Friday, August 22, 2008

Angry Girlfriend Day

So I been thinking for a long time that maybe there should be some sort of holiday dedicated to me. It would be called Angry Girlfriend Day and it would be dedicated to all the women who have been scorned by a past or present lover.

Basically, it would include every woman in the world.

I'd make one huge festival out of it.

It'll be celebrated either in July or September, but I'll let my readers pick. I'll set up a poll for that later.

There would be booze, angry girlfriends sharing stories with other angry girlfriends about how their current or ex-lover is a real fuck up, games to help relieve the stress of dealing with morons, more booze, and a bunch of other stuff that I haven't quite figured out yet, so if anyone else out there has any ideas, please feel free to pitch in.

One of the games I've come up with is Angry Girlfriend Bobbing the Apple in which we'd paste a picture of ex or current lover to an apple. The point of the game would be to bite off as much of their face off as possible, spit the mauled apple to the ground and shout profanities at it. The angry girlfriend with the most rage wins.

Sounds like fun, right?

Another game would be Choke That Stupid Bitch To Death. This would be geared more towards those damn medaling family members. We'd take a life sized doll and paste a picture of your ex or current lovers most bothersome, family member. In my case, it would be Cornholio's sister. Then you choke, kick, spit, stab, or do anything else that you feel necessary to that fucking medaling family member, while shouting as much profanity as you can. Like Angry Girlfriend Bobbing the Apple, the angry girlfriend with the most rage wins.

The highlight of Angry Girlfriend day would be the Stab-Your-Ex-Lover-in-the-Back game, which would be like some sort of piñata that we could all throw darts at, as we angrily scream the reasons why we are so mad at this person. The angry girlfriend who destroys her piñata and screams the loudest and displays the most rage wins.

At the end of the festival, there would be an Angry Girlfriend pageant. Angry Girlfriends would be invited to give speeches on why they are so angry at their ex or current lover. The Angry Girlfriend with the best speech and the most rage wins.

I know what you're thinking.

Angry Girlfriend, you're such a humanitarian. Always coming up with these brilliant ideas to help the people.

And yes, you're absolutely right. It's okay. You don't owe me anything. Just consider it my gift to you. Just another one of my Angry Girlfriend public services.

Instead of paying thousands of dollars for a shrink to make you answer your own questions, you can get instant relief from me.

I invite you all to come and release your rage on Angry Girlfriend Day... once I have a date picked. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (For those of you who don't know, that's my evil laugh).

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