I've noticed that a lot of people have been reading my blogs lately. Seems like the more controversial I become, the bigger the crowds come flocking in to read all my random bullshit.
Some people, I'm sure, are reading my bullshit about racism and are probably thinking that I must be the biggest asshole around. Let me assure you that, all though that may be true, I am equally racist against everyone.
Here's an example of a typical conversation between me and some of my friends just to give you an idea of what I'm really like:
Example #1: A typical conversation between me and my Central American friend, Shorty:
Me: Hey, Whore.
Shorty: Hey, Slut.
Me: Hey Shorty, I need my house cleaned. You think your mom is free this weekend?
Shorty: Hey Angry, do you think your mom can teach me how to build a boat?
Me: Hey Shorty, I think a baby just fell outta your vagina.
Shorty: You know you wanna lick my vagina.
Me: Yes.... yes, I do...
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
Example # 2: A typical conversation between me and Too-Tall a.k.a. spigger who is half-Colombian Coke Whore and half-Crack Whore (in other words, she half spic and half black):
Me: Hey, Vagina.
Too-Tall: Sup, Vagina.
Me: I see you got most of the kinks out your "gud-her".
Too-Tall: Don't be mad cause my pubic hair is finer then the hair on your head.
Me: Hey, Too-Tall. Wanna know how I know that God doesn't like black people?
Too-Tall: Oh, shit. Here we go...
Me: Cause he put pubic hair on their head. Hey, ain't you half black?
Too-Tall: Bitch, I'm bout to kick your ass!
Me: And you still wanna fuck me.
Too-Tall: Yeah, you're right... Let's make out...
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
Example #3: A typical conversation with me and La Terroista, who is my Sudanese friend who I always mistake for being Somalian, or Ethiopian:
Me: I'm going on a trip next week.
La Terrorista: You taking a plane?
Me: Ye... No... No, I'm not.
La Terrorista: One of these days, I'm gonna go to the airport, dressed in a abaya and hejab, and I'm gonna sit by someone and say, "Don't get on that plane". You think they'd get scared?
Me: Thaaat's it... I'm calling Homeland Security!
Then we start to touch each other inappropriately and make out.
Example #4: A typical conversation with my sisters husband, Thug Life, who is black:
Me: Hey, Thug Life. You gonna rob me today?
Thug Life: Shut yo broke ass up!
Me: Hey, can you score me some drugs? Like the good shit. You know, the really gooood shit.
Thug Life: For the last time! I'm not a drug dealer!
Me: It's okay... I wont tell nobody...
Thug Life: Oh my goodness.
(Hollas at my sister).
(At my sister)If you don't get your crazy ass sister away from me, I'm bout to...
Me: You bout to what? You gonna pop a cap in my ass?
Thug Life: Shut yo ass up! Damn!
My Sister: You know she's just fuckin with you. Just ignore her. Maybe she'll go away.
Me: THUG LIFE!!!
Eventually I get bored and move on to other victims.
Example #5: A typical conversation with my friend, Powder, who is white;
Me: Why do you white people like being orange? Is it cause you wish you were black.
Powder: Why would anyone wish to be black?
Me: Oh my God! You're such a racist!
Powder: Me! I was just kiddin. You say way worse things then that all the time! So how am I racist?
Me: Cause you're white, thats why! I'm not white, so I can say whatever the hell I want.
Powder: That's not fair!
Me: Yeah, well blame it on your white ancestors. Wanna make out?
Powder: Yeah, sure.
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
Example #6: A typical conversation with China, who is Japanese:
Me: I'm bout to call the Chinese carryout. Can you order cause I don't know what that bitch be saying?
China: Neither do I...
Me: Stop playing. You're Chinese.
China: I am not Chinese. I'm Japanese, dammit!
Me: Same difference. Just order me some Generals Tso's chicken and a...
China: I just told you that I'm not fucking Chinese. We don't even speak the same language, unlike all you Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, or whatever the hell you're from.
Me: Hmmm, you make a good point. But all you people end with "ese". Chin-ese, Japan-ese, Vietnam-ese, Korean-ese...
China: Their called Koreans, not Koreanese.
Me: Well they should be Koreanese cause they have slanty eyes like the rest of you...
China: God, you're an asshole...
Me: And you still love me... Let's make out...
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
So I bet you're all wondering, why would anyone want to be my friend when I'm such an asshole? The answer is obvious.
It's because I'm fucking awesome!!!
Seriously though, it's because racism is everywhere you go. You can't avoid it. And you know what? It's funny. Yes, that's right. Racism is funny. You can either laugh at it and join in, or be a little bitch about it.
You know when you repeat the same word over and over and over and you've said it so many times that it's lost its meaning?
Well I believe the same thing can be done about racism. When you keep hearing the same bullshit over and over again, it loses meaning to the point that it means shit.
Some people think that by making racist statements is just adding fuel to the fire, but you can't add fuel when you're out of gas.
Just my opinion.
So go out there, take the sticks out your assholes, and lets all laugh, point and make fun of each other!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Still In Bitch Mode
I'm still in bitch mode from that little stunt that the Evil Slut Whore tried to pull on me yesterday, but then again I always seem to be in bitch mode, so I guess what I should be saying is that I'm in bigger bitch mode.
I've lost my cell phone somewhere in the house... I think. The battery is completely dead so calling it serves no purpose and whenever I finally so find my phone, I'm gonna have to put out some money to buy a new battery since lately my battery life is no more then 10 hours. 12-14 hours on a really good day. Really sad, ain't it?
