Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Making Amends

There is a certain person out there, who I wont name specifically, who I feel I need to make amends with.

Can't say that I actually know this person, (you can thank your "friend" for that, since he's made it very clear that we can never meet because you're too shy and he feels some warped sense of responsibility towards you and the need to protect you. From who? I don't know. I'm actually quite a nice person).

Quite frankly, it's this stupid need to "protect" you that has made me as hostile towards you without having ever met you. Not fair to you, but let's just say I'm a very territorial person.

I like to literally mark my territory. Like I dog, I pee on things that belong to me. I've somewhat turned feral... I'm getting sidetracked.

Point is, I'm not crazy, I'm not a psycho bitch regardless of what you've heard or read for that matter, I'm not a lush (I swear, that fucker set me up), I've never been arrested nor have I ever required court order anger management, as of yet. See? I'm normal.

Not to brag, but I'm actually pretty fucking awesome. Although, most people probably wouldn't agree cause they still can't seem to see past the whole peeing into my ex's chicken ordeal. At some point and time, you have to let that go people! There has got to be a statue of limitations for certain random acts of crazy I tend to display... on rare occasion.

Again, I'm getting sidetracked... BIRD!!! Just kidding.

So yeah, person I kinda know but not really cause we've never actually met. I am offering you a peace offering to end the imaginary war that I seem to have created in my very own mind.

I do shit like that on occasions. It's what non-crazy people with an over active imagination do.

If you ever want to reach out to me so you can see for yourself how not crazy I am, you know how. Not that I expect you to, but the offer is there.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Why Bother?

I consider myself to be a good friend. Always giving advice to those in need. Lately, I've noticed that people can me all the time, at all hours and I'm there to hear their bullshit and give advice.

The problem is when I'm in need, there's no one there for me. Granted, I know there's a 3 hour time difference between me and my East Coaster friends, and I haven't made too many friends out west cause quite frankly, in my life, people come and go.

As evil and bitchy as I am, I am good to those I care about. Unfortunately, the feelings are obviously NOT mutual. So who do I turn to when I'm in need of advice or guidance? No one. Cause no one gives a shit. And that's okay.

Just don't bother calling me at 3 am when you've gotten pulled over for a DUI and you need help bailing getting bailed out, or when you caught you boyfriend cheating on you, or when you find out that you're husband got another woman pregnant and has a whole different family on the side, or when you cheated on you're boyfriend and don't know who the father of your baby is, or when your boyfriend gave you an STI, etc...

Quite frankly, your problems are your own. Deal with it! I honestly don't give a shit anymore.

I have wasted a lot of time listening to the bullshit of others, when I don't even have a grip on my own life.

People come and go. It's time to move on and cut out the old. Good luck to you people back east. Quite frankly, I'm over your drama.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

To Xanax Or Not to Xanax

I've been suffering from panic attacks and insomnia for about the last 2 weeks, which sucks balls to say the least.

I was on the verge of finally caving in and popping a xanax, but me being the way I am, I just had to look up the side effects.

I think it's common knowledge at this point that the side effects are usually worse then the reason you're on the drug to begin with.

Did you know a side effect of xanax is 'hallucinations, seeing and hearing things that don't exist'.

I guess they felt the need to explain what a hallucination is just in case you're too high to put it together. Maybe what you're reading doesn't exist and hallucinations isn't a real side effect.

Next on the list: thinking of harming or killing yourself or trying to do so.

This is an awesome side effect. You get a prescription for xanax cause you were a little stressed out, had some anxiety issues and now you want to kill yourself.

For some of you, xanax will push you over the edge completely. Awesomeness! Have fun jumping off that bridge!

Another awesome side effect: depression.

The funny thing about anxiety and panic disorders is that the people who have them are usually already suffering from some form of depression.

Apparently, xanax can make you MORE depressed which in retrospect would explain why you might want to kill yourself while on this drug.

I think I've read enough. I'm tossing those pills out. Insomnia and panic: here I come!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Titusville in Titusville

When we started dating about 3 months ago, Titusville and I thought that we had come up with this awesome plan that in order to not keep this relationship long distance for too long, he would take a job offer in New Jersey on a 2 month contract and then move out across the country with me once securing a job. I should mention that this contract ends in 5 days.

I guess I should also mention that this idea made sense at the time because he was going to be bringing home a substantial amount of money, so it seemed like a good idea.

Where this plan failed, unbeknownst to me, was when I went to go visit him for the holidays. Apparently, I forced him to book a hotel for the 2 weeks I was out there and drained his cash. He could've simply have told me not to come out, and that issue would have been avoided all together, but since I'm a grown-up, I'm suppose to think ahead. Anyone who knows me should know I NEVER THINK AHEAD. It's a character flaw.

