Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: Are Woman Really Bi-Curious?

Another question to Angry Girlfriend. This question comes from Nigel.

Nigel asked:

I read your article "Are We All Bi-Curious" and I found it interesting. Do you really believe that most straight women have a tendency to experiment with bisexuality? I have always thought about this. I know a few girls who seem so straight. I have no idea if they are thinking about girls or not.

I think most people by now know my take on bisexuality, but to answer the questions, I believe that both men and woman have tendencies, and many people will argue with me about this belief, but it's my belief. Women, however, are just more likely to act out on it and experiment since there isn't as much of a social stigma for women to experiment as there is if a man were to experiment.

I know plenty of "straight" woman who, once they get a bit of alcohol running through their system, start to act out on their bi-curiousness. Some people might blame this on the alcohol, but remember that when you drink, it lowers your inhibitions. I believe that they are doing things that they felt they couldn't do sober, but use alcohol as the excuse to why they were acting out.

Some woman rather experiment with a close girlfriend, but do it with the promise of "Let's never tell anyone about this". Believe it or not, most woman you know have probably experimented at one point or another, but they'll never tell you about it. Those who do tend to kiss and tell are generally more confident about their sexuality.

I'm sure you're aware that most woman have the tendency to check out other woman, and though it may not always be sexual in nature that we do this, we are definitely able to recognize a beautiful woman or a woman with a good figure, etc. Most woman appreciate the appeal of a woman's body just as much as any man, but it doesn't mean that woman are always thinking about other woman.

Hope that answered everything you wanted to know.

Angry Girlfriend

You guys should know by now how to reach me, so hit me up with your questions and comments.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

To All My Readers

I love you guys!!!

Just wanted to let you know.

I'd have nothing to write about if it weren't for all the dysfunctional people in my life. So thank you for being dysfunctional and thank you for worshiping me as the rock star goddess I should've been, but I'm not since I can't sing or play any musical instrument (unless making noises from my pussy counts as an instrument, jeje).

Bow down, bitches!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: How Do I Get Her to Give a Better Blow Job? Part II

I had received an email from Devin about a week ago asking me for advice on how to get his girlfriend to give him a better blow job.

After sending him a reply and posting it here, I figured that would be that and hopefully I had helped him out.

Devin apparently had more questions. This is Devin's next email to me:

Hey Angry Girlfriend,

It's me again, Devin. I said she can't swallow my cum, because she says that I cum too much. My shit just pours out. I do have a lot of cum. I do get off on sight and sound, but I like my dick to be sucked good. She only gets about 4 inches of it. I dunno if its because I'm thick also, but I don't think 4 inches is a lot. What do I do about cumming so much, or having her taste it? Also, how do I get her to get more of my dick, without hurting her feelings? Please help.


P.S. Do u swallow or deep throat? Just out of curiosity. If you do, what is the secret to it?

Round 2 with Devin. Here we go:

Well Devin,

I recall you mentioning that your penis is about 11 inches in length. If that information is accurate, then of course she's going to have a hard time deep throating.

There's been many studies done on what the average size of a male penis is. These averages have ranged anywhere from 5 1/2 inches to 6 1/2 inches.

Let's pretend for a minute that your penis was on the bigger side of this average spectrum. If your girlfriend were to attempt to deep throat a penis that was 6 1/2 inches, not only would she have more then half of it in her mouth but she would probably be more likely to attempt getting as much more as she could since she wouldn't have much more to go.

To you 4 inches isn't a lot, nor would I consider it to be deep throating but to a man with the average sized penis, it would come pretty close.

I'm guessing your girlfriend isn't a porn star, so it's unrealistic to expect her or any other normal girl to deep throat an 11 inch penis (unless she doesn't have any gag reflexes).

The best I can give you to pass onto your girlfriend would be to try and stay relaxed. She can get more down is her mouth and jaw stay relaxed, though I still doubt that she'll be deep throating 11 inch cocks anytime soon.

As for your situation of coming too much, no one wants to swallow spunky sperm. If your sperm has an odd taste to it, then she's not going to want it in her mouth no matter the quantity.

Foods you eat can affect the way the sperm taste either making it more tolerable or less tolerable.

Foods that are high in natural sugars give sperm a much more bearable taste and it wont matter how much you shoot out since the taste will be less noticeable.

