Friday, October 31, 2008


I love Halloween. It's the only time in the year that a woman gets to dress us as a slut in public with no questions asked.

I love dressing like a slut in public. Last year, I wanted to dress us as a pregnant, crack whore, but my friends all vetoed against my idea because a pregnant, crack whore isn't exactly anyone's idea of a "sexy slut".

I decided not to wear the costume because I had issues keeping the pillow from falling out of my shirt.

This year, I'm dressing up as a Pirate Wench. I'm not really sure what a wench is, but as far as I'm concerned it's a nice way of say I'm dressing up as a Pirate Prostitute.

I could be wrong, but that's just my take on it.

I've heard that Too-Tall plans on dressing up as a slutty cop.

Well you all know the saying, "The freaks come out at night".

In our case, we're always freaks, but Halloween makes it completely acceptable to act like a freak and/or slut in public.

Here's to drunk, slutty, pirates, or whatever it is you're dressing up as this Halloween.

Happy Halloween, sluts!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Back On Craigslist

I know I've kept you all waiting for so long now, but I haven't had a chance to post nothing, mostly due to computer issues at work.

I would've posted from home, but who wants to sit on a computer all day when you don't have to?

So I've been naughty on craigslist again. I just couldn't help myself. These guys just make it all sooo easy.

This was my ad:

Lets have some fun tonight - w4m - 24 (MD/DC/VA)

Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-10-22, 10:10AM EDT

I am 24 year old, single, white, female, height/weight proportionate, just lookin to have a good time tonight or this weekend, or if I like you enough, maybe even both.

You should be white, male, 21-35, easy on the eyes, relationship status is irrelevant. I can keep a secret if you can.

Please reply with a pic. I'll send you mine.

As always, my inbox was flooded within minutes of the posting. I got a lot of replies, but this game isn't nearly as fun when played alone and sober as it is when you're buzzed and in good company.

But anyways, here are the replies:

Victim #1:

I do have pics but they were too big to send through craigslist. If you get back to me I can send on over. I am 5'10". with green eyes, short dark hair, weigh 178 lbs and in great shape and very easy on the eyes. I do like going out and hitting a happy hour and what not.

Hope to hear from you

My reply:
You sound really sexy by your description. I'll let you in on a little secret... you dont have to take me to happy hour... every hour is happy hour! some might even say I have a drinking problem, but i say its only a problem if i dont drink, lol
soooo why dont you tell me about the kinda things u wannna do to me.
how big s ur penis?
i hope your kinky cause im into anal type shit and lately ive had some major anal secretions running out my anal canal.

His reply:
anal secretions out your anal canal? now that sounds like a problem. love the kinky shit. and the penis is 8 inches long and thick. it will get damn deep in you and stretch you good. glad you are as much of a drinker as I am. Is it too early to start now? would love for you to suck on this dick for a while. get it all wet before i slide it in ya. tell me what you look like.

My reply back:
actually, i'm alreadya little, whooo hooo... i hit a few before i got here, lol
i dont know how theses people sdont notice,lol dumb asses
the anal secreations arent a big deal. i'm just a little self concious about my weight sometimes so i take these anti-fat pills. i'm 5'5 110 lbs, blond hair, blue eyes. i use to take laxatives but thats worse then the anal secretions.
but yea, so u like you dick sucked? i like to suck and bite. it might hurt at first but only for a little while, youll like the pain.. i promise ;)

His reply back:
so these secretions, do they puss. because that's has got to be slightly uncomfortable.

My reply back:
no no, not puss, its like grease oil, its a fat blocker pill and its like i literally shit oil. but sometimes it just falls out randomly without warning. just slides out. but it doesnt smelll like shit or nothing just thought i should warn u cause it would be awkward if u saw like all this orange stuff secreting from my anus u know

His reply back:
i appreciate the heads up. well we can just think of it like extra lube. Do you have a pic?

Victim #2:
will be in the DC area in a couple of weeks. interested in meeting and having coffee, etc.?

My Reply:
No, I don't want fucking coffee. I wanna fuck... and not in a few week. Like today or this weekend.
I'm horny now, who cares about what happens in a couple of weeks. I could be on my period in a couple of weeks or have anal secretions dripping out my ass. A couple of weeks serves me no purpose.
Victim #3:
I never know what to start with, everything usually sounds pretty cheesy. Anyway, I'm Dave. I'm 27. I'm going to be in the DC area today. I make regular trips up here. Looking for someone to hang out with when I get all my tasks done for the day. Talk to you later.

