I've noticed that a lot of people have been reading my blogs lately. Seems like the more controversial I become, the bigger the crowds come flocking in to read all my random bullshit.
Some people, I'm sure, are reading my bullshit about racism and are probably thinking that I must be the biggest asshole around. Let me assure you that, all though that may be true, I am equally racist against everyone.
Here's an example of a typical conversation between me and some of my friends just to give you an idea of what I'm really like:
Example #1: A typical conversation between me and my Central American friend, Shorty:
Me: Hey, Whore.
Shorty: Hey, Slut.
Me: Hey Shorty, I need my house cleaned. You think your mom is free this weekend?
Shorty: Hey Angry, do you think your mom can teach me how to build a boat?
Me: Hey Shorty, I think a baby just fell outta your vagina.
Shorty: You know you wanna lick my vagina.
Me: Yes.... yes, I do...
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
Example # 2: A typical conversation between me and Too-Tall a.k.a. spigger who is half-Colombian Coke Whore and half-Crack Whore (in other words, she half spic and half black):
Me: Hey, Vagina.
Too-Tall: Sup, Vagina.
Me: I see you got most of the kinks out your "gud-her".
Too-Tall: Don't be mad cause my pubic hair is finer then the hair on your head.
Me: Hey, Too-Tall. Wanna know how I know that God doesn't like black people?
Too-Tall: Oh, shit. Here we go...
Me: Cause he put pubic hair on their head. Hey, ain't you half black?
Too-Tall: Bitch, I'm bout to kick your ass!
Me: And you still wanna fuck me.
Too-Tall: Yeah, you're right... Let's make out...
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
Example #3: A typical conversation with me and La Terroista, who is my Sudanese friend who I always mistake for being Somalian, or Ethiopian:
Me: I'm going on a trip next week.
La Terrorista: You taking a plane?
Me: Ye... No... No, I'm not.
La Terrorista: One of these days, I'm gonna go to the airport, dressed in a abaya and hejab, and I'm gonna sit by someone and say, "Don't get on that plane". You think they'd get scared?
Me: Thaaat's it... I'm calling Homeland Security!
Then we start to touch each other inappropriately and make out.
Example #4: A typical conversation with my sisters husband, Thug Life, who is black:
Me: Hey, Thug Life. You gonna rob me today?
Thug Life: Shut yo broke ass up!
Me: Hey, can you score me some drugs? Like the good shit. You know, the really gooood shit.
Thug Life: For the last time! I'm not a drug dealer!
Me: It's okay... I wont tell nobody...
Thug Life: Oh my goodness.
(Hollas at my sister).
(At my sister)If you don't get your crazy ass sister away from me, I'm bout to...
Me: You bout to what? You gonna pop a cap in my ass?
Thug Life: Shut yo ass up! Damn!
My Sister: You know she's just fuckin with you. Just ignore her. Maybe she'll go away.
Me: THUG LIFE!!!
Eventually I get bored and move on to other victims.
Example #5: A typical conversation with my friend, Powder, who is white;
Me: Why do you white people like being orange? Is it cause you wish you were black.
Powder: Why would anyone wish to be black?
Me: Oh my God! You're such a racist!
Powder: Me! I was just kiddin. You say way worse things then that all the time! So how am I racist?
Me: Cause you're white, thats why! I'm not white, so I can say whatever the hell I want.
Powder: That's not fair!
Me: Yeah, well blame it on your white ancestors. Wanna make out?
Powder: Yeah, sure.
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
Example #6: A typical conversation with China, who is Japanese:
Me: I'm bout to call the Chinese carryout. Can you order cause I don't know what that bitch be saying?
China: Neither do I...
Me: Stop playing. You're Chinese.
China: I am not Chinese. I'm Japanese, dammit!
Me: Same difference. Just order me some Generals Tso's chicken and a...
China: I just told you that I'm not fucking Chinese. We don't even speak the same language, unlike all you Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, or whatever the hell you're from.
Me: Hmmm, you make a good point. But all you people end with "ese". Chin-ese, Japan-ese, Vietnam-ese, Korean-ese...
