, suck me good. Don't let it cum just yet, I taste your juicy pussy, you are wet, I put my dick into your glory hole and there we go. I'm looking straight to sex only, nothing crazy that I want to play. Hopefully that's what you look for too.

My Reply:
ooo yea, baby, that sounds sooo fuckin hot.. i'm getttin so turned on just thinkin about your little shirmp egg roll sliding into my warm and wet muffin mit... Its gonna be on like donkey kong... isnt donkey kong made up by ur people? whatever
I think you and I could have a really good time. i think youll love the taste of my sour pussy. It has a very distinct taste... I've heard that its kinda like chinese food, which is kinda ironic now that I think about it LOL But who doesnt love chinese food... You eat it, get filled up really quick, and a few minutes later, you're starving again....

His Reply:
lol, you are very funny person. I like it. btw, I think pussy tastes more like the smell of
raw fish. But whatever, I enjoy licking it. So are we meeting up? you know...I'm horny as fuck. Haha

My Reply:
LOL like sushi... thats whats up... I like you, you clever little asian... sooo whats your weekends looking like? We need to get some plans together so we can get this party rolling... in my pants!!!

His Reply:
Why don't we meet up right now? I'm ready to egg roll. Do you have anything to do now? We can meet up for a lunch and if you like me then bring me back to your place or get back to my place. btw, any pics of you?

My Reply:
Oh yea... I love little happy asian people, theyre just all tiny and cute, you can like fit them in your pocket and stuff. Todays not good, I'm out of town and wont be in until tomorrow evening... I was thinking more like Saturday cause like jet lag and shit. you're are such a happy little asain.. you make me smile :)

His Reply:
thank you for chatting with me so long. I think Saturday is ok if you are serious. At this point, seem like you are not. At least I would hope to have a pic but no. Anyway, whatever.
Victim #5
I'm about 5 - 5 1/2 inches but still fairly thick. You can measure me if you want, but I think when you see you'll have a good enough idea.

Oh, my name is Blake and I'm in Bellevue, relatively close to Seattle and can drive. I'm in my 30's, caucasian, blue eyes, short light brown hair, over 6ft tall, no drugs/smoking/STDs.

Do you let guys go down on you? Because sometimes that might help get you worked up and more easily to accept the longer guys?

I'm sending a face photo.. wondering if you might be interested? Because tomorrow works fine with me... we can work out details like if you host or not, and where to meet up, etc, all in the next 1-2 emails.


My Reply:
Guys go down on me all the time... Just last Friday, I had met this guys off of Craigslist (he was about 8inches) and he offered to like go down on me first and I was like yea sure no prob... and he said something about a foul odor but I'm assuming that he was trying to play off that he penis smelled kinda funky, but long story short, that shit was sooo painful even though I was like all wet and moist.

Then on Monday I met this other guy who was like 5 inches, and he didnt even try to eat me out because something about a foul odor, but he got right into it, and it was like on. I was thinkin about hittin him up again but apparenly i wrote his number down wrong or something cause some other person answered the phone. but anyways, what do u think about meetin up this weekend, if we like get a long and stuff...

His Reply:
This weekend would be fine. Saturday afternoon.

Do you have a photo to share since I shared mine?

Victim #6:
I'd hate to say it, but it sounds like your looking for me ;-)

I'm 25, single, 6ft tall, 190lbs, fit, clean, in shape, HWP, disease free, attractive, and Experienced.
My cock is just under 6inches long.
I'm a passionate lover though, and know how to please a woman...

Here's my pics,
mind sharing yours?

My Reply:
wow i didnt know tall people could pack such small packages
whatever, if it works, it works
so heres my deal...
I dont like vaginal pain (hence why i'm lookin for a small penis), but I'm into anal pain... wanna shove it up my asshole and make it bleed?

