Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Nyquil + Craiglist = Good Times

I believe you have been waiting for this. Have fun reading:

Work Hard Play Harder - 25 (MD/DC/VA)

Reply to: pers-1048349966@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-02-24, 11:02AM EST

I am feeling like a total slut and I want to meet a guy who can make me feel like a bigger slut. I'm hoping that we can meet in a public place and have wild sex out in public. Let's pretend that I'm your hooker and you're my john.

I'm 25 year-old white female, disease free, and you're gonna love the way I look. I got a phat ass.

I'd like to possibly meet after work tonight or tomorrow at a bar during happy hour so we can get some liquid courage flowing through our veins before we get this party started.

I'm looking for white, middle eastern, or Asian males between the ages of 21-35. If you're a virgin, even better. I make one hell of a good first time lay.

Your pic gets mine.

Let the fun begin!!!

Victim #1 Reply:
Why wait until tonight???? I know of a hot little public spot near me where I'd LOVE to fuck you and taste that ass!!! I'm white - 29, clean, discreet and DD free!!! SAFE!

My Reply:
Don't you have a job?

I said tonight because most people work during the day... if you're a scrub then meeting up is pointless anyways since I was planning on whoever I was gonna meet up with to pay for all my drinks...

His Reply:
I'm at work now!!! LOL I like to take risks at all times. ANd no scrub here...professional white collar guy here...with a nice, muscular body.

My Reply:
Yeah yeah yeah, so you buyin or what?

It's gotta be tonight. The last time I did this in the middle of the day, I lost my job and right now I can't afford to lose this job because I haven't been working there long enough to collect unemployment...

His Reply:
How the hell do you lose your job getting caught??? LOL Fuck - was it IN your office??? Craziest place for me was the Capitol...yes, THE Capitol..
Let me see some pics and we'll talk drinks.

My Reply:
It was in the break room and I was screwing around with my supervisors wife who had come in to drop him off god knows what. We thought he had left the building so I convinced her to come with me or should I say "cum" with me.

Long story short, he ended up walking in on us as i was going down on her and I got fired on the spot, butt ass naked.

Shit happens, what can I say?

His Reply:
What!!! You're bi? FUCKING HOT. Let me tell you - if I caught my wife with another chick I'd sit down, pull it out and watch...maybe join if asked. Dumb mo-fo. Well - I could guarantee you wouldnt get fired for my public spot!

Typical Man LOL.
Victim #2
Hi there. I love to make women feel like sluts, and I'd like to do that with someone this weekend. I'm tall, fit, VERY hung, dominant (obviously) and disease-free. Let's get together anytime this weekend and get that liquid courage going, and then I'm willing to be totally adventurous.


My Reply:
This weekend? I said tonight... I can't wait until this weekend... I want to get fucked like a whore tonight...

His Reply:
I know! I work evenings, so that's out. I can fuck you like a whore now, or any other day during the day, or it can be this weekend. Assuming you're at work now, I think it'd be worth the wait until Saturday. *wink*

My Reply:
Or I can pick some other random guy who has also replied to my ad and let them fuck me like a whore instead...

His Reply:
Of course. And then I can fuck you like a whore this weekend. Everybody wins!

My Reply:
Sorry but the weekends are reserved for my boyfriend. It's the only time I ever get to see him and I don't think he'd appreciate you being there... I can always ask him though...

His Reply:
Nah, it's okay. I hope you get what you need!

Boooo, no fun LOL
Victim #3:
But clean and game.

What's your story, other than being dirty?

My Reply:
Dirty isnt the word for it.. I'm a filthy, dirty slut.

I suffer from nymphomania. I'm currently seeking therapy to treat it, but so far it hasnt helped and I feel even hornier then even. My therapist had suggested that I disconnect my internet at home, but that still leaves me time to find guys to fuck me from work.

My husband has no idea that I'm still running around sleeping with other people because he thought I was cured... anyways, enough about me and my silly little issue. Tell me about you... are u up for some fun?
Victim #4:
Hi baby...i was wondering if we could hook up today...i work at home so im available anytime....lets have some fun..i am attaching my pic...im so horney right now! i willing to make you cum multiple times

My Reply:
You think you can make me cum more then once?

Does your penis curve to the right or to the left?

His Reply:
I can definitely can make you cum more than once, my pennis straight big and very hard, where do you live, tell me somehthin about yourself, do you have a pic you could send me and can we hook up today

My Reply:
A straight penis serves no purpose. I need a curved penis to make me cum.
P.S. Hooked on Phonics may work for you....
Victim #5:
I hope I'm not responding too late. I know you get alot of junk emails where guys just want to show you pictures and be rude. That's not me. I'm a SWM from Germantown. 5'11, 160. 31. I'm interested in chatting with you to see if we are both looking for the same kinds of fun. I'd at least like to be polite and nice and behave like a normal human being who just happens to be interested in hooking up as well. So if you think you might be interested, send me a reply. We can exchange pics, chat a little and maybe meet up for drinks or whatever.

Let me know...

My Reply:
If I were lookin for nice, I would've posted a classier ad. I'm not looking for nice... I'm lookin for nasty, raunchy, dirty, kinky, cum and fuck me in a dark and filthy ally.

I don't care to have meaningless conversations about shit that isn't fucking relevant to begin with.

Being polite is not a turn on. I want you to tell me how you want to shove a beer bottle up my vaginal hole and stick your fist up my anus. I want someone who's gonna pull my hair and spit in my mouth and call me a dirty disease carrying whore.

His Reply:
Point made.

Just wanted to stand out from all the guys who send you cock picks and beg you to pick them based on their stellar one line "I'll fuck you good" response.

I'd love to stuff my cock up your ass and have you bend it until my balls turn black and blue. Then I'd love to put my stick in your mouth and make you gag until you choke on your own saliva.

You sound like a dirty whore who needs to be taught a lesson. I'm ready to make you beg me to stop. And I won't.

My Reply:
The only person who needs to be taught a lesson is you...

I'm going to bend you over and spank your filthy ass like the dirty bitch you are.

If you're lucky I'll let you stick you're filthy unworthy cock into my pie hole... oh wait, you didn't reply to my S&M ad did you? If you're interested let me know cause then I can kill 2 birds with one stone.

I just get sooo aggressive sometimes... and then I black out and I find myself having sex with another random stranger... Whatever happens, please promise me you'll use a condom cause I just got rid of the clap so I'm good now but I don't want to catch nothing again...

Does tonight work for you?

Hi Reply:
I always promise to use a condom. However, we'll see what happens. If I like the look of your pink slit, I might just give it a special treat. But I'm not interested in getting all jammed up with a disease, either. So saftey first.

Tonight works. Right now works, too.

My Reply:
Right now would work, but I have something called a JOB.... ever heard of one?

Please tell me you work... I was counting on you to buy me some cocktails after work...

That's enough fun for now... I'm feeling really sleepy now thanks to my best friends, Nyquil.

I've got all week to act up. Hope you can handle it!

1 comment:

steph said...

Im still amazed at how desperate and stupid men are.
That was very entertaining. Thanks.