Yet Another New Job

Despite being in hard economic times, I was able to find a new job. I am now working at a retail store in an Outlet Mall. I'm not going to give the name of the company, but let's just say, they're pretty up there and I'm not really sure how I got this job to begin with since I'm sooo much the opposite.

The downside to this job and that I had to dye my hair a normal shade color (no more pinks, blues, purples, or red), I have to cover my nose piercing with foundation (I absolutely refuse to take it out), and I have to wear my hair down and long sleeves to conceal any tattoos.

Like I said, the complete opposite of everything me. It's a pretty decent job though. Benefits, good pay, 30% off anything at any of their stores even though I still can't afford any of their stuff even with the discount.

Actually, I don't know anyone who could afford to shop there. Maybe like one person. My uncle... The one who owns the Lamborghini.

Yeah... Those are the kinda people who go shopping at this store. I am soooo out of my element.

But I'm just so happy to be getting a paycheck again, that I really just don't care.

And for some odd reason, people are allowed to bring their pampered little pets into the mall. I've never seen some many people go shopping with their dogs, but whatever.

Hope the dogs don't shit on their new $500 pair of shoes.

Quick Updates

I really haven't been keeping you guys updated the way I should... I just been busy with... stuff, I guess you could say.

Here are a couple of updates:

The perfect turned out to be not so perfect after all. Even though I had told them from the jump that I was looking for full time work, they only scheduled me for literally 8 hours a week.

Not to mention that I was still in "training" getting paid training wages despite the fact that they had me teaching my own classes.

Then there was that little issue about my paycheck... I haven't seen one.

Needless to say I quit... They don't know that yet, but come Saturday morning when I don't show up, I think they'll get the picture.

So I been on the hunt for another job. Hopefully, I'll find something soon because I'm so broke it's really pretty sad.

Frijolero wants me to go back East, but I'm not a quitter. I'm having a hard time, I'm not gonna lie, but I ain't giving up without a fight.

And yes, you read that right. The same fucker who wanted me gone, now wants me to come back... Go figure. Men are fucking retarded. At least he is.

Oh, and Oscar is doing much better. She hasn't made it to a vet yet, but she will as soon as I can get a job... that actually pays me.

Thanks to getting my hands on a prescription of antibiotics and neosporin, the hole closed up and shes put most of her weight back on.

So yeah...

New Job

I have been bitchin for the longest time about my crappy job that I hated back on the East Coast. Naturally, since I'm not living on the East Coast anymore and no longer employed by my soon to be ex-mother-in-law, I've had to find a new job.

After applying for countless office positions, I realized not only did I not want another office job, but I really hate working in offices.

So, I applied for a job working as a... Swim Instructor!

For many of you, this may come as a surprise since you have no idea that I'm like a fish in the water.

I swam competitively for 10 years and worked as a life guard for 3 years and a pool operator for 2 years.

I got the job, and I'm currently in training. Just cause I swim like a fish doesn't mean I know how to teach others to swim like a fish, which is why they have training.

So far, all I can say is that I really, really, like this job... a lot.

It just doesn't feel like a real job. I get to go to work in a bathing suit, no one cares about tattoos or what color your hair is, and I'm swim around with kiddies teaching them how to swim while goofing off with them.

It's the best job ever!

I don't know what it is about Las Vegas, but it seems to be bringing out the best in me.

I love this place!

Clients From Hell

I've said before and I'll say it again: I have no business working in anything that involves me interacting with people on a "professional" level.

I don't believe that the customers are always right because they are wrong... dead wrong. Not only are they wrong, but hard up for cash and willing to go through extremes to cheat people to get what they want.

I met one of those types of clients last night.

This is what happened:

About 2 weeks ago, I Cornholio's mom had asked me to call a client to schedule their next cleaning appointment. I called the lady and she tells me that she hadn't called to schedule an appointment because her husbands Nintendo DS, some game that was in the DS and the backpack that the DS was stored in, was missing.