Of course, planning in advance rarely works. He's pretty good at what he does which is something web related, but apparently there's only work for him on the east coast. Apparently, they don't have any web designers living anywhere else in the country. ONLY ON THE EAST COAST... IN FLORIDA... NOWHERE ELSE...

He's gotten tons of job offers back in Florida. Specifically, back in the same area he use to live. And that's ok. I don't mind waiting things out and doing the long distance thing. The problem is if he goes back to Florida, he'll be living with his former female roommate. Which isn't the problem. The problem is that he and this female roommate had a sexual relationship up until about a year ago.

Apparently, I'm suppose to trust him that nothing will happen. Which I do. I just don't trust HER. I'm sure he'd back away and not let things get to that level, but why put yourself in that situation to begin with?

So as it stands, he and I are in limbo and there's a possibility that we'll go our separate ways. All because I voiced my feelings about the subject, and anytime I bring up the topic of this roommate and my concerns about her, he throws a shit fest.

I did give him the ultimatum that if he moves back in with her, we're through. I was frustrated. And I'm not 100% sure if I really would walk or if it was just me talking out of anger. Maybe I'm in the wrong. Who knows? But what he fails to realize, ironically since he's one of the only people in this world to really know me best, is that I've been fucked over many a time.

Granted, I understand that you can't take out your insecurities, and anger on the new guy, but come on.

This woman post shit on your Facebook every fucking day, you talk to her on the phone every fucking day, and now you're going to be living together again? And you still can't see why I might have an issue with this?

Yeah, Facebook is just Facebook, but you have a relationship with this person ON and OFFLINE on a daily basis. And now you won't talk to me because I voiced a concern???

I hope that someone is reading this. Help us shed some light on who is in the wrong here, because Titusville is pretty damn good at flipping the script and making me feel guilty for not trusting him, which I never said to begin with. I'm just saying, if the situation was in reverse, how cool about it would you be?

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

No One Likes Rebuplicans

This is a little out of left field, but I was having a conversation with this crazy white bitch from Ohio. And we all know people from Ohio are fucking nuts. She's actually pretty cool when she's not trying to stab people.

Ohio, who is Republican, apparently came to the sudden realization that no one likes Republicans. Which is true.

For whatever reason, I came to the realization that it appears in some kind of unspoken law, that you can't be black and be a Republican, unless you're Condoleezza Rice, who black people don't consider black anyways. How did she make it so far in politics with a jacked up ass name like that?

It's like a fat person who starves themselves. That actually makes no sense. But I think that may have been my point. I mean, what fat person do you know that would willing starve themselves?

It's like this fat girl I know who's always complaining about being fat as she stuffs a 12 inch sub down her throat and complains 15 minutes later that she's still hungry and talks about how she's watching her weight by only eating 1 of the 2 12 inch subs she bought and downing it with a diet coke. See? No sense. Sleep deprivation is starting to get to me.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Die, Whore Bitch, Die

There's not a lot of people that I hate in this world.

But there are certain people who just really get under my skin and I wish a painful death. I think they do it on purpose. Because they know... I can be a psycho bitch. They want to see how far they can push me before I blow up.

They obviously, have no clue... I'm not hard to set off...

Sleep well, you whore. I've got my eye on you. Fucking slut.

I'm sorry to be so vague, but I can't just throw everything out there at the moment. Give me some time, and we shall see what is to come.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Men Are Retarded

It doesn't matter if they've love you for 12 years or have been infatuated with you for 12 seconds.

They are all the same. Sorry ladies, but I think our emotions would be kept safer if we all stuck to carpet munchin.

FYI for all you men, anytime a woman does something drastic to their hair, it usually means that's you've really fucked up or they're going through a really bad break up.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Been M.I.A.

Before you start to bitch me out, I am well aware that I have been M.I.A. for quite some time now. That's kinda my fault but not really. Let's just say shit a.k.a. life happens.

I could catch you all up, but no one cares about the details. Unless, it's all ugly. Which most of it is, truth be told.

Let's just say, I think I may possibly make a come back which really doesn't make any sense since I wasn't ever THAT popular to begin with. And yes, I'm still very much angry. Just not at the same person.

I'm famous in Japan, bitch!!! Well, not really, but I like to pretend I am. I'll work on my comeback tomorrow when I'm sober.

Oh, and... Happy New Years!!! What year are we in? 2012 or some shit... We're all gonna die... Yeah...