Friday, February 29, 2008

Leap Year

So I've done some research and I've figured out that the purpose of Leap Year is to keep the calendar year in sync with the season year. I read something like, if we didn't have a leap year that in 10,000 years, winter would be in July (like I give a shit, I'd be dead by then anyways).

Anyways, whatever the purpose of Leap Year, I know that this year it happened to fall on a Friday, which means a LEAP YEAR PARTY!

I feel bad for all those little bastards whose birthday's are on February 29th. If my kids birthday only came around once every 4 years, then you best believe we're only gonna celebrate it once every 4 years. I know that sounds fucked up, but children's birthday parties ain't exactly cheap either, you know?

But anyways, back to the idea of my party. Leap Year does only come once every 4 years, so why the hell not shouldn't I have a Leap year party?

It's gonna be great! I'll invite my regular crew of drunky friends, we'll buy some of those stupid little party hats, oh and I have to get a Leap Year cake. Maybe I'll get some strippers to come by... Better yet, we should just go to the strip club and celebrate there.

You don't have to look hard to find a good reason to party...

Friday, February 15, 2008

Valentines Day with Angry Girlfriend

Valentines Day has always pretty much sucked ass for me. I have spent years hearing all of my girl friends brag about how their boyfriends spoiled them with gifts for this bullshit Hallmark holiday, while I listened bitterly, hoping that maybe one day I’d meet some guy who would one day do the same for me.

Eventually, I met “The Boyfriend”. I thought that being single for Valentines Day sucked, but soon realized that being with “The Boyfriend” for Valentines Day sucks 10 times worse.

Here’s a little recap of how I’ve spent Valentines Day for the last several years with “The Boyfriend”:

Valentines Day 2004: He tried to break up with me like 2 weeks before Valentines Day. Somehow, it didn't happen, so then we spent Valentines Day at a restaurant feeling awkward. Oh and he brought me like half a dozen almost dried up dead roses. Really shitty and really uncomfortable.

Valentines Day 2005: We went out to a restaurant but he was just a complete dick. This was due partially to the fact that he had knocked me up and needless to say, didn’t take the news very well, although this was already 2 months after the fact that he had found out.

Valentines Day 2006: We didn't even bother going out. I made him a card that said "Nothing says I love you like a card that says Go Fuck Yourself". And then on the inside it said "Go Fuck Yourself". I had a good laugh over that one.

Here’s the actual card:

Valentines Day 2007: I don't really recall what happened this particular year. I know we didn’t go out. I didn't bother making a card either. I think I bought myself some liquor and got trashed.

Valentines Day 2008 (yesterday): I went to the gym, stopped by the liquor store, bought a card for my son and that jackass. I wrote on the inside of his card "You're a fucking ass", then signed it. He read the card and then asked me if I wanted to go to dinner on Saturday. I told him to Go Fuck himself. Drank my liquor, smoked a cigarette, and went to bed.

Here's yesterdays card:

After the 2nd Valentines Day gone bad, I realized that being with the “The Boyfriend” is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day.

At least when I was single, no one bothered to question what I was planning to do to celebrate this mean spirited holiday. But because I’m part of a couple, people expect me to do something.
For years, I’ve been hearing from people, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure he’s planning something great for you this year”.

It’s nice to know that so many of my friends and family are still so na├»ve about “The Boyfriend” and his “plans for Valentines Day”. I, however, am a realist. If he hasn’t done anything nice for me on Valentines Day once in the 5 years we’ve spent together, then it’s cause he doesn’t plan to.

Not next year, or the following, or within the next 10 years. It’s just not going to happen. I guess some people just weren’t meant to celebrate this bullshit, love fest holiday.

I’ve decided for the next Valentines Day, I’ll play single for the day and then go out with my single girl friends (if any of them are still single by that time, anyways). I’m determined to experience at least one decent Valentines Day in my lifetime. But until then, I’ll continue to rant about what a bullshit holiday it is and pout because I never get to celebrate it.