I'm not really sure where to start this one...
There I was, minding my own business, working on Valentine's Day when Cornholio's sister come in and tells me that there's a package waiting for me at the door.
My first thought was that one of my angry readers found out where I worked and decided to maybe try to kill me by sending me anthrax or a bomb because I had probably pushed the whole "socially acceptable racism" thing way past the limit and pissed off a bunch of Angry Muslims.
As it turned out, the package was from Cornholio, which actually scared me even more because I figured that he was probably trying to retaliate for the incident when I peed in his chicken 3 years ago.
Imagine my surprised when I opened the box and it was.... Tulips?
No bomb... no death threat... no deadly disease.... What the hell is going on here?
We're all going to die, aren't we? Hell has finally frozen over!
More importantly, how the hell am I suppose be angry on Valentine's Day when he goes and ruins it by doing something nice? What an Asshole! LOL
Now I'm angry because he made me happy for once by doing something so ridiculously nice.
Happy blogs don't make for good blogging so now I'm pissed off that he did something nice because now I can't be angry like I wanted to be, which in turn does make me angry so in the end it all kinda works out.
Kinda twisted, ain't it?
Well, you know me....
Showing posts with label valentines day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label valentines day. Show all posts
Monday, February 16, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Another Year... Another Angry Valentine's
If there's one thing I know, it's that every year I'm guaranteed to have a crappy Valentine's Day. This is because Cornoholio serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever this time of year, every year.
I've said it every Valentine's day before and I'll continue to say every Valentine's day.
Having Cornholio around is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day because people continually ask me what I'm doing for Valentines Day because of my relationship status not realizing that I'm married to the anti-Cupid, anti-anything that involves him having to go out of his way to buy or plan anything for me.
This yea, it finally sunk in that that fucker wasn't going to do, or plan anything out for me. Luckily, my favorite cousin will be in town and I'm sure she wont mind hanging out with my on Valentine's day.
Ironically, there's going to be a gun show on Valentine's day. I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of angry women at that gun show. (Maybe I should go... Just to scare him a little... LOL).
In either case, I think this will be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Mostly, because I wont be anywhere around that ass fucker).
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it's as crappy with your significant others as it always is for me, LOL.
You didn't actually think I was going to hope that everyone else have a better Valentines Day then me, did you?
I've said it every Valentine's day before and I'll continue to say every Valentine's day.
Having Cornholio around is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day because people continually ask me what I'm doing for Valentines Day because of my relationship status not realizing that I'm married to the anti-Cupid, anti-anything that involves him having to go out of his way to buy or plan anything for me.
This yea, it finally sunk in that that fucker wasn't going to do, or plan anything out for me. Luckily, my favorite cousin will be in town and I'm sure she wont mind hanging out with my on Valentine's day.
Ironically, there's going to be a gun show on Valentine's day. I have a feeling that there are going to be a lot of angry women at that gun show. (Maybe I should go... Just to scare him a little... LOL).
In either case, I think this will be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Mostly, because I wont be anywhere around that ass fucker).
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it's as crappy with your significant others as it always is for me, LOL.
You didn't actually think I was going to hope that everyone else have a better Valentines Day then me, did you?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Valentines Day with Angry Girlfriend
Valentines Day has always pretty much sucked ass for me. I have spent years hearing all of my girl friends brag about how their boyfriends spoiled them with gifts for this bullshit Hallmark holiday, while I listened bitterly, hoping that maybe one day I’d meet some guy who would one day do the same for me.
Eventually, I met “The Boyfriend”. I thought that being single for Valentines Day sucked, but soon realized that being with “The Boyfriend” for Valentines Day sucks 10 times worse.
Here’s a little recap of how I’ve spent Valentines Day for the last several years with “The Boyfriend”:
Valentines Day 2004: He tried to break up with me like 2 weeks before Valentines Day. Somehow, it didn't happen, so then we spent Valentines Day at a restaurant feeling awkward. Oh and he brought me like half a dozen almost dried up dead roses. Really shitty and really uncomfortable.
Valentines Day 2005: We went out to a restaurant but he was just a complete dick. This was due partially to the fact that he had knocked me up and needless to say, didn’t take the news very well, although this was already 2 months after the fact that he had found out.
