Die, Bitch, Die

So I wrote a poem called "Die, Bitch, Die". It's about no one in particular and is dedicated to all those stupid cunts who don't deserve to breathe. There's a lot of those out there so don't take it personal if it hits a little too close to home.

You're ugly and you're mean
You act like you're 14
You're a nasty smelly cunt
Why don't you die, bitch, die

You serve no purpose in this life
You're a loser and bad wife
Go find something better to do
Your own brother can't stand you
Do us all a favor and die, bitch, die

You've turned into enemies, all your friends
Bet no one cares when you die in the end
And since no one really likes you
Why don't you die, bitch, die

You're a homophobic little bitch
And the biggest hypocrite
I wish they'd find you in a ditch
Why can't you die, bitch, die?

Selling your cunt is all you know how to do
Here's five bucks, now I own you
I'll sit and watch as Bob fucks you
You'll want to die, bitch, die

Then he'll whisper in your ear
You like this fat cock, don't you dear?
When he's done, you'll sit alone in tears
And wish you'd die, bitch, die

You sold you're body to fix your car
You should feel like a rock star
Were you drunk and coke up too?
I bet those nasty, sweaty men really liked you
You still don't have a clue
What STD's they all gave you
I'm sure you're feeling like
You want to die, bitch, die

You're all alone in the end
It's no use, so don't pretend
So just die, bitch, die

Plotting On Terry From HOA

I've been able to figure out the schedule for the tow truck people. Apparently, they only come out once a week, usually late Thursday night/early Friday mornings. So here's the plan:

I have until Thursday to figure out which car belongs to Terry which means that until then, I'll be stalking her. Well stalking sounds a little over the top so lets say, I'll be monitoring her.

I know she works from 9AM - 5PM and I know which building and office is hers. I'm not exactly sure which house she lives in, but I do which street she's on and it's not a very long street so she shouldn't be too hard to find. Not to mention that I do know her last name and I'm pretty sure I can find out the exact house number if I look her up in the white pages, unless shes unlisted, which I seriously doubt.

Anyways, once I have that information, I'm gonna do a stake out for the tow truck, which I'm sure will be coming back to tow my car yet again, sometime this week.

I usually consider tow truck people to be evil. Just barely a step above the people who work for DMV, and as we all know, the people who work for the DMV are all working for Satan, so you understand my feeling about tow truck drivers. I don't really care for them at all.

But anyways, back to the plan.

I'll be waiting for Mr. Tow Truck Driver on Thursday night and when he gets there, I'll be there sitting outside on my car. He's not gonna get the chance to tow me because once I'm in the car with the key in the ignition, he's fucked anyways. However, I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

I'll pay him $50 to tow Terry's car. No? Then how about $100.

That's right. I'm gonna bribe the Tow Truck driver to tow Super Bitch Terry's car.

Sound absurd? You'd be surprised to find out what Tow Truck drivers, or anyone really, do when the price is right.

Sound evil? Yeah, I know.

Sometimes you just gotta fight fire with fire. Let's see how that bitch likes it.

Still In Bitch Mode

I'm still in bitch mode from that little stunt that the Evil Slut Whore tried to pull on me yesterday, but then again I always seem to be in bitch mode, so I guess what I should be saying is that I'm in bigger bitch mode.

I've lost my cell phone somewhere in the house... I think. The battery is completely dead so calling it serves no purpose and whenever I finally so find my phone, I'm gonna have to put out some money to buy a new battery since lately my battery life is no more then 10 hours. 12-14 hours on a really good day. Really sad, ain't it?

I'm horny as hell and The Boyfriend wont give it up cause his eyeball hurts. Its all red and ugly and it's just nasty to look at.

Oh, and I realized on Sunday that having sex with a person wearing sunglasses does absolutely nothing for me. I actually find it to be a real turn off, and kinda creepy. I wonder if Chiba, from Miss Rap Supreme, keeps her glasses on while fucking since shes got that whole issue with her eyeball and everything.

Speaking of Sunday, I think I offended some Jew with the help of my friend Shorty. I didn't know he was a Jew, I actually thought he was Middle Eastern, so I kept referring to him as a terrorist.

Before I go on, need I remind you that I am an equal opportunity racist. I'm am equally racist against everyone, my own race (spics) included.

So anyways, the Jew made the comment that he didn't find those kind of jokes funny, to which I replied, "I've got terrorist friends, so it's okay".

He finally corrected me and Shorty by telling us that he was a Jew and that he thought that stereotypes and racism were not funny, to which I kept insisting that it was. Shorty made a comment to the Jew, "Well sometimes I'm really cheap. I guess that's the Jew in me".

We both started laughing hysterically, and so the Jew, probably more then a little fed up with us, walked away.

Were we a little drunk?... Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not that it probably made that big of a difference anyways. We tend to always insult people, whether we're drunk or not. And do you know why? Because we're a bunch of assholes.

We just happen to say what most people think, but don't have the balls to actually say it. Like the black police man who I kept referring to as a nigger. Now I realize that that's the biggest racist no-no.

It's worse then calling Mexicans, or any spic for that matter, a wet-back or cheap labor (How much you wanna bet that some dude name Juan built your deck or did your drywall?). Worse then referring to all people from the Middle East as Terrorist. Worse then calling White People gringos, crackers, etc. and worse then calling a Jew cheap (even though they are).

But the funniest part about that, was not the fact that I had had the balls to call him a nigger in the first place (after all, I did refer to my own uncle as a nigger), but the fact that he kept denying that he was black!

He claimed to be of Native American ancestry and white. Last time I checked, Native Americans weren't black, nor are white people (hence the word white).

I asked him if he had ever seen what he looks like in the mirror cause from where I was standing he sure as hell looked like a black man to me. But he continued to deny being black.

Maybe his white mom met some black guy at a bar and had sex with him, then pinned it on her drunk Native American husband, who probably never even realized that he had a black son cause he was always fucking trashed.

I'm probably way off, but it would explain why the black guy thinks that he's not black.

Oh and I forgot the part about Habibi, who more then likely wasn't really Indian, but sure as hell did look like an Indian. Anyways, Habibi was a friend of my uncle, who I found passed out in one of the guest bedrooms.

I, being agitated at this, kept trying to wake Habibi, which isn't his real name by the way, by screaming "Since when the hell does 7-11 close? Get your lazy, curry eating ass up and get me a slurpee!".

Some people are probably reading this while shaking their heads, thinking "What an ignorant ass bitch". Believe me, I'm in no way ignorant, but I sure do like playing the part. And I'm always a bitch so that pretty much goes without saying.

Anyways, enough racism and stereotypes for one day. Being an asshole sure is fun!