I wanted to post this comment and address this so-called fan of mine because it seems as if some people still don't get me... Which is ok since we all know I'm not one of the easiest people in the world to understand being as simply complicated as I am.
"A Big Fan" of mine left this comment on my last blog:
you are so sad. i really feel sorry for you. you dont even give yourself a chance to be happy over something nice. i am a big fan of yours and maybe your man sees that you deserve the flowers and yet you cant accept a act of kindness done to you. you are so messed up in the head that all you know is being a bitch or fucked up....which at times aint bad. i hope you had a happy valentines day.
Hello Fan,
I maybe just a little messed up in the head, but I'm not sad. If you were really a fan of mine then you would understand that I write a lot of crazy, weird, messed-up things that sometimes don't even make any sense.
I like to act out like a bitch because it's fun. Most importantly, if you knew the kinda person I'm married to, you'd understand why I was in such a state of shock.
I think the most twisted part about me is my sense of humor because I'm one of those people who I guess you could say is a little "off".
I've said this many times before and I'll say it again: Don't take too much of what I say to heart because half the time I'm either joking or straight out just bullshitting you.
Go back and read that last posting and take it for what it was meant to be... A joke...
It's actually pretty funny when you read it... at least it was to me... and the 5 other people who actually read my blog, LOL... Well, not you though... But the rest of them laughed...
Actually, I'm a little biased about the things I write because I wrote them. I tend to laugh at most things I've written because I think that I'm just that damn funny, which sometimes I am and sometimes maybe I'm not, but it's funny to me so... ummmm... yea...
Thanks for reading!
Remember: Always read my blogs with an open sense of humor because if you read through it too fast, you might miss it.
P.S. You've got some major balls taking a risk like that. You should know by now I usually always make a blog out of a reader comment and it's usually to say something evil and mean.
I like you. You're a risk taker. Walking on the wild side! Dancing with the devil! That's hot ;)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Not Another Crappy Valentines Day? WTF?
I'm not really sure where to start this one...
There I was, minding my own business, working on Valentine's Day when Cornholio's sister come in and tells me that there's a package waiting for me at the door.
My first thought was that one of my angry readers found out where I worked and decided to maybe try to kill me by sending me anthrax or a bomb because I had probably pushed the whole "socially acceptable racism" thing way past the limit and pissed off a bunch of Angry Muslims.
As it turned out, the package was from Cornholio, which actually scared me even more because I figured that he was probably trying to retaliate for the incident when I peed in his chicken 3 years ago.
Imagine my surprised when I opened the box and it was.... Tulips?
No bomb... no death threat... no deadly disease.... What the hell is going on here?
We're all going to die, aren't we? Hell has finally frozen over!
More importantly, how the hell am I suppose be angry on Valentine's Day when he goes and ruins it by doing something nice? What an Asshole! LOL
Now I'm angry because he made me happy for once by doing something so ridiculously nice.
Happy blogs don't make for good blogging so now I'm pissed off that he did something nice because now I can't be angry like I wanted to be, which in turn does make me angry so in the end it all kinda works out.
Kinda twisted, ain't it?
Well, you know me....
There I was, minding my own business, working on Valentine's Day when Cornholio's sister come in and tells me that there's a package waiting for me at the door.
My first thought was that one of my angry readers found out where I worked and decided to maybe try to kill me by sending me anthrax or a bomb because I had probably pushed the whole "socially acceptable racism" thing way past the limit and pissed off a bunch of Angry Muslims.
As it turned out, the package was from Cornholio, which actually scared me even more because I figured that he was probably trying to retaliate for the incident when I peed in his chicken 3 years ago.
Imagine my surprised when I opened the box and it was.... Tulips?
No bomb... no death threat... no deadly disease.... What the hell is going on here?
We're all going to die, aren't we? Hell has finally frozen over!
More importantly, how the hell am I suppose be angry on Valentine's Day when he goes and ruins it by doing something nice? What an Asshole! LOL
Now I'm angry because he made me happy for once by doing something so ridiculously nice.
Happy blogs don't make for good blogging so now I'm pissed off that he did something nice because now I can't be angry like I wanted to be, which in turn does make me angry so in the end it all kinda works out.
Kinda twisted, ain't it?
Well, you know me....
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Another Year... Another Angry Valentine's
If there's one thing I know, it's that every year I'm guaranteed to have a crappy Valentine's Day. This is because Cornoholio serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever this time of year, every year.
I've said it every Valentine's day before and I'll continue to say every Valentine's day.
Having Cornholio around is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day because people continually ask me what I'm doing for Valentines Day because of my relationship status not realizing that I'm married to the anti-Cupid, anti-anything that involves him having to go out of his way to buy or plan anything for me.