She claimed to have called Cornholio's mother 2 weeks after the incident, but that's severely questionable, otherwise I would've heard about it by now, not to mention, why would anyone wait 2 weeks before reporting that something was missing?

Normally, Cornholio's mom will assume liability of these types of things, but only if it's reported 48-72 hrs since the cleaning crew has been there, but considering that these people waited a month to even say something and had a subsequent appointment after the one where they claimed that the DS went missing, Cornholio's mom wasn't about to take the fall for this one and I can't say I blame her.

Oh, and these people were home when the DS went missing.

Cornholio's mom decided to set up a meeting with these people face to face and I ended up having to go.

It didn't take me but 5 minutes to realize that these people are looking a little hard up for cash and the ladies husband is one of those on the down-low gays. Yep, that's right. Her husbands gay and she is completely unaware.

Or maybe she is aware. It would explain why her face looked like a fucking retarded ass frog.

Needless to say, the meeting didn't go so well. She demands that we reimburse her, and Cornholio's mom says we're not liable.

Between the Retarded Ass Frog Ladies nasty little attitude and my ass talking over her and her in the closet, gay husband, I just don't see us coming to any agreement.

They threated us with a lawsuit, and I told them to do their best cause they don't have a case. They can't prove that this DS even existed and if it did that we were liable for its disappearance, not to mention they waited a month to notify us. Anyone they had over could've taken it, it's just easier to blame it on the cleaning people.

Those people don't phase me so I really don't give a shit, but it was really hard to bite my tongue when what I really wanted to do was tell that bitch to go to hell and out her husband.

Oh well... I'm sure she'll be blowing up my phone later today, so I guess we'll just see what happens...

Why I Should Never Work In Customer Service

I have come to realize that some people weren't made to work for other people. Mainly, I mean me. I started a new job around the 1st week of December working for my mother-in-laws cleaning service and I can't really complain about her (the pay and the hours are pretty sweet), but "the boyfriend" on the other hand, is a whole different story.

The boyfriend doesn't even work with his mom and yet everyday I gotta hear his whinny ass mouth about things that I could do better to help out his moms business. And everyday, I tell him to shut the fuck up and let me do whatever the hell it is I do.

He tried to act like he's the boss, when in reality he had no say whatsoever about what the hell I'm doing. I didn't think that by working with his mom, that suddenly I'd be working with him too. (This is why office romances are a bad idea). But he really takes this shit to a whole nother level.

I just wanna smack him, stitch his mouth up, duck tape his hands and feet's and lock him in a little dungeon til he gets that point that he's not my fucking boss. I work for you mom, asshole! Not you! Shit! Give me some space.

He's been trying to make me do some spread sheets for God-knows-what reason and the shit don't even make any fucking sense. Why the hell do I have to fill out all the clients information on a spread sheet for? Isn't that what the whole contacts list is for? It just seems to pointless to sit there and make some damn spread sheet that his mother isn't gonna use in the first place just to repeat information that is already listed in her contacts sections on Outlook anyways.

And another thing I hate about work is the bitchy ass clients, like the bitch who cursed me out last week. I believe her exact words were something like, "Fuck you. Fuck the cleaners, Fuck the service. You people are a bunch of idiots". To which I responded as nice as I could be, "Ma'am, I'm sorry you feel that way. The next time you have a problem with us, please feel free to send us an email to go_fuk_yourself@hotmail.com. Have a nice day". (You know she wasn't gonna get away with that shit. I figured hell, she already sent me to fuckland so she's gotta be done with us. Ain't nothing to lose at this point, hehe).

I'm tired of getting bitched out by old ass ladies with nothing better to do then wait around for the cleaners and then complain that they didn't do something right. I don't care if the sofa was put back 2 inches off, or if there one fucking finger print was on your glass door which you probably did anyways, or that you don't want the cleaners putting your trash in the trash can in the garage because its an extra trash can that you don't use, or that the cup you left on your night stand last night is still on the night stand today (that was just lazy on this ladies part anyways), blah, blah, blah. I don't give a flying fuck.

