So I've been really slacking lately, but it's all good cause I needed a little break anyways.
So yesterday, I was speaking to one of my cousins and she made a little confession. She's been so lonely that she has resorted to humping her pillows for comfort.
Somebody needs to hook this bitch up with a dating reality TV show. She needs to get laid ASAP. And before all you men out there reading this get the wrong idea, shes gay. Reeeeeally gay. So you don't stand a chance.
We've posted ad's for her on Craigslist (legit ads, not the ads I was doing before, hehe), responded to ads on craigslist, signed her up on varies lesbian dating sites, and all to no avail.
I'm not sure why she's having such a hard time finding someone. It's not like the bitch is ugly or anything... a little psycho maybe, but definitely not ugly.
So I'm running out of ideas on how to help her out. I'm tired of her randomly hanging up the phone on me in the middle of a conversation only to call me back 5 minutes later to tell me how she just finished masturbating and had an awesome orgasm, and I she really needs to stop fornicating with inanimate objects.
Although, I must admit that she must have a pretty vivid imagination if she really believes that pillow shes humping is a real person. I wonder if she's given it a name?
Any white lesbian woman between the ages of 25-35, living in the Miami area who maybe interested in building a friendship that may lead to more with a 29-year-old, latina lesbian who is currently humping her pillow like a dog in heat, please contact me and I'll pass your info onto her. Pillow humpers are encouraged to respond.
Butches and ugly people need not respond. (Her words, not mine).
Also, please have a car and be willing to travel because her license was revoked and she's not legally eligible to drive for another 4 1/2 years.
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
Questions to Angry Girlfriend: Is My Girlfriend Bi?
This question comes from Lain.
Lain writes:
I was reading your topic on bisexuality. I myself would consider my sexuality to be strictly homosexual, but my girlfriend has a history of being with men, and has admitted, though not to me, that should we break up she would most likely return to men. To me, however, she claims she is a lesbian. I find this bothersome because it feels like she's hiding her sexuality from me. I told her that if she would be bi then, wouldn't that make her bi now? and still warrant some attraction to males? She swears she has no attraction to men, but I feel like it's a lie. I don't really dislike her for it, but it does make me worry that eventually I alone will be inadequate for her. You mentioned how its natural to have a romp with the opposite or same sex on occasion; do you think she'll do the same? Or resent me if I tell her I don't want her to? I'm really conflicted.
Wow. I'm really feeling for you.
Thing about it is, bisexuals tend to confuse the hell out of people, even themselves. Your girlfriend is definitely not a lesbian though. Based on what you've told me, I'm certain as to that much.
But the two of you are in a relationship together (I'm assuming it's a monogamous one), which means that no matter whether she's gay, straight, or bi, she shouldn't be resentful towards you if you objected to her sleeping around with men.
After all, I highly doubt that you would find it acceptable for her to sleep around regardless of whether she chose to do it with a man or woman.
It is somewhat troublesome that she feels the need to lie about her sexuality though it could be that she is lying only so that you don't feel threatened by it since she has no immediate plans to leave you.
Assure her that you're not threatened by her bisexuality and she may eventually come clean with you in time. But don't press the issue too hard either. Some people just have a hard time coming clean to those who mean the most to them.
As for her admitting that she would more than likely return to men in the event that the two of you should break up, don't get yourself too worked up over it. She didn't say that she was going to leave you for a man, just that in the event of the two of you breaking up she may go back to men.
She more than likely doesn't even mean it and is just expressing her normal relationship frustrations. When I get frustrated with The Boyfriend, I always tell him that the next relationship I'm in is going to be with a woman. Do I mean it? Not really (well kinda), but I say it out of frustration at the moment.
The bottom line is, if she's not actively seeking out a relationship with either a man or a woman, you don't have much to worry about regardless of whether she's a lesbian or bi.
I really hope this helps.
Angry Girlfriend
Anyone else have a question or comment about this topic or anything else, email me @ angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the Send A Question Form on the right side of this page.
Lain writes:
I was reading your topic on bisexuality. I myself would consider my sexuality to be strictly homosexual, but my girlfriend has a history of being with men, and has admitted, though not to me, that should we break up she would most likely return to men. To me, however, she claims she is a lesbian. I find this bothersome because it feels like she's hiding her sexuality from me. I told her that if she would be bi then, wouldn't that make her bi now? and still warrant some attraction to males? She swears she has no attraction to men, but I feel like it's a lie. I don't really dislike her for it, but it does make me worry that eventually I alone will be inadequate for her. You mentioned how its natural to have a romp with the opposite or same sex on occasion; do you think she'll do the same? Or resent me if I tell her I don't want her to? I'm really conflicted.
Wow. I'm really feeling for you.
Thing about it is, bisexuals tend to confuse the hell out of people, even themselves. Your girlfriend is definitely not a lesbian though. Based on what you've told me, I'm certain as to that much.
But the two of you are in a relationship together (I'm assuming it's a monogamous one), which means that no matter whether she's gay, straight, or bi, she shouldn't be resentful towards you if you objected to her sleeping around with men.