(pic supposed to be here if it doesn't go through)

My reply:
dave do you drink? i drink... a lot... hope u dont mind... its not really a problem
you kinda look like my friends ex, but his name wasnt dave, it was.... fuck i really dont remember what his name was... anyways, all irrelevant... steve i think? no thats not it
anyways, you can take me out to happy hour or something. i'm a really cheap date and we could go back to a hotel, or my moms basement. i live on my own but i really dont wanna take a stranger home. just wanna fuck, u know what i mean
maybe the backseat of your car... i really dont care, i just need some booze and dick

His Reply:
Sounds good to me. Do you have a pic?
Victim #4:
hey cool, iam actually have a girlfriend live with her, but i like to sneak out at nights and make u blow your mind, i'm26 so if u are interesting hit me back, i live in aexandria right off 395 what about u?

My reply:
i dont know why u even bothered to mention the fact that u have a girlfriend that you live with...
I said that relationship status was irrelevant but that doesnt mean i really cared to know that u have a gf
Now you've made shit all uncomfortable and I feel like a dirty whore
thanx alot for ruining my day jackass
Victim #5:
my name is tony i am good looking 26 6-0 230 , down to earth very sexual man, 8 inches dick nice 6 pack hit me up lets hang out i can host or come over,

My reply:
you do realize that your black right?

His reply back:

My reply back:
i'm looking for a white male... i had specified that in my ad
i'm not into dark chocolate
and i dont really give a shit about obama or mccain for that matter so i dont even know why u went there
Victim #6:
hey ma, i'm interested in your ad. tell me if you like what u see?

My reply:
ummmm, maybe i've gone color blind but you look black...

His reply:
Damn right I am. Proud to be black and proud to support Obama

My reply back:
Should I assume that you're also in favor of the No Child Left Behind Act? you're ass obviously can't read. i clearly stated i'm lookin for a WHITE man. Go learn how to read, dumb ass. and before you accuse me of being rasict, let me just say this... yes, yes I am. if you would've taken the time to read the whole fucking ad, this little problem could've been prevented. But obviously all you cared about was gettin some of this white pussy. well u can't have my white pussy. so why don't you take your big, fat, 9" cock and go fuck the other black guy who also replied to my ad and mentioned some shit about Obama cause I dont give a fuck

His reply back:

I still got a ton of emails coming in, so I might keep on posting through the day, depending on how bored I get.

Why are you men so easy?

UPDATE: Here are some more emails:

Victim #7:
Hi 26 Persian male here from Montgomery county. im 6'1 220lbs athletic and built. shaved head, brown eyes, tan skin. some tats on me. I was wondering if you are into being shared by more then one man at the same time. if so me and my boy would like to double penetrate that pussy and ass. write me back if you are real?


My Reply:
sounds kinky
one thing though... i've been having these anal secretions lately... some might find it a turn on.... actually a lot of people i think are turned on by my anal secretions.
so when and where?

His Reply:
Wow that's hot. what race are you? can you describe yourself? We can hang out at my place in Germantown Maryland. Whenever? today is a good day. Tonight? what do you prefer?

My Reply back:
i prefer white but fuck it i'll take a Persian, Himalayan, amputee, whatever, dick is dick right?
i'm white, some people would consider me to be trailer park trash but its just the stereotype that i get from living in a trailer park.
My trailer is actually pretty clean.
i'm 5'5 110lbs, and i'm sure you'd love my white pussy and your friend would love my ass secretions. or will u be fucking my ass?

my only request is that u buy me a 40oz and a bottle of vodka. cant get freaky freaky till i'm nice and toastee,, know what i mean?

His reply:
yeh that's not a problem. Do you drive or will I have to pick you up? do you have a picture? can you send please? here is our pic. im 8 inches long and thick and he is about 7 and thick. send us a pic and the vodka is no problem. what kind do you like?

My reply:
your cute... but ur friend looks like a stalker, psycho, serial killer. do u think he would mind if we like covered his head or something
i really would like to get down with u so i'm willin to fuck ur friend, but i just dont want him lookin at me
the look in his eyeballs creeps me out
if not, i understand. maybe he'll look better and not so scary once i'm a little buzzed
i'll send u a pic as soon as i get out of here (2 pm), and head home. hope u dont mind the wait
u can get the cheap vodka if u want, i dont have a preference as long as it gets me where i want to be

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Angry Girlfriend Day Decided

In case you haven't been paying attention to the poll on the right hand side of this page, the poll has ended for deciding on Angry Girlfriend Day.

The majority all seemed to believe that Angry Girlfriend Day should be held on October 15th, and I agree.

On October 15th, 2009, I will create some sort of event to which any and females will be invited.

October 15th is the official Angry Girlfriend Day! Just keep it noted in your calendars.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

And They Wonder Why Kids Are Fat...

