Fun on Craigslist: Short Short Man Part III

I know that I said that I was gonna have this posted last Friday, but whatever. It's one week late. You'll get over it...

The Finale of Short Short Man

Short Short Man - w4m - 22 (Seattle)

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Reply to: mailto:pers-1051551998@craigslist.org?subject=Short%20Short%20Man%20-%20w4m%20-%2022%20%28Seattle%29 ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-02-26, 10:00AM PST


So here's the deal...

I've had sex with several guys who are of average length... The problem is that it hurts...
I'd like to experience some pretty wild and crazy, fun sex... but with a guy who is 6 inches or below.

I'm 22 year old white female, D&D free, and I'm interested in meeting up with someone possibly tomorrow or sometime this weekend.

The only thing I ask of you is that you be at no more then 6 inches and also D&D free.
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Victim #1
I'm a 6.. Tell me about yourself

My Reply:
I am a bit of a sexual deviant with fetishes for the abnormal.

I like shooting skittles out of my vagina as it demonstrates to my potential sex partner the muscle control that I possess. My only sexual flaw is that my vagina is unfortunately shallow and therefor I cannot handle a penis over 6 inches long.

I do however, appreciate having foreign objects stuffed into my anal capacity.

I'd like to share more with you, but I want to make sure that you are still game with everything that I have mentioned thus far.

His Reply:
Haha Id like to see the skittles thing.. Maybe we could try m&m's, let them
Melt and I could lick it off.. Do you like getting oral?

My Reply:
I prefer skittles because they don't melt like M&M which could result in your truly getting a yeast infection... I would know... Been there, done that...

I love oral. I like it when my clitoris is licked then pinched and slightly bitten.

I also like to give oral but only on the condition that you urinate in my mouth. I'm also into bondage and would like to tie you to bed post and blind fold you, and then have you guess what I'm going to do to you next or when I'm coming back to untie you.

I like to play this game I call "slave", but to play that game, I'd need you to take at least a week off of work, as it will involve me moving you to various locations and possibly a high speed chase. But don't worry, I promise to cover all court cost if something is to happen and we get caught and I can draft something up for you in writing if you'd like.

His Reply:
WTF!! Sounds crazy but unfortunatly I'm in the military so I can't get a dull week off and and trouble with the cops can't happen seeing how I am a military cop.. But I'm totally into trying anything

My Reply:
A Military Cop? That's really creeps me out. I have a phobia of government personnel... especially people in the military because most of the time they are mentally unstable.
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Victim #2:
6-2, 205....5.5 inches....muscular/athletic/discreet...dark hair and eyes..

in wallingford..

you?

cum explore..

hugh

My Reply:
Are you into golden showers by any chance? I get turned on by having guys pee in my mouth...

His Reply:

yes...certainly will "shower" you..

your pic?

hugh
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Victim #3:
Hi Im Josh from DT Seattle. I am right at 6 inches, maybe a little less. Let me know what you have in mind. Do u have a pic?

My Reply:
you think that's 6 inches? LOL
You don't have to lie hun... I specifically asked for small wieners and I think we got a winner! So what kinda kinky things to you wanna do to me with that thing? Are you into bondage by any chance?

************************************************************************************* Victim #4:
Hi...I am what you are looking for. Dont know what else your requirements r but take a look at what I have in that realm....and shoot me back an email.

My Reply:
omg its soooo tiny... you are perfect... any plans for tomorrow... how were you blessed with such a tiny little pecker... its like the size of a 2 year olds, only wider...its soo cute and little i'll even let you fuck me up the ass....i dont know if i wanna smack it or kiss it... i dont care what your face looks like... you have the cutest little penis i've ever seen...

His Reply:
Hmm, is this for real?

First of all, it's not that small!!! LOL Second of all, don't smack it! kiss it, maybe put it in your mouth and suck, maybe stroke it or sit on it, but no violence to the penis... May I see a picture of you now?

My Reply:
honey its not violence... but we all love in different ways... my love for penis is just a little rougher and somewhat abnormal then most...

His Reply:
LOL as long as it doesn't bruise, hurt for a long time and doesn't fall off...LOL So, where am I putting it?

My Reply:
well theres not many places to put it... its so tiny...

but I'll let u stick it in my little tight puss infected vaginal cave...

I can't get over how cute and small it is. I wish I could just stick it in my pocket
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Victim #5:
hi i can help, if u have a pussy pic i have a cock shot, if we like what we see we can do face shots, fare?

