Monday, December 22, 2008

Why My Ass Won't Be Getting Shit For Christmas

It's hard to believe that Christmas is only days away. I know my ass wont be getting shit. I've been pretty naughty this year, but that's nothing new for me.

If I were Santa, I'd give myself nothing but coal. I'd probably even pee in my stocking. Yep. That's how naughty I've been.

I've become the devils advocate for my own amusement. Something about egging people on and encouraging them to do shit that we both know they have no business doing really just gives me a high.

The older I get, the more corrupted I become.

And while I know that it's completely inappropriate to blurt out things such as, "Stupid people shouldn't exist, let alone have the right to breed", I consistently suffer from verbal diarrhea and whatever little voice in my head that's suppose to tell me not to say those type of things out loud to the dumb ass people who deserve to hear it, well I think the voice in my head has gone silent ever since I told him to go fuck himself.

I know that it's not okay to stalk people, or to plot and act out on revenge even if they deserve it but I just can't stop myself from plotting on people and having my little minions act out on it. Why do the dirty work myself if I can find dumb asses to do it for me?

I know it's not okay to tell a virgin that it doesn't count as long as you do it up the ass or mouth because then technically you're still a virgin. But I do it anyways because I can.

I know it's not okay to tell people to their face that they are ugly and such comments should be said right behind their backs to spare their feelings, but someone needs to tell them. They're obviously oblivious to the fact.

I know that it's not okay to post fake ads on craiglist to see what kind of horny losers are waiting to find a horny slut to fuck no matter how mental unstable she may seem, but come on... How is that not funny?

I know that it's not okay to be a racist even if you consider yourself to be an equal opportunist racist, and even if everyone else on the planet secretly is too, but I still do it cause well, Helllllo... Who isn't racist? Don't lie...

There's a lot of fucked up shit that I do, but that's okay because I will always get away with it.

And even if it seems like I'm heading straight to Hell in a hand basket, or as my cousin's wife put it, "There's a nice, big rock waiting for you in Hell", it's okay because deep down, everyone else wishes that they had the balls to say the fucked up things that come out of my mouth.

I doubt that I'll be turning over a new leaf because quit frankly, I like myself this way, not to mention, if I were to change, you guys would all have to go find a new more interesting blog to read.

So it's okay. Santa's definitely not gonna make it to my house this year and I'm more then likely hell bound but that's ok because at least I'm pretty.

To all my bitches, vaginas and all the rest of you,

Happy Fucking Holidays!!!

Feel free to buy me something ;)

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