Socially Acceptable Racism

I recently ran wild with the idea that there could be some forms of socially acceptable racism. After all, we're all a little racist to some degree.

I ran some of my thoughts about what would be considered socially acceptable racism. Apparently, I crossed way over the line with some of my ideas from socially acceptable to just plain out racist.

I decided that the people I had talked to about my socially acceptable racism where just all too uptight to see where I was coming from, therefore I decided to get an 8th opinion from someone who understands me.... My younger sister.

I was shocked and hurt when she also agreed with the other 7 people that my idea of socially acceptable racism was also inappropriate.

I was also really hurt when she told me, "If you go around saying shit like that, your askin to be jumped and/or shot".

Knowing how disappointed I had become hearing her words, my sister was quick to console me.

She quickly reminded me that although what I thought was socially acceptable racism was actually just pure racism, that its OK to use stereotypes as socially acceptable racism because they're always right.

For example:

White People
All white people are crazy. They always wear sandals and shorts in 30 degree weather, or live in trailer parks, and most of them become serial killers. They also smell like bologna and couldn't dance or find the rhythm if their life depended on it.

They say things like, "Bobby, go get me my shot gun. I heard that some negro just escaped from the prison and I'll be damned if I let that sonofabitch come up in this house and gir er dun wit my wife! That sonofabitch don't know what he got cummin."

Obviously, this is referring to the more hick white people and not that sophisticated, serial killer types. But it's hard to imitate the serial killer type because they don't do much talking. They just kill. Methodically, they go out and find people to kill. Scary...

Black People
All black people eat is fried chicken and Kool Aide. They're also scary because they slap around they bitches and then rob them, and you.

They say things like, " Yo mami, I was like trynna holla at ya. You got this tight ass J Lo booty. Yo, yo, yo, so you like murried or what? Cause I don't see no ring on ya finger. I'm sayin though. Why you trynna play a nigga? I'm trynna holla at ya. "

Black girls say things like this, "You want me to do what? Get in the water? Ohhhh Hell nawww. Bitch, I just got my hur did. You must've lost your damn mind. Do I look like I got dat gud hur to you? You gonna pay me to get me weave redid? Fuck that shit... Hell nawwwwww."

Hispanics:
They're all from either Puerto Rico or Mexico and they speak puerto rican or mexican, respectively. They all beat their wives and dance the Mexican Hat dance all while singing "La Cucaracha" or "La Bamba". They all talk really loud and are always drunk. AIY AIY AIY!!! None of them ever speak English, including the ones who were born and grew up in the US, and the few who do speak bery gud inglesh are always complimented by the whites for having such good English.

Men have 9 kids with 4 different woman. And woman have 9 kids with 9 different baby daddies (it was just easier to pin it on the last baby daddy cause he hasn't been locked up or deported).

Asians:
It's hard to come up with stereotypes for Asians, other then they're all just so tiny and smart. They're like little mini computers. You can even fit them in a suit case. I think it may be possible that one day Asians may rule the world, so I'm gonna be nice to them.

Have you seen America's Best Dance Crew? Who'd a thought that they're smart and can dance? They're just so aerodynamic...

Middle Easters:
They all own 7-11's, or gas stations. They also just like to blow things up.

I think I may have crossed the line again... Just a little bit though... But believe me, this isn't half as bad as some of the things I had mentioned to other people.

And like my sister said. Stereotypes are perfectly good types of socially acceptable racism because they're always true.

A Typical Conversation with Angry Girlfriend

I've noticed that a lot of people have been reading my blogs lately. Seems like the more controversial I become, the bigger the crowds come flocking in to read all my random bullshit.

Some people, I'm sure, are reading my bullshit about racism and are probably thinking that I must be the biggest asshole around. Let me assure you that, all though that may be true, I am equally racist against everyone.

Here's an example of a typical conversation between me and some of my friends just to give you an idea of what I'm really like:

Example #1: A typical conversation between me and my Central American friend, Shorty:

Me: Hey, Whore.

Shorty: Hey, Slut.

Me: Hey Shorty, I need my house cleaned. You think your mom is free this weekend?