My Reply:
I like how you think.... I'll send you a pussy shot as soon as I get home and upload it...
in the meanwhile, tell me about the kinda things your into... I'm also interested in being as kinky and naughty as possible...
sorry for the late response...

His Reply:
hi nice to hear from u too, so u like to get kinky huh, or naughty hmmmmmmm

what about down right nasty, whats the nastiest think u have ever done? be honest, i will be, i have seen things and done things u wont belive,,,,,,,,,,,lol, out side the box too r u at work? i played hooky today r u thinking nasty thoughts right now mmmmmmmm;o)~(!)

My Reply:
ooo boy... well i'm a pretty naughty little slut... I once had sex with my dads best friend... He was 39 and I was 18 at the time... He made me tie him up and I took down his pants and he was wearing these cute little red and pink thongs... they actually turned out to be my thongs that he had stolen from me

I brushed a knife up the side of his cock and he was in pure ecstasy that he nearly ejaculated right then and there. I then squatted over his face and lowered my warm moist cunt over his face and brush my bushy pubs into his mouth. Then he screamed something like "Release the dam!" and I began to urinate in his mouth...

He said it felt like a warm fountain, trickling down his throat and he drank every drop of my very warm lemonade. He then instructed me to pour honey on his fully erected cock and to let my family pet... a golden retriever, lick every last drop of honey of his love shaft.

That made me a little jealous so I got down on all fours like the dog and began to fight with the dog for control of licking my lovers love tool.

Anyways that's just one of many interesting stories I have... how about u?

His Reply:
very nice, and very naughty, i love being pissed on, i also love pissing in ur asshole while im cumming im 37 just so u know, and i love nasty little girls u mentioned ur pet retriever. male or female? i have a very nice story bout my friend and her german sheppard, if ur ok with that have u ever let ur pup lick ur cunt, mmmmmmmm u on all 4's sounds hot can u open pics where u r now tell me more get my cock hard, so i can jack off for u ;o)~(!)

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Stay Tuned to next time as I post an ad in Philly pretending to be a 45 year old cougar....

I don't know when it'll get posted but it might not be for another 2 weeks just because I can't really sit around and do this at work because there are people "watching" me.

They pretend like they're not, but they totally are...

Calling Dr. Ugly

I was watching this show called The Doctors the other day and noticed that one of the doctors, Dr. Travis Stork is really hot.

The strangest thoughts then came to mind. I could never have a doctor who I found attractive do any work on me because they're hot and I would more then likely start thinking sexual thoughts about them which would be awkward especially if said doctor was like my OBG-YN.

I mean imagine sitting there spread eagle and Dr. Sexy Man or Dr. Sexy Woman walks in and started to prob around down there.

I don't think I could handle it. I might accidentally have an orgasm or something. That's a very real possibility for me considering that I once had an orgasm while getting a tattoo.

Now thinking about it, I don't think that overly attractive people should be allowed to be doctors because it's a distraction and its weird.

There should be like some kinda regulation that no doctor can be more then mildly attractive in order to practice medicine amongst the general public.

All the pretty ones should be put on T.V. so I can sit there and stare at them obsessively and fantasize about them all day. Maybe masturbate to them once or twice... Maybe more then that... Who knows?

Like Dr. Rey, from Dr. 90210. Another hot doctor. I could never go to him for any work because he's hot in a metrosexual kinda way.

Now thinking about it, I haven't seen any hot female doctors on T.V. or in real life for that matter. What the hell is that all about?

Weird...

Bad Word

While at my aunts house yesterday, her kids, who are 11 & 9 I think, came running to their mom all freaked out and accusing my kid of saying a "bad word".

My aunt can be pretty uptight about shit like that but I tried to assured her that the chances of my kid saying a bad word were pretty slim considering that the only bad word he knows is "shit" and he only uses it in context to having to take a shit.

We debated back and forth on the issue about what bad word my kid had possibly uttered because she refused to just ask her kids what he had said.

Knowing how uptight my aunt is, I asked her if her kids were the kind of brats who think that words like 'penis' are bad words.

She claimed that they weren't but somehow I had a feeling that this was all penis related. My kid for whatever reason, is very fond of the word penis.

After so much debate of what the hell my kid could've said, her curiosity finally peeked and she finally asked her kids what was the bad word that my kid had said.

Apparently, my kid said to my aunts kids, "My penis is really big".