I'm horny as hell and The Boyfriend wont give it up cause his eyeball hurts. Its all red and ugly and it's just nasty to look at.
Oh, and I realized on Sunday that having sex with a person wearing sunglasses does absolutely nothing for me. I actually find it to be a real turn off, and kinda creepy. I wonder if Chiba, from Miss Rap Supreme, keeps her glasses on while fucking since shes got that whole issue with her eyeball and everything.
Speaking of Sunday, I think I offended some Jew with the help of my friend Shorty. I didn't know he was a Jew, I actually thought he was Middle Eastern, so I kept referring to him as a terrorist.
Before I go on, need I remind you that I am an equal opportunity racist. I'm am equally racist against everyone, my own race (spics) included.
So anyways, the Jew made the comment that he didn't find those kind of jokes funny, to which I replied, "I've got terrorist friends, so it's okay".
He finally corrected me and Shorty by telling us that he was a Jew and that he thought that stereotypes and racism were not funny, to which I kept insisting that it was. Shorty made a comment to the Jew, "Well sometimes I'm really cheap. I guess that's the Jew in me".
We both started laughing hysterically, and so the Jew, probably more then a little fed up with us, walked away.
Were we a little drunk?... Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not that it probably made that big of a difference anyways. We tend to always insult people, whether we're drunk or not. And do you know why? Because we're a bunch of assholes.
We just happen to say what most people think, but don't have the balls to actually say it. Like the black police man who I kept referring to as a nigger. Now I realize that that's the biggest racist no-no.
It's worse then calling Mexicans, or any spic for that matter, a wet-back or cheap labor (How much you wanna bet that some dude name Juan built your deck or did your drywall?). Worse then referring to all people from the Middle East as Terrorist. Worse then calling White People gringos, crackers, etc. and worse then calling a Jew cheap (even though they are).
But the funniest part about that, was not the fact that I had had the balls to call him a nigger in the first place (after all, I did refer to my own uncle as a nigger), but the fact that he kept denying that he was black!
He claimed to be of Native American ancestry and white. Last time I checked, Native Americans weren't black, nor are white people (hence the word white).
I asked him if he had ever seen what he looks like in the mirror cause from where I was standing he sure as hell looked like a black man to me. But he continued to deny being black.
Maybe his white mom met some black guy at a bar and had sex with him, then pinned it on her drunk Native American husband, who probably never even realized that he had a black son cause he was always fucking trashed.
I'm probably way off, but it would explain why the black guy thinks that he's not black.
Oh and I forgot the part about Habibi, who more then likely wasn't really Indian, but sure as hell did look like an Indian. Anyways, Habibi was a friend of my uncle, who I found passed out in one of the guest bedrooms.
I, being agitated at this, kept trying to wake Habibi, which isn't his real name by the way, by screaming "Since when the hell does 7-11 close? Get your lazy, curry eating ass up and get me a slurpee!".
Some people are probably reading this while shaking their heads, thinking "What an ignorant ass bitch". Believe me, I'm in no way ignorant, but I sure do like playing the part. And I'm always a bitch so that pretty much goes without saying.
Anyways, enough racism and stereotypes for one day. Being an asshole sure is fun!
I've lost my cell phone somewhere in the house... I think. The battery is completely dead so calling it serves no purpose and whenever I finally so find my phone, I'm gonna have to put out some money to buy a new battery since lately my battery life is no more then 10 hours. 12-14 hours on a really good day. Really sad, ain't it?
I'm horny as hell and The Boyfriend wont give it up cause his eyeball hurts. Its all red and ugly and it's just nasty to look at.
Oh, and I realized on Sunday that having sex with a person wearing sunglasses does absolutely nothing for me. I actually find it to be a real turn off, and kinda creepy. I wonder if Chiba, from Miss Rap Supreme, keeps her glasses on while fucking since shes got that whole issue with her eyeball and everything.
Speaking of Sunday, I think I offended some Jew with the help of my friend Shorty. I didn't know he was a Jew, I actually thought he was Middle Eastern, so I kept referring to him as a terrorist.
Before I go on, need I remind you that I am an equal opportunity racist. I'm am equally racist against everyone, my own race (spics) included.
So anyways, the Jew made the comment that he didn't find those kind of jokes funny, to which I replied, "I've got terrorist friends, so it's okay".
He finally corrected me and Shorty by telling us that he was a Jew and that he thought that stereotypes and racism were not funny, to which I kept insisting that it was. Shorty made a comment to the Jew, "Well sometimes I'm really cheap. I guess that's the Jew in me".
We both started laughing hysterically, and so the Jew, probably more then a little fed up with us, walked away.
Were we a little drunk?... Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not that it probably made that big of a difference anyways. We tend to always insult people, whether we're drunk or not. And do you know why? Because we're a bunch of assholes.
We just happen to say what most people think, but don't have the balls to actually say it. Like the black police man who I kept referring to as a nigger. Now I realize that that's the biggest racist no-no.
It's worse then calling Mexicans, or any spic for that matter, a wet-back or cheap labor (How much you wanna bet that some dude name Juan built your deck or did your drywall?). Worse then referring to all people from the Middle East as Terrorist. Worse then calling White People gringos, crackers, etc. and worse then calling a Jew cheap (even though they are).
But the funniest part about that, was not the fact that I had had the balls to call him a nigger in the first place (after all, I did refer to my own uncle as a nigger), but the fact that he kept denying that he was black!
He claimed to be of Native American ancestry and white. Last time I checked, Native Americans weren't black, nor are white people (hence the word white).
