I Hate You - Go Rot In A Ditch

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Happy Anniversary, Fucker

Today marks what would've been me and Frijolero's 1st year wedding anniversary.

Obviously, things have changed and instead of being in Atlantic City sexing it up like we had planned on doing a while back, we are now separated and I'm now living in Las Vegas, while he's on the other side of the country probably banging some bitch that may or may not be a paid professional.

Let's keep it real, Frijolero. We both know the first thing you did after I left was go to that fucking whore house, Fuego's, and probably had sex with one of those dirty sluts who have got be the ugliest strippers/whores on the face of the planet. You're probably oozing with chlamydia juice and herpes now. I hope your penis shrivels up and falls off. I mean that in the nicest way possible.

To commemorate this festive occasion, I've decided to post certain song lyrics that I would like to dedicate to my soon-to-be-ex-husband.

Actually, there's only one song that really just sums it all up. It's not even the whole song, just the ending.

Green Day said it best:

You're just a fuck
I can't explain it 'cause I think you suck
I'm taking pride
In telling you to fuck off and die

F.O.D. by Green Day

Thank you, Green Day for those beautiful lyrics. I don't think I could've worded it any better then that...

But I'm gonna try anyways. Here is something I wrote just for you:

You're deceitful and you lie
You're an asshole
Go fuckin die

You've evil and you're mean
You like your whores
Young, shaved and "clean"

If they end up giving you the clap
I wont be mad
Cause you deserve that

I fucking hate you, hate you, hate you
I fucking hate you, stupid prick
I fucking hate you, hate you, hate you
Why don't you fuck yourself, piece of shit

I'm not that angry so don't you fret
I look forward to your child support check

It's the only thing helping me through
Remembering all the wasted time I spent with you

Anyways, it's a work in progress, so it's kinda all over the place right now.

In case your wondering, NO there is absolutely no possibility of reconciliation. I naively believe there was at first, but he quickly shot down any possibility of that happening. It's okay though. I'm not Angry. Well, maybe a little.

I've been holding back a lot, so it was time for me to vent a little so I can move on. However, this will more then likely be the last time that you hear any mention of Frijolero because I'm not gonna dwell on the past and all that shoulda/coulda/woulda type shit. Besides, there's no real drama between us anyways and I'd like to keep it that way.

No drama = boring blogs.

It's time for me to grab my vagina and pick myself up on my 2 feet and move on. And honestly, it's probably for the best that we split up. He just had the balls to do something that I couldn't do, so all jokes aside, there are no hard feelings (and no the marriage didn't end cause of prostitutes, and I don't really hope he catches an std and his penis falls off. Ok, well maybe I do want his penis to fall off, LOL).

Beside, I'm single now, living in Las Vegas, and will more then likely end up with a woman living out here. There are a lot of hot bitches, but I haven't seen too many attractive guys. I could be wrong, but I guess we'll see.

I could literally go either way at this point.

KY: Yours + Mine

So we've all seen the commercial for KY: Yours + Mine, but the commercial is pretty vague on what the stuff does, other then when they combine...
Naturally, I had to put it to the test. Why? Because that's what I do.

It comes with 2 bottles. Yours (his) and the Mine (hers).

I'm not really sure what the Yours (his) side of it is suppose to do for him. Cornholio claimed that it did nothing for him which I believe to be total bullshit, but what would I know? I don't have a penis.

On the Mine (hers) side of it, it was a different story. The Mine (hers) when rubber outside on the vagina and more specifically on the clitoris, it provided a cool sensation.

When combined with the Yours (his), there was a warm feeling in my vagina and a cool feeling on my clitoris.

Long story short, warm on the inside + cool on the outside = very quick orgasm.

Not to mention that I had blast with all the crazy tingly feeling going on down there. Not quite fireworks, but fun nonetheless.

It cost about $15, but it was so totally worth it.




I give it 4 out of 5 Dildos.



On a completely irrelevant topic, last night I read an old issue of Penthouse Forum from 1977 and ended up masturbating 4 times.

Who'd think that people in the 70's were soooo naughty?

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: Is My Girlfriend Bi?

This question comes from Lain.

Lain writes:

I was reading your topic on bisexuality. I myself would consider my sexuality to be strictly homosexual, but my girlfriend has a history of being with men, and has admitted, though not to me, that should we break up she would most likely return to men. To me, however, she claims she is a lesbian. I find this bothersome because it feels like she's hiding her sexuality from me. I told her that if she would be bi then, wouldn't that make her bi now? and still warrant some attraction to males? She swears she has no attraction to men, but I feel like it's a lie. I don't really dislike her for it, but it does make me worry that eventually I alone will be inadequate for her. You mentioned how its natural to have a romp with the opposite or same sex on occasion; do you think she'll do the same? Or resent me if I tell her I don't want her to? I'm really conflicted.

Wow. I'm really feeling for you.

Thing about it is, bisexuals tend to confuse the hell out of people, even themselves. Your girlfriend is definitely not a lesbian though. Based on what you've told me, I'm certain as to that much.

But the two of you are in a relationship together (I'm assuming it's a monogamous one), which means that no matter whether she's gay, straight, or bi, she shouldn't be resentful towards you if you objected to her sleeping around with men.

After all, I highly doubt that you would find it acceptable for her to sleep around regardless of whether she chose to do it with a man or woman.

It is somewhat troublesome that she feels the need to lie about her sexuality though it could be that she is lying only so that you don't feel threatened by it since she has no immediate plans to leave you.

Assure her that you're not threatened by her bisexuality and she may eventually come clean with you in time. But don't press the issue too hard either. Some people just have a hard time coming clean to those who mean the most to them.

