Friday, November 14, 2008

Addicted to a Spanish Novela

Of all the people I know, I am the last one who anyone would ever guess would become addicted to a Telenovela.

But yes, tragically, I have become addicted to a novela called "Sin Senos No Hay Paraiso", which translates to "Without Breast, There's no Paradise".

I have lost complete focus of the world around me, and when my novela is on, I turn off all the ringers to all the phones.

Friends who have come to visit me during my holy hour have been ignored as I watch my novela in anticipation of what's gonna happen next.

It centers around Catalina and her family and friends. She and her brother, Byron, both drop out of high school. He goes to work as a hired assassin and she along with the some of the other neighborhood school girls also decided to work. But like her brother, these aren't your average high school students.

Oh no, these girls are high class escorts who sleep with narco's for tons of money and prestige.

Narco's being the narcotic traffickers.
Of course, in Spanish novela's, even the villains can be smokin'.

Watching the show, you tend to forget that these girls are technically portraying underage prostitutes.

There was also that tiny, little issue of how several of the girls had unknowingly trafficked heroin from Colombia to Mexico in their breast implants.

But, to be quite honest, it's not what the novela is about that keeps me watching. These girls are hot. I mean really hot. And though that is the case with most latin women, there is one particular girl that really peaks my interest.

They call her La Diabla (The Devil). If I were ever to become a madam and pimp out my friends, I would hope that I could be as evil and conniving, yet loyal, just like she is. (Well she was pretty loyal, except for the fact that she slept with Catalina's husband and set her up, but for the most part she was loyal).

For those of you who don't know, it's always been a life long dream of mine to become a madam and rule the sex underworld, much like Heidi Fleiss once did.

But alas, my novel is soon ending, and when that happens I will have nothing more to look forward to Mondays-Fridays at 10 PM.

No more hot, sexy, young girls running around in their bras and panties or bathing suits as they make their escape from a pissed of narco.

And no more sex in the whore house, which 3 of them worked at after the narco's declared that they were no longer desirable.

No more drama between Catalina and her mom since her mother decided to let Catalina's boyfriend, Albeiro, move into the house while Catalina was off in Bogota "modeling". Oh and Catalina's mother also began an intimate relationship with Albeiro and is now currently pregnant by him.

I'm not really sure how it will all end, but I am really going to miss it when it does.

Did I mention that this novela has really inspired me to go out and do something productive with my life?

I was thinking about something along the lines of sleeping with a narco for a ton of cash then pissing him off so that he could put a hit out on me, then sleeping with another narco to get the hit taken off.

Then again, that one seems a little too dramatic for me. Not much fun at all.

Maybe I could get reused, breast implants that are filled with drugs and smuggle it to a foreign country. Then a bunch of drama goes down and yet another narco is out to kill me so they forget to take out my heroin-filled breast implants and as a result I develop a severe allergic reaction.

Then again, that sounds even worse then the first option.

Perhaps I could pimp out my friends to the narco's while pretending to be a lesbian.

That sounds a lot easier then doing the actually dirty work.

Everyone loves a madam. That is until she's about to leak out her clientele list.

Anyways, maybe now that my novel is ending, I can finally refocus on what's truly important.... Vagina...

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