Last weekend, my uncle pointed out to me that he had noticed how my female friends and I interact with one another.
Apparently he was a little disturbed at the fact that we tend to touch each other "inappropriately". I guess he was as disturbed to see me inappropriately touch my friends as I was watching him hit on them. But anyways...
Simply put, I told him my number one rule of friendship. That rule is as follows:
If I can't touch you inappropriately, then you can't be my friend.
That's it... Simple enough I think.
If I can't hump and grind on you on the dance floor, then you're boring.
If I can't give you a lap dance, then your friendship doesn't interest me.
If I can't walk over and randomly grab your ass, tits, or crotch, then there's no point in being friends.
If you threaten me with a sexual harassment suit, then you better watch your back cause I don't have nothing to lose at this point, so I'm definitely gonna touch inappropriately.
I can't help it. That's just how I am with my girlfriends. Love it, or hate it.
When I'm with friends, regardless of whether or not we've been drinking, theres a few things that you can always guarantee that will happen before the end of the night:
1. I will always end up bent over shaking my ass on one of my girlfriends.
2. I will always end up spread eagle on the floor at some time during the night.
3. I will always end up humping someone.
4. I will always end up giving at least one of my girlfriends a lap dance.
5. And of course, I will always end up grabbing someones tit, ass or other private part.
Yep, so that's me. The girl who's main friendship requirement is the ability to molest her friends and for them to enjoy it and molest me back.
Love you guys!
Who wants to come over and have a few drinks with me? I swear I wont spike it this time... Or so I wont have to if you just give me what I want... hehehehehehe
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Monday, June 2, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Flashes Nastiness
My friend, "Too-Tall", recently met a guy who's even taller then she is. She's 6'0 and he's 6'7. They met while she was out clubbing but, I don't remember the name of the club, not that it's relevant anyways.
You know how the story goes: Boy meets girl. Girl disses boy. Boy becomes annoyingly persistent. Girl still disses boy. Girl gets drunk and eventually finds the annoyingly persistent boy cute, or girl just eventually gives up.
In either case, this is pretty much what happened when Too-Tall met this dude and by the end of the night they had exchanged phone numbers.
As they got to know each other, Too-Tall finds out that the guy she had met was about to get drafted into the NFL, which is great if your a football fan, a gold-digger, a groupie, or a girl who is looking for a guy that isn't always going to be around so that you can do what you do with no questions asked.
Too-Tall is none of the above (personally, I'd fall into the latter category). Either way, none of this is really relevant to the story.
Naturally, Too-Tall googled her new flame just to see if he story checked out. I know it may seem hard to believe, but most females don't really care what you do for a living, so long as you do work and we don't have to support you, but we really hate being lied to.
As it turned out, he wasn't lying. We sat there, reading Too-Tall's mans profile. There was a part that I caught that really just caught me off guard. In the analysis, under his negatives was something about "Flashes nastiness".
Whatever the hell that means, we couldn't figure out. Does he score a touch down, then whip out his nastiness? Maybe he flashes his nastiness before he goes out on the field? We really have no clue what the fuck was meant by "flashes nastiness", and the only things we could come up with were sexual in nature.
Well either way, Too-Tall was turned on and decided that she wanted Mr. Flashes Nastiness to flash her his nastiness, whatever the hell that meant.
Unfortunately, Flashes Nastiness wasn't around, and Too-Tall wouldn't shut up about how she wanted Flashes Nastiness to flash her his nastiness, so as any good friend would do, I flashed my nastiness to Too-Tall so she would shut the hell up.
The things we do for our friends!
You know how the story goes: Boy meets girl. Girl disses boy. Boy becomes annoyingly persistent. Girl still disses boy. Girl gets drunk and eventually finds the annoyingly persistent boy cute, or girl just eventually gives up.
In either case, this is pretty much what happened when Too-Tall met this dude and by the end of the night they had exchanged phone numbers.
As they got to know each other, Too-Tall finds out that the guy she had met was about to get drafted into the NFL, which is great if your a football fan, a gold-digger, a groupie, or a girl who is looking for a guy that isn't always going to be around so that you can do what you do with no questions asked.
Too-Tall is none of the above (personally, I'd fall into the latter category). Either way, none of this is really relevant to the story.
Naturally, Too-Tall googled her new flame just to see if he story checked out. I know it may seem hard to believe, but most females don't really care what you do for a living, so long as you do work and we don't have to support you, but we really hate being lied to.
As it turned out, he wasn't lying. We sat there, reading Too-Tall's mans profile. There was a part that I caught that really just caught me off guard. In the analysis, under his negatives was something about "Flashes nastiness".
Whatever the hell that means, we couldn't figure out. Does he score a touch down, then whip out his nastiness? Maybe he flashes his nastiness before he goes out on the field? We really have no clue what the fuck was meant by "flashes nastiness", and the only things we could come up with were sexual in nature.
Well either way, Too-Tall was turned on and decided that she wanted Mr. Flashes Nastiness to flash her his nastiness, whatever the hell that meant.
Unfortunately, Flashes Nastiness wasn't around, and Too-Tall wouldn't shut up about how she wanted Flashes Nastiness to flash her his nastiness, so as any good friend would do, I flashed my nastiness to Too-Tall so she would shut the hell up.
The things we do for our friends!
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