I asked him if he had ever seen what he looks like in the mirror cause from where I was standing he sure as hell looked like a black man to me. But he continued to deny being black.
Maybe his white mom met some black guy at a bar and had sex with him, then pinned it on her drunk Native American husband, who probably never even realized that he had a black son cause he was always fucking trashed.
I'm probably way off, but it would explain why the black guy thinks that he's not black.
Oh and I forgot the part about Habibi, who more then likely wasn't really Indian, but sure as hell did look like an Indian. Anyways, Habibi was a friend of my uncle, who I found passed out in one of the guest bedrooms.
I, being agitated at this, kept trying to wake Habibi, which isn't his real name by the way, by screaming "Since when the hell does 7-11 close? Get your lazy, curry eating ass up and get me a slurpee!".
Some people are probably reading this while shaking their heads, thinking "What an ignorant ass bitch". Believe me, I'm in no way ignorant, but I sure do like playing the part. And I'm always a bitch so that pretty much goes without saying.
Anyways, enough racism and stereotypes for one day. Being an asshole sure is fun!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Fuck That Bitch
Still coming down from my high from having such a fucking, fantastic weekend, and early morning sex, I get to work and notice a letter addressed to me.
To summarize it, it basically said that my hours were being cut as was my pay rate, and that I was to start clocking in every morning, personal phone calls where to be non existent unless it was an emergency, and a bunch of other irrelevant bullshit.
For those of you who don't know, I work with The Boyfriend's mother. She's not a bad person to work for, at all. Always very considerate of all of her employees, some people might she that's she too nice. I don't take advantage of her kindness because she tends to work herself to exhaustion.
The Boyfriend's sister, Evil Slut Whore, also works with me. Obviously, you can guess by the nickname that me and her don't really get along. You can read more about her dumb ass in this old blog I had posted back in September 2007: On The Verge...
When I had started working for The Boyfriend's mother, it was because the Evil Slut Whore had quit... again.
She tends to have these little temper tantrums with her mom, over the family business, and so she quits off and on all the time.
After her last tantrum, I took her place working in the office and to be honest, I really have tried hard to do my best and do an even better job then Evil Slut Whore because I wanted to prove to The Boyfriend's mom that I was not only more capable but also more reliable for the job.
Well, of course after working for 3 months, Evil Slut Whore wanted her job back and I really believed for a second that I was going to loose my place just because she was the bosses daughter. However, much to my surprise, that's not what happened at all.
Evil Slut Whore was hired back as a driver, which naturally pissed her the fuck off. But of course, her being the way she is, she started trying to act like she was the boss over me, which of course, wasn't gonna happen.
I much rather tell her to go fuck herself then do anything that she asks me to do, which is usually how it plays out anyways.
I humor her from time to time to make it seem like it's all good and then there are days when I straight carry it.
Of course, when I first got to office and read the letter, I was fucking fuming. But I called The Boyfriend's mother and asked her what exactly was going on and why had they written me this letter instead of having the decency to personally address these issues with me.
She informed me that she knew absolutely nothing about the letter, and that it was the Evil Slut Whore who would be paid hourly and had a day cut because she choose to have an extra day off. I was assured that my pay was not being cut and that if I wanted a day off that she could accommodate me, but she was not cutting back on my hours or pay rate.
Of course, after that I figured the whole personal phone call issues was probably brought up cause her ass was jealous hearing me talk about my birthday plans and talking about golden showers with my cousin. Her ass don't have any friends so personal phone calls just don't seem to be much of an issue for her. Don't no one call her but her husband cause everyone else can't stand that bitch.
Man was that a relief to hear, cause I know that by no means, am I a fuck up like that bitch.
Evil Slut Whore called several hours later with some bullshit about God-Knows-What, and I made no mention of the letter, or my conversation with her mother. She's probably smirking right now thinking she got me, but little does she know who got who.
Fucking dumb ass. And with that I say, FUCK THAT BITCH!
Come on now, bitch. I know you didn't think it was really gonna be that easy, did you?
To summarize it, it basically said that my hours were being cut as was my pay rate, and that I was to start clocking in every morning, personal phone calls where to be non existent unless it was an emergency, and a bunch of other irrelevant bullshit.
For those of you who don't know, I work with The Boyfriend's mother. She's not a bad person to work for, at all. Always very considerate of all of her employees, some people might she that's she too nice. I don't take advantage of her kindness because she tends to work herself to exhaustion.
The Boyfriend's sister, Evil Slut Whore, also works with me. Obviously, you can guess by the nickname that me and her don't really get along. You can read more about her dumb ass in this old blog I had posted back in September 2007: On The Verge...
When I had started working for The Boyfriend's mother, it was because the Evil Slut Whore had quit... again.
She tends to have these little temper tantrums with her mom, over the family business, and so she quits off and on all the time.
After her last tantrum, I took her place working in the office and to be honest, I really have tried hard to do my best and do an even better job then Evil Slut Whore because I wanted to prove to The Boyfriend's mom that I was not only more capable but also more reliable for the job.
Well, of course after working for 3 months, Evil Slut Whore wanted her job back and I really believed for a second that I was going to loose my place just because she was the bosses daughter. However, much to my surprise, that's not what happened at all.
Evil Slut Whore was hired back as a driver, which naturally pissed her the fuck off. But of course, her being the way she is, she started trying to act like she was the boss over me, which of course, wasn't gonna happen.
I much rather tell her to go fuck herself then do anything that she asks me to do, which is usually how it plays out anyways.
I humor her from time to time to make it seem like it's all good and then there are days when I straight carry it.
