The past several weekends, I've been rockin' it out like a fucking Rockstar for no other reason then just because I can.
This past weekend proved to be pretty interesting. I went out with my cousin and her wife (yes, they are lesbians), and 2 other friends to celebrate my cousins wife's birthday. We all decided to head out to a strip club since there appears to be a shortage on lesbian bars.
My goal was simple... Get trashed.
Not that bad kinda trashed where you can't even walk. The good kinda trashed where you feel really nice. Actually, I guess you could say my goal wasn't really to get trashed as much as it was to get tipsy and spend as little money as possible doing it.
Anyways, here we all were at this titty bar where the strippers get fully nude and have their pussy about 6 inches away from your face, but that's pretty irrelevant since that part of the story happened like 2 weeks ago.
This weekend we sat at the opposite end of the bar where you can get a good view of the strippers dancing but we're sitting at the actual bar as opposed to sitting by the stage.
I'm taking back as many drinks as possible and the bartender from 2 weeks ago seems to remember me so she hooks up my drinks and loads them with alcohol.
I'm starting to feel nice and I'm dancing in my seat. Now, you can only get but so provocative while dancing in your seat which is why I'm completely surprised and caught off guard when the guy sitting 3 bar stools down from me pulls out a stack of dollar bills and offers it to me if I jump up on stage and dance.
Naturally, I look at him like he's crazy and go back to doing my thing. Later on in the night, one of the dancers approaches me, my cousin, her wife and says, "Ya'll are lesbians, ain't ya'll?"
I point to my cousin and her wife and replied, "Well, those 2 are. I just do what I do".
To which she responds, "Well, I bet if you let me eat your pussy, I'll turn you out".
I kinda laughed it off, but then she tells me about a trip to Jamaica that she's going on in April and tells me to go with her. All I gotta do is pay my airfare. She asks me for cell phone and for whatever reason I handed it to her. She put in her name and number and tells me to call her and then walks off.
Did I just pick up a stripper without even trying? Yep, looks like I did. Interesting.
We're all heading out the club at the end of the night, and Mr. Stack of Dollar Bills creeps up on us.
"Why didn't you get up on stage? I really wanted to give you this money", he says.
"Hell, if you really wanted to give me the money, you would've given me the money. I ain't that hard up for cash, though", I responded and walk towards the car.
Suddenly, nature calls and I realize I should've peed before we left the club. Oh well, fuck it. Guess I'm gonna have to pee in the parking lot of a strip club. I somehow managed to pee on the bottom of both pant legs though I didn't realize it till we had all arrived at my house and I decide to strip for my guest.
The Boyfriend comes down, notices that I probably just a little tipsy, declares that he's got a sore throat, watches me dance for a while, then heads back up the stairs. I gave my friend a lap dance and we continue to rock out till about 6 in the morning.
I head up to bed, decide that I want sex, and wake The Boyfriend up to service me. I think he was a little pissed off but lately, I really just don't give a shit.
