Party Crashers

So yesterday was the BIG day. The swearing into office, the first biracial President of the United States of America.

I couldn't have been any more annoyed with the traffic, the out of town people and the fact that they kept referring to President Obama as the first African-American president.

Anyways, all extremely irrelevant.

As most of you are probably aware, there was quite a bit of chaos in the city and lots of parties and fancy balls.

My friend, Yuki, who was visiting from Brooklyn, made herself quite at home here and even managed to crash a couple of Inaugural balls, as well as walk right up to the front door to the White House. How the hell she got past security, I don't have a fuckin clue, but she did it.

She had dinner with several senators and the best part is, she walked right on in with her street clothes, not fancy attire that the rest of the people had on. Not to mention that most of these balls had outrageous ticket prices to get in, in the first place.

I wasn't there for the first few balls she crashed, which suddenly, I'm starting to regret.

However, I did make it to the last ball she decided to crash, which was the Heroes Red, White, & Blue Ball at the Warner Theater. Tickets for this event ranged between $500 - $1,500.

It was already ending when we arrived, so there's not much for me to brag about other then I got in and ummmm, yea, that's about it.

We took some pictures, and met a lot of nice people who were really, really drunk.

It was pretty cool. Too bad I didn't go out sooner.

In either case, I can still brag about the fact that I went to an Inaugural Ball in street clothes and didn't pay to get in. Thanx for the good time, Yuki!

Visit Yuki's website here: Chateau de Lion

Git Er Dun, Ya'll

Last night I attended a company dinner with Cornholio. Apparently, his job wants to transfer him to Virginia which is gonna be one hell of a commute for him, but I don't see us moving to Virginia cause it sucks down there.

I got to meet some of his new co-workers from the Virginia office and boy were they about as hick as they come...

Actually, I lie... I wouldn't even know how the rest of those people were considering that this one Psycho Lady wouldn't shut her fucking mouth long enough for anyone else to even get a word in.

They may have been hick, but I never had a chance to really find out.

I know I said I was going to try and stop picking on white people, but fuck... They just make it way too easy.

That one Psycho Lady was the most annoying person there and she wasn't even a co-worker. She was a co-workers wife. I felt like I was trapped in white-soccer-Virginia-stay-at-home-mom HELL.

This bitch was just unbearable. And as if the conversation wasn't bad enough, I was trapped there like a caged animal for 3 hours cause the service was just sooo slow.

This heifer went on and on about her snotty-nose rugrats as if anyone there really gave a fuck. The moment the conversation would veer off into another direction, she would find a way to bring her kids back into the mix.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kid just as much the any other mom. Sometimes even more. BUT, when I get a chance to go out and party or go to dinner without Boy Son, the last thing I want to do is talk about him.

Why? Because no one other then yourself and close family really gives a shit to hear about the little things that your kids do. Not to mention that when I'm out, I want to enjoy my free time alone as much as possible and enjoy adult conversations that I can't have when he's around either cause it's too X-Rated or because I'm getting interrupted by the little fart every 5 seconds.

I just wanted to smack that dumb bitch and tell her, "For the love of GOD.... TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!!

I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING KIDS!!!

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU'RE WATCHING SPONGEBOB EVEN WHEN THEY'RE NOT AROUND!!!

I DON'T CARE HOW OLD THEY ARE, NOR DO I CARE ABOUT WHY THEY TOSSED DIRT UP INTO THE SKY!!!

I DON'T CARE HOW THE OLDER ONE REACTED WHEN HE FOUND OUT YOU WERE EXPECTING ANOTHER BOY!!!

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAD THEM 5 YEARS APART CAUSE IF YOU HAD WAITED ANY LONGER, THEY MIGHT NOT HAD GOTTEN ALONG SO WELL!!!

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU PLAN ON HAVING ANOTHER ONE AND ARE HOPING THAT IT'S A GIRL!!!

Quite frankly, I think you're too old to be having anymore, and I'd be more then surprised if you could have another one because I would've assumed by looking at you, that all of your eggs have probably already dried up...

YOU'RE OLD AND YOU'RE BORING, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

I HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS WITH MY DOGS THEN YOU HAVE WITH PEOPLE!!!"

The most interesting part of the conversation was when this woman's husband mentioned that he use to go to the same 7-11 that Lorena Bobbitt had chucked her husbands penis at.

But that conversation quickly went south when the cunt somehow managed to bring up the subject of her kids and this time it was accompanied by pictures.

She then mentioned how great the state of Virginia is and how she had lived there her whole life (not surprising), and would never leave. Though her comment about Virginia being great is bullshit, I wasn't gonna argue with her.

I wanted so badly to say something, but that probably would've made things worse. I had to bite my tongue and hold in the verbal diarrhea that I so ofter suffer from because these people are the kind of people who probably wouldn't have taken anything I said too lightly being as uptight as they are.

I did what I could to keep my mouth shut and ordered drink after drink, and texted away to anyone who was able to keep me entertained so I wouldn't say something mean to this woman in front of Cornholio's co-workers.

All I know is that the more people who are like her stay in Virginia, the better it is for me because then I don't have to deal with them.

The fact of the matter is, Virginia sucks. They got taxes for everything and the cops there are evil.

So it's okay. Keep your country bumpkin ass over there in Virginia because the nobody else wants you. No wonder your husband is always working late. Cause you're fucking boring!

And by the way, your country accent IS NOT sexy. It's stupid and it makes you sounds like an inbreed... Which you probably are...

I wonder if she talks about the kids while shes having her lame ass sex?

I don't think I'll be attending any more company dinners after this last one. The old crew was so much cooler then these lame-o's. I take that back. It's not the new crew that's the problem. It's the wife. Just that one.

If these are the kind of people living down there, I'm staying the hell out of Virginia...

Leap Year

So I've done some research and I've figured out that the purpose of Leap Year is to keep the calendar year in sync with the season year. I read something like, if we didn't have a leap year that in 10,000 years, winter would be in July (like I give a shit, I'd be dead by then anyways).

Anyways, whatever the purpose of Leap Year, I know that this year it happened to fall on a Friday, which means a LEAP YEAR PARTY!

I feel bad for all those little bastards whose birthday's are on February 29th. If my kids birthday only came around once every 4 years, then you best believe we're only gonna celebrate it once every 4 years. I know that sounds fucked up, but children's birthday parties ain't exactly cheap either, you know?

But anyways, back to the idea of my party. Leap Year does only come once every 4 years, so why the hell not shouldn't I have a Leap year party?

It's gonna be great! I'll invite my regular crew of drunky friends, we'll buy some of those stupid little party hats, oh and I have to get a Leap Year cake. Maybe I'll get some strippers to come by... Better yet, we should just go to the strip club and celebrate there.

You don't have to look hard to find a good reason to party...