Friday, March 6, 2009

Fun on Craigslist: Short Short Man Part II

Ready for some more fun? Here is Part of Fun on Craigslist: Short Short Man

Short Short Man - w4m - 22 (Seattle)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-02-26, 10:00AM PST

So here's the deal...

I've had sex with several guys who are of average length... The problem is that it hurts...
I'd like to experience some pretty wild and crazy, fun sex... but with a guy who is 6 inches or below.

I'm 22 year old white female, D&D free, and I'm interested in meeting up with someone possibly tomorrow or sometime this weekend.

The only thing I ask of you is that you be at no more then 6 inches and also D&D free.

Victim #1: (Note: Originally I wasn't going to respond to this guy because I had already received a similar email from another victim, but after repeatedly emailing me like 5 times, I finally decided to give him what he wanted)
hi whats up? iam 28 wellendowed and super clean, iam 5"7 i like to eat out and fuck hard! i will send u a wild pics!! lol what you like to do?

My Reply:
What the fuck? I didn't ask for anyone that was well endowed... Did you not read the ad? I want someone who is 6inches or smaller... Maybe I should've specified that someone should also be able to read and understand what I'm writing...

His Reply:
i am small, clean and wild!!! lol how u like it?

My Reply:
Give me a good example of what kinda wild and I'll let u know if I'm into it..

His Reply:
text me i have to go 360540**** k

His Reply after I didn't text him:
hey! what you doing? lol

His Reply after I still didn't respond:
what you like? u like get eat out? what can a things u like? i want to be like u boy toy!!! lol whenever u need me i will be there!!!

My Reply:
I'm looking for a guy whose tiny cock I can deep throat and I want him to urinate in my mouth while I'm doing it..

I'd also like u to fist my anus and lick my dirty smelly cunt while doing it... hmmm

I'd then like to beat your balls with a ping pong pattle until u scream in delite.

Then I'd like you to stick ur tiny meat stick into my filthy cunt and fuck me until I squirt all of my vaginal juices into your eyeball.

Can u handle that? If so, how's this weekend sound?

His Reply:
mmmmm u make me so fucking horny like hell!!!!!!!

My Reply:
I can tell by your enthusiasm that ur going to be a lot of fun to fuck.

my vaginal walls are throbbing at the thought of you fuckin me with ur tiny prick.

I promise that u are gonna love my scabies filled vaginal hairs grinding on ur face as ur lickin up all of my vaginal herpes juices.

I'll send u my pic as soon as I get home from work. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

He sent me like 5 more emails waiting for my pic and then tried to add me to yahoo messenger and left me several offline messages.

Obviously this guy is crazier then me so ummmmm yea....

Victim #2:
Wow. Interesting request. Would you mind if that short man was also a big, burly, black man?

My Reply:
as long as you have a small penis, then i dont really give a flyin fuck what the rest of you looks like...

His Reply:
lol. Should I quote you on that?

My Reply:
Why? Are you that fucking fat and ugly or what?

Even if you do look like a fat atrocious fucking black walrus, my cunt needs to be filled. My pink pie hole is throbbing and my battery operated tooth brush just died on me because of all the masturbating I've been doing.

His Reply:
lol. As far as I know, the answer would be, "no, I'm not that bad;" but then again, "that bad" depends on the eyes of the beholder. Might I ask what you are doing today, and or tomorrow?

My Reply:
Fucking your fat, ugly ass if you play your cards right...

His Reply:
Might I ask when you had this planned.

My Reply:
Oh ok, you're not interested... That's fine... I'll just pick from one of the other 120 and guys who also responded

His Reply:
(eyebrow raised) The last time I checked, unless two parties knew what time to meet and on what day, they missed each other; or am I incorrect? In which case, Were you thinking tonight, or tomorrow, and as I asked before, what time were you thinking of?

My Reply:
In which case, I don't have time for ugly, fat people, who are also smart asses... You can be 2/3 but you can't be 3/3 You've gone ahead and blown it fat man... Or should I say, you're not gonna get to blow it...

His Reply:
(bows low) apologies, you never specified to me that it was a domme/sub relationship you were looking for. As you had exercised sarcasm, I believed it was only polite to return the compliment as this was apparently becoming something of a verbal sparring match; which I love. And so, since you have already moved on, I will simply wish you the best on your endeavor.

Victim #3:
Hi I think I can accomadate you with that?

My name is jeffrey I am not a large man by any means. I weigh about 166 lbs. 43 years of age clean, drug and disease free.
I don't drink don't smoke.

I live in Burien, I live alone very single. If you would like to call me and maybe talk and see where it goes my phone number is 206-697-****.

I am off tonight and Friday night and I don't have anything to do right now. other maybe watch a good show on tv and or go to bed, would not mind having someone over and sleeping with them. maybe having some good sex whatever that is.

thanks hope maybe your the one for me.


My Reply:
You don't drink? That might be a problem...

You're not technically my type but I'm so horny and the guys who have responded so far are really fucking obese which I can't deal with fat people because they smell like pork and I don't eat pork anymore because I've been thinkin about converting into a Muslim, and being around fat people makes me crave pork.

So I'll over look your face cause I'm in desperate need to have my rank smelly cunt filled, but I'm gonna have be a little intoxicated to fuck you.

