Monday, June 22, 2009

The Cheap Lame Ass & His 2 Boxes of Expired Cereal

It's probably not professional to do this, but since when have I cared?

Sooo, these last couple of days I've been dealing with this client who is not only petty but a pain in the ass, and apparently a liar on top of it all.

Long story short, he hires our cleaning company to come an clean his moms house, request that the cleaners throw away everything that looks useless or like trash, and when they do, he bitches about it and sends me pictures.

Why all the fuss, you ask?

Because the cleaners threw away a nasty, dirty shower curtain, a broken trash can, and 2 boxes of cereal that expired in 2006.

If you ask me, we did him a fucking favor.

This is the 1st email he sent me:

Here are pictures of stuff that was thrown away. I tried to use descriptive names. We need to have replaced:

* Shower Curtain
* small trash can (for the bathroom)
* two boxes of 20 oz. Honeycomb cereal (the two boxes had cereal in them, one was half empty, the other one was just about full)

Its unacceptable that they threw her stuff away like this.

This is really not good. My mother hasn't been able to take a shower because she has no shower curtain. Can someone go to her house today and put a shower curtain up for her, along with taking her a small trash can and 2 boxes of Honeycomb. She cannot sit in the tub because of her handicap. She has to sit on the chair and there is no way for her to shower because the water will splatter everywhere. Please let me know what you can do ASAP.

Email is the best communication with me during the day.

(I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but this shit all kinda looks like, ummmm, trash).

After reviewing the pictures, no one over here thought that we owed this guy a dime, but my mother-in-law offered to buy this guy a new shower curtain all the same. So I sent him this email:

Mr. M,

Although we cannot come out tonight to replace the shower curtain, as we are not in the area, we will certainly make the time to come out tomorrow.

As for the cereal boxes, it was explained to me by Maria that the 2 cereal boxes were thrown out due to their expiration date. They both had expiration dates in 2006.

We sincerely do apologize for our mistake in throwing out items that we mistook for trash. Our crew tried to use their better judgment in determining what should be thrown out and what should be kept.

As stated before, we will take her a new shower curtain and put it up for her tomorrow whenever it is most convenient for her.

Thank you for your patients and again, we apologize for any inconvenience that this matter has caused you and your mother.

I'm thinking after he realizes that we did him and his mom a favor by throwing out the cereal boxes, all would be well, and all we'd have to replace is the shower curtain, maybe the trash can, even though it was already broken, but that would be it.

I mean, if you zoom into the picture he sent of the cereal, you can see that it expired in 2006. How can we possibly be responsible for replacing old cereal? I mean the evidence is in his own picture.

But no... Apparently, he's a broke ass mother fucker he's more then likely single and destined to stay that way forever cause he's a fucking scrub.

So this is the email he sent back:

Considering all the stuff that was thrown out, I am not asking for a lot. Trash can come from a dollar store. They threw away her insulin needles. They threw away her clothes. I had to dig threw garbage to recover what I recovered. And I have ti clean all of that stuff before giving it back. All I am asking for is a shower curtain, small inexpensive trashcan and two boxes of cereal. I didn't see the expiration date. The bottom line is I was told numerous times that they would not throw anything away without asking. If they would had said " look at this date on this cereal, do you want me to throw it away?" then we wouldn't be talking about it. But, that didn't happen. What happened was I found the boxes of cereal with a bunch of other stuff that should never have been thrown away. So, I never tried to rationalized why they threw that away when it didn't make sense to throw the other stuff away. Like I said before, considering the circumstances, I am not asking for a lot.

There was a lot I wanted to say in response to this email, but of course didn't because things would've ended very ugly.

It's funny how he's suddenly forgotten that he was the one who instructed the cleaners to throw away everything that looked like trash.

You know what I think? I think you're a fucking looser and I bet your ugly and miserable. You should probably go kill yourself to take yourself out of your fucking misery because now you wont be able to eat 2 boxes of expired cereal. How unfortunate for you, you ugly, fat, bastard...

A day or 2 passed by and I didn't get back to this idiot right away cause I had more important shit to deal with then a shower curtain, a trash can and 2 expired cereal boxes. Not to mention that in his last email, he was trippin pretty hard about the cereal boxes that he never actually responded to when he wanted us to come back out to put up a new shower curtain for his mom.

That's when I got this email:

Its been three days since we discussed the missing items. As Maria knows, my mother is handicapped and limited as far as moving around. She can't compensate for not having a shower curtain like you or I can. She hasn't been able to take a shower since your workers threw the shower curtain away. I had to purchase her a shower curtain last night since you never responded to me. I will be emailing you a scanned copy of the receipt today when I get home. Let's please bring this matter to a close. If I haven't heard from you by Monday COB (which will make one week since the work was done), I will be contacting the Better Business Bureau as well as the Office Of Consumer Affairs. I will also seek legal action for the of the items thrown away. Now, is it truly worth having public marks against your business over a shower curtain, small trash can, and two boxes of cereal? I am really not asking for a lot.

I don't take threats very well. In fact, I'm more likely to act out of rage or anger then just bend over backwards to make the problem go away.

And even though it wouldn't cost a lot to shut his sorry broke ass up, he came about it the wrong way and I ain't nobodies bitch, fuck face, so you just really fucked up on this one.