Read my guide to prevent spunky sperm which list the foods you should eat and avoid:

Angry Girlfriends Guide to Preventing Spunky Sperm.

And Devin, if I'm writing about it, it's cause I do it. All my secrets are posted on my blog. I don't post anything that I myself haven't tried out first.

Angry Girlfriends Guide to Giving Better Blow Jobs.

Read tip number 11. It's my own personal secret to deep throating. Just a quick warning. Just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for everyone else. Some people just have an overly sensitive gag reflex.

Hope this helps. As always, feel free to write me back if you need some more help.

Angry Girlfriend

If anyone else out there has any tips for Devin, post me a comment or send me an email. I'll forward it to him.

And if anyone other then Devin has a question for me, send an email to angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the form on the right side of this page.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: How Do I Get Her to Give a Better Blow Job?

First question of the new year.

Devin writes:

Dear Angry Girlfriend,

I have an 11 inch penis and my gf cannot deepthroat me or swallow my cum. How do I get her to give me a better blowjob, while still gagging and attempting to deepthroat?

She can't or won't swallow? I never heard of anyone who couldn't swallow cum but I know of plenty who won't swallow cum.

As for the deep throating thing. There's a whole technique for deep throating, however if you're really as big as you claim to be, she might have a slight problem getting your penis all the way to the back of her throat.

Have you talked to her about what you expect from a blow job? Even if she's unable to deep throat you completely, if you happen to be one of those guys who get off on sight and sound as most men tend to be, you could instruct her to take your penis as far back as she can without throwing up. Even is she can't manage to deep throat the whole penis, she will still gag as long as she is attempting to deep throat.

It might help here to read Angry Girlfriends Guide to Giving Better Blow Jobs.

So back the part about swallowing. Swallowing isn't for everyone. Some women don't mind going the extra mile and others refuse to go there at all cost. Don't push it on her. We get annoyed when you guys keep bugging us to do shit that we don't want to do. It's okay to drop hints every once in a while, but if you are consistently harassing us about something that we don't want to do, chances are if we do finally cave in, there will be some type of retaliation to get back at you.

Hope that helps you out, Mr. 11 Inch Penis.

Angry Girlfriend

P.S. Your girlfriend must be a trooper to let you fuck her and not cry with that thing. I don't know of too many woman who could handle 11 inches. For that alone, I wouldn't bug her too much about the whole blow job thing, but that's just me.

So what's up, my bitches? Keep them questions coming, hehe. Send them to angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or simply fill out the question form on the right side of the page. You know you want to.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Next Bubbly Bitch

I’m sure most people by now have heard of that annoyingly catchy song “Bubbly”. The song drives me nuts. I absolutely cant stand it and yet whenever it comes on the radio, I find myself both pissed off and singing along.

I have to admit though. Even if the song doesn’t annoy the shit out of me, that “Bubbly” bitch has got some luck on her side. She needs to rub some off on me. You gotta give this chic credit. She learns how to play the guitar like 3 years ago, decides to write a song and post it on MySpace which obviously generated some serious hits, then becomes famous for it all and gets a record deal.

When I decided to steal my step-sisters acoustic guitar 3 weeks (it’s not as bad as it sounds. She wasn’t gonna learn to play it anyways), it was because I was inspired by the Bubbly bitch.

So far, learning how to play the guitar hasn’t gone all that well, but it has only been 3 weeks, and I did manage to write a partial song. I decided that I call myself “The Next Bubbly Bitch”.

So here it is. Angry Girlfriend presents “The Next Bubbly Bitch”. This song was inspired by a friend of mine. I’d give you the name, but she’d kill me. The songs not much, but it’s a start. I like to call this song, “Tonsil Hockey in His Beamer”:

He was Young, but he was really hot
Whenever I saw him, I’d wanna hit it on the spot
We’d flirt at work – everyday
Until one day, he blew me away

His aggressiveness really made me wet
That’s when I knew – I’d let him have me
No regrets

We were playing tonsil hockey in his beamer
Tonsil Hockey
Tonsil Hockey in his beamer
Tonsil Hockey
I wanna grab his wiener

So that’s all the lyrics I have for that song. I have a melody in my head but to explain it is harder to do. So yeah, that’s my song so far. Maybe, I’ll end up getting famous on MySpace and maybe not. More likely not, but I can dream can’t I?

