Friday, May 2, 2008

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: Is My Girlfriend Bi?

This question comes from Lain.

Lain writes:

I was reading your topic on bisexuality. I myself would consider my sexuality to be strictly homosexual, but my girlfriend has a history of being with men, and has admitted, though not to me, that should we break up she would most likely return to men.
To me, however, she claims she is a lesbian. I find this bothersome because it feels like she's hiding her sexuality from me. I told her that if she would be bi then, wouldn't that make her bi now? and still warrant some attraction to males? She swears she has no attraction to men, but I feel like it's a lie. I don't really dislike her for it, but it does make me worry that eventually I alone will be inadequate for her. You mentioned how its natural to have a romp with the opposite or same sex on occasion; do you think she'll do the same? Or resent me if I tell her I don't want her to? I'm really conflicted.

Wow. I'm really feeling for you.

Thing about it is, bisexuals tend to confuse the hell out of people, even themselves. Your girlfriend is definitely not a lesbian though. Based on what you've told me, I'm certain as to that much.

But the two of you are in a relationship together (I'm assuming it's a monogamous one), which means that no matter whether she's gay, straight, or bi, she shouldn't be resentful towards you if you objected to her sleeping around with men.

After all, I highly doubt that you would find it acceptable for her to sleep around regardless of whether she chose to do it with a man or woman.

It is somewhat troublesome that she feels the need to lie about her sexuality though it could be that she is lying only so that you don't feel threatened by it since she has no immediate plans to leave you.

Assure her that you're not threatened by her bisexuality and she may eventually come clean with you in time. But don't press the issue too hard either. Some people just have a hard time coming clean to those who mean the most to them.

As for her admitting that she would more than likely return to men in the event that the two of you should break up, don't get yourself too worked up over it. She didn't say that she was going to leave you for a man, just that in the event of the two of you breaking up she may go back to men.

She more than likely doesn't even mean it and is just expressing her normal relationship frustrations. When I get frustrated with The Boyfriend, I always tell him that the next relationship I'm in is going to be with a woman. Do I mean it? Not really (well kinda), but I say it out of frustration at the moment.

The bottom line is, if she's not actively seeking out a relationship with either a man or a woman, you don't have much to worry about regardless of whether she's a lesbian or bi.

I really hope this helps.

Angry Girlfriend

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