Monday, August 11, 2008

Faux Furkey

I did something stupid this weekend. I trusted a Vegan. I paid for it dearly.

This evil Vegan offered me a Faux Furkey sandwich (that's tofu turkey). I should've know not to eat it. The fucking shit was gray, for God's sake.

How could anyone possibly believe that faux furkey is good and healthy for you when the shit is gray?

I spend the whole next day vomiting stomach acid. I couldn't hold down any food, and when I wasn't puking stomach acid, I was sitting on the can with a massive case of diarrhea.

I've learned a very valuable lesson this weekend.

Being Vegan is no different from being anorexic or bulimic. You become extremely thin and you eat nothing but grass, leaves, and faux food that taste like air and makes you vomit all day.

Vegans are evil.

Never trust anyone who doesn't eat meat. It's a sign of mental instability.

That bitch tried to kill me!

Did I mention that the evil Vegan is my step-sister?

If you don't eat cows, they'll eat you. It's part of the food chain.

There's a reason why God created people to walk on 2 legs and operate a chain saw. It's so we can slaughter our own meals.

Eating meat saves lives.

I want nothing more to do with evil Vegans and their faux food. Eating faux food is just... wrong...

You've all been warned...

1 comment:

Average Joe said...

"There's a reason why God created people to walk on 2 legs and operate a chain saw."

That so made my day! Meat Eaters Forever!