Frijolero: The Evil Bastard

So we all know that I have big birthday plans for this coming weekend. Well maybe not BIG, but it's in the works.

For over 2 months, I've been drilling Frijolero to make sure he took off Friday.

I mean I have really made every attempt to make sure that I have really drilled it into that little evil bastards head that I wanted him to not work on Friday.

I didn't have an exact plan on what we were going to do, but all the same, he needed to be off on Friday, May 22, 2009.

I don't know how much more clear I could've made this.

I thought I had actually gotten through to the fucking asshole since he had told me that he had gone ahead and gotten the day off, especially because he knew how important it was for him to go to the DMV to register my car, especially because this is my birthday weekend and we would definitely need a car with legal tags.

My tags are suspended yet again and instead of removing the tint (which is only part of the reason why my tags are suspended...), he figured, YES HE AND NOT ME, suggested that we just register the car under his name and then all my little problems would go away. But that's another story for another day.

The point is that it was crucial for him to take the day off for this to get done as it would effect the rest of my weekend. My birthday weekend.

Today, about 3 hours ago, to be exact, I get the news that that fucking jackass has once again screwed me.

He's not taking the day off and I'm not going to have my car registered which means I have no car to go and do all the fantastic and wonderful things that I haven't quite planned yet, but that's not the fucking point.

In a moment of hope, I had figured that all had not been lost and I could rent a car for the weekend. That is, until I called up like 20 different car rental places and they were all out of cars because it's Memorial Day weekend... (The economy can't be that fucking bad..)

That fucking beaner has fucked me yet again.

He has fucked many of my plans in the past.

Once, when I was pregnant, a friend of mine had suggested that we do a couples trip and go to the beach. Her and her man, and me and that evil bastard, Frijolero.

Frijolero had agreed to the plans and I went ahead and booked the hotel. Two days before our trip, he cancelled the reservation. Why? Cause he's an asshole.

Mind you, I was fucking pregnant. I only acted like it was the end of the world cause in my delicate state, it sure as hell did feel like it was.

Two years ago, the same friend suggest another attempt at a trip to the beach. Once again we go ahead and make the reservations. I was sure there was no way in hell he'd screw me again, but sure enough, day before the trip, that fucking jackass of a beaner fucks me again, canceling the trip and that time, I lost the money from the reservation.

You starting to see a pattern here?

So what is the lesson learned here?

You can't trust a fucking beaner!

Ok, maybe that's a little unfair to say...

But I'm definitely gonna fuck his ass over when it's his birthday... Oh wait... I already have plans... It's Angry Girlfriend Day on October 15th.

I'm gonna be getting drunk and throwing darts at pictures of fucking face!

Take that, asshole!!!

And by the way, I'm not fucking negative... You're just a jackass!!!

Angry Whopper Inspired by Angry Girlfriend?

We all know that I hate the Kellogg's company for stealing my Evil Poptart drawings. (Evil bastards!).

But there could be a new feud on the horizon.

Recently, Burger King announced the new "Angry Whopper". I can't help but to wonder what was their inspiration behind this Angry Burger.

Even though I have no proof that I was the inspiration behind the Angry Whopper, it's just like to me to assume that I must've been because people love to steal my ideas and the world is conspiring to get me.

I know that making this statement could possibly make me loose my credibility with the whole Kellogg's Poptart thing, but that case is different because I have proof and a ton of witnesses, so I'm not really worried about that.

So there you have it. Burger King's Angry Whopper was inspired by me, Angry Girlfriend.

I really like Burger King so I'm not planning a boycott. I have no idea what the Angry Whopper taste like, but I suggest you go buy one and let me know.

And think of me when you're ordering an Angry Whopper.

Faux Furkey

I did something stupid this weekend. I trusted a Vegan. I paid for it dearly.

This evil Vegan offered me a Faux Furkey sandwich (that's tofu turkey). I should've know not to eat it. The fucking shit was gray, for God's sake.

