Thursday, May 29, 2008

A Typical Conversation with Angry Girlfriend

I've noticed that a lot of people have been reading my blogs lately. Seems like the more controversial I become, the bigger the crowds come flocking in to read all my random bullshit.

Some people, I'm sure, are reading my bullshit about racism and are probably thinking that I must be the biggest asshole around. Let me assure you that, all though that may be true, I am equally racist against everyone.

Here's an example of a typical conversation between me and some of my friends just to give you an idea of what I'm really like:

Example #1: A typical conversation between me and my Central American friend, Shorty:

Me: Hey, Whore.

Shorty: Hey, Slut.

Me: Hey Shorty, I need my house cleaned. You think your mom is free this weekend?

Shorty: Hey Angry, do you think your mom can teach me how to build a boat?

Me: Hey Shorty, I think a baby just fell outta your vagina.

Shorty: You know you wanna lick my vagina.

Me: Yes.... yes, I do...

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

Example # 2: A typical conversation between me and Too-Tall a.k.a. spigger who is half-Colombian Coke Whore and half-Crack Whore (in other words, she half spic and half black):

Me: Hey, Vagina.

Too-Tall: Sup, Vagina.

Me: I see you got most of the kinks out your "gud-her".

Too-Tall: Don't be mad cause my pubic hair is finer then the hair on your head.

Me: Hey, Too-Tall. Wanna know how I know that God doesn't like black people?

Too-Tall: Oh, shit. Here we go...

Me: Cause he put pubic hair on their head. Hey, ain't you half black?

Too-Tall: Bitch, I'm bout to kick your ass!

Me: And you still wanna fuck me.

Too-Tall: Yeah, you're right... Let's make out...

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

Example #3: A typical conversation with me and La Terroista, who is my Sudanese friend who I always mistake for being Somalian, or Ethiopian:

Me: I'm going on a trip next week.

La Terrorista: You taking a plane?

Me: Ye... No... No, I'm not.

La Terrorista: One of these days, I'm gonna go to the airport, dressed in a abaya and hejab, and I'm gonna sit by someone and say, "Don't get on that plane". You think they'd get scared?

Me: Thaaat's it... I'm calling Homeland Security!

Then we start to touch each other inappropriately and make out.

Example #4: A typical conversation with my sisters husband, Thug Life, who is black:

Me: Hey, Thug Life. You gonna rob me today?

Thug Life: Shut yo broke ass up!

Me: Hey, can you score me some drugs? Like the good shit. You know, the really gooood shit.

Thug Life: For the last time! I'm not a drug dealer!

Me: It's okay... I wont tell nobody...

Thug Life: Oh my goodness.
(Hollas at my sister).
(At my sister)If you don't get your crazy ass sister away from me, I'm bout to...

Me: You bout to what? You gonna pop a cap in my ass?

Thug Life: Shut yo ass up! Damn!

My Sister: You know she's just fuckin with you. Just ignore her. Maybe she'll go away.

Me: THUG LIFE!!!

Eventually I get bored and move on to other victims.

Example #5: A typical conversation with my friend, Powder, who is white;

Me: Why do you white people like being orange? Is it cause you wish you were black.

Powder: Why would anyone wish to be black?

Me: Oh my God! You're such a racist!

Powder: Me! I was just kiddin. You say way worse things then that all the time! So how am I racist?

Me: Cause you're white, thats why! I'm not white, so I can say whatever the hell I want.

Powder: That's not fair!

Me: Yeah, well blame it on your white ancestors. Wanna make out?

Powder: Yeah, sure.

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

Example #6: A typical conversation with China, who is Japanese:

Me: I'm bout to call the Chinese carryout. Can you order cause I don't know what that bitch be saying?

China: Neither do I...

Me: Stop playing. You're Chinese.

China: I am not Chinese. I'm Japanese, dammit!

Me: Same difference. Just order me some Generals Tso's chicken and a...

China: I just told you that I'm not fucking Chinese. We don't even speak the same language, unlike all you Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, or whatever the hell you're from.

Me: Hmmm, you make a good point. But all you people end with "ese". Chin-ese, Japan-ese, Vietnam-ese, Korean-ese...

China: Their called Koreans, not Koreanese.

Me: Well they should be Koreanese cause they have slanty eyes like the rest of you...

China: God, you're an asshole...

Me: And you still love me... Let's make out...

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

So I bet you're all wondering, why would anyone want to be my friend when I'm such an asshole? The answer is obvious.

It's because I'm fucking awesome!!!

Seriously though, it's because racism is everywhere you go. You can't avoid it. And you know what? It's funny. Yes, that's right. Racism is funny. You can either laugh at it and join in, or be a little bitch about it.

You know when you repeat the same word over and over and over and you've said it so many times that it's lost its meaning?

Well I believe the same thing can be done about racism. When you keep hearing the same bullshit over and over again, it loses meaning to the point that it means shit.

Some people think that by making racist statements is just adding fuel to the fire, but you can't add fuel when you're out of gas.

Just my opinion.

So go out there, take the sticks out your assholes, and lets all laugh, point and make fun of each other!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Too-Tall: Don't be mad cause my pubic hair is finer then the hair on your head."

funniest thing!

Steve said...

a little over the top, but I see where you're going with it.

HoneyDew said...

"Some people think that by making racist statements is just adding fuel to the fire, but you can't add fuel when you're out of gas."

Interesting concept for sure. I think you mean well, but sometimes being so open and in your face about it freaks people out.

If I hadn't of read it till the end, I would've just thought you were a racist, ignorant person, but I'm starting to get the feeling that there's a lot more to you then what we read on your blogs.

I'm still a fan.