I Think They're Watching Me

In a 48 hour period, I had slept a total of about 6 hours. I became paranoid and delusional. I knew that someone was out to get me some I had to stay up and wait for them to come.

I'll get them before they get me.

Those fucking bastards from the HOA were waiting for my to leave my car unattended so that they could slap an orange sticker on it and have those tow truck bastards tow my car away.

But I wasn't going to let that happen. Oh no... Not this time.

Instead, this is what I did:

Tuesday night:

I had 2 good friends stop by. These bitches get down. I mean, really get down. They were up for anything. With a 24 pack of beer in hand, we sat in the parking lot by our cars, waiting... taunting... the HOA fucktards to come out.

We blasted loud music from the car stereo, drank out beers in the open, were as loud as possible, and even peed in the parking lot.

A white lady came out her home. I recognized her as the Grumpy Face Lady. Always frowning, always old, always ugly, and never makes eye contact... till now.

She started at me with her old grumpy face, and I stared right the fuck back as if to say, "Yeah, bitch. I know you know of them".

As soon, as I locked eyes with her, she turned and headed back into her house.

For 4 hours, we waited and though we could here the tow trucks on the other side of the development, they never made their way to my street.

I left for the night and slept over my moms house, but her house is haunted so I didn't really sleep.

Wednesday night:

Again my 2 friends returned with a plus one. I figured partying in the parking lot 2 nights in a row might warrant one of the neighbors to call the cops on me, so we found parking at a nearby undisclosed location and head back to my house.

It's a bit of a walk, but I'm determined not to let these HOA bastards ruin my fun and not allow them to pressure me into paying them.

They wanted a war, they got one.

The sleep deprivation starts to set in and I realize that there's a fine line between insanity and sleep deprivation. Essentially, it's the same thing.

As I listened to the tow trucks hauling car after car on the other side of the development, I sat and waited for them to come to my side. I watched out the window, waiting to see the person who was behind the orange stickers, ready to start a confrontation.

But they never came to my side of the street. I have a feeling that they've been watching me. They knew I hadn't parked my car in the lot so they didn't even bother driving to my side of the street. But I knew they were out there. Watching and waiting.

They probably had no clue that I had found somewhere else to park, which is fine by me. I'll kept watching and as they plan their attacks on me, I'll be ready with a counter attack.

I finally got some sleep last night, but I'm not quite right yet. I know they're watching me and I wont stop until they give up.

They're waiting for me to slip up. Leave me car unattended for even a minute. But I'm not going to do that.

Terry's old and her whole HOA gang is full of more old people who are all possibly senile. Old people just aren't that smart. And fat people, like Terry, don't move so quick. So her whole little HOA posse is going down.

I'm gonna get all of them before they can get me.

Come on, bitches! Bring it on!

The Tow Truck Bastard & The Meth Addict

The evil tow truck bastard showed up last night. Much to my surprise, he wasn't alone. Apparently, that HOA bitch, Terry, has decided to "clean house" I guess you could say.

Long story short, 15 tow trucks came out and from about 8 PM - 12 AM. They towed around 60 cars out of our complex. Someone from the HOA was placing orange stickers on all the cars that were delinquent on their HOA fees. They also towed cars that didn't have parking passes on them at all.

Thanks to a neighbor, I caught the evil tow truck bastard as he was hooking up Cornholio's car to the tow truck. I tried to bribe him, discretely of course, not to tow the car.

The fucking son of a bitch tells me, "You have to pay your HOA fees".

I'm like, "Look, you don't have to tow the car, just drop it off at the shoppers, I'll give you $50 and we'll call it a night".

Like some retarded ass zombie, he repeats, "You have to pay your HOA fees".

Obviously, this particular tow truck asshole, was in cahoots with that scanky, cunt, whore, Terry.

I noticed another tow truck driver shaking his head at his fellow tow truck idiot, as if to say, "Man, you fucking stupid. Take the fuckin' money". He didn't say that, but I could tell he wanted to.

I was furious with the tow truck bastard for not taking me up on my deal and made a comment to him something along the lines of, "I didn't realize that they still had slaves. I see how that white bitch owns your sorry ass".

And of course, the slave said, "Don't beat me again, Massa". Actually the fucker repeated his infamous line of the night, " You have to pay your HOA fees". Moron.

I could've potentially have pissed off the tow truck bastard. Most black people would've taken offense to a comment like that. However, this tow truck driver was either a complete moron, or possibly having an affair with Terry, because my comment didn't seem to bother him at all.

I take it back. He couldn't be having an affair with Terry. She's just not that pretty and shes old and fat. The tow truck bastard was just a complete and utter idiot.

So they towed Cornholio's car, but they didn't get mine. I got my keys as they were towing his and another neighbors car and jumped in before another tow truck fucker had the chance to hook my car up.

We followed the tow truck people to the impound, get the car out just as fast as it went it, wasted another $100, then dropped off his car at his job.

However, while we were at the impound, I got wind of what the deal was with the tow truck bastards and found out that they were going to be making a 2nd round to pick up more cars around 5 AM and that they planned to do this all week long.

It was only midnight. My car wasn't safe. When I got home, I stayed in my car for about an hour before deciding that I needed some sleep and to set off my alarm at 4:30Am to potentially save my car if need be.

