Back to Me

I'm so glad this whole election crap is finally over.

Now I can go back to my regular life of inappropriateness.

Vaginal secretions, penile ecstasy, flashing nastiness, and all.

I need new female friends who will let me touch them inappropriately. Some of the old ones have been tainted by my man whore of an uncle.

If he wants my sloppy seconds, he can have them, but I ain't taking them back after that.

New friendship rule: Intercourse, outercourse (no groping), oral and anal sex (that includes kissing), being touched inappropriately, even dirty dancing with my uncle is strictly prohibited. Besides, he considers you all whores anyways.

I'm not hating on the man, but he's a whore.

So there you have it. If you're going to be my friend, you have to choose. It's either him or me. But you can't have us both cause that's just really awkward and weird and icky and kinda repulsing.

*Note: I am not opposed to pimping out my friends to my uncle. However, I've gotten nothing back from him in exchange for those slutty friends who have put out. Therefore, he can go fuck himself and all new female friends are prohibited from engaging in sexual acts with his nasty ass.

Here's To Friends!

Last weekend, my uncle pointed out to me that he had noticed how my female friends and I interact with one another.

Apparently he was a little disturbed at the fact that we tend to touch each other "inappropriately". I guess he was as disturbed to see me inappropriately touch my friends as I was watching him hit on them. But anyways...

Simply put, I told him my number one rule of friendship. That rule is as follows:

If I can't touch you inappropriately, then you can't be my friend.

That's it... Simple enough I think.

If I can't hump and grind on you on the dance floor, then you're boring.

If I can't give you a lap dance, then your friendship doesn't interest me.

If I can't walk over and randomly grab your ass, tits, or crotch, then there's no point in being friends.

If you threaten me with a sexual harassment suit, then you better watch your back cause I don't have nothing to lose at this point, so I'm definitely gonna touch inappropriately.

I can't help it. That's just how I am with my girlfriends. Love it, or hate it.

When I'm with friends, regardless of whether or not we've been drinking, theres a few things that you can always guarantee that will happen before the end of the night:

1. I will always end up bent over shaking my ass on one of my girlfriends.

2. I will always end up spread eagle on the floor at some time during the night.

3. I will always end up humping someone.

4. I will always end up giving at least one of my girlfriends a lap dance.

5. And of course, I will always end up grabbing someones tit, ass or other private part.

Yep, so that's me. The girl who's main friendship requirement is the ability to molest her friends and for them to enjoy it and molest me back.

Love you guys!

Who wants to come over and have a few drinks with me? I swear I wont spike it this time... Or so I wont have to if you just give me what I want... hehehehehehe