Of course, when I first got to office and read the letter, I was fucking fuming. But I called The Boyfriend's mother and asked her what exactly was going on and why had they written me this letter instead of having the decency to personally address these issues with me.
She informed me that she knew absolutely nothing about the letter, and that it was the Evil Slut Whore who would be paid hourly and had a day cut because she choose to have an extra day off. I was assured that my pay was not being cut and that if I wanted a day off that she could accommodate me, but she was not cutting back on my hours or pay rate.
Of course, after that I figured the whole personal phone call issues was probably brought up cause her ass was jealous hearing me talk about my birthday plans and talking about golden showers with my cousin. Her ass don't have any friends so personal phone calls just don't seem to be much of an issue for her. Don't no one call her but her husband cause everyone else can't stand that bitch.
Man was that a relief to hear, cause I know that by no means, am I a fuck up like that bitch.
Evil Slut Whore called several hours later with some bullshit about God-Knows-What, and I made no mention of the letter, or my conversation with her mother. She's probably smirking right now thinking she got me, but little does she know who got who.
Fucking dumb ass. And with that I say, FUCK THAT BITCH!
Come on now, bitch. I know you didn't think it was really gonna be that easy, did you?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Happy Birthday to ME!!!
So obviously you've figured out by now that this blog is all about me and my birthday (was it the title that gave it away?).
To be honest, I'm feeling a little hung over. I got a head start at celebrating my birthday last night. Very unexpected, but those are usually the best times.
With my hang over, came a massive case of.... can you guess?.... DIARRHEA!
I happen to be very conceited on my birthday and my birthday is always at least, a 5 day event.
The world revolves around me this time of year, every year. I'm sure other people probably feel the same way about their birthdays, but unfortunately for them, it's just not true because no one in the world really gives a damn about their birthdays.
And on that note:
Happy Birthday to ME
Happy Birthday to ME
Other birthdays aren't relevant
Cause it's all about ME!
Who wants to send me a present? I should post a wish list on here so everyone reading this can send me something. Hmmm, I think I just might...
To be honest, I'm feeling a little hung over. I got a head start at celebrating my birthday last night. Very unexpected, but those are usually the best times.
With my hang over, came a massive case of.... can you guess?.... DIARRHEA!
I happen to be very conceited on my birthday and my birthday is always at least, a 5 day event.
The world revolves around me this time of year, every year. I'm sure other people probably feel the same way about their birthdays, but unfortunately for them, it's just not true because no one in the world really gives a damn about their birthdays.
And on that note:
Happy Birthday to ME
Happy Birthday to ME
Other birthdays aren't relevant
Cause it's all about ME!
Who wants to send me a present? I should post a wish list on here so everyone reading this can send me something. Hmmm, I think I just might...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Say Whaat?
So... four hours later, and I have nothing better to do, then post another blog about my bowel movements.
That is, I was about to take another shit, for like the 10th time today, until this spic lady came knocking at the door. Actually, thats not even relevant to anything.
Then again, maybe it is. She complemented me on my newly, blue-dyed hair, but something tells me that bitch is sneaky and is up to something. Actually, I'm just assuming that she's sneaky cause she's a wetback. You know her ass has crossed a few borders, illegally.
Once again, this is all really not relevant to anything.
I've noticed that its usually harder for me to focus on any particular subject when I'm on my period, which is why I tend not to write anything when I am on my period. I got shit for brains right about now and I'm basically rambling on about absolutely nothing.
You still with me?
Doesn't matter, I'll still ramble on...
So my new project song will be called "The Slut Song". It'll go something like this:
I'm a slut and you're a slut
So lets all fuck
Right up the butt
I like sex right on the grass
and you like sex right up your ass
Lets fuck
Lets suck
Lets do it rough
It's fun
I'm done
So hurry, cum
Anyways, it's a work in progress. And now I'm off to the can... again...
That is, I was about to take another shit, for like the 10th time today, until this spic lady came knocking at the door. Actually, thats not even relevant to anything.
Then again, maybe it is. She complemented me on my newly, blue-dyed hair, but something tells me that bitch is sneaky and is up to something. Actually, I'm just assuming that she's sneaky cause she's a wetback. You know her ass has crossed a few borders, illegally.
Once again, this is all really not relevant to anything.
I've noticed that its usually harder for me to focus on any particular subject when I'm on my period, which is why I tend not to write anything when I am on my period. I got shit for brains right about now and I'm basically rambling on about absolutely nothing.
You still with me?
Doesn't matter, I'll still ramble on...
So my new project song will be called "The Slut Song". It'll go something like this:
I'm a slut and you're a slut
So lets all fuck
Right up the butt
I like sex right on the grass
and you like sex right up your ass
Lets fuck
Lets suck
Lets do it rough
It's fun
I'm done
So hurry, cum
Anyways, it's a work in progress. And now I'm off to the can... again...
Say What?
It's that time of month... again...
I'm on my period and I feel like shit. Bloated, crampy, bitchy, moody, and the other emotions that come with having a period.
I tend to shit a lot more often while I'm on my period. I really don't know why that is, and I really don't care, but I tend to get some of my most creative ideas while I'm sitting on the can taking a shit.
In the time it took me to pull down my pants, take a shit and wipe, I had written a song, which I wont post until I record it. It's a pretty good song though, inspired partly by my anger and rage towards The Boyfriend, but I took it to an angrier level because I was in such a bitchy mood.
This posting really serves no purpose, but I just wanted to share the face that I wrote a song, while on the can, taking a shit, and menstruating.