China: Their called Koreans, not Koreanese.
Me: Well they should be Koreanese cause they have slanty eyes like the rest of you...
China: God, you're an asshole...
Me: And you still love me... Let's make out...
Then we start making out and touching each other inappropriately.
So I bet you're all wondering, why would anyone want to be my friend when I'm such an asshole? The answer is obvious.
It's because I'm fucking awesome!!!
Seriously though, it's because racism is everywhere you go. You can't avoid it. And you know what? It's funny. Yes, that's right. Racism is funny. You can either laugh at it and join in, or be a little bitch about it.
You know when you repeat the same word over and over and over and you've said it so many times that it's lost its meaning?
Well I believe the same thing can be done about racism. When you keep hearing the same bullshit over and over again, it loses meaning to the point that it means shit.
Some people think that by making racist statements is just adding fuel to the fire, but you can't add fuel when you're out of gas.
Just my opinion.
So go out there, take the sticks out your assholes, and lets all laugh, point and make fun of each other!
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Still In Bitch Mode
I'm still in bitch mode from that little stunt that the Evil Slut Whore tried to pull on me yesterday, but then again I always seem to be in bitch mode, so I guess what I should be saying is that I'm in bigger bitch mode.
I've lost my cell phone somewhere in the house... I think. The battery is completely dead so calling it serves no purpose and whenever I finally so find my phone, I'm gonna have to put out some money to buy a new battery since lately my battery life is no more then 10 hours. 12-14 hours on a really good day. Really sad, ain't it?
I'm horny as hell and The Boyfriend wont give it up cause his eyeball hurts. Its all red and ugly and it's just nasty to look at.
Oh, and I realized on Sunday that having sex with a person wearing sunglasses does absolutely nothing for me. I actually find it to be a real turn off, and kinda creepy. I wonder if Chiba, from Miss Rap Supreme, keeps her glasses on while fucking since shes got that whole issue with her eyeball and everything.
Speaking of Sunday, I think I offended some Jew with the help of my friend Shorty. I didn't know he was a Jew, I actually thought he was Middle Eastern, so I kept referring to him as a terrorist.
Before I go on, need I remind you that I am an equal opportunity racist. I'm am equally racist against everyone, my own race (spics) included.
So anyways, the Jew made the comment that he didn't find those kind of jokes funny, to which I replied, "I've got terrorist friends, so it's okay".
He finally corrected me and Shorty by telling us that he was a Jew and that he thought that stereotypes and racism were not funny, to which I kept insisting that it was. Shorty made a comment to the Jew, "Well sometimes I'm really cheap. I guess that's the Jew in me".
We both started laughing hysterically, and so the Jew, probably more then a little fed up with us, walked away.
Were we a little drunk?... Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not that it probably made that big of a difference anyways. We tend to always insult people, whether we're drunk or not. And do you know why? Because we're a bunch of assholes.
We just happen to say what most people think, but don't have the balls to actually say it. Like the black police man who I kept referring to as a nigger. Now I realize that that's the biggest racist no-no.
It's worse then calling Mexicans, or any spic for that matter, a wet-back or cheap labor (How much you wanna bet that some dude name Juan built your deck or did your drywall?). Worse then referring to all people from the Middle East as Terrorist. Worse then calling White People gringos, crackers, etc. and worse then calling a Jew cheap (even though they are).
But the funniest part about that, was not the fact that I had had the balls to call him a nigger in the first place (after all, I did refer to my own uncle as a nigger), but the fact that he kept denying that he was black!
He claimed to be of Native American ancestry and white. Last time I checked, Native Americans weren't black, nor are white people (hence the word white).
I asked him if he had ever seen what he looks like in the mirror cause from where I was standing he sure as hell looked like a black man to me. But he continued to deny being black.
Maybe his white mom met some black guy at a bar and had sex with him, then pinned it on her drunk Native American husband, who probably never even realized that he had a black son cause he was always fucking trashed.
I'm probably way off, but it would explain why the black guy thinks that he's not black.