I guess it left them in a state of shock because you don't exactly expect for a 3 1/2 year old to say something like that.

Turns out I was right. My kid didn't say a bad word just like I had suspected. He instead just happen to blurt out something completely random, which he tends to do a lot.

I'm guessing his short attention span has something to do with him randomly saying things that have nothing to do with whatever is going on around him. After all, he is only 3 1/2.

I'm not sure if this would've alarmed other parents or not, but I don't see the big deal with the word penis and so he remains unpunished for this bullshit offense.

But yea, that's the story of my kid saying a bad word.

Bad Sushi

I am a sushi fanatic... I just can't lay off the shit...

I'm also addicted to buffalo wings but I'll save that tale for another day.

Yesterday, I had the worst sushi ever... I mean the shit sucked.

I usually go to this all you can eat buffet place that has the "Happy Sushi Guy".

I love him.

He wears this cute little sushi guy hat and he's always smiling.

He makes me happy because he's all Asian and cute and happy.

He makes the best sushi ever and he does it with a smile.

I once saw him checking out this black chic. She had huge tits. I wonder if he's ever checked me out. My happy little Asian Sushi guy.

He's been missing. I wish I had a photo of him so I could post it. I miss my Happy Sushi guy :(

Anyways, back to the bad sushi.

So I got this sushi from a different place and it totally sucked asshole.

It looked pretty decent:
But it tasted like total shit. There wasn't enough soy sauce or wasabi sauce that could've saved this horrible sushi massacre.

Still I ate 8 pieces of the garbage, LOL.
YUMMY... Well not really, but still...

Happy Sushi Guy, if you're out there reading this, please come back... I need you to make me good sushi.

If I find you, I'm gonna kidnap you and keep you locked up in my closet so you can make me all the good sushi I want. You're such a happy little Asian. You make me smile :)

Nap Time For Grown Ups

I remember when there was a time that it was expected of me to go lie down and take a nap... Of course in those days, I'd fight at nap time because I would rather be off doing something else, but now that I look back, I miss those days.

How I long for the a time in the day when I can turn off the cell phone and work phone and not answer to anyone because it's nap time.

I have nap time on the weekends but, I really feel that there should be like some kinda mandated work time, nap time. Like a siesta that they do over in Mexico.

It makes sense.

Mexicans are more productive because they get to nap in the middle of the day, while people here in the states work lazily just counting down the time until they can clock out and go home.

I think I should start a new campaign for a Nap Time for Grown Ups.

We could like sign petitions and lobby to congress to make them pass a law that mandates a 2-3 hour work, nap policy.

The best part of the nap policy would be that you would still get paid for those hours.

Why hasn't anyone ever thought of this?

I'm so brilliant.

Pure genius.

Who wants to join me for my Nap Time for Grown Ups campaign?

Fun on Craigslist: Short Short Man Part II

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Dear Angry Girlfriend: I'm A Sexy Paramedic

I love to receive emails from the people who read my blog. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.

Today I received this email:

Hey angryGF. My name is chad i am a sexy paramedic who sits at work many days bored looking for something to do. Your phone sex bit on youtube was hot as hell. You really had me worked up. Any way if you would be interested in trying that with me sometime hit me back up and we can exchange number. If you want a pic of me let me know. Holla

I guess "Chad" hasn't really been paying attention. This was my reply back:

I'm assuming that you're not a regular reader of my blog since you only made mention of my Angry Girlfriends Guide to Phone Sex blog and not my blog on Confessions of a Former Phone Sex Operator.

I suggest that you read the latter. I think that perhaps you were a little overly turned on and forgot that I was once a paid professional in the art of phone sex. It's not exactly something that I do just for fun (unless I plan to record it, make fun of the person and then post the whole conversation on my blog, which I have yet to do for legal reasons).

I suggest that you continue to get off of my prerecording for free. Or I can sell you a new prerecording at a low, low price of $9.99... Fuck it... Let's just make it an even $10.00.

Maybe you could respond to an ad on craiglist and get some action that way, but considering that I do quite a bit of trolling on there, that might not be a good idea either.

P.S. It's kinda scary that you're a paramedic "who sits at work many days bored looking for something to do". Shouldn't you be out saving people from death or something?

Or is the economy so bad that people are holding off on dying because they can't afford it?

He never responded back so I'm assuming that he didn't like my little suggestion. Booo, no fun...

Oh well...

Well if anyone else wants to email me, send me an email at angrygirlfriend@gmail.com.