Oh, and for anyone who gives a flying fuck, my birthday is on Friday. YEH ME!
Feel free to send me a present, or leave me a birthday wish, or at least a fuckin eCard: angrygirlfriend@gmail.com
I'm on my period and I feel like shit. Bloated, crampy, bitchy, moody, and the other emotions that come with having a period.
I tend to shit a lot more often while I'm on my period. I really don't know why that is, and I really don't care, but I tend to get some of my most creative ideas while I'm sitting on the can taking a shit.
In the time it took me to pull down my pants, take a shit and wipe, I had written a song, which I wont post until I record it. It's a pretty good song though, inspired partly by my anger and rage towards The Boyfriend, but I took it to an angrier level because I was in such a bitchy mood.
This posting really serves no purpose, but I just wanted to share the face that I wrote a song, while on the can, taking a shit, and menstruating.
Oh, and for anyone who gives a flying fuck, my birthday is on Friday. YEH ME!
Feel free to send me a present, or leave me a birthday wish, or at least a fuckin eCard: angrygirlfriend@gmail.com
Friday, May 16, 2008
Angry Girlfriend's Top 10 Favorite Types of Porn
I have loved watching porn for as long as I can remember. Maybe cause it turns me on, but who doesn't get turned on by porn? (Other then uptight people who have lame ass, boring sex and think that porn corrupts our youth).
Today, I'm taking the time to mention my top 10 favorite types of porn and why I like them:
1. Gang Bangs
My favorite kind of porn of all time is gang bang porn. I get so turned on watching one girl get fucked by like tons of guys all at once. She's got a dick in her vagina, one in her ass, another one in her mouth, one in each hand, and some dumb ass trynna stick it in her ear.
It's not that I want to get fucked by tons of guys at once, but watching some dirty little slut getting fucked 1,000,001 ways sure does get my clit engorged. It's really hot.
2. Barely Legal
Oh yes, that's right. Even woman get turned on by the barely legal teens. Well, I'll speak for myself.
The reason why is because girls who look so you and innocent, and who have very limited sexual experience, if any, are fun to corrupt. Hell, I'd like to corrupt a barely legal teen myself. Corrupting people is fun!
3. Asian
I like Asian porn because the woman always sound like their in pain, which for whatever reason, really turns me on. Actually, thats about the only reason I like Asian porn.
4. Lesbian
Girl on girl porn is fun. Especially, when it's 2 barely legal teens who swear that "I've never done anything like this before". Naughty, naughty. Who wants a spanking?
5. College Party
Anyone who's been to a college party has probably seen 2 people get really drunk and probably do things that probably shouldn't be done in public. Drunk people having sex at a party is always a fun thing to watch. Plus, it really turns me on.
6. Sex in Public
Speaks for itself. Couples getting it on like rabbits, anywhere you can think of. Public restrooms, at the office, in the park, etc.
The idea of the couple being caught just really get me all worked up and so turned on.
7. Unlikely Threesomes
What's hotter then watching a couple getting it on at work in the break room, or out at the park? Oooo, I know. Watching them get caught by their spouse... then having the spouse decide that they got so turned on from watching, that they want to join in.
"Here honey, let me show you what she likes".
8. Orgies
Much like a gang bang, but instead of one girl getting fucked by 10 dudes, the male to female ration is a little more even. Still turns me on though.
9. Teacher/Student
Usually an older man with a barely legal teen (remember, corruption is fun!). Besides, who hasn't had this fantasy? Watching it on DVD just makes you have to think less while you masturbate.
"Mr. Smith, if I suck your dick, are you sure you'll give me an A?"
"Oh yea, honey. I'm gonna give you an A alright. A for anal. Bend that sweet ass over".
10. Home Movies
Who hasn't wondered what their friends of family look like having sex. Most people, at one time or another, have recorded themselves on film having sex. I've seen a videos of some of my friends having sex, and even pictures of certain family members who I won't mention, just in case they decide to read this.
I also, like watching my own home movies. I think having sex is a good look on me.
Today, I'm taking the time to mention my top 10 favorite types of porn and why I like them:
1. Gang Bangs
My favorite kind of porn of all time is gang bang porn. I get so turned on watching one girl get fucked by like tons of guys all at once. She's got a dick in her vagina, one in her ass, another one in her mouth, one in each hand, and some dumb ass trynna stick it in her ear.
It's not that I want to get fucked by tons of guys at once, but watching some dirty little slut getting fucked 1,000,001 ways sure does get my clit engorged. It's really hot.
2. Barely Legal
Oh yes, that's right. Even woman get turned on by the barely legal teens. Well, I'll speak for myself.
The reason why is because girls who look so you and innocent, and who have very limited sexual experience, if any, are fun to corrupt. Hell, I'd like to corrupt a barely legal teen myself. Corrupting people is fun!
3. Asian
I like Asian porn because the woman always sound like their in pain, which for whatever reason, really turns me on. Actually, thats about the only reason I like Asian porn.
4. Lesbian
Girl on girl porn is fun. Especially, when it's 2 barely legal teens who swear that "I've never done anything like this before". Naughty, naughty. Who wants a spanking?
5. College Party
Anyone who's been to a college party has probably seen 2 people get really drunk and probably do things that probably shouldn't be done in public. Drunk people having sex at a party is always a fun thing to watch. Plus, it really turns me on.
6. Sex in Public
Speaks for itself. Couples getting it on like rabbits, anywhere you can think of. Public restrooms, at the office, in the park, etc.
The idea of the couple being caught just really get me all worked up and so turned on.
