The Wondrous Vulva Puppet

Recently on The Tyra Banks Show, there was a segment which featured “The Wondrous Vulva Puppet”.

Apparently this puppet was designed for women who seem to have some sort of self-loathing towards their vulva, or so was my idea of what purpose this puppet served. As a proud owner of a vulva, I have to admit that this has to be one of the most ridiculous inventions ever to be created. Especially since the price to buy one of these Vulva Puppets is $125.

I happen to love my vulva very much, but I just can’t imagine the idea of spending $125 on a Vulva Puppet that in no way shows the true the beauty of a vulva. I don't know why they refer to this thing as being "Wondrous". I don't see anything wondrous about it at all. I'm actually a little shocked and somewhat amused at the idea that there are actually people out there wasting their money on this thing.

I’d be open to a Vulva Puppet if it actually resembled a real vulva because then I could actually believe that it would serve some sort of purpose.

Dr. Debbie, who was a featured guess on the Tyra Banks Show and a spokesperson for “The Wondrous Vulva Puppet” said on the show about the Vulva Puppet, “It’s a little silly because of course we don’t really have velvet and satin and little flowers down there, so when you do look down there, you know don’t be surprised if you don’t find this”.

To which Tyra replied, “I’m so happy that you have this because it, really, it makes it cute and sweet and not scary. It’s like a stuff animal”.

I’m assuming that Tyra must loath her vulva if she thinks it’s scary.

As Dr. Debbie pointed out the urethra (you may not know it by name, but this is the mysterious “third hole” I’m sure most of you have heard about, where your urine comes out of), Tyra stated to Dr. Debbie, “Dr. Debbie so many woman think that you pee and have a baby from the same hole.”

Truth be known, I do believe that their may be a lot of woman out there that do lack basic knowledge about their vulvas, but I don’t think that Tyra is giving the majority of us who know better, credit.

I think a more accurate statement would have been that Tyra thought that you pee and have a baby from the same hole.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for sex education, especially for woman. I just don’t agree that dressing up a vulva in velvet and sewing a flower where the clitoris should be is really useful since a real vagina looks nothing like that.

If the purpose of this Vulva Puppet was to make woman want to embrace their vulva’s and not feel shame, then why not create a more accurate Vulva Puppet? One that shows what a real vulva looks like in all its glory.

The only way that a self-conscious woman will be able to really embrace her vulva is if she has a more accurate depiction of what a real vulva looks like and not some vulva that looks like a deformed, fluffy, stuffed animal.


Image from The Wondrous Vulva Puppet

The truth is our vulvas are not scary. They are beautiful just as they are, but by creating this Vulva Puppet to make it look “pretty”, I think that they may make already self-conscious women even more self-conscious about their vulvas and unconsciously these women may actually start to believe that their vulvas are scary and ugly.

To all the women who may be reading this: If you haven’t gotten in touch with your vulva, I suggest you do so. Just like penises come in all different colors and sizes and curves, our vulvas come in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes. You don’t have to spend $125 on a vulva that is dressed to be pretty, when you own a vulva that is just as accurate as any other vulva out there.

The key to really learning to love your vulva is to embrace it for all it’s worth, not by buying one of these silly little puppets that in Tyra’s words, “makes it cute and sweet and not scary”. A real vulva is cute and sweet. There’s no need for this velvety, silky, satin, flowery vulva because a real vulva looks and feels nothing that.

Embrace your vulvas for how they really are. The real vulva is so much better then the sugar coded version. There is nothing more empowering for a woman then the ability to love, embrace, and speak openly, without shame about her vulva.

Wondrous Vulva Puppet, my ass.