His Reply:
I'll give it to you however you'd like...
send me your pics

My Reply:
hmmm sounds goood to me... I'm just dying to have some wild and crazy sex with someone whos open to anything... I'm into a lot of anal play, so maybe you can stick things like a bottle or a corkscrew in my anus while you're fucking my funky vaginal hole with your tiny pecker. I'd love for you to make my asshole bleed...

His Reply:
Sounds good to me.
send me your pics and your number
Victim #7:
hi so im am a fun chill outgoing athletic sexual agressive guy in seattle i love to have a very fun wild time where we are taking it hard and as many times as we can i am 21 tall dark and handsome itailian guy in north seattle i am 6'0 260 strong guy that has the drive you need and the feel that you are asking for i am 6in cut std free and very clean i am trying to find something that we can arranage and be happy let me know

My Reply:
you're a happy little chunky monkey arent you? i like happy chunky fat people because they make me smile... almost like the Pillsbury dough boy... hes really happy...

I like to drink... do u like to drink? i have a confesion to make... you know how on my ad it says i'm d&d free? well only one D is true... no diseases here baby, but i'm in love with the world and I think you are so beautiful... guess what drug I'm on? Do you like drugs? I do... they make me happy, just like you... they also make me horny ;)

His Reply:
well thanks baby maybe we can make eachother smile dont worry about this chunky moncky i still know how to make you happy your confession is good becuase i am on d free too i love weed and coke lol i think the world is a great place and want to make our days beutifull i cant geuess what drug but drugs make me horney too and i am super horney today send me a pic

My Reply:
Jesus you're fat! Squishy monkey balls... I like you squishy monkey.

OMG I'm so happy again... you're so fat and squishy. Can I poke you? I like squishy chunky people. You're my squishy chunky monkey teddy bear.

Can we meet up tomorrow? I'll probably be rolling again so I'll like your fatness. We can have sex with your tiny squishy penis...
Victim #8:
I'm 6 inch...... 22 a d&d free... and best of all i have the whole weekend off and im free lol....ill send you a pic if you want to know more just ask and i could get a pic from you! the name is colby by the way...

My Reply:
so far so good.

I hope u have an open mind because I'm into some pretty kinky shit.

I just need a guy with a small enough penis for it all to be enjoyable.

I like being spanked, anal penetration, and having foreign objects being inserted into my vaginal canal.

I have a pet chicken who I like to use in a 'cleansing' ritual that I perform on men that I'm going to have sex with before I tie them up and fuck them nasty.

this ritual is to prevent us from giving each other venereal disease. I've had chlamydia and gonorrhea on at least 2 occasions and I blame myself because I didn't preform the cleansing ritual.

I would love to meet up with you this weekend...

His Reply:
That's a little too weird for me sry.. I'm open minded but ya no can do.

You know, I think I learned a very valuable lesson here... The men in Seattle aren't half as stupid as the men in the MD/DC/VA area.

However, they are absolutely insane... Crazier then me... Then again, no not really...

I don't know what's in the water over there that makes those people turn into serial killers and sexual deviants, but I'm staying the hell away from Seattle.

Whatever it is that's in that water, it also makes then seem to have small penis' or so it would seem considering that I received about 160 replies to this one ad.

Guess what that means? There will be a part 2, and possibly a part 3, to this blog.... BUT, you're not gonna get to read it until next Friday...

I'll also be posting ads in other cities...

Maybe I'll so like a Fun on Craigslist posting like once a week and post on Fridays... Who knows... Or maybe not... I guess we'll see...

Evil Cat

This is Spoon...

Spoon is evil...
He's Cornholio's cat...

I don't like cats...

Cats are evil...

He stalks me and when I've fallen asleep....

At night, he tries to steal my soul...

This is Pixie Doodle...
She's allergic to Spoon...

And to the carpet...

And to lots of other things...

But she's my dog...

I love her because she's not evil...

She doesn't like Cornholio which means that I only love her more...

Tomorrow on Angry Girlfriend.... More fun on Craigslist... YEY!