7. Unlikely Threesomes
What's hotter then watching a couple getting it on at work in the break room, or out at the park? Oooo, I know. Watching them get caught by their spouse... then having the spouse decide that they got so turned on from watching, that they want to join in.
"Here honey, let me show you what she likes".
8. Orgies
Much like a gang bang, but instead of one girl getting fucked by 10 dudes, the male to female ration is a little more even. Still turns me on though.
9. Teacher/Student
Usually an older man with a barely legal teen (remember, corruption is fun!). Besides, who hasn't had this fantasy? Watching it on DVD just makes you have to think less while you masturbate.
"Mr. Smith, if I suck your dick, are you sure you'll give me an A?"
"Oh yea, honey. I'm gonna give you an A alright. A for anal. Bend that sweet ass over".
10. Home Movies
Who hasn't wondered what their friends of family look like having sex. Most people, at one time or another, have recorded themselves on film having sex. I've seen a videos of some of my friends having sex, and even pictures of certain family members who I won't mention, just in case they decide to read this.
I also, like watching my own home movies. I think having sex is a good look on me.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Shout Out From the Bathroom
Sometimes I think that some of the people in my family are probably just as crazy, if not crazier then me.
Take my cousin, Solay Amor, for example. She's cool. Love her crazy ass to death. Much like my cousin, Jersey, she's also a lesbian (we have a few of those among other things).
She recently posted a video on MySpace entitled Showing Some Love, which I think should more appropriately be entitled, Shout Out From the Bathroom.
It's a pretty simple video with a clear message: I'm in the bathroom cause I have no where else to record in privacy and I'm giving a shout out to all my peeps in MIA.
I gotta admit though, for a Shout Out From the Bathroom, she sure does look good.
I'm thinking that she should do more Shout Out From the Bathroom videos and make it into a whole series.
Shout Out From the Bathroom, starring Solay Amor. She could like bring people in for interviews. Or maybe just interview one of her turds floating around in the toilet.
"So today, we're gonna have a sit down with Popcorn Shit, who is most notable for resembling seeds of popcorn and making you push with more effort then all of the other shits, only to have one lonely popcorn shaped shit come out".
Maybe she'll invite me as a guest star and I can come on the show and sing The Diarrhea Song.
She could be like the next Tila Tequila, only not Asian, or a model... or bisexual, and no musical talent... wait... Tila Tequila doesn't have any musical talent. What the hell was I thinking? (Tila, I love your show and your personality, and you do have a bangin' ass body, but c'mon, let's be real).
I am so totally off subject now...
Anyways, keep an eye out for more Shout Out From the Bathroom videos, or maybe not. Whatever. I'll keep you all posted.
Any of you people try to steal this idea and I'll sue you like I'm gonna sue those bastards from Kelloggs for stealing my Evil Poptart Cartoon. Fucking assholes.
Take my cousin, Solay Amor, for example. She's cool. Love her crazy ass to death. Much like my cousin, Jersey, she's also a lesbian (we have a few of those among other things).
She recently posted a video on MySpace entitled Showing Some Love, which I think should more appropriately be entitled, Shout Out From the Bathroom.
It's a pretty simple video with a clear message: I'm in the bathroom cause I have no where else to record in privacy and I'm giving a shout out to all my peeps in MIA.
I gotta admit though, for a Shout Out From the Bathroom, she sure does look good.
I'm thinking that she should do more Shout Out From the Bathroom videos and make it into a whole series.
Shout Out From the Bathroom, starring Solay Amor. She could like bring people in for interviews. Or maybe just interview one of her turds floating around in the toilet.
"So today, we're gonna have a sit down with Popcorn Shit, who is most notable for resembling seeds of popcorn and making you push with more effort then all of the other shits, only to have one lonely popcorn shaped shit come out".
Maybe she'll invite me as a guest star and I can come on the show and sing The Diarrhea Song.
She could be like the next Tila Tequila, only not Asian, or a model... or bisexual, and no musical talent... wait... Tila Tequila doesn't have any musical talent. What the hell was I thinking? (Tila, I love your show and your personality, and you do have a bangin' ass body, but c'mon, let's be real).
I am so totally off subject now...
Anyways, keep an eye out for more Shout Out From the Bathroom videos, or maybe not. Whatever. I'll keep you all posted.
Any of you people try to steal this idea and I'll sue you like I'm gonna sue those bastards from Kelloggs for stealing my Evil Poptart Cartoon. Fucking assholes.
Monday, May 12, 2008
A Poem to My Vagina
Everyone should know by now that Angry Girlfriend just loves her vagina. So much in fact, that I made up a poem about my vagina.
This poem was inspired by my vagina after suffering from a brief bout of depression (depression = yeast infection).
My vagina has only suffered from depression no more than 3 times in its life, so when depression hits, it's something horrible for the both of us.
I'm so sorry, Vagina, for taking you for granted. So this poem is for you:
I like to call it: A Poem to My Vagina
Vagina, vagina, you're my number 1 friend
Vagina, vagina, I will love you til the end
Vagina, vagina, you make me happy when I'm sad
Vagina, vagina, you give me pleasure even when I'm mad
You bring me joy
You bring me pain
You bring me happiness when it rains
When I have nothing better to do
I just love to touch you
Vagina, vagina, I just love to buy you toys
Vagina, vagina, lets play together and make some noise
Vagina, vagina, it feels so good when you cum
Vagina, vagina, I fall asleep when we're done
Let's all cum
Have some fun
Masturbating until 1
When I have nothing better to do
I just love to touch you
Thank you, vagina for always being there for me. You rock!