This yea, it finally sunk in that that fucker wasn't going to do, or plan anything out for me. Luckily, my favorite cousin will be in town and I'm sure she wont mind hanging out with my on Valentine's day.
Ironically, there's going to be a gun show on Valentine's day. I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of angry women at that gun show. (Maybe I should go... Just to scare him a little... LOL).
In either case, I think this will be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Mostly, because I wont be anywhere around that ass fucker).
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it's as crappy with your significant others as it always is for me, LOL.
You didn't actually think I was going to hope that everyone else have a better Valentines Day then me, did you?
I've said it every Valentine's day before and I'll continue to say every Valentine's day.
Having Cornholio around is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day because people continually ask me what I'm doing for Valentines Day because of my relationship status not realizing that I'm married to the anti-Cupid, anti-anything that involves him having to go out of his way to buy or plan anything for me.
This yea, it finally sunk in that that fucker wasn't going to do, or plan anything out for me. Luckily, my favorite cousin will be in town and I'm sure she wont mind hanging out with my on Valentine's day.
Ironically, there's going to be a gun show on Valentine's day. I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of angry women at that gun show. (Maybe I should go... Just to scare him a little... LOL).
In either case, I think this will be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Mostly, because I wont be anywhere around that ass fucker).
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it's as crappy with your significant others as it always is for me, LOL.
You didn't actually think I was going to hope that everyone else have a better Valentines Day then me, did you?
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Don't Know Where I'm Going With This
I had something in mind that I really wanted to write about but I couldn't find the assignment thingy that I was looking for.
It had something to do with throwing people off an airplane and who should die and who should live and something else about a pedophile, welfare, a priest, a convicted felon and a baby mama who contributes nothing to society.
Oh well, if I find it, I'll post it.
Ummmm yeah...
Sometimes when I watch the commercials for depression, it makes me happy. I think it's the one for Cymbalta.
The one that goes, "Depression can hurt. Cymbalta can help".
Maybe it's not Cymbalta, I'm really not sure, but I really do love those commercials. They make me happy and feel tingly all over.
Then sometimes I start to think about the little rolly ball guy on the commercial. He looks like dough or something. And then he's all sad til he takes his meds, then he's suddenly all happy again. Strangely comforting.
Sometimes I think that I'm bipolar, but I know I'm not because my symptoms aren't as wildly out of balance as someone who actually suffers from the disorder.
Then I really think and I realize, "No there's nothing wrong with you. You're just angry. Maybe that's why you're such an asshole".
Maybe I'm right...
A certain someone has suggested that I seek anger management, but I really don't think I'm as angry as they're trying to make it seem.
I know that I do tend to lose my temper pretty quick and it's usually pretty unpredictable, but I don't think it's that bad.
I've been sitting here and going on and on about nothing...
I guess it's just one of those days...
It had something to do with throwing people off an airplane and who should die and who should live and something else about a pedophile, welfare, a priest, a convicted felon and a baby mama who contributes nothing to society.
Oh well, if I find it, I'll post it.
Ummmm yeah...
Sometimes when I watch the commercials for depression, it makes me happy. I think it's the one for Cymbalta.
The one that goes, "Depression can hurt. Cymbalta can help".
Maybe it's not Cymbalta, I'm really not sure, but I really do love those commercials. They make me happy and feel tingly all over.
Then sometimes I start to think about the little rolly ball guy on the commercial. He looks like dough or something. And then he's all sad til he takes his meds, then he's suddenly all happy again. Strangely comforting.
Sometimes I think that I'm bipolar, but I know I'm not because my symptoms aren't as wildly out of balance as someone who actually suffers from the disorder.
Then I really think and I realize, "No there's nothing wrong with you. You're just angry. Maybe that's why you're such an asshole".
Maybe I'm right...
A certain someone has suggested that I seek anger management, but I really don't think I'm as angry as they're trying to make it seem.
I know that I do tend to lose my temper pretty quick and it's usually pretty unpredictable, but I don't think it's that bad.
I've been sitting here and going on and on about nothing...
I guess it's just one of those days...
Friday, February 6, 2009
Socially Acceptable Racism
I recently ran wild with the idea that there could be some forms of socially acceptable racism. After all, we're all a little racist to some degree.
I ran some of my thoughts about what would be considered socially acceptable racism. Apparently, I crossed way over the line with some of my ideas from socially acceptable to just plain out racist.
I decided that the people I had talked to about my socially acceptable racism where just all too uptight to see where I was coming from, therefore I decided to get an 8th opinion from someone who understands me.... My younger sister.
I was shocked and hurt when she also agreed with the other 7 people that my idea of socially acceptable racism was also inappropriate.
I was also really hurt when she told me, "If you go around saying shit like that, your askin to be jumped and/or shot".
Knowing how disappointed I had become hearing her words, my sister was quick to console me.
