Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Back On Craigslist

I know I've kept you all waiting for so long now, but I haven't had a chance to post nothing, mostly due to computer issues at work.

I would've posted from home, but who wants to sit on a computer all day when you don't have to?

So I've been naughty on craigslist again. I just couldn't help myself. These guys just make it all sooo easy.

This was my ad:

Lets have some fun tonight - w4m - 24 (MD/DC/VA)

Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-10-22, 10:10AM EDT

I am 24 year old, single, white, female, height/weight proportionate, just lookin to have a good time tonight or this weekend, or if I like you enough, maybe even both.

You should be white, male, 21-35, easy on the eyes, relationship status is irrelevant. I can keep a secret if you can.

Please reply with a pic. I'll send you mine.

As always, my inbox was flooded within minutes of the posting. I got a lot of replies, but this game isn't nearly as fun when played alone and sober as it is when you're buzzed and in good company.

But anyways, here are the replies:

Victim #1:

I do have pics but they were too big to send through craigslist. If you get back to me I can send on over. I am 5'10". with green eyes, short dark hair, weigh 178 lbs and in great shape and very easy on the eyes. I do like going out and hitting a happy hour and what not.

Hope to hear from you

My reply:
You sound really sexy by your description. I'll let you in on a little secret... you dont have to take me to happy hour... every hour is happy hour! some might even say I have a drinking problem, but i say its only a problem if i dont drink, lol
soooo why dont you tell me about the kinda things u wannna do to me.
how big s ur penis?
i hope your kinky cause im into anal type shit and lately ive had some major anal secretions running out my anal canal.

His reply:
anal secretions out your anal canal? now that sounds like a problem. love the kinky shit. and the penis is 8 inches long and thick. it will get damn deep in you and stretch you good. glad you are as much of a drinker as I am. Is it too early to start now? would love for you to suck on this dick for a while. get it all wet before i slide it in ya. tell me what you look like.

My reply back:
actually, i'm alreadya little, whooo hooo... i hit a few before i got here, lol
i dont know how theses people sdont notice,lol dumb asses
the anal secreations arent a big deal. i'm just a little self concious about my weight sometimes so i take these anti-fat pills. i'm 5'5 110 lbs, blond hair, blue eyes. i use to take laxatives but thats worse then the anal secretions.
but yea, so u like you dick sucked? i like to suck and bite. it might hurt at first but only for a little while, youll like the pain.. i promise ;)

His reply back:
so these secretions, do they puss. because that's has got to be slightly uncomfortable.

My reply back:
no no, not puss, its like grease oil, its a fat blocker pill and its like i literally shit oil. but sometimes it just falls out randomly without warning. just slides out. but it doesnt smelll like shit or nothing just thought i should warn u cause it would be awkward if u saw like all this orange stuff secreting from my anus u know

His reply back:
i appreciate the heads up. well we can just think of it like extra lube. Do you have a pic?

Victim #2:
will be in the DC area in a couple of weeks. interested in meeting and having coffee, etc.?

My Reply:
No, I don't want fucking coffee. I wanna fuck... and not in a few week. Like today or this weekend.
I'm horny now, who cares about what happens in a couple of weeks. I could be on my period in a couple of weeks or have anal secretions dripping out my ass. A couple of weeks serves me no purpose.
Victim #3:
I never know what to start with, everything usually sounds pretty cheesy. Anyway, I'm Dave. I'm 27. I'm going to be in the DC area today. I make regular trips up here. Looking for someone to hang out with when I get all my tasks done for the day. Talk to you later.

(pic supposed to be here if it doesn't go through)

My reply:
dave do you drink? i drink... a lot... hope u dont mind... its not really a problem
you kinda look like my friends ex, but his name wasnt dave, it was.... fuck i really dont remember what his name was... anyways, all irrelevant... steve i think? no thats not it
anyways, you can take me out to happy hour or something. i'm a really cheap date and we could go back to a hotel, or my moms basement. i live on my own but i really dont wanna take a stranger home. just wanna fuck, u know what i mean
maybe the backseat of your car... i really dont care, i just need some booze and dick

His Reply:
Sounds good to me. Do you have a pic?
Victim #4:
hey cool, iam actually have a girlfriend live with her, but i like to sneak out at nights and make u blow your mind, i'm26 so if u are interesting hit me back, i live in aexandria right off 395 what about u?