By the way... I was going to put a hit out on the cat to have him catnapped, but then I decided that would really be fucked up, plus I don't have any money to pay a catnapper... Unless, there's anyone out there who catnaps for fun...

I can tell you where he lives and his daily routines if that helps...

Anyone? No? Ok, well, just thought I'd ask...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Anal Auction

Reading back on yesterdays Craislist post, I was actually a little disappointed in the replies I received... Maybe I just wasn't high enough...

I could reattempt it sober, but that's never as much fun...

I'll probably try again on Friday, because I can never just get enough of those people. Are men really that stupid? I guess their replies speak for themselves...

I think I should try posting in a different location though. People might be starting to catch on to me, though I'm not sure how that would be possible when half the people who post on Craigslist are crazy anyways.

Speaking of Craigslist, I had a legitimate post that I wanted to put up by my friend won't let me.

She is an ass virgin and she wont let me auction off her anal virginity which I think is unfair.

There are lots of people who auctions things off on the Internet everyday, and yet, she is completely unwilling to let me auction off her asshole even thought I offered her 25% of whatever I make which I think is more then fair.

I think we could make a lot of money from selling her anal virginity. Lots of guys wanna fuck girls up the butts and the fact that they would be the first guy... well that's just the icing on the cake or on her back (hehehe).

One of these days, I'm going to put a legit ad on Craigslist for something... I'm not sure what, but it'll be something good.

Maybe I can convince her to auction her face for a "facial". Can you even do that on Craigslist? Hmmmm, only one way to find out I suppose...

I'm gonna auction off something one of these days... but it wont involve me... maybe my friends, but definitely not me... I'm not a whore... LOL

I'm just the pimp...

They'd probably just flag the posting anyways... Booo, how lame...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Nyquil + Craiglist = Good Times

I believe you have been waiting for this. Have fun reading:

Work Hard Play Harder - 25 (MD/DC/VA)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-02-24, 11:02AM EST

I am feeling like a total slut and I want to meet a guy who can make me feel like a bigger slut. I'm hoping that we can meet in a public place and have wild sex out in public. Let's pretend that I'm your hooker and you're my john.

I'm 25 year-old white female, disease free, and you're gonna love the way I look. I got a phat ass.

I'd like to possibly meet after work tonight or tomorrow at a bar during happy hour so we can get some liquid courage flowing through our veins before we get this party started.

I'm looking for white, middle eastern, or Asian males between the ages of 21-35. If you're a virgin, even better. I make one hell of a good first time lay.

Your pic gets mine.

Let the fun begin!!!

Victim #1 Reply:
Why wait until tonight???? I know of a hot little public spot near me where I'd LOVE to fuck you and taste that ass!!! I'm white - 29, clean, discreet and DD free!!! SAFE!

My Reply:
Don't you have a job?

I said tonight because most people work during the day... if you're a scrub then meeting up is pointless anyways since I was planning on whoever I was gonna meet up with to pay for all my drinks...

His Reply:
I'm at work now!!! LOL I like to take risks at all times. ANd no scrub here...professional white collar guy here...with a nice, muscular body.

My Reply:
Yeah yeah yeah, so you buyin or what?

It's gotta be tonight. The last time I did this in the middle of the day, I lost my job and right now I can't afford to lose this job because I haven't been working there long enough to collect unemployment...

His Reply:
How the hell do you lose your job getting caught??? LOL Fuck - was it IN your office??? Craziest place for me was the Capitol...yes, THE Capitol..
Let me see some pics and we'll talk drinks.

My Reply:
It was in the break room and I was screwing around with my supervisors wife who had come in to drop him off god knows what. We thought he had left the building so I convinced her to come with me or should I say "cum" with me.

Long story short, he ended up walking in on us as i was going down on her and I got fired on the spot, butt ass naked.

Shit happens, what can I say?

His Reply:
What!!! You're bi? FUCKING HOT. Let me tell you - if I caught my wife with another chick I'd sit down, pull it out and watch...maybe join if asked. Dumb mo-fo. Well - I could guarantee you wouldnt get fired for my public spot!