As for her admitting that she would more than likely return to men in the event that the two of you should break up, don't get yourself too worked up over it. She didn't say that she was going to leave you for a man, just that in the event of the two of you breaking up she may go back to men.

She more than likely doesn't even mean it and is just expressing her normal relationship frustrations. When I get frustrated with The Boyfriend, I always tell him that the next relationship I'm in is going to be with a woman. Do I mean it? Not really (well kinda), but I say it out of frustration at the moment.

The bottom line is, if she's not actively seeking out a relationship with either a man or a woman, you don't have much to worry about regardless of whether she's a lesbian or bi.

I really hope this helps.

Angry Girlfriend

Anyone else have a question or comment about this topic or anything else, email me @ angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the Send A Question Form on the right side of this page.

Flashes Nastiness

My friend, "Too-Tall", recently met a guy who's even taller then she is. She's 6'0 and he's 6'7. They met while she was out clubbing but, I don't remember the name of the club, not that it's relevant anyways.

You know how the story goes: Boy meets girl. Girl disses boy. Boy becomes annoyingly persistent. Girl still disses boy. Girl gets drunk and eventually finds the annoyingly persistent boy cute, or girl just eventually gives up.

In either case, this is pretty much what happened when Too-Tall met this dude and by the end of the night they had exchanged phone numbers.

As they got to know each other, Too-Tall finds out that the guy she had met was about to get drafted into the NFL, which is great if your a football fan, a gold-digger, a groupie, or a girl who is looking for a guy that isn't always going to be around so that you can do what you do with no questions asked.

Too-Tall is none of the above (personally, I'd fall into the latter category). Either way, none of this is really relevant to the story.

Naturally, Too-Tall googled her new flame just to see if he story checked out. I know it may seem hard to believe, but most females don't really care what you do for a living, so long as you do work and we don't have to support you, but we really hate being lied to.

As it turned out, he wasn't lying. We sat there, reading Too-Tall's mans profile. There was a part that I caught that really just caught me off guard. In the analysis, under his negatives was something about "Flashes nastiness".

Whatever the hell that means, we couldn't figure out. Does he score a touch down, then whip out his nastiness? Maybe he flashes his nastiness before he goes out on the field? We really have no clue what the fuck was meant by "flashes nastiness", and the only things we could come up with were sexual in nature.

Well either way, Too-Tall was turned on and decided that she wanted Mr. Flashes Nastiness to flash her his nastiness, whatever the hell that meant.

Unfortunately, Flashes Nastiness wasn't around, and Too-Tall wouldn't shut up about how she wanted Flashes Nastiness to flash her his nastiness, so as any good friend would do, I flashed my nastiness to Too-Tall so she would shut the hell up.

The things we do for our friends!

Honey Honestly: What's Your Number?

We’ve all been there. You’re sitting there on the couch with your significant other, whom at this point, you probably haven’t been dating for anymore then 3 months, when suddenly they turn to you and ask, “So honey, how many people have you slept with?”

No one really wants to answer this question truthfully, and the person who asked the question more then likely doesn’t want a truthful answer, and yet, for some unknown reason this question always seems to pop up at some point in a relationship.

So how do you answer? Well, if you’re anything like me, you lie. My number has stayed at 6 for… well… let’s just say a long time. Funny thing about it is that the number 6 seems to be the standard number for most women.

Every woman that I know that does have a higher number then 6, will always tell her current partner that he is number 6. Hell, I’ll be damned if I ratted them out. After all, I’m a liar, too! (Not that I’ve been overly promiscuous, but some people just didn’t count, hehe).

But what I don’t get is why is it that when a guy is asked about his number, the answer is always something like, “I can’t remember” or some ridiculously high number which of course is, 99% of the time, a flat out lie.

Woman tend to knock off a few people from their list because “it didn’t count” or because they don’t like to seem promiscuous, but men tend to exaggerate because a higher number makes them seem more macho to their male buddies who of course are also lying.

I don’t think these men get that woman don’t like promiscuous men anymore then men like promiscuous woman. A whore is a whore, regardless of gender, and I don’t see shit in a guy who claims to have a high number of sexual partners. It’s actually a major turn-off to most women. So even if you happen to be one of those guys who really does have a ridiculously high number, unless you were or are currently a porn star, I suggest you start lying about you’re number, too!

I don’t normally advocate lying in a relationship but in this case, it’s probably the better option because even though you’re partner may ask you the question, it doesn’t mean that they necessarily want hear the truth.

If you happen to be one of those people who really feels the need to figure out the truth, here’s a good way to get a more accurate estimate of how many past lovers your current boy/girlfriend has had:

*To get a more accurate estimate number for a female, multiply whatever number of sexual partners she claims to have had by 2. (Ex. If she claims 3, then it’s more likely 6. If she claims 6, then it’s more likely 12, etc.)

*To get a more accurate estimate number for a male, divide whatever number of sexual partners he claims to have had by 3. (Ex. If he claims 20, then it’s more likely 6. If he claims 36, then it’s more likely 12, etc.)

*Note: This formula does not apply to people who have worked in the following industries: porn, whore houses, escorts, strippers, prostitutes, Hollywood actors and actresses and Hugh Hefner.

Should your partner ever happen to ask you who has been the best lover you’ve had, the answer should always be, “Are you kidding me? You, honey. You’re the best”. I don’t care if your current sexual partner is like a cold dead fish in the sack. The answer to the question should always be the person you’re currently with, that is unless you’re on a suicide mission.

Why do people even bother to ask these damn questions? Because we’re all in some way a little bit narcissistic and egocentric. We all want to hear that we are the best fuck, cocksucker, carpet-muncher, etc., even if it is a lie.

Of course, I just happen to know that I am very good at what I do, and I don’t need any reassurance about it. I guess I’m just full of myself. ;)