After all, I highly doubt that you would find it acceptable for her to sleep around regardless of whether she chose to do it with a man or woman.
It is somewhat troublesome that she feels the need to lie about her sexuality though it could be that she is lying only so that you don't feel threatened by it since she has no immediate plans to leave you.
Assure her that you're not threatened by her bisexuality and she may eventually come clean with you in time. But don't press the issue too hard either. Some people just have a hard time coming clean to those who mean the most to them.
As for her admitting that she would more than likely return to men in the event that the two of you should break up, don't get yourself too worked up over it. She didn't say that she was going to leave you for a man, just that in the event of the two of you breaking up she may go back to men.
She more than likely doesn't even mean it and is just expressing her normal relationship frustrations. When I get frustrated with The Boyfriend, I always tell him that the next relationship I'm in is going to be with a woman. Do I mean it? Not really (well kinda), but I say it out of frustration at the moment.
The bottom line is, if she's not actively seeking out a relationship with either a man or a woman, you don't have much to worry about regardless of whether she's a lesbian or bi.
I really hope this helps.
Angry Girlfriend
Anyone else have a question or comment about this topic or anything else, email me @ angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the Send A Question Form on the right side of this page.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
I'm the Gay Ringleader
I love my cousin. She's so cool and gay, and really outgoing and gay, and she's just fun to be around. Did I mention that she was gay?
Her wife is so cool and just as gay, but according to them, all of my friends are gayer then they are and I'm the gay ringleader.
My cousin and her wife seem to believe that I set the pace for gayness among my friends and they just follow my gay lead. Did I mention that I'm not gay?
I don't deny being the gay ringleader amongst my friends. It's probably true. After all, my sexuality has always been a little border line.
All my friend were walking a pretty straight line... that is until they met me.
I have caused more confusion in my friends sexuality than I care to count or take responsibility for.
I have been the first girl most of my female friends have kissed. I'm the person who made it completely acceptable for my group of friends to grope each other just cause, the person who said it's okay for us to show one another our body parts and compare or just because you want to. I made it completely normal to mess around with another girl just cause I felt I could, and most if not all of my friends, followed my lead.
I have caused a number of friends to question their sexuality, one of which I believe to be a closet lesbian and my lesbian cousin would agree. I'm hoping to be able to help her come out.
I have been the subject of controversy in most of my female friends heterosexual relationships, as their boyfriends would worry that I may actually one day steal their woman right from underneath them.
That, however, couldn't be any further from the truth. The fact is, if I would've wanted their women, I would've had them. (I know it sounds really cocky on my part, but it's true).
The question that I always hear is: Why do you do this if your not gay?
So here goes my answer:
1. I'm a highly sexual person.
2. Because I can.
3. I'm the gay ringleader.
Got a problem with that? Well I guess you can fuck yourself =)
Her wife is so cool and just as gay, but according to them, all of my friends are gayer then they are and I'm the gay ringleader.
My cousin and her wife seem to believe that I set the pace for gayness among my friends and they just follow my gay lead. Did I mention that I'm not gay?
I don't deny being the gay ringleader amongst my friends. It's probably true. After all, my sexuality has always been a little border line.
All my friend were walking a pretty straight line... that is until they met me.
I have caused more confusion in my friends sexuality than I care to count or take responsibility for.
I have been the first girl most of my female friends have kissed. I'm the person who made it completely acceptable for my group of friends to grope each other just cause, the person who said it's okay for us to show one another our body parts and compare or just because you want to. I made it completely normal to mess around with another girl just cause I felt I could, and most if not all of my friends, followed my lead.
I have caused a number of friends to question their sexuality, one of which I believe to be a closet lesbian and my lesbian cousin would agree. I'm hoping to be able to help her come out.
I have been the subject of controversy in most of my female friends heterosexual relationships, as their boyfriends would worry that I may actually one day steal their woman right from underneath them.
That, however, couldn't be any further from the truth. The fact is, if I would've wanted their women, I would've had them. (I know it sounds really cocky on my part, but it's true).
The question that I always hear is: Why do you do this if your not gay?
So here goes my answer:
1. I'm a highly sexual person.
2. Because I can.
3. I'm the gay ringleader.
Got a problem with that? Well I guess you can fuck yourself =)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Girl's Night Out
The past several weekends, I've been rockin' it out like a fucking Rockstar for no other reason then just because I can.
This past weekend proved to be pretty interesting. I went out with my cousin and her wife (yes, they are lesbians), and 2 other friends to celebrate my cousins wife's birthday. We all decided to head out to a strip club since there appears to be a shortage on lesbian bars.
My goal was simple... Get trashed.
Not that bad kinda trashed where you can't even walk. The good kinda trashed where you feel really nice. Actually, I guess you could say my goal wasn't really to get trashed as much as it was to get tipsy and spend as little money as possible doing it.
Anyways, here we all were at this titty bar where the strippers get fully nude and have their pussy about 6 inches away from your face, but that's pretty irrelevant since that part of the story happened like 2 weeks ago.