If any of you bastards try to steal my idea, I’m gonna kick someone’s sorry ass. I’m the Next Bubbly Bitch, dammit!

Look! I even created a new MySpace page. I'm already on my way to the top, lol

The Next Bubbly Bitch

Am I crazy? Abso-fuckin-lutley!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Why Call Centers Shouldn't Be Based in India

Lately, I’ve been receiving calls at all weird hours of the night. If I were still working in the phone sex industry this would’ve been normal, but I’ve been out of that game for several months now.

The calls always show up as being “Out Of Area” on the caller ID, which just further annoys me and I never bother to answer the phone. Last night, curiosity must’ve kicked in. At 12:47 AM, I get a call. So I finally answer.

On the other end of the line is a woman speaking broken English. It didn’t take me long to realize that she was calling from one of those fucking call centers in India and was trying to sell me something.

I couldn’t understand a damn thing that she was saying, but whatever the hell she was calling for, I knew I wasn’t interested and certainly not at almost 1 o’clock in the morning. What was I doing up that late on a Tuesday night is completely irrelevant.

For all they could’ve known I could’ve been having some of the wildest, craziest, kinkiest sex on the planet, not that I would’ve bothered to answered the phone if I was, but the sound of the phone ringing at the exact moment that I could’ve potentially been having a mind blowing orgasm could’ve really killed the mood.

Anyways, I asked the Indian bitch where she was calling from, and of course the answer was “I am calling from India, ma’am”. No surprise there.

I asked her if she had any idea what time it was where she was calling to, to which she replied, “My records state that you are in California”. (Imagine that being said in broken English).

I told her that she was wrong and explained that I was on the east coast and that there is a 3 hour time difference between California and where I am located, in which my time zone is 3 hours ahead of California. Not that it really makes much of a difference, since it still would’ve been around 9:47 PM in California time, and I’m sure anyone that would’ve answered over there would’ve been pissed off to have a telemarketer calling so late just the same.

She replied, “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you like to hear about...?”

I cut her off right there. Did she really think that she was gonna get away with trying to sell me something after I had just told her it was almost 1 AM?

“No, bitch. Didn’t I just tell you that it’s fucking one o’clock in the morning? I don’t give a shit about what the fuck your selling”, I said to her then I hung up.

I ran straight to the computer after that, and signed my phone number up for the Do Not Call Registry. Hopefully that’ll solve that problem and if not, then I guess I’m about to take “Cursing out Telemarketers Who Don’t Have a Clue About What Time it is In Another Country” as a second hobby.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Why I Should Never Work In Customer Service

I have come to realize that some people weren't made to work for other people. Mainly, I mean me. I started a new job around the 1st week of December working for my mother-in-laws cleaning service and I can't really complain about her (the pay and the hours are pretty sweet), but "the boyfriend" on the other hand, is a whole different story.

The boyfriend doesn't even work with his mom and yet everyday I gotta hear his whinny ass mouth about things that I could do better to help out his moms business. And everyday, I tell him to shut the fuck up and let me do whatever the hell it is I do.

He tried to act like he's the boss, when in reality he had no say whatsoever about what the hell I'm doing. I didn't think that by working with his mom, that suddenly I'd be working with him too. (This is why office romances are a bad idea). But he really takes this shit to a whole nother level.

I just wanna smack him, stitch his mouth up, duck tape his hands and feet's and lock him in a little dungeon til he gets that point that he's not my fucking boss. I work for you mom, asshole! Not you! Shit! Give me some space.

He's been trying to make me do some spread sheets for God-knows-what reason and the shit don't even make any fucking sense. Why the hell do I have to fill out all the clients information on a spread sheet for? Isn't that what the whole contacts list is for? It just seems to pointless to sit there and make some damn spread sheet that his mother isn't gonna use in the first place just to repeat information that is already listed in her contacts sections on Outlook anyways.