This poem was inspired by my vagina after suffering from a brief bout of depression (depression = yeast infection).
My vagina has only suffered from depression no more than 3 times in its life, so when depression hits, it's something horrible for the both of us.
I'm so sorry, Vagina, for taking you for granted. So this poem is for you:
I like to call it: A Poem to My Vagina
Vagina, vagina, you're my number 1 friend
Vagina, vagina, I will love you til the end
Vagina, vagina, you make me happy when I'm sad
Vagina, vagina, you give me pleasure even when I'm mad
You bring me joy
You bring me pain
You bring me happiness when it rains
When I have nothing better to do
I just love to touch you
Vagina, vagina, I just love to buy you toys
Vagina, vagina, lets play together and make some noise
Vagina, vagina, it feels so good when you cum
Vagina, vagina, I fall asleep when we're done
Let's all cum
Have some fun
Masturbating until 1
When I have nothing better to do
I just love to touch you
Thank you, vagina for always being there for me. You rock!
Monday, May 5, 2008
A Brainless Cunt I Am
I received several comments yesterday about my Cinco de Mayo blog. Those comments can be seen here: Cinco De Mayo comments.
Needless to say, I pissed off at least 2 gringos, which was completely expected. Maybe I should've specified that when I was referring to White People or Gringos, I was referring to White Americans specifically.
I don't know if that makes my blog better, or worse. Whatever, that's not even relevant.
Once again, let me reiterate: I am an equal opportunist racist. Meaning that I am racist against everyone. My own race included.
If you don't like what I have to say, then don't read it. It's that simple. No one is forcing you to read my bullshit and anyone who has a fucking brain knows that that's exactly what my rants are: bullshit.
Don't like my sense of humor? Then go fuck yourself.
Don't find racism funny? Let's be real. Who doesn't find racism funny?
It's okay to laugh at yourself from time to time, so get the stick out you ass and have fun with it.
P.S.
To the Angry White Person who commented that I'm a brainless cunt, thanks for the title and for taking the time to not only read my blog, but for posting a comment as well.
I also wanna give a shout out to the other Angry White Person who thinks my tattoo is ugly, and that no one cares about my random rants, and is in favor of deporting all spics back to Mexico.
Without you guys, my blog would be boring and pointless. In a way, I guess you could say you Angry White People are like my supporters.
I love you all! Viva la deportation!
Needless to say, I pissed off at least 2 gringos, which was completely expected. Maybe I should've specified that when I was referring to White People or Gringos, I was referring to White Americans specifically.
I don't know if that makes my blog better, or worse. Whatever, that's not even relevant.
Once again, let me reiterate: I am an equal opportunist racist. Meaning that I am racist against everyone. My own race included.
If you don't like what I have to say, then don't read it. It's that simple. No one is forcing you to read my bullshit and anyone who has a fucking brain knows that that's exactly what my rants are: bullshit.
Don't like my sense of humor? Then go fuck yourself.
Don't find racism funny? Let's be real. Who doesn't find racism funny?
It's okay to laugh at yourself from time to time, so get the stick out you ass and have fun with it.
P.S.
To the Angry White Person who commented that I'm a brainless cunt, thanks for the title and for taking the time to not only read my blog, but for posting a comment as well.
I also wanna give a shout out to the other Angry White Person who thinks my tattoo is ugly, and that no one cares about my random rants, and is in favor of deporting all spics back to Mexico.
Without you guys, my blog would be boring and pointless. In a way, I guess you could say you Angry White People are like my supporters.
I love you all! Viva la deportation!
White People & Cinco De Mayo
So today is Cinco De Mayo and I can't even begin to tell how annoyed I am at all the white people who have asked me about what I'm doing to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
Second, you Gringos need to get it out your head that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day... It's not!
Third, even the Mexicans in Mexico don't celebrate this supposed holiday. It's only celebrated in the town of Puebla and if you knew the correct history of Cinco de Mayo, you'd know why.
Mexicans living in the U.S. tend to celebrate this holiday as well, though I don't know why. But hey, they're Mexican, so as far as I'm concerned, they can do whatever the hell they want in regards to this holiday.
Believe me, I want to say some pretty fucked up shit to you white people reading this but, I wont. Instead, I'm going to give you some etiquette rules for Cinco De Mayo:
Cinco de Mayo Etiquette Rules:
1. Not every spic you come across is a Mexican.
2. With that in mind, it's completely inappropriate to ask us, "So what are your plans for Cinco de Mayo?", unless you for a fact that the spic in question is indeed a Mexican.
3. Don't be surprised if we get offended that YOU plan to celebrate Cinco de Mayo even though we don't. You are, after all, a gringo and therefore have no understanding whatsoever of what this day represents.
4. Drinking a few Corona's on Cinco de Mayo does NOT make you an honorary Mexican.
5. Though the Irish might let some of you gringos get away with that, "I'm 1/16th Irish, so it's cool for me to celebrate St. Patrick's Day", bullshit, telling a Mexican that you're 1/16th Mexican means absolutely shit. You're still not a Mexican, you fucking gringo. Get the fuck over it.
I'm sure some of you are out there reading this, wondering why I'm being so harsh on white people for wanting to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, so I'm going to tell you why.
I once had this conversation with this white girl who was so enthused that Cinco de Mayo was right around the corner and she couldn't wait to celebrate.
I, being the asshole that I am, asked her, "Why would you be celebrating Cinco de Mayo? You're white".
To which she replies, "So you're telling me that I can't celebrate it cause I'm white but you can celebrate it cause your latin?"
