Monday, September 8, 2008

A Naughty Little Shit I Am

So other then pretending to be people I'm not on yahoo, I've found a new more interesting way to pass time at work... Craigslist!

Too-Tall and I missed each others vagina's sooo much, so we decided to reconnect by being naughty. The Terrorist was also there but I guess because its Ramadan, she's not allowed to have fun. It's against her religion or something.

I think I'm more in shock that she's actually trying to be a good Muslim... for once. But good for her, because she's really naughty anyways. She's needs some God or Allah or something in her life. (Just kidding. You're not a naughty girl at all. Please don't blow me up.)

Too-Tall really needs Jesus in her life because she likes touching my tongue with her tongue and she likes it when I put my tits in her face.

This is all really irrelevant to Craiglist, so let me get back on track here.

Too-Tall and I posted the following ad on craigslist:

Bored and Jobless

Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-09-07, 9:53PM EDT

I am female, sexy, and ready for anything. I'm currently unemployed so I have plenty of time to meet up tonight.

I'm really horny and need someone to fulfill my need. Currently on unemployment and own my own condo so we can meet up at my place.

I am looking for a hot, and sexy black male, 21-35, 6'0 or taller. Drug and disease free.

I need to have it put on me. If you send a pic, I will reply with a pic.

Who'd a thought that my inbox would receive 50 replies in like 20 minutes?

Here are some of the more interesting with our even more interesting replies:

Email #1:
Hello Baby,
Will afternoon time be cool with you, cos I am interested in your request, discreetion is important to me I hope you dont mind, however, we can meet in a public place if you dont like what you see we can part ways.

Our reply:
Hi Dave,
yes we can meet in public... and i would bet you that you would not only love this face and body but you would love this wet ass pussy dripping with chlamydia sweat.... my shit is so fuckin wet drippin wit gonorrhea juice, and it feels extra wet and no one would know that its std oriented, its just between you and me... my name is Karen and i am from Alexandria, VA and I went to high point high school... ask anyone and i am hot shit there, this pussy attracts black, white, asian, arab, any type of dick cause the pussy is like that... my shit be squirtin herpe juice cause it stays so lubricated i have so many infections the shit is unreal but its okay because it feels good to the penis and i love to please the penis... my house number is 703-***-****... if you want this pussy ask for my mommy Deborah, aka Debbie.
Email #2:
Midnight works for me. I am home alone but Im 5'7 47 bk m. if you want to.. then email me back with direction

Our reply:
hey i live in Alexandria,Va... my name is Karen... hit me jup if you trynna have some fun i want some big Arab penile in this fat ass juicy sticky ass stinky ass pussy of mine... i drive a blue camry, and my pubic hair is black and curly like Betty Boop... i like to masturbate with forks harshly against my clitoris along with any plumbing appliances such as a plunger that i can FULLY stick up my vaginal canal or any type of suction device that fits somewhat into my vajayjay. i am willing to allow suction devices through my anal canal as long as i get jolly ranchers in return. please let me know if they are multi flavors or only watermelon, because i honestly don't like watermelon flavor. Peace, love and health.

His reply back:
you can have any jolly ranger you want. i am ready are u
Email #3:
6"5 black caribbean male just fired on thursdday have an appt at 2pm but would love to please u BEFORE then if possible iam stressed and NEED to realease lol its funny to find a fellow unemployed person lol anyway I do have a gf so if that's not a problem here iam send me what I need to know lol just got in from x roads lol a tad tipsy lol