She quickly reminded me that although what I thought was socially acceptable racism was actually just pure racism, that its OK to use stereotypes as socially acceptable racism because they're always right.
For example:
White People
All white people are crazy. They always wear sandals and shorts in 30 degree weather, or live in trailer parks, and most of them become serial killers. They also smell like bologna and couldn't dance or find the rhythm if their life depended on it.
They say things like, "Bobby, go get me my shot gun. I heard that some negro just escaped from the prison and I'll be damned if I let that sonofabitch come up in this house and gir er dun wit my wife! That sonofabitch don't know what he got cummin."
Obviously, this is referring to the more hick white people and not that sophisticated, serial killer types. But it's hard to imitate the serial killer type because they don't do much talking. They just kill. Methodically, they go out and find people to kill. Scary...
Black People
All black people eat is fried chicken and Kool Aide. They're also scary because they slap around they bitches and then rob them, and you.
They say things like, " Yo mami, I was like trynna holla at ya. You got this tight ass J Lo booty. Yo, yo, yo, so you like murried or what? Cause I don't see no ring on ya finger. I'm sayin though. Why you trynna play a nigga? I'm trynna holla at ya. "
Black girls say things like this, "You want me to do what? Get in the water? Ohhhh Hell nawww. Bitch, I just got my hur did. You must've lost your damn mind. Do I look like I got dat gud hur to you? You gonna pay me to get me weave redid? Fuck that shit... Hell nawwwwww."
Hispanics:
They're all from either Puerto Rico or Mexico and they speak puerto rican or mexican, respectively. They all beat their wives and dance the Mexican Hat dance all while singing "La Cucaracha" or "La Bamba". They all talk really loud and are always drunk. AIY AIY AIY!!! None of them ever speak English, including the ones who were born and grew up in the US, and the few who do speak bery gud inglesh are always complimented by the whites for having such good English.
Men have 9 kids with 4 different woman. And woman have 9 kids with 9 different baby daddies (it was just easier to pin it on the last baby daddy cause he hasn't been locked up or deported).
Asians:
It's hard to come up with stereotypes for Asians, other then they're all just so tiny and smart. They're like little mini computers. You can even fit them in a suit case. I think it may be possible that one day Asians may rule the world, so I'm gonna be nice to them.
Have you seen America's Best Dance Crew? Who'd a thought that they're smart and can dance? They're just so aerodynamic...
Middle Easters:
They all own 7-11's, or gas stations. They also just like to blow things up.
I think I may have crossed the line again... Just a little bit though... But believe me, this isn't half as bad as some of the things I had mentioned to other people.
And like my sister said. Stereotypes are perfectly good types of socially acceptable racism because they're always true.
I ran some of my thoughts about what would be considered socially acceptable racism. Apparently, I crossed way over the line with some of my ideas from socially acceptable to just plain out racist.
I decided that the people I had talked to about my socially acceptable racism where just all too uptight to see where I was coming from, therefore I decided to get an 8th opinion from someone who understands me.... My younger sister.
I was shocked and hurt when she also agreed with the other 7 people that my idea of socially acceptable racism was also inappropriate.
I was also really hurt when she told me, "If you go around saying shit like that, your askin to be jumped and/or shot".
Knowing how disappointed I had become hearing her words, my sister was quick to console me.
She quickly reminded me that although what I thought was socially acceptable racism was actually just pure racism, that its OK to use stereotypes as socially acceptable racism because they're always right.
For example:
White People
All white people are crazy. They always wear sandals and shorts in 30 degree weather, or live in trailer parks, and most of them become serial killers. They also smell like bologna and couldn't dance or find the rhythm if their life depended on it.
They say things like, "Bobby, go get me my shot gun. I heard that some negro just escaped from the prison and I'll be damned if I let that sonofabitch come up in this house and gir er dun wit my wife! That sonofabitch don't know what he got cummin."
Obviously, this is referring to the more hick white people and not that sophisticated, serial killer types. But it's hard to imitate the serial killer type because they don't do much talking. They just kill. Methodically, they go out and find people to kill. Scary...
Black People
All black people eat is fried chicken and Kool Aide. They're also scary because they slap around they bitches and then rob them, and you.
They say things like, " Yo mami, I was like trynna holla at ya. You got this tight ass J Lo booty. Yo, yo, yo, so you like murried or what? Cause I don't see no ring on ya finger. I'm sayin though. Why you trynna play a nigga? I'm trynna holla at ya. "
Black girls say things like this, "You want me to do what? Get in the water? Ohhhh Hell nawww. Bitch, I just got my hur did. You must've lost your damn mind. Do I look like I got dat gud hur to you? You gonna pay me to get me weave redid? Fuck that shit... Hell nawwwwww."