Valentines Day 2006: We didn't even bother going out. I made him a card that said "Nothing says I love you like a card that says Go Fuck Yourself". And then on the inside it said "Go Fuck Yourself". I had a good laugh over that one.
Here’s the actual card:
Valentines Day 2007: I don't really recall what happened this particular year. I know we didn’t go out. I didn't bother making a card either. I think I bought myself some liquor and got trashed.
Valentines Day 2008 (yesterday): I went to the gym, stopped by the liquor store, bought a card for my son and that jackass. I wrote on the inside of his card "You're a fucking ass", then signed it. He read the card and then asked me if I wanted to go to dinner on Saturday. I told him to Go Fuck himself. Drank my liquor, smoked a cigarette, and went to bed.
Here's yesterdays card:
After the 2nd Valentines Day gone bad, I realized that being with the “The Boyfriend” is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day.
At least when I was single, no one bothered to question what I was planning to do to celebrate this mean spirited holiday. But because I’m part of a couple, people expect me to do something.
For years, I’ve been hearing from people, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure he’s planning something great for you this year”.
It’s nice to know that so many of my friends and family are still so naïve about “The Boyfriend” and his “plans for Valentines Day”. I, however, am a realist. If he hasn’t done anything nice for me on Valentines Day once in the 5 years we’ve spent together, then it’s cause he doesn’t plan to.
Not next year, or the following, or within the next 10 years. It’s just not going to happen. I guess some people just weren’t meant to celebrate this bullshit, love fest holiday.
I’ve decided for the next Valentines Day, I’ll play single for the day and then go out with my single girl friends (if any of them are still single by that time, anyways). I’m determined to experience at least one decent Valentines Day in my lifetime. But until then, I’ll continue to rant about what a bullshit holiday it is and pout because I never get to celebrate it.
Eventually, I met “The Boyfriend”. I thought that being single for Valentines Day sucked, but soon realized that being with “The Boyfriend” for Valentines Day sucks 10 times worse.
Here’s a little recap of how I’ve spent Valentines Day for the last several years with “The Boyfriend”:
Valentines Day 2004: He tried to break up with me like 2 weeks before Valentines Day. Somehow, it didn't happen, so then we spent Valentines Day at a restaurant feeling awkward. Oh and he brought me like half a dozen almost dried up dead roses. Really shitty and really uncomfortable.
Valentines Day 2005: We went out to a restaurant but he was just a complete dick. This was due partially to the fact that he had knocked me up and needless to say, didn’t take the news very well, although this was already 2 months after the fact that he had found out.
Valentines Day 2006: We didn't even bother going out. I made him a card that said "Nothing says I love you like a card that says Go Fuck Yourself". And then on the inside it said "Go Fuck Yourself". I had a good laugh over that one.
Here’s the actual card:
Valentines Day 2007: I don't really recall what happened this particular year. I know we didn’t go out. I didn't bother making a card either. I think I bought myself some liquor and got trashed.
Valentines Day 2008 (yesterday): I went to the gym, stopped by the liquor store, bought a card for my son and that jackass. I wrote on the inside of his card "You're a fucking ass", then signed it. He read the card and then asked me if I wanted to go to dinner on Saturday. I told him to Go Fuck himself. Drank my liquor, smoked a cigarette, and went to bed.
Here's yesterdays card:
After the 2nd Valentines Day gone bad, I realized that being with the “The Boyfriend” is no different then being single on Valentines Day. Actually, it’s worse then being single on Valentines Day.
At least when I was single, no one bothered to question what I was planning to do to celebrate this mean spirited holiday. But because I’m part of a couple, people expect me to do something.
For years, I’ve been hearing from people, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure he’s planning something great for you this year”.
It’s nice to know that so many of my friends and family are still so naïve about “The Boyfriend” and his “plans for Valentines Day”. I, however, am a realist. If he hasn’t done anything nice for me on Valentines Day once in the 5 years we’ve spent together, then it’s cause he doesn’t plan to.
Not next year, or the following, or within the next 10 years. It’s just not going to happen. I guess some people just weren’t meant to celebrate this bullshit, love fest holiday.
I’ve decided for the next Valentines Day, I’ll play single for the day and then go out with my single girl friends (if any of them are still single by that time, anyways). I’m determined to experience at least one decent Valentines Day in my lifetime. But until then, I’ll continue to rant about what a bullshit holiday it is and pout because I never get to celebrate it.
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