So I've been really slacking lately, but it's all good cause I needed a little break anyways.
So yesterday, I was speaking to one of my cousins and she made a little confession. She's been so lonely that she has resorted to humping her pillows for comfort.
Somebody needs to hook this bitch up with a dating reality TV show. She needs to get laid ASAP. And before all you men out there reading this get the wrong idea, shes gay. Reeeeeally gay. So you don't stand a chance.
We've posted ad's for her on Craigslist (legit ads, not the ads I was doing before, hehe), responded to ads on craigslist, signed her up on varies lesbian dating sites, and all to no avail.
I'm not sure why she's having such a hard time finding someone. It's not like the bitch is ugly or anything... a little psycho maybe, but definitely not ugly.
So I'm running out of ideas on how to help her out. I'm tired of her randomly hanging up the phone on me in the middle of a conversation only to call me back 5 minutes later to tell me how she just finished masturbating and had an awesome orgasm, and I she really needs to stop fornicating with inanimate objects.
Although, I must admit that she must have a pretty vivid imagination if she really believes that pillow shes humping is a real person. I wonder if she's given it a name?
Any white lesbian woman between the ages of 25-35, living in the Miami area who maybe interested in building a friendship that may lead to more with a 29-year-old, latina lesbian who is currently humping her pillow like a dog in heat, please contact me and I'll pass your info onto her. Pillow humpers are encouraged to respond.
Butches and ugly people need not respond. (Her words, not mine).
Also, please have a car and be willing to travel because her license was revoked and she's not legally eligible to drive for another 4 1/2 years.