Typical Man LOL.
Victim #2
Hi there. I love to make women feel like sluts, and I'd like to do that with someone this weekend. I'm tall, fit, VERY hung, dominant (obviously) and disease-free. Let's get together anytime this weekend and get that liquid courage going, and then I'm willing to be totally adventurous.


My Reply:
This weekend? I said tonight... I can't wait until this weekend... I want to get fucked like a whore tonight...

His Reply:
I know! I work evenings, so that's out. I can fuck you like a whore now, or any other day during the day, or it can be this weekend. Assuming you're at work now, I think it'd be worth the wait until Saturday. *wink*

My Reply:
Or I can pick some other random guy who has also replied to my ad and let them fuck me like a whore instead...

His Reply:
Of course. And then I can fuck you like a whore this weekend. Everybody wins!

My Reply:
Sorry but the weekends are reserved for my boyfriend. It's the only time I ever get to see him and I don't think he'd appreciate you being there... I can always ask him though...

His Reply:
Nah, it's okay. I hope you get what you need!

Boooo, no fun LOL
Victim #3:
But clean and game.

What's your story, other than being dirty?

My Reply:
Dirty isnt the word for it.. I'm a filthy, dirty slut.

I suffer from nymphomania. I'm currently seeking therapy to treat it, but so far it hasnt helped and I feel even hornier then even. My therapist had suggested that I disconnect my internet at home, but that still leaves me time to find guys to fuck me from work.

My husband has no idea that I'm still running around sleeping with other people because he thought I was cured... anyways, enough about me and my silly little issue. Tell me about you... are u up for some fun?
Victim #4:
Hi baby...i was wondering if we could hook up today...i work at home so im available anytime....lets have some fun..i am attaching my so horney right now! i willing to make you cum multiple times

My Reply:
You think you can make me cum more then once?

Does your penis curve to the right or to the left?

His Reply:
I can definitely can make you cum more than once, my pennis straight big and very hard, where do you live, tell me somehthin about yourself, do you have a pic you could send me and can we hook up today

My Reply:
A straight penis serves no purpose. I need a curved penis to make me cum.
P.S. Hooked on Phonics may work for you....
Victim #5:
I hope I'm not responding too late. I know you get alot of junk emails where guys just want to show you pictures and be rude. That's not me. I'm a SWM from Germantown. 5'11, 160. 31. I'm interested in chatting with you to see if we are both looking for the same kinds of fun. I'd at least like to be polite and nice and behave like a normal human being who just happens to be interested in hooking up as well. So if you think you might be interested, send me a reply. We can exchange pics, chat a little and maybe meet up for drinks or whatever.

Let me know...

My Reply:
If I were lookin for nice, I would've posted a classier ad. I'm not looking for nice... I'm lookin for nasty, raunchy, dirty, kinky, cum and fuck me in a dark and filthy ally.

I don't care to have meaningless conversations about shit that isn't fucking relevant to begin with.

Being polite is not a turn on. I want you to tell me how you want to shove a beer bottle up my vaginal hole and stick your fist up my anus. I want someone who's gonna pull my hair and spit in my mouth and call me a dirty disease carrying whore.

His Reply:
Point made.

Just wanted to stand out from all the guys who send you cock picks and beg you to pick them based on their stellar one line "I'll fuck you good" response.

I'd love to stuff my cock up your ass and have you bend it until my balls turn black and blue. Then I'd love to put my stick in your mouth and make you gag until you choke on your own saliva.

You sound like a dirty whore who needs to be taught a lesson. I'm ready to make you beg me to stop. And I won't.

My Reply:
The only person who needs to be taught a lesson is you...

I'm going to bend you over and spank your filthy ass like the dirty bitch you are.

If you're lucky I'll let you stick you're filthy unworthy cock into my pie hole... oh wait, you didn't reply to my S&M ad did you? If you're interested let me know cause then I can kill 2 birds with one stone.

