Dear Angry Girlfriend: I'm A Sexy Paramedic

I love to receive emails from the people who read my blog. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.

Today I received this email:

Hey angryGF. My name is chad i am a sexy paramedic who sits at work many days bored looking for something to do. Your phone sex bit on youtube was hot as hell. You really had me worked up. Any way if you would be interested in trying that with me sometime hit me back up and we can exchange number. If you want a pic of me let me know. Holla

I guess "Chad" hasn't really been paying attention. This was my reply back:

I'm assuming that you're not a regular reader of my blog since you only made mention of my Angry Girlfriends Guide to Phone Sex blog and not my blog on Confessions of a Former Phone Sex Operator.

I suggest that you read the latter. I think that perhaps you were a little overly turned on and forgot that I was once a paid professional in the art of phone sex. It's not exactly something that I do just for fun (unless I plan to record it, make fun of the person and then post the whole conversation on my blog, which I have yet to do for legal reasons).

I suggest that you continue to get off of my prerecording for free. Or I can sell you a new prerecording at a low, low price of $9.99... Fuck it... Let's just make it an even $10.00.

Maybe you could respond to an ad on craiglist and get some action that way, but considering that I do quite a bit of trolling on there, that might not be a good idea either.

P.S. It's kinda scary that you're a paramedic "who sits at work many days bored looking for something to do". Shouldn't you be out saving people from death or something?

Or is the economy so bad that people are holding off on dying because they can't afford it?

He never responded back so I'm assuming that he didn't like my little suggestion. Booo, no fun...

Oh well...

Well if anyone else wants to email me, send me an email at angrygirlfriend@gmail.com.

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: How Do I Get Her to Give a Better Blow Job? Part II

I had received an email from Devin about a week ago asking me for advice on how to get his girlfriend to give him a better blow job.

After sending him a reply and posting it here, I figured that would be that and hopefully I had helped him out.

Devin apparently had more questions. This is Devin's next email to me:

Hey Angry Girlfriend,

It's me again, Devin. I said she can't swallow my cum, because she says that I cum too much. My shit just pours out. I do have a lot of cum. I do get off on sight and sound, but I like my dick to be sucked good. She only gets about 4 inches of it. I dunno if its because I'm thick also, but I don't think 4 inches is a lot. What do I do about cumming so much, or having her taste it? Also, how do I get her to get more of my dick, without hurting her feelings? Please help.

Devin.

P.S. Do u swallow or deep throat? Just out of curiosity. If you do, what is the secret to it?


Round 2 with Devin. Here we go:

Well Devin,

I recall you mentioning that your penis is about 11 inches in length. If that information is accurate, then of course she's going to have a hard time deep throating.


There's been many studies done on what the average size of a male penis is. These averages have ranged anywhere from 5 1/2 inches to 6 1/2 inches.

Let's pretend for a minute that your penis was on the bigger side of this average spectrum. If your girlfriend were to attempt to deep throat a penis that was 6 1/2 inches, not only would she have more then half of it in her mouth but she would probably be more likely to attempt getting as much more as she could since she wouldn't have much more to go.

To you 4 inches isn't a lot, nor would I consider it to be deep throating but to a man with the average sized penis, it would come pretty close.

I'm guessing your girlfriend isn't a porn star, so it's unrealistic to expect her or any other normal girl to deep throat an 11 inch penis (unless she doesn't have any gag reflexes).

The best I can give you to pass onto your girlfriend would be to try and stay relaxed. She can get more down is her mouth and jaw stay relaxed, though I still doubt that she'll be deep throating 11 inch cocks anytime soon.

As for your situation of coming too much, no one wants to swallow spunky sperm. If your sperm has an odd taste to it, then she's not going to want it in her mouth no matter the quantity.

Foods you eat can affect the way the sperm taste either making it more tolerable or less tolerable.

Foods that are high in natural sugars give sperm a much more bearable taste and it wont matter how much you shoot out since the taste will be less noticeable.

Read my guide to prevent spunky sperm which list the foods you should eat and avoid:

Angry Girlfriends Guide to Preventing Spunky Sperm.

And Devin, if I'm writing about it, it's cause I do it. All my secrets are posted on my blog. I don't post anything that I myself haven't tried out first.

Angry Girlfriends Guide to Giving Better Blow Jobs.

Read tip number 11. It's my own personal secret to deep throating. Just a quick warning. Just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for everyone else. Some people just have an overly sensitive gag reflex.

Hope this helps. As always, feel free to write me back if you need some more help.

Angry Girlfriend


If anyone else out there has any tips for Devin, post me a comment or send me an email. I'll forward it to him.

And if anyone other then Devin has a question for me, send an email to angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or fill out the form on the right side of this page.