On my way back to work, after picking up some lunch, I got stuck behind a school bus. I was rather annoyed, but became even more increasingly annoyed when I realized that the school bus was literally dropping the kids off at their front door.

I remember a time when I rode the school bus, and I could've sworn that I was dropped off with a mass of other kids at the same stop. We'd all scatter our own ways back home, and the walk was never too long, but by no means did we each individually get dropped off and picked up.

I mean this bus was basically stopping at every single block. I was disgusted when the bus stopped in front of one house then stopped yet again 5 houses down (yes, I counted) to drop off another child who could have very easily walked home from the stop before.

If all school buses are doing stupid shit like this, then it make sense why kids are so fat now (and, yes the kids that were dropped off were moderately over weight. I believe they call it "chunky").

These kids are especially at risk for being over weight, being Mexican and all. Especially, the woman.

I know this sounds sooo wrong, but you know Mexican woman just love to cook, strike one. They're usually pretty good cooks to begin and they love to eat, strike two. They also seem to be perpetually pregnant. Out comes one little tamale, in goes another. They have like 12-15 kids in a lifetime and never loose the baby weight from the first pregnancy since it was immediately followed by another pregnancy, strike three.

By the time they reach menopause and stop producing babies, they're so fat that you start to question whether they ate some of the babies instead of pushing them out of their vaginas.

I'm sure the chunkiness has something to do with all the tortilla's these kids are eating, as well as lack of exercise, though I would've assumed that all the house work these kids are putting in, not to mention raising their 6 younger siblings would be more then enough to keep their weight in check. Guess not.

All this talk about Mexicans has got me craving some Chipotle and a Corona. MMMMM HMMMM.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Little Random, But Always Relevant

I've been pretty stressed out lately since the bitch, who's face resembles a horrific, mutilated and mauled vagina has been harassing me. But I can't sit here and play the victim because I been giving it right back to her.

I'm determined to one day anally penetrate her with a strap-on, as I'm sure she would like it, being the whore that she is.

Anyways, I'm not gonna waste anymore time blogging about cunt sucking whores, who think they run shit, when in fact they don't, not to mention her vaginal secretions leave a horrible stench on an unsuspecting victims bed sheets (or so I've heard).

But enough about that. Think happy thoughts.

So the weather is changing, and it's getting cold outside.

You know what that means? An increase in unexpected pregnancies.

You know how it goes. It starts getting cold outside, so all you want to stay shacked up as much as possible. You drink a little liquor to keep you warm and then... BAAAAM... You're knocked up and trying to figure out, "How the hell did that happen?"

I'm sure by the holidays, at least one person you know, if not more, will call you with the news that they're knocked up. And though some of them might try to pretend that it was planned, you can almost guarantee that if the couple conceived sometime in the winter, it wasn't.

Of course, this little rule doesn't apply to gay couples.

So the bottom line is, friends don't let friends drink and shack up in the winter with out the proper supervision. Then again, that could just lead to a massive orgy and, well, that's a whole different subject that I'm not gonna touch, at least not today.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Buscando Pillow Humpers

So I've been really slacking lately, but it's all good cause I needed a little break anyways.

So yesterday, I was speaking to one of my cousins and she made a little confession. She's been so lonely that she has resorted to humping her pillows for comfort.

Somebody needs to hook this bitch up with a dating reality TV show. She needs to get laid ASAP. And before all you men out there reading this get the wrong idea, shes gay. Reeeeeally gay. So you don't stand a chance.

We've posted ad's for her on Craigslist (legit ads, not the ads I was doing before, hehe), responded to ads on craigslist, signed her up on varies lesbian dating sites, and all to no avail.

I'm not sure why she's having such a hard time finding someone. It's not like the bitch is ugly or anything... a little psycho maybe, but definitely not ugly.

So I'm running out of ideas on how to help her out. I'm tired of her randomly hanging up the phone on me in the middle of a conversation only to call me back 5 minutes later to tell me how she just finished masturbating and had an awesome orgasm, and I she really needs to stop fornicating with inanimate objects.

Although, I must admit that she must have a pretty vivid imagination if she really believes that pillow shes humping is a real person. I wonder if she's given it a name?

Any white lesbian woman between the ages of 25-35, living in the Miami area who maybe interested in building a friendship that may lead to more with a 29-year-old, latina lesbian who is currently humping her pillow like a dog in heat, please contact me and I'll pass your info onto her. Pillow humpers are encouraged to respond.

Butches and ugly people need not respond. (Her words, not mine).

Also, please have a car and be willing to travel because her license was revoked and she's not legally eligible to drive for another 4 1/2 years.