I just get sooo aggressive sometimes... and then I black out and I find myself having sex with another random stranger... Whatever happens, please promise me you'll use a condom cause I just got rid of the clap so I'm good now but I don't want to catch nothing again...

Does tonight work for you?

Hi Reply:
I always promise to use a condom. However, we'll see what happens. If I like the look of your pink slit, I might just give it a special treat. But I'm not interested in getting all jammed up with a disease, either. So saftey first.

Tonight works. Right now works, too.

My Reply:
Right now would work, but I have something called a JOB.... ever heard of one?

Please tell me you work... I was counting on you to buy me some cocktails after work...

That's enough fun for now... I'm feeling really sleepy now thanks to my best friends, Nyquil.

I've got all week to act up. Hope you can handle it!

Nyquil + Craiglist

I'm feeling a little sick and a little high off of Nyquil. However, I am alone in the office for the next week (finally!) and I'm going to make good use of this time by getting into as much trouble as I possible can by having some good ol' fashion internet fun.

Has anyone ever noticed the bubbles in their Nyquil?

Every time I sneeze, I pee on myself a little...

Anyways, it's time for me to get back onto Craigslist and have a little fun...

I don't know if mixing Craiglist and Nyquil is a good idea, but there's only one way to find out...

Stay tuned...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Who Wants to Be My BFF?

Paris Hilton did it, so why can't I?

Granted, I'm not famous, or blond, or rich, or anorexic, but I have made home made videos, though it wasn't with night vision. It was just a regular old home made sex tape. (There's actually been several, but who's counting?)

Whatever. I'm getting off topic...

So here are my requirements for a BFF:

1. They read my blog and think that I'm absolutely hilarious or absolutely insane (There's no in between. It's either one or the other).

2. Must be female. I have no use for male friends.

3. Must allow me to refer to them as bitch, slut, whore, and other derogatory names. You may also refer to me as a bitch, slut, whore and other derogatory names. (Real friends don't get offended by these names).

4. Candidates must also allow me to touch them in inappropriate manners. I am a very sexually inappropriate person. In a work place environment, I think the term is "sexual harassment".

5. I must find you sexually attractive. (I don't want to hit on ugly people. I'm not desperate).

6. Any race may apply as long as you're not ugly.

7. If you have a weird name that I can't pronounce, I reserve the right to change your name to something I like better.

8. I may possibly give you a nickname based on a stereotype about your race. Learn to live with it and get over it.

9. Please be a drinker and a smoker (cigarettes). Pot heads need not apply.

10. Tell one good reason why I should let you be my friend or even one good reason why you think this whole idea is absurd and that I should really seek professional help.

Email your submissions to

Be warned... If anyone actually responds to this thing, I will post the response. Good or bad...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Don't Feel Sorry For Me

I wanted to post this comment and address this so-called fan of mine because it seems as if some people still don't get me... Which is ok since we all know I'm not one of the easiest people in the world to understand being as simply complicated as I am.

"A Big Fan" of mine left this comment on my last blog:

you are so sad. i really feel sorry for you. you dont even give yourself a chance to be happy over something nice. i am a big fan of yours and maybe your man sees that you deserve the flowers and yet you cant accept a act of kindness done to you. you are so messed up in the head that all you know is being a bitch or fucked up....which at times aint bad. i hope you had a happy valentines day.

Hello Fan,

I maybe just a little messed up in the head, but I'm not sad. If you were really a fan of mine then you would understand that I write a lot of crazy, weird, messed-up things that sometimes don't even make any sense.

I like to act out like a bitch because it's fun. Most importantly, if you knew the kinda person I'm married to, you'd understand why I was in such a state of shock.

I think the most twisted part about me is my sense of humor because I'm one of those people who I guess you could say is a little "off".

I've said this many times before and I'll say it again: Don't take too much of what I say to heart because half the time I'm either joking or straight out just bullshitting you.