Oh and I forgot the part about Habibi, who more then likely wasn't really Indian, but sure as hell did look like an Indian. Anyways, Habibi was a friend of my uncle, who I found passed out in one of the guest bedrooms.
I, being agitated at this, kept trying to wake Habibi, which isn't his real name by the way, by screaming "Since when the hell does 7-11 close? Get your lazy, curry eating ass up and get me a slurpee!".
Some people are probably reading this while shaking their heads, thinking "What an ignorant ass bitch". Believe me, I'm in no way ignorant, but I sure do like playing the part. And I'm always a bitch so that pretty much goes without saying.
Anyways, enough racism and stereotypes for one day. Being an asshole sure is fun!
I've lost my cell phone somewhere in the house... I think. The battery is completely dead so calling it serves no purpose and whenever I finally so find my phone, I'm gonna have to put out some money to buy a new battery since lately my battery life is no more then 10 hours. 12-14 hours on a really good day. Really sad, ain't it?
I'm horny as hell and The Boyfriend wont give it up cause his eyeball hurts. Its all red and ugly and it's just nasty to look at.
Oh, and I realized on Sunday that having sex with a person wearing sunglasses does absolutely nothing for me. I actually find it to be a real turn off, and kinda creepy. I wonder if Chiba, from Miss Rap Supreme, keeps her glasses on while fucking since shes got that whole issue with her eyeball and everything.
Speaking of Sunday, I think I offended some Jew with the help of my friend Shorty. I didn't know he was a Jew, I actually thought he was Middle Eastern, so I kept referring to him as a terrorist.
Before I go on, need I remind you that I am an equal opportunity racist. I'm am equally racist against everyone, my own race (spics) included.
So anyways, the Jew made the comment that he didn't find those kind of jokes funny, to which I replied, "I've got terrorist friends, so it's okay".
He finally corrected me and Shorty by telling us that he was a Jew and that he thought that stereotypes and racism were not funny, to which I kept insisting that it was. Shorty made a comment to the Jew, "Well sometimes I'm really cheap. I guess that's the Jew in me".
We both started laughing hysterically, and so the Jew, probably more then a little fed up with us, walked away.
Were we a little drunk?... Abso-fuckin-lutely. Not that it probably made that big of a difference anyways. We tend to always insult people, whether we're drunk or not. And do you know why? Because we're a bunch of assholes.
We just happen to say what most people think, but don't have the balls to actually say it. Like the black police man who I kept referring to as a nigger. Now I realize that that's the biggest racist no-no.
It's worse then calling Mexicans, or any spic for that matter, a wet-back or cheap labor (How much you wanna bet that some dude name Juan built your deck or did your drywall?). Worse then referring to all people from the Middle East as Terrorist. Worse then calling White People gringos, crackers, etc. and worse then calling a Jew cheap (even though they are).
But the funniest part about that, was not the fact that I had had the balls to call him a nigger in the first place (after all, I did refer to my own uncle as a nigger), but the fact that he kept denying that he was black!
He claimed to be of Native American ancestry and white. Last time I checked, Native Americans weren't black, nor are white people (hence the word white).
I asked him if he had ever seen what he looks like in the mirror cause from where I was standing he sure as hell looked like a black man to me. But he continued to deny being black.
Maybe his white mom met some black guy at a bar and had sex with him, then pinned it on her drunk Native American husband, who probably never even realized that he had a black son cause he was always fucking trashed.
I'm probably way off, but it would explain why the black guy thinks that he's not black.
Oh and I forgot the part about Habibi, who more then likely wasn't really Indian, but sure as hell did look like an Indian. Anyways, Habibi was a friend of my uncle, who I found passed out in one of the guest bedrooms.
I, being agitated at this, kept trying to wake Habibi, which isn't his real name by the way, by screaming "Since when the hell does 7-11 close? Get your lazy, curry eating ass up and get me a slurpee!".
Some people are probably reading this while shaking their heads, thinking "What an ignorant ass bitch". Believe me, I'm in no way ignorant, but I sure do like playing the part. And I'm always a bitch so that pretty much goes without saying.
Anyways, enough racism and stereotypes for one day. Being an asshole sure is fun!
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