Happy Anniversary, Fucker

Today marks what would've been me and Frijolero's 1st year wedding anniversary.

Obviously, things have changed and instead of being in Atlantic City sexing it up like we had planned on doing a while back, we are now separated and I'm now living in Las Vegas, while he's on the other side of the country probably banging some bitch that may or may not be a paid professional.

Let's keep it real, Frijolero. We both know the first thing you did after I left was go to that fucking whore house, Fuego's, and probably had sex with one of those dirty sluts who have got be the ugliest strippers/whores on the face of the planet. You're probably oozing with chlamydia juice and herpes now. I hope your penis shrivels up and falls off. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

To commemorate this festive occasion, I've decided to post certain song lyrics that I would like to dedicate to my soon-to-be-ex-husband.

Actually, there's only one song that really just sums it all up. It's not even the whole song, just the ending.

Green Day said it best:

You're just a fuck
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck
I'm taking pride
In telling you to fuck off and die

F.O.D. by Green Day

Thank you, Green Day for those beautiful lyrics. I don't think I could've worded it any better then that...

But I'm gonna try anyways. Here is something I wrote just for you:

You're deceitful and you lie
You're an asshole
Go fuckin die

You've evil and you're mean
You like your whores
Young, shaved and "clean"

If they end up giving you the clap
I wont be mad
Cause you deserve that

I fucking hate you, hate you, hate you
I fucking hate you, stupid prick
I fucking hate you, hate you, hate you
Why don't you fuck yourself, piece of shit

I'm not that angry so don't you fret
I look forward to your child support check

It's the only thing helping me through
Remembering all the wasted time I spent with you

Anyways, it's a work in progress, so it's kinda all over the place right now.

In case your wondering, NO there is absolutely no possibility of reconciliation. I naively believe there was at first, but he quickly shot down any possibility of that happening. It's okay though. I'm not Angry. Well, maybe a little.

I've been holding back a lot, so it was time for me to vent a little so I can move on. However, this will more then likely be the last time that you hear any mention of Frijolero because I'm not gonna dwell on the past and all that shoulda/coulda/woulda type shit. Besides, there's no real drama between us anyways and I'd like to keep it that way.

No drama = boring blogs.

It's time for me to grab my vagina and pick myself up on my 2 feet and move on. And honestly, it's probably for the best that we split up. He just had the balls to do something that I couldn't do, so all jokes aside, there are no hard feelings (and no the marriage didn't end cause of prostitutes, and I don't really hope he catches an std and his penis falls off. Ok, well maybe I do want his penis to fall off, LOL).

Beside, I'm single now, living in Las Vegas, and will more then likely end up with a woman living out here. There are a lot of hot bitches, but I haven't seen too many attractive guys. I could be wrong, but I guess we'll see.

I could literally go either way at this point.

Angry Girlfriend Gets Married???

So the rumors have it that I got hitched.

It's true... don't ask. Like everything else in my life, this was an impulse decision. I have no reason whatsoever for getting married, I simply did it cause I can.

On the plus side, I'll now be able to legally take half of everything Cornholio owns. On the negative side, I now can't impulsively marry a woman in Canada if I ever make that trip up north.

Oh well... C'est la vie...

You can't have it all...

Since some of you are probably wondering, I'll say this much:

The bride wore a pair of ripped jeans, a black t-shirt from Old Navy and a pair of New Balance sneakers.

No one really cares about what men wear so I'll leave that part out since its really irrelevant.

The Grooms sister had this much to say:


To which I say, yes, yes I did force him to get married... and penetrate my anus with his penis... and to perform and receive oral sex... and give me a facial...

Yes I admit it... I forced him to do all those things... I'm such a horrible person.

Cunts like that shouldn't even be allowed to have an opinion, let alone breathe. What a fucking dumb ass cunt... But enough about that. It's not really relevant to anything anyways.

So yep, I got married and had sex in this really super big hot tub. I also gambled and lost $60 in Atlantic City ($60 is a lot when you're poor).

On a completely irrelevant topic, my asshole itches. I know that no one cares to hear that and I should probably just scratch it, but I really enjoy sharing this type of information with people.

Who wants to come scratch it?

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: Should I Bring Up Marriage?

It's been a while since I recieved a question from a reader, but today I happen to find that someone out there is still reading.

Hey Angry Girlfriend,

I'm 20-years-old, and I've been dating my current boyfriend for about 6 months. He's 25. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I've never felt this way about anyone before. I really love him and I think he could be the one. Neither of us have any kids.

He's joked around in the past about us getting married, but I think he might really want to get married. I feel the same way. Do you think it's a good idea to bring up a serious conversation about marriage to see where we stand?

Thanks for your help in advance,

Tigress

Oh Tigress,

It never occurred to me that I haven't posted a blog with my views about marriage. So here it is:

I am TERRIFIED at the thought of marriage for several reason:

1. I'm not very comfortable expressing my self emotionally. Especially when I feel that it could make me look weak and vulnerable. In other words, standing in front of a large crowd, professing my love, would be very awkward, and uncomfortable to me, and to be quite honest, ain't no way, no how, I'd ever be able to do that for anyone.

2. Having sex with only one person for the rest of my life? Is that even natural? Scary, so lets not think about it.

3. Divorce rate is pretty high. You got a 50/50 chance of even staying together after getting married and if you happen to fall into the 50% who end up divorcing, man is that gonna be a pain in your ass.

4. If it ain't broke, why fix it? Marriage isn't gonna change shit other then your last name, assuming you even want to change it. The person is still gonna be the same, as will you.

Actually, those are all the reasons I have. I guess I'm just very uncomfortable at the idea of marriage and those views may or may not change.

Knowing me, they probably will cause I go through so many phases. But one thing is for certain: If I ever do get married, I'm eloping in Vegas, and Elvis will be performing the ceremony. I'm not being corny and stupid in front of a large crowd.

I totally haven't even answered your question, but to be honest, I can't give you an answer. You have to do what you believe is right for you.

I wouldn't bring up marriage, especially not after only 6 months of dating, but that's just me. I obviously have a lot of issues.

If you feel that you and your boyfriend are both financially stable and have sown all your wild oats and are in the same place in your life, then it could very well, possibly work out for you. I guess you really have nothing to loose by bringing up the conversation.

As for me, I'm not quite there yet.

Good luck with that.

Angry Girlfriend

Questions can be sent to angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or you can fill out the form on the right hand side of this page.