Maybe I'm just not a people person. Whatever. The point is I need to be my own boss so I can tell people to go fuck themselves and not have to make bullshit spread sheets that someone who doesn't even work for the company thinks that I should make because he's an anal asshole, lol. Fuck the customers always right. That's bullshit. A lot of them are sooo dead wrong. Fucking assholes.

I'm done rating... for now....

Angry Girlfriends Guide to Giving Better Blow Jobs

What can be said about a blow job? Well, there you are, bobbing your head up and down, using you hand to cover the parts that your mouth don’t, while trying to synchronize both keeping enough lubrication in your mouth and using your tongue so that you don’t cause any friction, all while trying to keep your teeth from scraping the guys penis.

They don’t call it a blow job without a reason. The fact of the matter is, guys love it and women take pleasure in pleasing their men. But not all men are created equal. What may please one man may not please your man.

I can’t give you a guide on how to give the perfect blow job, but I can most certainly give you a guide on tips to giving a better blow job. With that said, lets move onto to Angry Girlfriends Guide to Giving Better Blow Jobs:

1. Find out what he likes.
It may surprise you to know that most men like their penis manhandled. If you’ve ever watched your man masturbate then you will notice how rough he might be with it. It’s very important that you take notice on how he treats his own penis in order to please him the way he wants.

However, if he is one that is too shy about allowing you watch him pleasure himself, then you’re going to have to learn from trial and error. Take note of facial expressions that he makes while you’re sucking him off. Is it a face of pleasure or pain? If pleasure, keep note of what you did and repeat it. If pain, then it’s probably safe to assume that you should cross whatever it is you did off the list unless he’s a masochist.
2. Men are visually stimulated.
Here’s something that most woman don’t know: For many man, the feeling of receiving oral sex is not nearly as good as the feeling of actually penetrating a vagina. However, because men tend to be visually stimulated, the act of watching their partner performing oral sex is what gets them off more then the act of receiving oral sex.
3. Just because he’s soft, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t suck it.
Men like their dicks sucked whether they are soft or hard. Most men actually prefer that you start while they are soft and build them up to a good hard erection. Ever considered blowing him while he's asleep? It might take him a while to realize what's going on, but once he figures it out, he'll be more then grateful.

4. Suck and Twist
The suck and twist technique is the most basic blow job technique. It requires both hand and mouth. While you use as much of your mouth as you can without gagging, you cover the area of the penis that you’re mouth cannot cover with your hand. Your hand should twist the base of the penis while you are bobbing your head up and down. You can never use too much saliva, so get your mouth as moist as you possibly can and keep the entire penis, from head to shaft, covered in saliva.

5. Use Ice
Because your mouth is already warm, a piece of ice in the mouth creates an intense hot/cool feeling that most men really enjoy while receiving a blow job.

6. Toothpaste
Toothpaste may seem like odd thing to integrate into your sex life, but it can be used to heighten the feeling of oral sex. Like ice, it creates that intense hot/cold feeling and can be used as a replacement to ice. Just be careful not to use too much toothpaste. Using too much, can create and unpleasant burning feeling on the mans penis. Use no more then about half a dime size portion of toothpaste in your mouth.
7. You don’t have to suck the whole time.
Switch up between sucking and licking to keep things interesting. Licking the tip of the penis can not only stimulate a man but it can also build up more sexual tension. Play around with the tip for a bit by just licking.
8. Use lots of spit.
The sloppier, the better. Men love to see their penis being spit on (think porn). It’s all part of the visual stimulation. Plus the extra lube helps to both intensify the pleasure of oral sex as well as helps to simulate the feeling of vaginal penetration.

9. Make eye contact.
Making eye contact is a turn on because it conveys the feeling that you enjoy what you’re doing. Moaning while giving a blow job also tells your partner that you’re are completely into him and want to satisfy him.

