Thursday, February 26, 2009

Fun on Craigslist: Short Short Man

As promised, here are some more Craigslist ads with responses from yours truly:

Short Short Man - w4m - 22 (Seattle)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-02-26, 10:00AM PST

So here's the deal...

I've had sex with several guys who are of average length... The problem is that it hurts...
I'd like to experience some pretty wild and crazy, fun sex... but with a guy who is 6 inches or below.

I'm 22 year old white female, D&D free, and I'm interested in meeting up with someone possibly tomorrow or sometime this weekend.

The only thing I ask of you is that you be at no more then 6 inches and also D&D free.

Victim #1:
Hello, I'd like to have fun with you. :) May I try that? I'm average asian size. I think I'm sweet, decent, and always showing respect toward ladies. Would you like to come over have some tea and see where it goes? I'm 24 asian guy, study in language program now. live alone in U-D, next to UW. I'm 5'6(170), 143lbs. I'm DD free, and non-smoker. looking forward to hear from you soon. :) Y.

My Reply:
Yes! An Asian!!! You guys are known for having small cocks.... I think you're could be the one that gets me off! Boooo, ur not a smoker... I am, hope you dont mind... I tend to smoke when the sex is lame, but I'm sure it wont be with you cause you asains are all aerodynamic and stuff.. I've seen Americans Next Best Dance Crew... you guys can really dance... so what is your weekend looking like... maybe we can meet up at a bar or something?
Victim #2:
I’m 5”

My Reply:
YES! Sounds like you could be a match... I think it could be fun trynna ride your tiny cock with my moist and hairy vagina... hope u dont mind the fuzz but I like it alll natural...

His Reply:
No I don’t mind. Would you mind if I’m in a wheelchair?

My Reply:
Why the hell would I care if you were in a wheelchair... As long as you have a small penis and it doesnt hurt when we fuck, then its all good.

His Reply:
Will you call me?
Victim #3:
Can you handle a 8incher I
Promise to take it slow and short

My Reply:
Fuck! DID you not read the fucking ad?? Maybe I should've specified a man who isn't fucking illiterate...
Victim #4:
Hi hun, I think I meet your requirement. I'm 24 Asian, my cock is 5", kind of embarrawed but that's average Asian size. Do you want to try it out? I'm clean and disease free. And I'm real. Hit me back if you are too

My Reply:
I don't know why I didn't specifies Asains to begin with... I probably should have
So tell me Mr Shrimp Fried Rice, what kinda kinky things are you into?

His Reply:
lol...I love the Shrimp fried rice name...I don't wanna just go with you and release my need without taking care of I would take it slowly, we take a sweet bath together first, then I explore your body, lick your tits, you suck my cock, suck me good. Don't let it cum just yet, I taste your juicy pussy, you are wet, I put my dick into your glory hole and there we go. I'm looking straight to sex only, nothing crazy that I want to play. Hopefully that's what you look for too.

My Reply:
ooo yea, baby, that sounds sooo fuckin hot.. i'm getttin so turned on just thinkin about your little shirmp egg roll sliding into my warm and wet muffin mit... Its gonna be on like donkey kong... isnt donkey kong made up by ur people? whatever
I think you and I could have a really good time. i think youll love the taste of my sour pussy. It has a very distinct taste... I've heard that its kinda like chinese food, which is kinda ironic now that I think about it LOL But who doesnt love chinese food... You eat it, get filled up really quick, and a few minutes later, you're starving again....

His Reply:
lol, you are very funny person. I like it. btw, I think pussy tastes more like the smell of
raw fish. But whatever, I enjoy licking it. So are we meeting up? you know...I'm horny as fuck. Haha

My Reply:
LOL like sushi... thats whats up... I like you, you clever little asian... sooo whats your weekends looking like? We need to get some plans together so we can get this party rolling... in my pants!!!

His Reply:
Why don't we meet up right now? I'm ready to egg roll. Do you have anything to do now? We can meet up for a lunch and if you like me then bring me back to your place or get back to my place. btw, any pics of you?

My Reply:
Oh yea... I love little happy asian people, theyre just all tiny and cute, you can like fit them in your pocket and stuff. Todays not good, I'm out of town and wont be in until tomorrow evening... I was thinking more like Saturday cause like jet lag and shit. you're are such a happy little asain.. you make me smile :)

His Reply:
thank you for chatting with me so long. I think Saturday is ok if you are serious. At this point, seem like you are not. At least I would hope to have a pic but no. Anyway, whatever.
Victim #5
I'm about 5 - 5 1/2 inches but still fairly thick. You can measure me if you want, but I think when you see you'll have a good enough idea.

Oh, my name is Blake and I'm in Bellevue, relatively close to Seattle and can drive. I'm in my 30's, caucasian, blue eyes, short light brown hair, over 6ft tall, no drugs/smoking/STDs.

Do you let guys go down on you? Because sometimes that might help get you worked up and more easily to accept the longer guys?

