Easter Egg Hunt

With yesterday being Easter and all, I took my kid over to my aunts house for an Easter Egg Hunt. My aunt, always being the broke ass bitch she is, only boiled about 24 eggs for 8 kids.

The 4 older kids ages ranged from 10-14 and the 4 younger kids were all 5 years of under.

I already knew this was going to be a bad idea since the older kids have an unfair advantage over the younger kids. Of course, no one pays me any mind or attention until I start doing outrageous things and that's exactly what happened.

All of the older kids found most of the eggs and were gloating in their victory. That is until...

I saw the disappointment in my kids eyes, having only found 2 eggs. He was so sad that it killed me, so I did what any other parent would do:

I ran up to one of the older kids baskets and stole some eggs and then re-hid them so my son could find them.

The older kids, having saw me steal their eggs chased after me, as to everyone horror I screamed at them "Go fuck yourselves, assholes".

I fought those little bastards off and re-hid the egg. My son was so happy that he has found another egg, that I just had to do something more for him to get more eggs.

One of the older kids had briefly left their Easter bag unattended to go look for more eggs, so this time I ripped the bottom of his bag so his eggs would fall out without his knowledge.

Then I took my kid and followed closely as the older kids eggs would drop and my kids would "find" them as we walked.

He was so proud of himself for having found so many eggs and I felt that I had done my job as a parent.

Of course my aunt, and some of the other adults weren't too happy. But nobody cares what they think, so they can go fuck themselves. It was there damn fault that I had to resort to such extreme measures to begin with.

What the hell did they think was going to happen when you only have 24 eggs and 10-14 year olds competing again 5 and under?

When I put into perspective, suddenly they got it, though they still thought my method of evening the playing field was a little extreme, to which I say to them, "Fuck off. I would urinate in your fucking right eyeball if I knew it would make my kid happy. So don't stand in my fucking way, bitch".

Dammit, those older kids just made me sooo fucking mad. I'm going to my happy place now...

Bad Word

While at my aunts house yesterday, her kids, who are 11 & 9 I think, came running to their mom all freaked out and accusing my kid of saying a "bad word".

My aunt can be pretty uptight about shit like that but I tried to assured her that the chances of my kid saying a bad word were pretty slim considering that the only bad word he knows is "shit" and he only uses it in context to having to take a shit.

We debated back and forth on the issue about what bad word my kid had possibly uttered because she refused to just ask her kids what he had said.

Knowing how uptight my aunt is, I asked her if her kids were the kind of brats who think that words like 'penis' are bad words.

She claimed that they weren't but somehow I had a feeling that this was all penis related. My kid for whatever reason, is very fond of the word penis.

After so much debate of what the hell my kid could've said, her curiosity finally peeked and she finally asked her kids what was the bad word that my kid had said.

Apparently, my kid said to my aunts kids, "My penis is really big".

I guess it left them in a state of shock because you don't exactly expect for a 3 1/2 year old to say something like that.

Turns out I was right. My kid didn't say a bad word just like I had suspected. He instead just happen to blurt out something completely random, which he tends to do a lot.

I'm guessing his short attention span has something to do with him randomly saying things that have nothing to do with whatever is going on around him. After all, he is only 3 1/2.

I'm not sure if this would've alarmed other parents or not, but I don't see the big deal with the word penis and so he remains unpunished for this bullshit offense.

But yea, that's the story of my kid saying a bad word.