My reply:
i dont know why u even bothered to mention the fact that u have a girlfriend that you live with...
I said that relationship status was irrelevant but that doesnt mean i really cared to know that u have a gf
Now you've made shit all uncomfortable and I feel like a dirty whore
thanx alot for ruining my day jackass
Victim #5:
my name is tony i am good looking 26 6-0 230 , down to earth very sexual man, 8 inches dick nice 6 pack hit me up lets hang out i can host or come over,

My reply:
you do realize that your black right?

His reply back:

My reply back:
i'm looking for a white male... i had specified that in my ad
i'm not into dark chocolate
and i dont really give a shit about obama or mccain for that matter so i dont even know why u went there
Victim #6:
hey ma, i'm interested in your ad. tell me if you like what u see?

My reply:
ummmm, maybe i've gone color blind but you look black...

His reply:
Damn right I am. Proud to be black and proud to support Obama

My reply back:
Should I assume that you're also in favor of the No Child Left Behind Act? you're ass obviously can't read. i clearly stated i'm lookin for a WHITE man. Go learn how to read, dumb ass. and before you accuse me of being rasict, let me just say this... yes, yes I am. if you would've taken the time to read the whole fucking ad, this little problem could've been prevented. But obviously all you cared about was gettin some of this white pussy. well u can't have my white pussy. so why don't you take your big, fat, 9" cock and go fuck the other black guy who also replied to my ad and mentioned some shit about Obama cause I dont give a fuck

His reply back:

I still got a ton of emails coming in, so I might keep on posting through the day, depending on how bored I get.

Why are you men so easy?

UPDATE: Here are some more emails:

Victim #7:
Hi 26 Persian male here from Montgomery county. im 6'1 220lbs athletic and built. shaved head, brown eyes, tan skin. some tats on me. I was wondering if you are into being shared by more then one man at the same time. if so me and my boy would like to double penetrate that pussy and ass. write me back if you are real?


My Reply:
sounds kinky
one thing though... i've been having these anal secretions lately... some might find it a turn on.... actually a lot of people i think are turned on by my anal secretions.
so when and where?

His Reply:
Wow that's hot. what race are you? can you describe yourself? We can hang out at my place in Germantown Maryland. Whenever? today is a good day. Tonight? what do you prefer?

My Reply back:
i prefer white but fuck it i'll take a Persian, Himalayan, amputee, whatever, dick is dick right?
i'm white, some people would consider me to be trailer park trash but its just the stereotype that i get from living in a trailer park.
My trailer is actually pretty clean.
i'm 5'5 110lbs, and i'm sure you'd love my white pussy and your friend would love my ass secretions. or will u be fucking my ass?

my only request is that u buy me a 40oz and a bottle of vodka. cant get freaky freaky till i'm nice and toastee,, know what i mean?

His reply:
yeh that's not a problem. Do you drive or will I have to pick you up? do you have a picture? can you send please? here is our pic. im 8 inches long and thick and he is about 7 and thick. send us a pic and the vodka is no problem. what kind do you like?

My reply:
your cute... but ur friend looks like a stalker, psycho, serial killer. do u think he would mind if we like covered his head or something
i really would like to get down with u so i'm willin to fuck ur friend, but i just dont want him lookin at me
the look in his eyeballs creeps me out
if not, i understand. maybe he'll look better and not so scary once i'm a little buzzed
i'll send u a pic as soon as i get out of here (2 pm), and head home. hope u dont mind the wait
u can get the cheap vodka if u want, i dont have a preference as long as it gets me where i want to be

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