10. Don’t forget the boys.
Men love to have their balls sucked on while receiving some good oral. While you suck on his balls, continue to stroke his penis with your hand.

11. Deep throating.
Men love to be deep throated, but most of us have a hard time doing it without gagging, that is unless you have no gag reflexes. But, believe it or not, men actually like it when we gag for two reasons:

I. They are visually stimulated by watching us gag
II. It boost their ego and makes them think that their dick is huge

Just make sure that when you gag that you make the sexy “Oh-God-your-dick-is-so-big” face versus the “Oh-God-I-think-I’m-gonna-throw-up-on-your-dick” face. The latter is not sexy to any man on any level. No man likes that idea of having his dick puked on.

Deep throating takes quite a bit of practice but can be done. One trick that I use is swallowing some spit right before taking the penis all the way back. By swallowing, you cause your jaw muscles relax and are able to take the penis down further though you still may gag some.

12. Spit or Swallow?
This is a timeless question. Truth be known, it doesn’t really matter if you do spit or swallow. If you let the man ejaculate in your mouth in the first place, then it’s really all the same. Men get off on the pressure that the sucking creates and the warmth of the mouth. Woman who swallow, usually aren’t gulping it down as the man ejaculates, rather they keep it in their mouth until their partner is done ejaculating, then swallow while pulling their mouth off of their partners penis. So a woman who decided to spit afterwards is no different from a woman who swallows after the ejaculation has been completed.

Men are just more turned on by a woman who swallows because it’s an ego thing and it turns them on to watch even after the fact that they have already finished. Plus they figure that if they can get a woman to swallow, it opens the doors to other more taboo sexual activities.

A trick to swallowing without gagging is to place the penis as far back into your mouth as you can while your partner is ejaculating. The further back it is, the less likely you are to taste the ejaculation since your taste buds further back on your tongue are less sensitive to taste as the taste buds on the front of your tongue.

Putting these tips to use will most certainly give him the time of his life and earn you a high ranking on his Best Blow Job Ever list!

UPDATE 01/03/12 - I don't personally know this 'Jack' guy, but I read part of his book... I hate to admit it, but he's got some interesting perspectives about blow jobs. Men will be men and say some really crude shit, but from what I get, he just wants a really good blow job. He's kinda a humanitarian in a sense. Helping other people by helping himself. It makes sense. Plus, since I don't have a penis, he might know a bit more on this subject then myself. His website is www.jacksblowjoblessons.com

On a random note; when I think of the work 'jack', I think of jacking off... Go figure.

Higher Education?

As most of you know, I recently earned my Associates of Arts degree in Psychology and even though I knew that more then likely I wouldn’t find a job that paid as high as someone with, lets say a Bachelors degree, I did expect to find a job that would pay more then a person with nothing but a High School education.

I am more then sorely disappointed. Not only has it been more then a month since my job search began, but I have come to find that not only do most employers discredit people with an just an A.A., they also pay a person with an A.A. the same, and some cases less, then a person with a high school diploma.

I have become disgusted and enraged with the whole job search process. Yesterday, I had an interview for a job that involved working with violent and troubled teens, which have no home and live in a college-dorm like facility. Let me first make it clear that I am not condemning this place or bashing it. It is a very nice facility and they do great work for all the children and teens that they house.

Now back to the matter at hand. I had an interview for a job and was explained that I would be working with four teenage girls who each varied between somewhat troubled to extremely troubled. I would be working part time, 33 hours a week and my schedule would be as follows:

Thursday 10:30 PM – Friday 8:30 AM
Friday 10:30 PM – Saturday 9:30 AM
Saturday 10:30 PM – Sunday 10:30 AM

I would have to submit to random drug and alcohol testing. Training would be a week long and would include CPR & First Aid training, 3 days of therapeutic crisis intervention verbal training, 1 day of therapeutic crisis intervention physical training. I was told that the physical training was considered a last resort but it was necessary “just in case”. I would also have to pay out of pocket to have my background checked through fingerprints and would have to pay for my own drug testing, which in all would cost me about $99.

