I was watching TV the other day when a commercial for Long John Silvers came on. It had something to do with some new popcorn lobster things and they looked pretty good.
In the mist of craving this popcorn lobster balls, I realized, "Wait... I don't even know where a Long John Silvers is. I don't think I've even seen one... ever".
So I Googled Long John Silvers locations and sure enough, there wasn't a Long John Silvers around in a 20 mile radius of where I live.
I thought that was kinda strange since the commercial comes on a lot.
But then a commercial for Sonics came on, and I realized the same thing.
I've been dying to go to a Sonics forever, but apparently there aren't any around here. The nearest Sonics is a little over 50 miles away! Like seriously?
How the fuck is that helping me?
I don't know if this is something that only happens in my area or if this is a nationwide problem.
Commercials being played for places you've never seen anywhere near your area.
It's really fucked up... They get you all worked up and hungry and then it hits you, "I've never even seen a Sonics in real life".
Why are these food chains advertising in places that they don't even have locations in?
They all taught you with their fatty, greasy foods and delicious looking milkshakes and then they show you a commercial of people who are really happy to be scarfing the shit down and then it's like, "Ha ha, bitch. We're not even in you area".
Well you wanna know what Long John Silvers and Sonics?
You guys can go fuck yourselves.
That's right, I said it!
Go fuck yourselves with your fat greasy cheeseburgers and popcorn lobster balls, assholes! Cause guess what? I don't need you guys around to make me fat.
I got McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, and Taco Bell to do that for me.
Taunting me like a clean smelling prostitute in an ally that only slightly smells like urine. You should be ashamed.
I hope you guys get fat grease and lobster testicles squirted in your eyeball.
Either get some locations in my area or stop playing those fucking commercials, penis brain.