"I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo at all because I'm not Mexican", I answered.
Well she seemed somewhat annoyed at my answer and she blurts out, "If I wanna celebrate the 9th of May, I can do whatever the hell I want".
All you Mexicans out there reading this are gonna love what I said to this bitch. I said, "You're a fucking dumb ass. Cinco de Mayo is the 5th of May, not the 9th. This is exactly why you white people have no business celebrating the holiday to begin with. You don't even know which day it is!".
I know this blog more then likely isn't going to discourage all you gringos out there from celebrating this holiday. So enjoy your Margaritas.
If I've done my job right, I've offended most, if not all the gringos reading this. But I'd just like to point out that I am an equal opportunist racist.
And though you white people are such easy targets, I like to keep shit balanced, so I'll be picking on another racial group in the near future.
Stay tuned to find out who...
Friday, May 2, 2008
Questions to Angry Girlfriend: Is My Girlfriend Bi?
This question comes from Lain.
Lain writes:
I was reading your topic on bisexuality. I myself would consider my sexuality to be strictly homosexual, but my girlfriend has a history of being with men, and has admitted, though not to me, that should we break up she would most likely return to men. To me, however, she claims she is a lesbian. I find this bothersome because it feels like she's hiding her sexuality from me. I told her that if she would be bi then, wouldn't that make her bi now? and still warrant some attraction to males? She swears she has no attraction to men, but I feel like it's a lie. I don't really dislike her for it, but it does make me worry that eventually I alone will be inadequate for her. You mentioned how its natural to have a romp with the opposite or same sex on occasion; do you think she'll do the same? Or resent me if I tell her I don't want her to? I'm really conflicted.
Wow. I'm really feeling for you.
Thing about it is, bisexuals tend to confuse the hell out of people, even themselves. Your girlfriend is definitely not a lesbian though. Based on what you've told me, I'm certain as to that much.
But the two of you are in a relationship together (I'm assuming it's a monogamous one), which means that no matter whether she's gay, straight, or bi, she shouldn't be resentful towards you if you objected to her sleeping around with men.
After all, I highly doubt that you would find it acceptable for her to sleep around regardless of whether she chose to do it with a man or woman.
It is somewhat troublesome that she feels the need to lie about her sexuality though it could be that she is lying only so that you don't feel threatened by it since she has no immediate plans to leave you.
Assure her that you're not threatened by her bisexuality and she may eventually come clean with you in time. But don't press the issue too hard either. Some people just have a hard time coming clean to those who mean the most to them.
As for her admitting that she would more than likely return to men in the event that the two of you should break up, don't get yourself too worked up over it. She didn't say that she was going to leave you for a man, just that in the event of the two of you breaking up she may go back to men.
She more than likely doesn't even mean it and is just expressing her normal relationship frustrations. When I get frustrated with The Boyfriend, I always tell him that the next relationship I'm in is going to be with a woman. Do I mean it? Not really (well kinda), but I say it out of frustration at the moment.
The bottom line is, if she's not actively seeking out a relationship with either a man or a woman, you don't have much to worry about regardless of whether she's a lesbian or bi.
I really hope this helps.
Angry Girlfriend
Anyone else have a question or comment about this topic or anything else, email me @ angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the Send A Question Form on the right side of this page.
Lain writes:
I was reading your topic on bisexuality. I myself would consider my sexuality to be strictly homosexual, but my girlfriend has a history of being with men, and has admitted, though not to me, that should we break up she would most likely return to men. To me, however, she claims she is a lesbian. I find this bothersome because it feels like she's hiding her sexuality from me. I told her that if she would be bi then, wouldn't that make her bi now? and still warrant some attraction to males? She swears she has no attraction to men, but I feel like it's a lie. I don't really dislike her for it, but it does make me worry that eventually I alone will be inadequate for her. You mentioned how its natural to have a romp with the opposite or same sex on occasion; do you think she'll do the same? Or resent me if I tell her I don't want her to? I'm really conflicted.
Wow. I'm really feeling for you.
Thing about it is, bisexuals tend to confuse the hell out of people, even themselves. Your girlfriend is definitely not a lesbian though. Based on what you've told me, I'm certain as to that much.
But the two of you are in a relationship together (I'm assuming it's a monogamous one), which means that no matter whether she's gay, straight, or bi, she shouldn't be resentful towards you if you objected to her sleeping around with men.
After all, I highly doubt that you would find it acceptable for her to sleep around regardless of whether she chose to do it with a man or woman.
It is somewhat troublesome that she feels the need to lie about her sexuality though it could be that she is lying only so that you don't feel threatened by it since she has no immediate plans to leave you.
Assure her that you're not threatened by her bisexuality and she may eventually come clean with you in time. But don't press the issue too hard either. Some people just have a hard time coming clean to those who mean the most to them.
As for her admitting that she would more than likely return to men in the event that the two of you should break up, don't get yourself too worked up over it. She didn't say that she was going to leave you for a man, just that in the event of the two of you breaking up she may go back to men.
She more than likely doesn't even mean it and is just expressing her normal relationship frustrations. When I get frustrated with The Boyfriend, I always tell him that the next relationship I'm in is going to be with a woman. Do I mean it? Not really (well kinda), but I say it out of frustration at the moment.
The bottom line is, if she's not actively seeking out a relationship with either a man or a woman, you don't have much to worry about regardless of whether she's a lesbian or bi.
I really hope this helps.
Angry Girlfriend
Anyone else have a question or comment about this topic or anything else, email me @ angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the Send A Question Form on the right side of this page.
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