I'm so glad this whole election crap is finally over.
Now I can go back to my regular life of inappropriateness.
Vaginal secretions, penile ecstasy, flashing nastiness, and all.
I need new female friends who will let me touch them inappropriately. Some of the old ones have been tainted by my man whore of an uncle.
If he wants my sloppy seconds, he can have them, but I ain't taking them back after that.
New friendship rule: Intercourse, outercourse (no groping), oral and anal sex (that includes kissing), being touched inappropriately, even dirty dancing with my uncle is strictly prohibited. Besides, he considers you all whores anyways.
I'm not hating on the man, but he's a whore.
So there you have it. If you're going to be my friend, you have to choose. It's either him or me. But you can't have us both cause that's just really awkward and weird and icky and kinda repulsing.
*Note: I am not opposed to pimping out my friends to my uncle. However, I've gotten nothing back from him in exchange for those slutty friends who have put out. Therefore, he can go fuck himself and all new female friends are prohibited from engaging in sexual acts with his nasty ass.