Go back and read that last posting and take it for what it was meant to be... A joke...

It's actually pretty funny when you read it... at least it was to me... and the 5 other people who actually read my blog, LOL... Well, not you though... But the rest of them laughed...

Actually, I'm a little biased about the things I write because I wrote them. I tend to laugh at most things I've written because I think that I'm just that damn funny, which sometimes I am and sometimes maybe I'm not, but it's funny to me so... ummmm... yea...

Thanks for reading!

Remember: Always read my blogs with an open sense of humor because if you read through it too fast, you might miss it.

P.S. You've got some major balls taking a risk like that. You should know by now I usually always make a blog out of a reader comment and it's usually to say something evil and mean.

I like you. You're a risk taker. Walking on the wild side! Dancing with the devil! That's hot ;)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Not Another Crappy Valentines Day? WTF?

I'm not really sure where to start this one...

There I was, minding my own business, working on Valentine's Day when Cornholio's sister come in and tells me that there's a package waiting for me at the door.

My first thought was that one of my angry readers found out where I worked and decided to maybe try to kill me by sending me anthrax or a bomb because I had probably pushed the whole "socially acceptable racism" thing way past the limit and pissed off a bunch of Angry Muslims.

As it turned out, the package was from Cornholio, which actually scared me even more because I figured that he was probably trying to retaliate for the incident when I peed in his chicken 3 years ago.

Imagine my surprised when I opened the box and it was.... Tulips?

No bomb... no death threat... no deadly disease.... What the hell is going on here?

We're all going to die, aren't we? Hell has finally frozen over!

More importantly, how the hell am I suppose be angry on Valentine's Day when he goes and ruins it by doing something nice? What an Asshole! LOL

Now I'm angry because he made me happy for once by doing something so ridiculously nice.

Happy blogs don't make for good blogging so now I'm pissed off that he did something nice because now I can't be angry like I wanted to be, which in turn does make me angry so in the end it all kinda works out.

Kinda twisted, ain't it?

Well, you know me....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Another Year... Another Angry Valentine's

If there's one thing I know, it's that every year I'm guaranteed to have a crappy Valentine's Day. This is because Cornoholio serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever this time of year, every year.

I've said it every Valentine's day before and I'll continue to say every Valentine's day.

Having Cornholio around is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day because people continually ask me what I'm doing for Valentines Day because of my relationship status not realizing that I'm married to the anti-Cupid, anti-anything that involves him having to go out of his way to buy or plan anything for me.

This yea, it finally sunk in that that fucker wasn't going to do, or plan anything out for me. Luckily, my favorite cousin will be in town and I'm sure she wont mind hanging out with my on Valentine's day.

Ironically, there's going to be a gun show on Valentine's day. I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of angry women at that gun show. (Maybe I should go... Just to scare him a little... LOL).

In either case, I think this will be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Mostly, because I wont be anywhere around that ass fucker).

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it's as crappy with your significant others as it always is for me, LOL.

You didn't actually think I was going to hope that everyone else have a better Valentines Day then me, did you?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Don't Know Where I'm Going With This

I had something in mind that I really wanted to write about but I couldn't find the assignment thingy that I was looking for.

It had something to do with throwing people off an airplane and who should die and who should live and something else about a pedophile, welfare, a priest, a convicted felon and a baby mama who contributes nothing to society.

Oh well, if I find it, I'll post it.

Ummmm yeah...

Sometimes when I watch the commercials for depression, it makes me happy. I think it's the one for Cymbalta.

The one that goes, "Depression can hurt. Cymbalta can help".

Maybe it's not Cymbalta, I'm really not sure, but I really do love those commercials. They make me happy and feel tingly all over.

Then sometimes I start to think about the little rolly ball guy on the commercial. He looks like dough or something. And then he's all sad til he takes his meds, then he's suddenly all happy again. Strangely comforting.

Sometimes I think that I'm bipolar, but I know I'm not because my symptoms aren't as wildly out of balance as someone who actually suffers from the disorder.