This weekend we sat at the opposite end of the bar where you can get a good view of the strippers dancing but we're sitting at the actual bar as opposed to sitting by the stage.
I'm taking back as many drinks as possible and the bartender from 2 weeks ago seems to remember me so she hooks up my drinks and loads them with alcohol.
I'm starting to feel nice and I'm dancing in my seat. Now, you can only get but so provocative while dancing in your seat which is why I'm completely surprised and caught off guard when the guy sitting 3 bar stools down from me pulls out a stack of dollar bills and offers it to me if I jump up on stage and dance.
Naturally, I look at him like he's crazy and go back to doing my thing. Later on in the night, one of the dancers approaches me, my cousin, her wife and says, "Ya'll are lesbians, ain't ya'll?"
I point to my cousin and her wife and replied, "Well, those 2 are. I just do what I do".
To which she responds, "Well, I bet if you let me eat your pussy, I'll turn you out".
I kinda laughed it off, but then she tells me about a trip to Jamaica that she's going on in April and tells me to go with her. All I gotta do is pay my airfare. She asks me for cell phone and for whatever reason I handed it to her. She put in her name and number and tells me to call her and then walks off.
Did I just pick up a stripper without even trying? Yep, looks like I did. Interesting.
We're all heading out the club at the end of the night, and Mr. Stack of Dollar Bills creeps up on us.
"Why didn't you get up on stage? I really wanted to give you this money", he says.
"Hell, if you really wanted to give me the money, you would've given me the money. I ain't that hard up for cash, though", I responded and walk towards the car.
Suddenly, nature calls and I realize I should've peed before we left the club. Oh well, fuck it. Guess I'm gonna have to pee in the parking lot of a strip club. I somehow managed to pee on the bottom of both pant legs though I didn't realize it till we had all arrived at my house and I decide to strip for my guest.
The Boyfriend comes down, notices that I probably just a little tipsy, declares that he's got a sore throat, watches me dance for a while, then heads back up the stairs. I gave my friend a lap dance and we continue to rock out till about 6 in the morning.
I head up to bed, decide that I want sex, and wake The Boyfriend up to service me. I think he was a little pissed off but lately, I really just don't give a shit.
This past weekend proved to be pretty interesting. I went out with my cousin and her wife (yes, they are lesbians), and 2 other friends to celebrate my cousins wife's birthday. We all decided to head out to a strip club since there appears to be a shortage on lesbian bars.
My goal was simple... Get trashed.
Not that bad kinda trashed where you can't even walk. The good kinda trashed where you feel really nice. Actually, I guess you could say my goal wasn't really to get trashed as much as it was to get tipsy and spend as little money as possible doing it.
Anyways, here we all were at this titty bar where the strippers get fully nude and have their pussy about 6 inches away from your face, but that's pretty irrelevant since that part of the story happened like 2 weeks ago.
This weekend we sat at the opposite end of the bar where you can get a good view of the strippers dancing but we're sitting at the actual bar as opposed to sitting by the stage.
I'm taking back as many drinks as possible and the bartender from 2 weeks ago seems to remember me so she hooks up my drinks and loads them with alcohol.
I'm starting to feel nice and I'm dancing in my seat. Now, you can only get but so provocative while dancing in your seat which is why I'm completely surprised and caught off guard when the guy sitting 3 bar stools down from me pulls out a stack of dollar bills and offers it to me if I jump up on stage and dance.
Naturally, I look at him like he's crazy and go back to doing my thing. Later on in the night, one of the dancers approaches me, my cousin, her wife and says, "Ya'll are lesbians, ain't ya'll?"
I point to my cousin and her wife and replied, "Well, those 2 are. I just do what I do".
To which she responds, "Well, I bet if you let me eat your pussy, I'll turn you out".
I kinda laughed it off, but then she tells me about a trip to Jamaica that she's going on in April and tells me to go with her. All I gotta do is pay my airfare. She asks me for cell phone and for whatever reason I handed it to her. She put in her name and number and tells me to call her and then walks off.
Did I just pick up a stripper without even trying? Yep, looks like I did. Interesting.
We're all heading out the club at the end of the night, and Mr. Stack of Dollar Bills creeps up on us.
"Why didn't you get up on stage? I really wanted to give you this money", he says.
"Hell, if you really wanted to give me the money, you would've given me the money. I ain't that hard up for cash, though", I responded and walk towards the car.
Suddenly, nature calls and I realize I should've peed before we left the club. Oh well, fuck it. Guess I'm gonna have to pee in the parking lot of a strip club. I somehow managed to pee on the bottom of both pant legs though I didn't realize it till we had all arrived at my house and I decide to strip for my guest.
The Boyfriend comes down, notices that I probably just a little tipsy, declares that he's got a sore throat, watches me dance for a while, then heads back up the stairs. I gave my friend a lap dance and we continue to rock out till about 6 in the morning.
I head up to bed, decide that I want sex, and wake The Boyfriend up to service me. I think he was a little pissed off but lately, I really just don't give a shit.
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