Friday, April 3, 2009

Fun on Craigslist:: Who Wants to Be My Boy Toy? Part I

I posted this ad in Philadelphia. I figured that I've gotta explore in different areas to see if all men are equally as desperate and will play along with twisted responses.

Turns out they will...

This time, I decided to switch things up and make myself an older woman. I'm usually pretending to be in my early 20's. This time I decided to hike up the age to 45 and I played the role of a cougar.

So here is my Philly ad:

Who wants to be my boy toy? - w4m - 45 (Philly)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-02-26, 1:51PM EST

I am an older woman who is in much need of a young man to satisfy my sexual desires.

I'm looking for men between the age of 20-30 and with an open mind for a good romp in the sheets.

I am an older attractive white woman. 45 years old. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this, so please bear with me. xoxo

  • Location: Philly

Victim #1:
Hello i am 24 male maple shade. Black. 6 foot 1 and kinda stocky wit sexy kissable lips. Do u have a pic or yahoo? Let me know so i can be sure u r real. I can host here or in camden most nights and weekends.. Ttyl

My Reply:
is stocky a nice way of calling yourself a fat ass?

its ok, i dont judge on weight... i'm just so happy to finally be gettin some penis... well, hopefully...
i like fat people actually because theyre always nice... ugly people too...

i think i like you... you honest, fat, and probably could make me cum..

My husband is the worst fuck around... if it wasnt for his little impotence issue, i probably wouldn't have become an alcoholic.

So tell me young stallion, what do you think you could do to me that would make my toes curl and the spiders come running from out of my vagina.

His Reply:
lol. wow... u are a handful.
well let me start off by getting a pic from you and describing more about how u look to me... then i can let you know what body parts i will do what to and how i will do to you. u have a husband so that means we can be discreet. and i liek that. i am sort of engaged myself, she doesnty live with me tho. do you mind coming to maple shade new jersey for our secret pleasures? definately send a pic and a yahoo or aim screename so we can chat

My Reply:
Honey, I'm cutting your fat ass a break by even considering letting u fuck me to begin with. I'm not going to drive out of my way to fuck to Pillsbury Dough Boy, fat man.

You need to bring something to the table, and I don't mean food. You're probably fat enough as it is...
Victim #2:
I'm 36, which is older than your upper age range. But, I'm totally blind from birth, highly intelligent, intensely musical and a blast between the sheets. Will you give me a chance?

My Reply:
How in the hell are you sending me an email if you're blind? Do you need to be able to see in order to type?

Are you some type of modern Rain Man? No, that would make any sense. Rain Man was autistic, not blind. Stevie Wonder... There you go...

Doesn't matter I suppose. Darling, I'm going to make a slight confession. I may have partially fibbed about my age.

I'm not as young and vibrant as I may have claimed to be. I'm just slightly older.
But considering the fact that you're blind anyways, I doubt that you could really tell the difference.

After all, if you're tried one pussy, you've basically tried them all.
My vagina may not be as tight as it once was, and I may not be attractive in a conventional manner, not that it matters considering that you are blind, but I could definitely teach you a thing or two.

His Reply:
No, babe. I use a normal keyboard and type the same way fast sighted typists do, by touch. Your verbally colorful emails are read to me in synthesized speech by a screen reader called Window-eyes. I actually met him once and played beside him at the same piano. This was during my Freshman year at New York's LaGuardia high school. Tell me, how old are you exactly? Do you honestly think all pussies are identical? They sure don't all taste the same. Well, I'm here and horny. So, teach me as soon as you want.

Victim #3: I am 20, I live in Philly looking for some fun. I want to be your boytoy.

My Reply:
lovely. u sound spectacular.

how big is your cock? I'm an older woman with a bit of experience so let me tell u what I'm into.

I'd like to tie your penis to your testicles and pinch your nipples with nipple clamps.
you will perform oral sex and suck on my spectacular labia that has aged like a fine wine and now resemble something that I could only describe as elephant ears.

I will cut the string holding your penis and testicles in place and you will slide your gracious penile shaft into my ever so moist, loose, cunt.
does this sound pleasing?

Victim #4:
id love to be your boy toy.....25 y/o attractive and fit white male here....let me know.

My Reply:
Ooooh my!
I don't even care what the rest of you looks like. After having to sleep with my old wrinkly prune body husband for the last 3 years you would be a pleasant delight.

Thank god the old wrinkled fart is suffering from impotence or I'd still have to feel his creepy decaying skin on my body.

I've done a vaginal rejuvenation surgery recently so my old ass cunt is tight like an 18 year old.

Victim #5:
OH please pick me! Hi, I'm matt. I'm 20, live on the main line and can host. I've been DYING to find an older lady to show me a good time. In a word i'm the perfect boytoy. I'm mature, can hold a conversation. I work in a law firm downtown and have been all over the world. Oh and I'm a demon in the sack.
I can't wait to meet you. I'm sending you a picture. Matt

My Reply:
Honey, I don't need a boy toy whose educated or even good at small talk.
I need a boy toy whose is going to fuck me silly and has the stamina of a wild stallion.

My husband is an older gentleman and can no longer perform the way I need him to.

Its been a long time since I've had a good romp in the sheets and my old wrinkled ass, dusty pussy could use a really good hammering.

Victim # 6:
I attached my pic if you like hit me back with yours....I've never done this either but its an incredible fantasy of mine.....we could have alot of fun......I love using my tongue....

My Reply:
No one even said that I've never done this before...

In fact, I do it all the time. This is the rave of the century.

My son is about your age. It was he who suggested that I start looking for new sexual partners on the internet, now that my husband is in a coma.

I once had this pleasant little Vietnamese boy who was perhaps just barely 19-years-old.

He lived and shared my bed for almost a month until he discovered my husbands bedroom and saw him lying there on his respirator. (This was before the coma).

Ohhh how I miss my little
Phuc.... Anyways, enough about that Tell me about yourself...

What kind of things are you into?

Victim #7: (I kinda switched gears here and pretended to be a foreigner.)
hi lets meet now

My Reply: hello handsome, you are so hairy. in my native country we call you ternaco azum nietco which mean like a hairy gorilla tarantula monkey loosely translate. it is compliment.

I love every inch of your hairy nipple and would like to pour hot sauce and lick all over you. you remind me of my ex lover who was hairy like you but with more hair. for fun, we pour hot wax and pull. he get erection from this sexual activity. i like to meet you too.

His Reply:
cool when can i cum see u and can u snd me a pic

Stay tuned to next week for Part II. Well maybe not next week, but within 2 weeks... Maybe...

Anyone got any good ideas for a new character to portray?

1 comment:

Charles said...

I want dear. since I decided to Buy Cialis and ready for everything...