Shorty: Hey Angry, do you think your mom can teach me how to build a boat?

Me: Hey Shorty, I think a baby just fell outta your vagina.

Shorty: You know you wanna lick my vagina.

Me: Yes.... yes, I do...

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

Example # 2: A typical conversation between me and Too-Tall a.k.a. spigger who is half-Colombian Coke Whore and half-Crack Whore (in other words, she half spic and half black):

Me: Hey, Vagina.

Too-Tall: Sup, Vagina.

Me: I see you got most of the kinks out your "gud-her".

Too-Tall: Don't be mad cause my pubic hair is finer then the hair on your head.

Me: Hey, Too-Tall. Wanna know how I know that God doesn't like black people?

Too-Tall: Oh, shit. Here we go...

Me: Cause he put pubic hair on their head. Hey, ain't you half black?

Too-Tall: Bitch, I'm bout to kick your ass!

Me: And you still wanna fuck me.

Too-Tall: Yeah, you're right... Let's make out...

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

Example #3: A typical conversation with me and La Terroista, who is my Sudanese friend who I always mistake for being Somalian, or Ethiopian:

Me: I'm going on a trip next week.

La Terrorista: You taking a plane?

Me: Ye... No... No, I'm not.

La Terrorista: One of these days, I'm gonna go to the airport, dressed in a abaya and hejab, and I'm gonna sit by someone and say, "Don't get on that plane". You think they'd get scared?

Me: Thaaat's it... I'm calling Homeland Security!

Then we start to touch each other inappropriately and make out.

Example #4: A typical conversation with my sisters husband, Thug Life, who is black:

Me: Hey, Thug Life. You gonna rob me today?

Thug Life: Shut yo broke ass up!

Me: Hey, can you score me some drugs? Like the good shit. You know, the really gooood shit.

Thug Life: For the last time! I'm not a drug dealer!

Me: It's okay... I wont tell nobody...

Thug Life: Oh my goodness.
(Hollas at my sister).
(At my sister)If you don't get your crazy ass sister away from me, I'm bout to...

Me: You bout to what? You gonna pop a cap in my ass?

Thug Life: Shut yo ass up! Damn!

My Sister: You know she's just fuckin with you. Just ignore her. Maybe she'll go away.

Me: THUG LIFE!!!

Eventually I get bored and move on to other victims.

Example #5: A typical conversation with my friend, Powder, who is white;

Me: Why do you white people like being orange? Is it cause you wish you were black.

Powder: Why would anyone wish to be black?

Me: Oh my God! You're such a racist!

Powder: Me! I was just kiddin. You say way worse things then that all the time! So how am I racist?

Me: Cause you're white, thats why! I'm not white, so I can say whatever the hell I want.

Powder: That's not fair!

Me: Yeah, well blame it on your white ancestors. Wanna make out?

Powder: Yeah, sure.

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

Example #6: A typical conversation with China, who is Japanese:

Me: I'm bout to call the Chinese carryout. Can you order cause I don't know what that bitch be saying?

China: Neither do I...

Me: Stop playing. You're Chinese.

China: I am not Chinese. I'm Japanese, dammit!

Me: Same difference. Just order me some Generals Tso's chicken and a...

China: I just told you that I'm not fucking Chinese. We don't even speak the same language, unlike all you Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, or whatever the hell you're from.

Me: Hmmm, you make a good point. But all you people end with "ese". Chin-ese, Japan-ese, Vietnam-ese, Korean-ese...

China: Their called Koreans, not Koreanese.

Me: Well they should be Koreanese cause they have slanty eyes like the rest of you...

China: God, you're an asshole...

Me: And you still love me... Let's make out...

Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.

So I bet you're all wondering, why would anyone want to be my friend when I'm such an asshole? The answer is obvious.

It's because I'm fucking awesome!!!

Seriously though, it's because racism is everywhere you go. You can't avoid it. And you know what? It's funny. Yes, that's right. Racism is funny. You can either laugh at it and join in, or be a little bitch about it.