Our reply:
hey boo bout to get off the computer but i wana talk to got a number i can reach you at? i'l call blocked so ya girl wont have my number...... and you can give me an alias name if you like...
Email #4:
I saw your post and just had to respond! After all, what sane, heterosexual black male possessing a streak of romance and a pinch of adventurousness would NOT want to explore the possibility of a no-strings, sensual encounter with a woman who is as in touch with her sensuality as you (smile)?
As for who I am, I am a black lawyer who doubles as a lobbyist and law professor (PLEASE don't let that scare you away -- not ALL lawyers and lobbyists are crooks and liars (smile)). I was born in the South, raised abroad, and I now work in DC and live in Northern Virginia.
Physically, I am 6' 1" tall. I am about 195 pounds. I have brown hair and brown eyes. But getting beyond those shallow characteristics, I would describe myself as passionate, fun, adventurous, spontaneous, curious, responsible, mature, intelligent, sensual, discreet, drug- and disease-free, and a romantic.
I have many passions, both inside and outside of the bedroom. I’d love to find someone to share them with.
I'd love to learn more about you, and I hope to hear back from you so we can begin to make those memories together (smile)!
Please know that if I don't hear from you, I will be forced to resume my heretofore unsuccessful practice of hurling grocery carts in the pathways of attractive women who I encounter in the aisles of Whole Foods. Save the ankles of these unsuspecting women. Write me!


Our reply:
Just so you know... I really don't give a shit what you do for a living... you could be a drug dealer for all i care, as long as your disease free, we're good ... i'm not lookin to be wined and dined... just some hot sex and good dick and some one who is easy on the eyes to lay it on me.

you seem to match the description of some one who would peak my interest. apparently there are a lot of idiots on craigslist who can't read, because I could've sworn I specified that I was looking for a black make 6'0 or taller (as you claim to be) and yet, my inbox has been flooded with people who are white, latin and all other shades of the rainbow, not to mention they're midgets.

Just by your writing, I can tell we'd click. You didn't mention your age. Please tell me your not an old fart because I don't dig the whole viagra thing...

Email #5:
I know I am over your age requirement but thought i would give it a shot. I am 42 ys old and need excitement. Let's chat!

Our reply:
Honestly baby boy... I wasnt lookin for an older man, but your pic has got me wetter than the amazon river... i wana put this thick ass pussy on that phat ass dick baby... ready to ride you and give you a taste of this African punani...i got all sorts of spider webs and scoprions crawlin out of this vajayjay, ready to give you an exotic adventure you've never experienced.... just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride i'll give you and i promise you that penile will be in ecstasy... i want you to cum specifically in my left eye ball... thank you baby boy... mmmm i cant wait..... yyyuummm... ps my name is Nikki "Karen" Woldebiest.. but I'm better known as KAREN... mmm you are making me so fuckin wet i cant even lie... call me...

His reply back:
Wow! I wasn't expecting such a wonderful response! That pic of you got all ten inches rising!
You told me to call you baby but there is no number! I hope you love to beaten because that is my specialty!
Keep the scorpions!

Emails are still coming and this is a lot more entertaining then we both expected. And yes they all did send pictures which I have chosen not to post cause even though I'm an asshole, I do have common decency. Besides, humiliation was never the purpose of this little game to begin with.

Being an internet asshole is a good way to pass time at work. I recommend it to anyone with waaaay too much time on their hands.

On a whole different matter... Angry Girlfriend is officially 1-year-old. I'm still not famous and I still don't think anyone reads my blogs. If anyone out there is actually reading this, send me a birthday wish... and a present... (Just thought I'd try).


Average Joe said...

I miss this type of evil!

Anonymous said...

I confess that I was one of the fools to respond to your ad on craigslist and then responded to your subsequent reply. It's a lot funnier when it happens to someone else though, haha. Thanks for not posting our pics, that was nice of you.

Angry Girlfriend said...

Whoa... never saw that one coming... I think that I'm more in shock then you are.

We did it all for shits n giggles, not to mention we were slightly intoxicated as you may have already guessed by some of our outrageous replies. We weren't really out to embarrass anyone.

I'm an asshole for sure, but I do have somewhat of a heart which is why no pictures where posted.

Rest assure that you can surf craiglist safely knowing I won't be on there pulling another stunt like that.

It was fun for the night, but screwing around with the Indians on yahoo is much more entertaining.