Hispanics:
They're all from either Puerto Rico or Mexico and they speak puerto rican or mexican, respectively. They all beat their wives and dance the Mexican Hat dance all while singing "La Cucaracha" or "La Bamba". They all talk really loud and are always drunk. AIY AIY AIY!!! None of them ever speak English, including the ones who were born and grew up in the US, and the few who do speak bery gud inglesh are always complimented by the whites for having such good English.
Men have 9 kids with 4 different woman. And woman have 9 kids with 9 different baby daddies (it was just easier to pin it on the last baby daddy cause he hasn't been locked up or deported).
Asians:
It's hard to come up with stereotypes for Asians, other then they're all just so tiny and smart. They're like little mini computers. You can even fit them in a suit case. I think it may be possible that one day Asians may rule the world, so I'm gonna be nice to them.
Have you seen America's Best Dance Crew? Who'd a thought that they're smart and can dance? They're just so aerodynamic...
Middle Easters:
They all own 7-11's, or gas stations. They also just like to blow things up.
I think I may have crossed the line again... Just a little bit though... But believe me, this isn't half as bad as some of the things I had mentioned to other people.
And like my sister said. Stereotypes are perfectly good types of socially acceptable racism because they're always true.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Ummm.... OK
Vagina...
Vagina...
Penis....
Dildo...
Vagina...
Vagina...
That is all....
Thanx for wasting your time with me ;)
Vagina...
Penis....
Dildo...
Vagina...
Vagina...
That is all....
Thanx for wasting your time with me ;)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Other PMS
I was so annoyed last night, when Cornholio came home bitchin at me about who-knows-what. So I did what I always do... ignore him.
Usually, he'll get the point and go on bitchin to himself. But yesterday, he just went on and on and on. He eventually went upstairs and I guess he bitched himself to sleep.
That's when I realized that it was his time of month and he was going through some major PMS. For those of you who don't know, PMS for a man stands for Penile Mood Swings. (I kinda just made that up, but it works if you ask me).
Just like their penis', male PMS is quite unpredictable. One minute its hard, the next it's soft. It shrinks cause it gets cold, sometimes spits for no apparent reason at all. Completely unpredictable. You get the point...
I really don't understand how you guys walk around with that thing, but anyways...
It's funny how men bitch about woman PMS and they don't even realized that they get their own version of PMS, too.
Personally, I much rather deal with a woman with PMS over a man with PMS because woman are much more predictable. I know that sounds hard to believe. A woman being predictable? But it's true.
You know that around that certain time of month, we're gonna be just a little more sensitive, evil, bitchy and conniving then we already are normally.
But, unlike men PMS, you know that this behavior in woman will always happen around the same time of month, every month (unless you knock us up) like clockwork (well, for most women).
Men PMS, however, is completely unpredictable. The only thing I know about Man PMS is that it's gonna come, and usually it's without warning. It totally catches you off guard and makes you want to punch the stupid fucker right in the fuckin throat because he's acting like a stupid shitface and it irrittates you so much that you plan on ripping out his eyeball in his sleep, or possibly pulling a Lorena Bobbit on his stupid ass.
(Deep breaths. Relax...)
You men suck asshole. I can't stand your asses when you have PMS because you're bigger bitches then we are when we have it.
I'm going to my happy place now. I'm good...
Usually, he'll get the point and go on bitchin to himself. But yesterday, he just went on and on and on. He eventually went upstairs and I guess he bitched himself to sleep.
That's when I realized that it was his time of month and he was going through some major PMS. For those of you who don't know, PMS for a man stands for Penile Mood Swings. (I kinda just made that up, but it works if you ask me).
Just like their penis', male PMS is quite unpredictable. One minute its hard, the next it's soft. It shrinks cause it gets cold, sometimes spits for no apparent reason at all. Completely unpredictable. You get the point...
I really don't understand how you guys walk around with that thing, but anyways...
It's funny how men bitch about woman PMS and they don't even realized that they get their own version of PMS, too.
Personally, I much rather deal with a woman with PMS over a man with PMS because woman are much more predictable. I know that sounds hard to believe. A woman being predictable? But it's true.
You know that around that certain time of month, we're gonna be just a little more sensitive, evil, bitchy and conniving then we already are normally.
But, unlike men PMS, you know that this behavior in woman will always happen around the same time of month, every month (unless you knock us up) like clockwork (well, for most women).
Men PMS, however, is completely unpredictable. The only thing I know about Man PMS is that it's gonna come, and usually it's without warning. It totally catches you off guard and makes you want to punch the stupid fucker right in the fuckin throat because he's acting like a stupid shitface and it irrittates you so much that you plan on ripping out his eyeball in his sleep, or possibly pulling a Lorena Bobbit on his stupid ass.
(Deep breaths. Relax...)
You men suck asshole. I can't stand your asses when you have PMS because you're bigger bitches then we are when we have it.
I'm going to my happy place now. I'm good...
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