Lucky for him, my mother-in-law was notified about this email and knowing what a little nasty temper I have, decided to call this guy and deal with him herself.

From what she told me, she put him in his place, told him that we were only going to replace the shower curtain, and to email me the receipt so that I could pass it along to her.

I was relived to hear that she had finally gotten through to that asshole.... That is until... This email arrived this morning:

I spoke with your mother-in-law. She said that she would like to schedule a time to come out and see me and discuss the items that were thrown away. She said that she would reimburse me for the items thrown away. I am hoping I understood her correctly because there was a little break down in communication. Anyway, I was trying to see if we could meet today. Today will not work. She said that they are only out in my mother’s area on Monday’s and Tuesdays. So, would like to see if we could set up a time on next Monday. If we do it on Monday, would like to set up a time that is before she starts her first job. Reason being, the last two times I set up appointments with her, she was very late. The first time she had to cancel. I work during the day time and I have to take time out to meet with her. The first time, I had to take 2 hours off from work, and the last time about 3.5 hours off from work. So, I figure if we can set up a time that is before her first job, then we can avoid that problem. Since she is not cleaning, her visit shouldn’t take long.

She asked me to send you a list of items I expect to be replaced. Here it is:

1. shower curtain (already purchased and you have a copy of the receipt)
2. small trash can (for the bathroom)
3. Two 20 oz boxes of Honeycomb. (understand what she was saying about the expiration date, but no one got our permission to throw them away. I cannot confirm the expiration dates because the dates were not pointed out to me before they were thrown away and I did not look at the dates when I retrieved them because I had no reason to at the time. But, because they were thrown away without our permission, they should be replaced)
4. Denture cup (my mother could not find it and I confirmed that it is missing.

5. She also could not find the box of Polident for Partials that was on the sink. I also confirmed that it was missing

That’s it. Please give me your earliest time available for next Monday. Once again, I need a time that she can stick to. It can be as early as she needs it to be. Thanks.

This means WAR, bitch.

First of all, you're cheap and/or broke.

Second of all, you know damn well that no one touched your moms denture cup or polident

Third of all, go look at the fucking pictures that YOU sent me so you can see for yourself that those boxes of cereal expired in 2006, so no we're not going to replace them.

Forth of all, how much you wanna bet, he's one of the losers who's responded to my ads on craigslist and probably kept responded after I said something completey outrages?

And last, but not least, I'm not responding to anymore of your bullshit emails, cause it's time to get this over with.

I left that stupid bitch a voicemail shortly after I received this email, and I don't care how shit comes out. This stupid fuck is about to get ripped a new asshole.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Friday, June 19, 2009

New Employee

So apparently, sometime this week, we got a new employee.

He don't do shit, but lay around the desk all day, eat, shit, and sleep.

Meet O.C., short for Office Cat:

Not to be confused with O.C., short for Orange Cat:

I'm not really sure where this new cat came from, but he kinda smells bad and I get the feeling that he may possible be infested with ticks or other disgusting parasites like "Dakaren" (I totally made that up and I'll explain it to you one of these days).

All I know about O.C. (Office Cat), is that up until he moved into the office, he was homeless. He eats like a greedy little whore bastard and I'm almost positive that his mom has no idea who her baby daddy is and is more then likely pregnant with her 7th litter of bastard baby cats.

Then again, it's also likely that she could be be roadkill at this point. Who knows?

The other O.C. (Orange Cat), may or may not be infected as well and we know for a fact that his mom was a whore, but he's never been homeless and he occasionally sees a vet.

So there you have it. Office Cat.

He smells terrible, doesn't do shit but sleep, he's infested with parasites and his mom is a whore who may or may not be decaying in the middle of a highway somewhere. How exactly is this suppose to bring up office morale?

Ummm, yeah... Ok...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

All Alone

Recently, my mom broke me with the news that she was moving.

At first, I was like, "Yeah. OK. Sure. Whatever".... That is, until she told me where she was moving to.

Apparently, she's decided to move across the country to join my sister out in Las Vegas.

My mother is abandoning me and I'm going to be an orphan.

Yes, I do realize that I'm 28-years-old and that by now I should be able to fend for myself, not to mention that I'm a little too old to be classified an orphan and I do have a family of my own now, but that's not the point!

It was hard enough when my sister left me, plus it was really irritating when I realized that my mom was slowly weaning me off her financial support.

She kinda was paying my cell phone bill up until 2 years ago, plus I had access to her ATM card for 2 of her account, just in case (now I only have access to 1), and up until 2 weeks ago she was paying my car insurance.

Not only is she cutting me off, but now she's leaving me and I'll be here all alone... with a husband, a 3-year-old, 2 dogs, a cat, a turtle and a chinchilla. ALONE.

Let's face it, Frijolero is just plain evil and the odds are we'll only get divorced anyways, so I should just pack my shit and relocate to Vegas and live with my mom so that she'll never leave me again.

Unfortunately, we're kinda not speaking since I kinda had a mini temper tantrum when she told me she was leaving in July (Come on, now. She could've at least better prep me).

So I've kinda temporarily disowned her for so selfishly not considering my feelings about being abandoned and being left an orphan.

Who the hell is gonna take care of me now? I'm all ALONE!!!

Fuck, this is sooo depressing... I need a drink... :(