And another thing I hate about work is the bitchy ass clients, like the bitch who cursed me out last week. I believe her exact words were something like, "Fuck you. Fuck the cleaners, Fuck the service. You people are a bunch of idiots". To which I responded as nice as I could be, "Ma'am, I'm sorry you feel that way. The next time you have a problem with us, please feel free to send us an email to go_fuk_yourself@hotmail.com. Have a nice day". (You know she wasn't gonna get away with that shit. I figured hell, she already sent me to fuckland so she's gotta be done with us. Ain't nothing to lose at this point, hehe).

I'm tired of getting bitched out by old ass ladies with nothing better to do then wait around for the cleaners and then complain that they didn't do something right. I don't care if the sofa was put back 2 inches off, or if there one fucking finger print was on your glass door which you probably did anyways, or that you don't want the cleaners putting your trash in the trash can in the garage because its an extra trash can that you don't use, or that the cup you left on your night stand last night is still on the night stand today (that was just lazy on this ladies part anyways), blah, blah, blah. I don't give a flying fuck.

Maybe I'm just not a people person. Whatever. The point is I need to be my own boss so I can tell people to go fuck themselves and not have to make bullshit spread sheets that someone who doesn't even work for the company thinks that I should make because he's an anal asshole, lol. Fuck the customers always right. That's bullshit. A lot of them are sooo dead wrong. Fucking assholes.

I'm done rating... for now....

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Happy New Years - 2007 Recap

Wow, I can't believe the New Year is already here. I didn't get shit accomplished in 2007, so hopefully I'll get it together in 2008. As I look back at 2007, I realize that I was a naughty little shit. So I guess I'll recap 2007 for you:

January - Hmmm, I don't think January was really that eventful. I was still working as a phone sex operator, and was beginning to hate the job by then. Other then that, I can't remember anything. Oh, there was that stupid email that my aunt and her husband sent.

February - I was really naughty this month. The boyfriend got caught up in a lie, so I pissed in his chicken. What I really wanted to do was burn down his house and vandalize his car, but who wants to serve time for having a boyfriend that's a fuck up. Believe me, I'm not psycho - any woman who I've told the story agreed that the punishment fit the crime, no matter how nasty and unsanitary it was. This month, I also happen to make a call to INS to take care of a couple of illegals that were pissing me off, lol. Okay so that’s not the true story but it was still just as bad if not worse. I also happen to register a company name, which to this day, I still haven’t done anything with.

March - I think this was the month that I put a laxative in the boyfriends drink for being a fuck-up yet again. I also encouraged other angry girlfriends to follow my lead. I also had an all night stake out with some friends and my cousins. It led to a small chase. Very exciting. Stalking can be fun. I also happen to crash a party of some guy I know. The birthday boy was very displeased to see me there and though he couldn't have me kicked out since it was a public place, he did have security follow me around all night. That was actually pretty entertaining.

April - Ah, yes. April. This was the month that some rumors about me being involved in some lesbian acts came out. Whether it was true or not, you'll never know. This is also the month that the feud between me and the boyfriend’s sister began, though I didn't realize it just yet.

May - My birthday bash, paid for by my uncle. Had a blast and got wasted.

June - Hmmm, can't think of anything eventful that happened in June other then being enrolled in summer classes, which sucked ass. My professor was some guy from India, who's English was pretty broken. I spent most of my weekends intoxicated.

July - Still in summer classes, though it was a different class with yet another foreign professor (I think this one was from Nigeria and his English was even more broken then the first). The boyfriend pissed me off yet again, which is what lead me to getting what I know refer to as "The Angry Girlfriend Tattoo" and though I hadn't started blogging just yet, Angry Girlfriend was born.

August - I finally finished school and received my Associates in psychology.

September - I realized that my degree wasn't worth the paper was printed on, which of course just really pissed me off. I also started the Angry Girlfriend blog.

October – Wasn’t much to look forward to other then Halloween. We had a good time though.

November – This was a pretty sad month with Kenny’s death and all. Then there was Thanksgiving which was alright, I guess. Whatever.

December – I started writing blogs for my crazy ass cousin who has quite the eventful life. From dating ex cons, to being stranded at a gas station by some psycho lesbian she met on MySpace. There’s always some crazy, wild ass story she’s got to tell and I get to write them. My dog gave birth to a litter of 4. The holidays were here, and this year we actually had money to buy a Christmas tree and presents. It was a good Christmas.

I guess the year wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t very productive either. Oh well, fuck it! Here’s to 2008!