Then I really think and I realize, "No there's nothing wrong with you. You're just angry. Maybe that's why you're such an asshole".

Maybe I'm right...

A certain someone has suggested that I seek anger management, but I really don't think I'm as angry as they're trying to make it seem.

I know that I do tend to lose my temper pretty quick and it's usually pretty unpredictable, but I don't think it's that bad.

I've been sitting here and going on and on about nothing...

I guess it's just one of those days...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Socially Acceptable Racism

I recently ran wild with the idea that there could be some forms of socially acceptable racism. After all, we're all a little racist to some degree.

I ran some of my thoughts about what would be considered socially acceptable racism. Apparently, I crossed way over the line with some of my ideas from socially acceptable to just plain out racist.

I decided that the people I had talked to about my socially acceptable racism where just all too uptight to see where I was coming from, therefore I decided to get an 8th opinion from someone who understands me.... My younger sister.

I was shocked and hurt when she also agreed with the other 7 people that my idea of socially acceptable racism was also inappropriate.

I was also really hurt when she told me, "If you go around saying shit like that, your askin to be jumped and/or shot".

Knowing how disappointed I had become hearing her words, my sister was quick to console me.

She quickly reminded me that although what I thought was socially acceptable racism was actually just pure racism, that its OK to use stereotypes as socially acceptable racism because they're always right.

For example:

White People
All white people are crazy. They always wear sandals and shorts in 30 degree weather, or live in trailer parks, and most of them become serial killers. They also smell like bologna and couldn't dance or find the rhythm if their life depended on it.

They say things like, "Bobby, go get me my shot gun. I heard that some negro just escaped from the prison and I'll be damned if I let that sonofabitch come up in this house and gir er dun wit my wife! That sonofabitch don't know what he got cummin."

Obviously, this is referring to the more hick white people and not that sophisticated, serial killer types. But it's hard to imitate the serial killer type because they don't do much talking. They just kill. Methodically, they go out and find people to kill. Scary...

Black People
All black people eat is fried chicken and Kool Aide. They're also scary because they slap around they bitches and then rob them, and you.

They say things like, " Yo mami, I was like trynna holla at ya. You got this tight ass J Lo booty. Yo, yo, yo, so you like murried or what? Cause I don't see no ring on ya finger. I'm sayin though. Why you trynna play a nigga? I'm trynna holla at ya. "

Black girls say things like this, "You want me to do what? Get in the water? Ohhhh Hell nawww. Bitch, I just got my hur did. You must've lost your damn mind. Do I look like I got dat gud hur to you? You gonna pay me to get me weave redid? Fuck that shit... Hell nawwwwww."

They're all from either Puerto Rico or Mexico and they speak puerto rican or mexican, respectively. They all beat their wives and dance the Mexican Hat dance all while singing "La Cucaracha" or "La Bamba". They all talk really loud and are always drunk. AIY AIY AIY!!! None of them ever speak English, including the ones who were born and grew up in the US, and the few who do speak bery gud inglesh are always complimented by the whites for having such good English.

Men have 9 kids with 4 different woman. And woman have 9 kids with 9 different baby daddies (it was just easier to pin it on the last baby daddy cause he hasn't been locked up or deported).

It's hard to come up with stereotypes for Asians, other then they're all just so tiny and smart. They're like little mini computers. You can even fit them in a suit case. I think it may be possible that one day Asians may rule the world, so I'm gonna be nice to them.

Have you seen America's Best Dance Crew? Who'd a thought that they're smart and can dance? They're just so aerodynamic...

Middle Easters:
They all own 7-11's, or gas stations. They also just like to blow things up.

I think I may have crossed the line again... Just a little bit though... But believe me, this isn't half as bad as some of the things I had mentioned to other people.

And like my sister said. Stereotypes are perfectly good types of socially acceptable racism because they're always true.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ummm.... OK







That is all....

Thanx for wasting your time with me ;)