You know when you repeat the same word over and over and over and you've said it so many times that it's lost its meaning?

Well I believe the same thing can be done about racism. When you keep hearing the same bullshit over and over again, it loses meaning to the point that it means shit.

Some people think that by making racist statements is just adding fuel to the fire, but you can't add fuel when you're out of gas.

Just my opinion.

So go out there, take the sticks out your assholes, and lets all laugh, point and make fun of each other!

Still In Bitch Mode

I'm still in bitch mode from that little stunt that the Evil Slut Whore tried to pull on me yesterday, but then again I always seem to be in bitch mode, so I guess what I should be saying is that I'm in bigger bitch mode.

I've lost my cell phone somewhere in the house... I think. The battery is completely dead so calling it serves no purpose and whenever I finally so find my phone, I'm gonna have to put out some money to buy a new battery since lately my battery life is no more then 10 hours. 12-14 hours on a really good day. Really sad, ain't it?

I'm horny as hell and The Boyfriend wont give it up cause his eyeball hurts. Its all red and ugly and it's just nasty to look at.

Oh, and I realized on Sunday that having sex with a person wearing sunglasses does absolutely nothing for me. I actually find it to be a real turn off, and kinda creepy. I wonder if Chiba, from Miss Rap Supreme, keeps her glasses on while fucking since shes got that whole issue with her eyeball and everything.

Speaking of Sunday, I think I offended some Jew with the help of my friend Shorty. I didn't know he was a Jew, I actually thought he was Middle Eastern, so I kept referring to him as a terrorist.

Before I go on, need I remind you that I am an equal opportunity racist. I'm am equally racist against everyone, my own race (spics) included.

So anyways, the Jew made the comment that he didn't find those kind of jokes funny, to which I replied, "I've got terrorist friends, so it's okay".

He finally corrected me and Shorty by telling us that he was a Jew and that he thought that stereotypes and racism were not funny, to which I kept insisting that it was. Shorty made a comment to the Jew, "Well sometimes I'm really cheap. I guess that's the Jew in me".

We both started laughing hysterically, and so the Jew, probably more then a little fed up with us, walked away.

Were we a little drunk?... Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not that it probably made that big of a difference anyways. We tend to always insult people, whether we're drunk or not. And do you know why? Because we're a bunch of assholes.

We just happen to say what most people think, but don't have the balls to actually say it. Like the black police man who I kept referring to as a nigger. Now I realize that that's the biggest racist no-no.

It's worse then calling Mexicans, or any spic for that matter, a wet-back or cheap labor (How much you wanna bet that some dude name Juan built your deck or did your drywall?). Worse then referring to all people from the Middle East as Terrorist. Worse then calling White People gringos, crackers, etc. and worse then calling a Jew cheap (even though they are).

But the funniest part about that, was not the fact that I had had the balls to call him a nigger in the first place (after all, I did refer to my own uncle as a nigger), but the fact that he kept denying that he was black!

He claimed to be of Native American ancestry and white. Last time I checked, Native Americans weren't black, nor are white people (hence the word white).

I asked him if he had ever seen what he looks like in the mirror cause from where I was standing he sure as hell looked like a black man to me. But he continued to deny being black.

Maybe his white mom met some black guy at a bar and had sex with him, then pinned it on her drunk Native American husband, who probably never even realized that he had a black son cause he was always fucking trashed.

I'm probably way off, but it would explain why the black guy thinks that he's not black.

Oh and I forgot the part about Habibi, who more then likely wasn't really Indian, but sure as hell did look like an Indian. Anyways, Habibi was a friend of my uncle, who I found passed out in one of the guest bedrooms.

I, being agitated at this, kept trying to wake Habibi, which isn't his real name by the way, by screaming "Since when the hell does 7-11 close? Get your lazy, curry eating ass up and get me a slurpee!".

Some people are probably reading this while shaking their heads, thinking "What an ignorant ass bitch". Believe me, I'm in no way ignorant, but I sure do like playing the part. And I'm always a bitch so that pretty much goes without saying.

Anyways, enough racism and stereotypes for one day. Being an asshole sure is fun!