Victim #4:
hey girl im andrey im 18yrs old im round 5.5-6 inches long and i wanna fuck call/text/email 253 315 ****

My Reply:
Awww you're such a cutie pie.... I don't think I could have sex with you because you kinda look like my little brother...

Unless you're into roll playing... we can make it really kinky and pretend like we're brother and sister and you could tell me things like, "Ride my harder big sis"...

Oh thats really turning me on....

You wanna pretend that we're brother and sister, huh?

You wanna come over here and spank your big sister on the ass and fill my cunt with your seminal fluid?

Let's breed and make inbred babies!!
OMG I'm sooo horny...

His Reply:
yeah send me a pic

Victim #5:
I not only have a small dick,4" I am 4'6"tall. I promiss it won't hurt.

My Reply:
OMG Your penis sounds so cute and tiny... like a roasted wiener or something...

You're kinda short though... are you like a midget or something? I kinda have a phobia of tiny things, well tiny people I should say... not tiny wieners... but I like Santas elves. I actually find them quite attractive and forbidden because they're all mystical and can fly... no wait, those are the reindeer.

But yea, I think I could over look the whole height thing but let's role play.

I'll dress up as Mrs. Claus and you can be one of Santa's elves and we're like having an affair...
Do you have a hairy chest my any chance? I have this fetish for waxing a mans chest before we fuck and get down and nasty.

His Reply:
No I am not a miget,my groth was stunted when I was 9. Are you a guy Lyle?
(This is reference to my the fake name that shows up when i send out mail)

My Reply:
am I a guy? what kinda warped, psycho midget land do u live in?

though my first name isn't legit for the obvious reason that there are evil people out there lookin for me, Lyle is my real last name.

I'm assuming ur not interested in role playin my fantasy...

His Reply: Ok,you lay on the bed and I will lick your pussy till you com.

Victim #6:
Hey there, I saw your post and I am about 5.5 to 6 inches and I would love to get to know you. I am D&D free and I always use protection. I have some pics on my myspace that you can see, but none on this computer

My Reply:
Protection? I'm allergic to latex... I'm disease free too... I promise...

His Reply:
How can you be sure if you dont use condoms? do you get checked?

My Reply:
I perform this self cleansing ritual, where I cut a lemon in half and squeeze the juice into my vagina and let it sit there for about 5 minutes. Lemons are acidic so it kills any bacteria and possible infections that I may encounter.

I do this after every unprotected sexual encounter that I have.

The only problem about this self cleanse is that I suffer from a lot of
yeast infections, but that completely normal considering that I am disturbing the Ph balance of my vaginal canal.

The cleanse has worked every time that I have done it...

The few times I didn't do it I contracted
syphilis and gonorrhea, but that's all cleared up and in the past so I'm good to go. We could meet up tomorrow.

I'm on my last day treatment to clear up a
yeast infection that I currently have, so if you're free we could meet up.

His Reply:
What about a polyurethane condom? Thats an alternative to latex. What part of
Seattle do you live in? And do you have any pics?

My Reply:
Dammit... You caught me... I was just hoping that you would fuck me raw... I love the feeling of skin to skin, it soooo warm and moist and feeling your fine hard shaft penetrate my vaginal walls.
Boooo :(

His Reply:
Sorry, but I need an assurance that I wont get any diseases or get anyone pregnant. I'm still up for it as long as we use protection if you are.

My Reply:
Smart move... You're not as dumb as the rest of these cock sucking, loser bastards.
Have fun with that!

I guess not everyone on Craigslist is crazy. Brownie points for this smart fucker. It almost makes me want to go out of my way and help him find a real ad so he can get laid... almost...

Then he sent this and pissed me off:
Then I guess you will have fun with the rest of those cock suckers.

My Reply:
Oh yes, its like
Russian roulette.

You never know what
venereal disease you're gonna catch next...

Dumb ass. You still don't get that it's a game? Fucking moron.

I then continued talking to this kid for good minute and for the first time ever, I confessed. Well not really. This is what really happened:

His Reply:
Do you really think that the lemons do the trick?

My Reply:
Of course not!!! I'm not retarded...

His Reply:
Good, I couldn't believe what I was reading. So, I take it you aren't really allergic to latex then?

My Reply:
Last time I checked.... ummmmm nope...

His Reply:
Yeah, I didn't think so. So whats your game? Are you trying to give other people some vd that you have?

My Reply:
LOL no, no... I'm not that psychotic. I'm a blogger. I'm working on a blog about how easily it is to persuade men into having sex bareback even with complete stranger.
You're like the only guy who I've corresponded with who actually stood their ground. The rest of them were very easily persuaded... scary thought. I know this is a pretty unconventional method to do some research, but it's a lot safer then going to the bar or in public and meeting strangers who would most likely lie if they knew my angle to begin with.

Ok so it was a partial confession. Anyways, turns out this kid is only 19. Who the hell at 19 knows about polyurethane condoms?

Mad props to this kid for being so sexually aware, although I still question why was he on craigslist looking for pussy to begin with.

Probably has something to do with the whole small penis issue.

Stay Tuned to next week for Part III of Short Short Man

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