I have to admit, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the schedule, but the job position itself really excited me. I felt that I could really connect with these girls and make a difference. The job position had required that the applicant held an A.A. in psychology and I finally felt like I had found the job that would get me started on the path to my career.

As an added bonus, I would still receive health care benefits even though the position was part time, as well as paid leave. I would also be eligible for tuition reimbursement. Then came the part where we discussed how much I would actually be earning. The position was a salaried position, which I don’t really care for but that wouldn’t be a big issue so long as the salary was decent.

Once I heard how much the position was offered, I have to say, I was more then disappointed as well as disgusted and enraged. I would be getting paid a salary of $16,050 a year!

I was sitting there thinking to myself, “Are you fucking kidding me? Come the fuck on! This can’t be fucking serious”.

The interviewer then broke it down for me just in case I didn’t get it the first time. $16,050 would be the equivalent of making a little over $9 an hour.

He was probably better off not telling me that since it would’ve taken me a while to figure out the math anyways. But either way, I was already well aware that $16,050 a year was pretty shitty, even for a part time.

The interviewer then handed me a sheet that stated the salaries for what an employee who worker the job I had applied for full-time would make, as well as another position that required a Bachelors degree. Those salaries were $19,500 and $26,000 respectively. He then ended the interview by stating that I had the job, and would like to know when I could start.

I told him that I would get back to him on Friday because I had another interview to attend. He was fine with that and told me that he would be waiting for my call on Friday. I was lying my ass off, but I had to get out of there and think.

I couldn’t believe how low these salaries were, but I didn’t want to stay in his office any longer then I had to. I had to get the hell out of there. I had so many thoughts running through my head and I felt a major case of verbal diarrhea about to come up. So I thanked him for his time, and I told him that I’d get in touch with him as soon as I had made my decision, to which he replied, “I’m sure that I’ll be hearing from you then. We offer one of the best facilities in the area. Most facilities through their youths out once they’ve reach 18 years of age. We house them until they turn 21 and give them college prep”.

Right, cause that’s really what I’m interested in. You act as if I plan to become a resident at the facility. I got news for you. I’m not a troubled teen and it’s pretty irrelevant to me whether you house teens after they turn 18. Hell, they could live there till they were 35 for all I care!

Of course I didn’t say any of that, but I couldn’t help to think it. I left the building and headed to my car. Once I got in, I hauled ass out of that parking lot, cursing and screaming almost the whole 30 minute drive home.

“Nine fucking dollars an hour? I’ve made more then that working as a lifeguard! Nine dollars an hour and I have to take a physical training class ‘just in case’?! What the fuck are these people thinking?”

But how could I not be mad? Here I had busted my balls for two years in order to earn a higher degree thinking that it would open more doors for me and a chance to make more money, only to find out that I was all wrong. Not only were the job offers offering me less money that what I was making before I had earned my degree, but now I had to take classes in self defense “just in case” on top of it all.

Just in case what, exactly? Just in case the 4 violently aggressive teenage girls that I'm suppose to be caring for decide to gang up on me and kill me?

Oh but, its $9 an hour. It’s soooo totally worth putting my life on the line. After all, I will be receiving health care benefits so if these girls kick my ass, at least 80% of my medical bill is covered.

I had never intended to earn an Associates and then call it quits to begin with, but it just the fact that I naively believed that a two year degree was better then no degree at all and would help me for the time being to find a better paying job then having just a high school diploma.

Then I go to this job interview that stated that having an Associates degree was mandatory to even qualify for the job only to learn that I would be earning less money then I had made working as lifeguard which only requires you to be at least 16 years of age and have CPR & First Aid certifications.

I was making like $10 an hour and then and was certain then some sort of higher education would surely help me make more money. I was very, very wrong. So here I am feeling disgusted, disappointed, and highly frustrated.

I’m almost out of toilet paper and too broke to go buy anymore. Might as well go wipe my ass with my worthless diploma. What a fucking joke…