At 4:30 AM, my alarm goes off. I look out the window and see nothing. No sticker, no tow truck. I reset my alarm to 5 AM, but then I heard it. A tow truck. I look out the window and see a tow truck making rounds on the other side of the complex.

I threw on some pants and some shoes, grab my keys and ran right out the door. I got to me car and see some white guy walking around the complex with something in his hand and realize, he's with the HOA people.

I start the car and leave, really with no plan but to wait it out. I drive around for about 30 minutes, and head back home, but as I'm pulling in the complex, a tow truck driver is leaving... with a a car.

Obviously, they weren't done yet because there was another tow truck pulling into the complex as the other was leaving. So I bucked a U and got the hell outta there.

I head out to the parking lot where Cornholio works. I feel asleep out there for about 45 minutes, then decided to head back home yet again.

On my way home, some crazy, psycho, meth addict jumps into the middle of the road and of course I stop inches away from hitting him. He runs up to my window asking me for a ride, claiming that his car had broken down and a bunch of other bullshit that wasn't true.

I told him, "You must think I'm fucking crazy. You think I'm gonna let you in my car so you can possibly rob and kill me. Get the fuck out the way before I run your ass over".

He asked for a couple bucks, so I threw a five out the window. The fucker has the nerve to be ask me, "How about ten?"

To which I respond, "You're only getting five, so go do something useful and OD. Get the fuck out the way".

He moves out the way, and I race home.

AS I'm pulling into the complex, another tow truck is coming out with yet another car and the HOA guy is still walking around the complex, putting on more stickers on cars that "needed to be towed".

I had enough of that bullshit, so I got the boy son out of bed and headed to "work" which is at Cornholio's parents house. Finally got some sleep, though only for about 3 hours, but it's better then nothing.

I can't do this shit all week, so I guess Terry and I are going to be having a talk pretty soon. Or maybe I'll just spend the res of the week at my moms house.

I don't really appreciate Terry's force tactic so I feel the need to rebel. This shit ain't fucking over, yet...

Stalkers

While talking to my sister on the phone yesterday, we realized that we've both have had a lot of men stalkers in the past.

But since this blog isn't about her, we're not going to get into her male stalkers because it's not relevant to me, and no one cares.

So here goes my list of crazy stalkers. Well the ones I remember:

Crazy Stalker #1: Turd
I don't remember his actual name and I don't care. He was as creepy in personality as he was creepy in the way he looked.

He was my sisters then-boyfriends, cousin. He use to call me non-stop, like 20-30 times a day, and tell me that he was going to force me to marry him and have his babies.

I would avoid his calls but then I'd end up with like 20-30 messages on my voicemail about how he swore on his life that I would be forced into marrying him and having his babies.

I finally had to get a restraining order on this kid because I thought that he really believed that he would be able to force me to marry him and have his turd looking babies.

Crazy Stalker #2: The Wet Back
My brother use to work at an auto shop place. At least I think he did. Anyways, he had a co-worker who apparently had seen a picture of me and somehow had decided that I was going to be his girlfriend.

One day, I'm minding my business and I walk out the house. I saw this grease monkey, looking wet back standing across the parking lot just staring at me. One thing was for sure, he and his red Toyota pick-up truck were definitely in the wrong neighborhood.

So the guy approaches me and in his broke ass English says, "I know ju. I know who ju are. You bery prity. I like you bery moch."

To which I replied, "Well I sure as hell don't know you, and I'm leaving".

He says to me, "Ju are sister of Miguel, no?"

I paused and said, "Who the hell are you?"

Anyways, long story short, my brothers co-worker had somehow managed to find me. To this day I still don't have a clue how that happened.

After I told my brother what had happened, he quickly put a stop to that by telling the wet back that he would kick his ass and have him deported if he ever pulled a stunt like that again.

Crazy Stalker #3: The Dominican
So I met this Dominican at the mall one time. He seemed nice enough. Really polite and sweet. Apparently, a little crazy.

I gave this dude my phone number, and that same day he called me, which was cool I guess. So i talked to him for a little while, and then I got off the phone cause I had better things to do.

He called me, 10 minutes after we had hung up, so I answered and I'm like, "What?"

He's like, "Nothing, just wanted to talk to you".

I'm thinking to myself, is this dude on drugs? We just talked.

I got him off the phone, yet again and 10 minutes later, the phone rings. Thank God for caller ID. I didn't answer.

He calls back. My phone rang non-stop for the next 5 hours. And yes, it was him calling over and over and over. After that, I decided that I was better off not talking to this dude ever again.

For the next 2 weeks my phone would ring non-stop for like 5 hours straight everyday, and he left a message every time.

"Call me, please. I miss you". "Why haven't you called me back? I really need to talk to you." So on, and so on. Creepy right?

Eventually, I answered the phone, pretending to be my sister and I told him that I no longer lived there and had moved back to Miami. Why did I have to even go there?

Anyways, I had plenty more stalkers, but those 3 are the most memorable from what I can remember anyways.

And speaking of stalkers, I stalked the tow truck last night, but he never showed. I was thinking of maybe just leaving a note on my car with my number so that they can call me before they tow and I can try and bribe them, but still get some sleep in the process.

Stalking people makes me sleepy.