Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Gay Man

So I had posted a link to this video on my Facebook page a little earlier today:


With the video, I posted this status: Sometimes, I wish I was a gay man. I could have a penis and still have all the perks of being a feminine sans a menstrual cycle.

What I really wanted to say was: Sometime, I wish I was a gay man. I could have a penis and still have all the perks of being a feminine sans a menstrual cycle and still suck dick and take it up the ass.

Probably a little too much for Facebook though, huh?  Yeah, that's what I figured.  Just thought I'd share here. 


Thursday, August 7, 2008

Because You Breathe

I'm tired of sucking dick. It was fun and gravy but I feel that 75% of the time, it goes unappreciated.

So I've been avoiding it. But Cornholio catches on to these types of things. Not the part that I'm feeling unappreciated, but the part that I don't want his penis anywhere near my mouth.

Then he finds ways to trick me so I feel bad about it.

It goes something kinda like this:

Him: So... don't you wanna suck it?

Me: Ummmm, no not really?

Him: You sure? Cause it's right here...

Me: Yeah, I'm sure.

Him: Why are you being so mean?

Me: (mumble) Because you breathe...

Him: What did you just say?

Me: Nothing...

Him: You said something. I heard you...

Me: No, I didn't say anything...

Him: Yes, you did. You said, because I breathe. You want me to die? How could you say that?

Me: No, no. You misunderstood. I said because you peed. Because you peed, not breathe. I don't wanna suck your penis because you just peed.

Him: You peed in my food again didn't you? What have I ever done to you, for you to treat me so bad?

Me: Calm down! You're over reacting... I haven't done anything to your food.

Him: You're trying to kill me aren't you?

Me: Don't you think that's a little extreme? Why would I want to kill you?

Him: Because I breathe...

Me: For the last time... I said because you peed, not breathe... Dammit! Fine I'll suck your dick!

Him: Ok... if you insist...

Mother fucker! Gets me out of guilt every time. What a conniving little fuck.

Of course, this all really my fault. I just can't help but to say something fucked up. It's all just one big set up.

What a fucking prick.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Comments to Angry Girlfriend: Strap-On

I received a comment from one of my regular readers who I won’t name, but I will state that this person lives in Titusville, Florida (hehe). The comment was in reference to my blog Why Wish I I Had a Penis.

Titusville, FL said:

Try a strap-on and have fun. It’s not the same but it’s the closest you can get.


Titusville,

Let me tell you why your idea sucks:

1. I still want a penis.

2. I won’t be able to feel anything with a strap-on like I would if I had a penis.

3. I can't write my name in the snow with a strap-on.

4. I still want a penis.

5. I can’t feel a blow job with a strap-on.

6. I still wouldn’t know what it would feel like to actually penetrate a vagina or an asshole with a strap-on.

7. I STILL WANT A PENIS!!!

The bottom line is a strap-on is NOTHING like having a real penis at all. I own a strap-on, so I speak from personal experience.

I can’t jerk off a strap-on and get any feeling from that. I can’t feel anything at all! It’s rubber!

To compare a strap-on to a real penis is completely absurd. Other then the way they are shaped, they share nothing else in common. Not texture or feeling, nothing!

I stated 14 good reasons for wanting a real penis. Out of that list of 14, I can do…oh, let’s see… ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that I mentioned with a strap-on. So if having a strap-on is the closest I can get to having a real penis, then I guess I’m fucked.

But thanks anyways… Even if your idea did suck balls, speaking of which, most strap-on’s don’t even include a pair, not that it matters since I’d get no feeling from it whatsoever.

Angry Girlfriend

Questions and comments can be sent to angrygirlfriend@gmail.com or you can fill out the form on the right. I'd love to hear from you!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Why I Wish I Had a Penis

For as long as I can remember, I have always had this curiosity of what it would be like to have a penis. I remember how, as a child, I would envy boys because they could pee standing up, but I would have to sit down.

On several occasions, I myself, attempted to pee while standing, but my aim wasn’t that great and I was convinced that had I had a penis, the experience would have been much more enjoyable.

To this day, I still often wish that I had a penis, though most of my reason how now changed, but I guess God knew what he was doing when he made me a girl.

I’m almost positive that had I been born a boy, instead of a girl, I would’ve most certainly become a man-whore or even a porn star just because I could and wouldn’t have a care in the world about being labeled a slut. Being a slut is a good thing for a man… that is until you’re ready to settle down and start a family. Most men don’t seem to realize that their promiscuous past is a real turn-off to most women.

But that’s not really relevant to my desire for wanting a penis, so I’ll save that subject for another day.

If I had a penis, I think my penis would be about 6 ½ -7 inches long, uncircumcised, a shade of light brown, and I’d call it Bob. (I name just about everything Bob. I just think its funny, don’t ask me why). I’d keep my pubic hairs trim and neat but not completely shaved though I’d shave my balls completely. I should probably name my balls, too. How about Dirty and Harry? Just a thought…

Not to brag or anything, but if I were a guy, I think I’d be an excellent fuck. I don’t know why I assume that I’d be so great, but I’m pretty damn sure that I would be.

Now, onto my list of reasons for wanting a penis:

1. I could pee standing up.

2. I could pee in any back ally or parking lot without worrying about my pee running down my leg and not having anything to wipe with.

3. I wouldn’t have to wipe; just pee, shake, and stick it back in.

4. I could write my name in the snow.

5. I really want to know how it feels to jerk off. It looks like so much fun!

6. I want to have an orgasm and see what it feels like from a guy’s point of view. Why can’t you guys get it back up for round 2? Does it really drain you that much?

7. I could give facials, hehe. (Okay, this reason is just me being a perv).

8. I could bitch slap some girl in the face with my penis. I’d like to do it both flaccid and erected. (I’ll admit, this reason is also just me being a perv, hehe).

9. Guys look like they really enjoy receiving blow jobs. I want one and I’d want to get deep-throated. I’m dying to see what all the fuss is about.

10. I’d like to have vaginal intercourse with a female, actually several different females, with and without a condom. Virgins and whores. Do whores really have pussies so loose that you don’t feel much? Does using condoms really make a difference, or is it just an excuse to fuck us raw?

11. I’d also like to try anal sex. I’m curious to see if you guys really do it for the tightness or if it’s just another bisexual tendency that you guys refuse to own up to.

12. Like a typical female, I almost forgot about the boys. I’d like to see what having my balls sucked on feels like. You guys make such a big deal out of it, so there must be something to it.

13. This might sound a little S&Mish, but I’d like to have my balls kicked. I’m a little curious about the pain men experience when they get kicked in the balls. Is it really as bad as you men make it seem or are you guys exaggerating?

14. Maybe, by having a penis, I could finally answer the age-old question about why men are always touching their penis, even when it’s not for sexual gratification.

I’m sure most of you females would agree that these are some very good reasons for wanting a penis, and even if you’ve never admitted to having this desire yourself, I’m sure that reasons I have just listed have at least sparked your curiosity.