Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Honey Honestly: What's Your Number?

We’ve all been there. You’re sitting there on the couch with your significant other, whom at this point, you probably haven’t been dating for anymore then 3 months, when suddenly they turn to you and ask, “So honey, how many people have you slept with?”

No one really wants to answer this question truthfully, and the person who asked the question more then likely doesn’t want a truthful answer, and yet, for some unknown reason this question always seems to pop up at some point in a relationship.

So how do you answer? Well, if you’re anything like me, you lie. My number has stayed at 6 for… well… let’s just say a long time. Funny thing about it is that the number 6 seems to be the standard number for most women.

Every woman that I know that does have a higher number then 6, will always tell her current partner that he is number 6. Hell, I’ll be damned if I ratted them out. After all, I’m a liar, too! (Not that I’ve been overly promiscuous, but some people just didn’t count, hehe).

But what I don’t get is why is it that when a guy is asked about his number, the answer is always something like, “I can’t remember” or some ridiculously high number which of course is, 99% of the time, a flat out lie.

Woman tend to knock off a few people from their list because “it didn’t count” or because they don’t like to seem promiscuous, but men tend to exaggerate because a higher number makes them seem more macho to their male buddies who of course are also lying.

I don’t think these men get that woman don’t like promiscuous men anymore then men like promiscuous woman. A whore is a whore, regardless of gender, and I don’t see shit in a guy who claims to have a high number of sexual partners. It’s actually a major turn-off to most women. So even if you happen to be one of those guys who really does have a ridiculously high number, unless you were or are currently a porn star, I suggest you start lying about you’re number, too!

I don’t normally advocate lying in a relationship but in this case, it’s probably the better option because even though you’re partner may ask you the question, it doesn’t mean that they necessarily want hear the truth.

If you happen to be one of those people who really feels the need to figure out the truth, here’s a good way to get a more accurate estimate of how many past lovers your current boy/girlfriend has had:

*To get a more accurate estimate number for a female, multiply whatever number of sexual partners she claims to have had by 2. (Ex. If she claims 3, then it’s more likely 6. If she claims 6, then it’s more likely 12, etc.)

*To get a more accurate estimate number for a male, divide whatever number of sexual partners he claims to have had by 3. (Ex. If he claims 20, then it’s more likely 6. If he claims 36, then it’s more likely 12, etc.)

*Note: This formula does not apply to people who have worked in the following industries: porn, whore houses, escorts, strippers, prostitutes, Hollywood actors and actresses and Hugh Hefner.

Should your partner ever happen to ask you who has been the best lover you’ve had, the answer should always be, “Are you kidding me? You, honey. You’re the best”. I don’t care if your current sexual partner is like a cold dead fish in the sack. The answer to the question should always be the person you’re currently with, that is unless you’re on a suicide mission.

Why do people even bother to ask these damn questions? Because we’re all in some way a little bit narcissistic and egocentric. We all want to hear that we are the best fuck, cocksucker, carpet-muncher, etc., even if it is a lie.

Of course, I just happen to know that I am very good at what I do, and I don’t need any reassurance about it. I guess I’m just full of myself. ;)

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