I'm sending a face photo.. wondering if you might be interested? Because tomorrow works fine with me... we can work out details like if you host or not, and where to meet up, etc, all in the next 1-2 emails.


My Reply:
Guys go down on me all the time... Just last Friday, I had met this guys off of Craigslist (he was about 8inches) and he offered to like go down on me first and I was like yea sure no prob... and he said something about a foul odor but I'm assuming that he was trying to play off that he penis smelled kinda funky, but long story short, that shit was sooo painful even though I was like all wet and moist.

Then on Monday I met this other guy who was like 5 inches, and he didnt even try to eat me out because something about a foul odor, but he got right into it, and it was like on. I was thinkin about hittin him up again but apparenly i wrote his number down wrong or something cause some other person answered the phone. but anyways, what do u think about meetin up this weekend, if we like get a long and stuff...

His Reply:
This weekend would be fine. Saturday afternoon.

Do you have a photo to share since I shared mine?

Victim #6:
I'd hate to say it, but it sounds like your looking for me ;-)

I'm 25, single, 6ft tall, 190lbs, fit, clean, in shape, HWP, disease free, attractive, and Experienced.
My cock is just under 6inches long.
I'm a passionate lover though, and know how to please a woman...

Here's my pics,
mind sharing yours?

My Reply:
wow i didnt know tall people could pack such small packages
whatever, if it works, it works
so heres my deal...
I dont like vaginal pain (hence why i'm lookin for a small penis), but I'm into anal pain... wanna shove it up my asshole and make it bleed?

His Reply:
I'll give it to you however you'd like...
send me your pics

My Reply:
hmmm sounds goood to me... I'm just dying to have some wild and crazy sex with someone whos open to anything... I'm into a lot of anal play, so maybe you can stick things like a bottle or a corkscrew in my anus while you're fucking my funky vaginal hole with your tiny pecker. I'd love for you to make my asshole bleed...

His Reply:
Sounds good to me.
send me your pics and your number
Victim #7:
hi so im am a fun chill outgoing athletic sexual agressive guy in seattle i love to have a very fun wild time where we are taking it hard and as many times as we can i am 21 tall dark and handsome itailian guy in north seattle i am 6'0 260 strong guy that has the drive you need and the feel that you are asking for i am 6in cut std free and very clean i am trying to find something that we can arranage and be happy let me know

My Reply:
you're a happy little chunky monkey arent you? i like happy chunky fat people because they make me smile... almost like the Pillsbury dough boy... hes really happy...

I like to drink... do u like to drink? i have a confesion to make... you know how on my ad it says i'm d&d free? well only one D is true... no diseases here baby, but i'm in love with the world and I think you are so beautiful... guess what drug I'm on? Do you like drugs? I do... they make me happy, just like you... they also make me horny ;)

His Reply:
well thanks baby maybe we can make eachother smile dont worry about this chunky moncky i still know how to make you happy your confession is good becuase i am on d free too i love weed and coke lol i think the world is a great place and want to make our days beutifull i cant geuess what drug but drugs make me horney too and i am super horney today send me a pic

My Reply:
Jesus you're fat! Squishy monkey balls... I like you squishy monkey.

OMG I'm so happy again... you're so fat and squishy. Can I poke you? I like squishy chunky people. You're my squishy chunky monkey teddy bear.

Can we meet up tomorrow? I'll probably be rolling again so I'll like your fatness. We can have sex with your tiny squishy penis...
Victim #8:
I'm 6 inch...... 22 a d&d free... and best of all i have the whole weekend off and im free lol....ill send you a pic if you want to know more just ask and i could get a pic from you! the name is colby by the way...

My Reply:
so far so good.

I hope u have an open mind because I'm into some pretty kinky shit.

I just need a guy with a small enough penis for it all to be enjoyable.

I like being spanked, anal penetration, and having foreign objects being inserted into my vaginal canal.

I have a pet chicken who I like to use in a 'cleansing' ritual that I perform on men that I'm going to have sex with before I tie them up and fuck them nasty.

this ritual is to prevent us from giving each other venereal disease. I've had chlamydia and gonorrhea on at least 2 occasions and I blame myself because I didn't preform the cleansing ritual.

I would love to meet up with you this weekend...

His Reply:
That's a little too weird for me sry.. I'm open minded but ya no can do.

You know, I think I learned a very valuable lesson here... The men in Seattle aren't half as stupid as the men in the MD/DC/VA area.

However, they are absolutely insane... Crazier then me... Then again, no not really...

I don't know what's in the water over there that makes those people turn into serial killers and sexual deviants, but I'm staying the hell away from Seattle.

Whatever it is that's in that water, it also makes then seem to have small penis' or so it would seem considering that I received about 160 replies to this one ad.

Guess what that means? There will be a part 2, and possibly a part 3, to this blog.... BUT, you're not gonna get to read it until next Friday...

I'll also be posting ads in other cities...

Maybe I'll so like a Fun on Craigslist posting like once a week and post on Fridays... Who knows... Or maybe not... I guess we'll see...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

An old dog barks not in vain.