Questions to Angry Girlfriend: How Do I Get Her to Give a Better Blow Job?

First question of the new year.

Devin writes:

Dear Angry Girlfriend,

I have an 11 inch penis and my gf cannot deepthroat me or swallow my cum. How do I get her to give me a better blowjob, while still gagging and attempting to deepthroat?

She can't or won't swallow? I never heard of anyone who couldn't swallow cum but I know of plenty who won't swallow cum.

As for the deep throating thing. There's a whole technique for deep throating, however if you're really as big as you claim to be, she might have a slight problem getting your penis all the way to the back of her throat.

Have you talked to her about what you expect from a blow job? Even if she's unable to deep throat you completely, if you happen to be one of those guys who get off on sight and sound as most men tend to be, you could instruct her to take your penis as far back as she can without throwing up. Even is she can't manage to deep throat the whole penis, she will still gag as long as she is attempting to deep throat.

It might help here to read Angry Girlfriends Guide to Giving Better Blow Jobs.

So back the part about swallowing. Swallowing isn't for everyone. Some women don't mind going the extra mile and others refuse to go there at all cost. Don't push it on her. We get annoyed when you guys keep bugging us to do shit that we don't want to do. It's okay to drop hints every once in a while, but if you are consistently harassing us about something that we don't want to do, chances are if we do finally cave in, there will be some type of retaliation to get back at you.

Hope that helps you out, Mr. 11 Inch Penis.

Angry Girlfriend

P.S. Your girlfriend must be a trooper to let you fuck her and not cry with that thing. I don't know of too many woman who could handle 11 inches. For that alone, I wouldn't bug her too much about the whole blow job thing, but that's just me.

So what's up, my bitches? Keep them questions coming, hehe. Send them to angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or simply fill out the question form on the right side of the page. You know you want to.

Dear Angry Girlfriend: Do Men Consider Oral Sex An Obligation?

Today I found that someone left me a comment asking me a ton of questions in response to my Angry Girlfriends Guide to Safer Oral Sex blog.

I have to admit, I was kind of surprised. My first thought was, “Oh my God! You mean to tell me that someone other then my family is actually reading this crap?”

But hey, I don’t mind. Could I be onto something? I decided that today I would go ahead and post a blog to answer this mystery readers questions. It’s the least I can do. I edited the original post, but this was the gist of it:

Dear Angry Girlfriend,

I am a 46 year old married woman. I recently performed oral sex on my husband with a condom after reading one of your articles about safer oral sex.
My husband liked it, although he did tell me later that I was sucking too hard. Have you heard of that before?
Also, what’s the deal with cunnilingus?
Do you think that guys really enjoy going down on a female or do they just do it out of obligation?
My husband has actually never even tried to perform oral sex on me. How do you suggest that I bring this topic up and get him to do it?

Late Bloomer


Late Bloomer, indeed. But that’s beside the point. What’s going on there Late Bloomer?

Thanks for reading by the way.

Oh yes, sucking too hard. I think most of us have sucked a guy too hard at one point and time. The most sensitive part of a mans penis is the down side of the head of the penis. The head itself is covered with thin skin that gets hurt easily.

So if you suck too hard, you'll cause him some pain and discomfort. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t apply pressure while sucking, but you have to find the right amount of pressure so that you don’t hurt him. It also helps if you keep the penis well lubricated. (KY inside of the condom helps, or good old fashion saliva if you don’t use a condom for those who are married or in a monogamous relationship).

Oral sex, in general, is a preference. Some woman love to give their men oral and others do it because they feel obligated. Likewise, for men. There are men who genuinely love to perform oral sex, and others who do it out of obligation. The best indicator of whether a person is genuinely enjoying performing oral sex is effort. If the person seems to be putting in a lot of effort and seems to be getting more sexually excited, then you can assume that this person just genuinely enjoys giving their significant other oral sex.

If the person doesn’t put forth much effort and/or keeps asking if you’re about to cum, then it’s pretty safe to assume that the person is doing it out feelings of obligation.

If your husband has never performed oral sex on you, I’d be curious as to know why. If it’s something you want him to do then just express you’re feelings to him about it. He may have never tried if he thought you were uninterested in it. Then again some men are very peculiar about the smell of a vagina.

If I were you, I would suggest taking a shower together so that you are both fresh and clean and then suggest the idea of performing oral sex on each other at the same time (69 position). Not a lot of men would say no to that.

Hope that I’ve been able to help you.

Good Luck!

Angry Girlfriend

If anyone else has any questions that they need cleared up, whether it’s related to one of my blogs or otherwise, feel free to leave me a comment or you can email me at angrygirlfriend@gmail.com.