How could anyone possibly believe that faux furkey is good and healthy for you when the shit is gray?

I spend the whole next day vomiting stomach acid. I couldn't hold down any food, and when I wasn't puking stomach acid, I was sitting on the can with a massive case of diarrhea.

I've learned a very valuable lesson this weekend.

Being Vegan is no different from being anorexic or bulimic. You become extremely thin and you eat nothing but grass, leaves, and faux food that taste like air and makes you vomit all day.

Vegans are evil.

Never trust anyone who doesn't eat meat. It's a sign of mental instability.

That bitch tried to kill me!

Did I mention that the evil Vegan is my step-sister?

If you don't eat cows, they'll eat you. It's part of the food chain.

There's a reason why God created people to walk on 2 legs and operate a chain saw. It's so we can slaughter our own meals.

Eating meat saves lives.

I want nothing more to do with evil Vegans and their faux food. Eating faux food is just... wrong...

You've all been warned...

The Tow Truck Bastard & The Meth Addict

The evil tow truck bastard showed up last night. Much to my surprise, he wasn't alone. Apparently, that HOA bitch, Terry, has decided to "clean house" I guess you could say.

Long story short, 15 tow trucks came out and from about 8 PM - 12 AM. They towed around 60 cars out of our complex. Someone from the HOA was placing orange stickers on all the cars that were delinquent on their HOA fees. They also towed cars that didn't have parking passes on them at all.

Thanks to a neighbor, I caught the evil tow truck bastard as he was hooking up Cornholio's car to the tow truck. I tried to bribe him, discretely of course, not to tow the car.

The fucking son of a bitch tells me, "You have to pay your HOA fees".

I'm like, "Look, you don't have to tow the car, just drop it off at the shoppers, I'll give you $50 and we'll call it a night".

Like some retarded ass zombie, he repeats, "You have to pay your HOA fees".

Obviously, this particular tow truck asshole, was in cahoots with that scanky, cunt, whore, Terry.

I noticed another tow truck driver shaking his head at his fellow tow truck idiot, as if to say, "Man, you fucking stupid. Take the fuckin' money". He didn't say that, but I could tell he wanted to.

I was furious with the tow truck bastard for not taking me up on my deal and made a comment to him something along the lines of, "I didn't realize that they still had slaves. I see how that white bitch owns your sorry ass".

And of course, the slave said, "Don't beat me again, Massa". Actually the fucker repeated his infamous line of the night, " You have to pay your HOA fees". Moron.

I could've potentially have pissed off the tow truck bastard. Most black people would've taken offense to a comment like that. However, this tow truck driver was either a complete moron, or possibly having an affair with Terry, because my comment didn't seem to bother him at all.

I take it back. He couldn't be having an affair with Terry. She's just not that pretty and shes old and fat. The tow truck bastard was just a complete and utter idiot.

So they towed Cornholio's car, but they didn't get mine. I got my keys as they were towing his and another neighbors car and jumped in before another tow truck fucker had the chance to hook my car up.

We followed the tow truck people to the impound, get the car out just as fast as it went it, wasted another $100, then dropped off his car at his job.

However, while we were at the impound, I got wind of what the deal was with the tow truck bastards and found out that they were going to be making a 2nd round to pick up more cars around 5 AM and that they planned to do this all week long.

It was only midnight. My car wasn't safe. When I got home, I stayed in my car for about an hour before deciding that I needed some sleep and to set off my alarm at 4:30Am to potentially save my car if need be.

At 4:30 AM, my alarm goes off. I look out the window and see nothing. No sticker, no tow truck. I reset my alarm to 5 AM, but then I heard it. A tow truck. I look out the window and see a tow truck making rounds on the other side of the complex.

I threw on some pants and some shoes, grab my keys and ran right out the door. I got to me car and see some white guy walking around the complex with something in his hand and realize, he's with the HOA people.

I start the car and leave, really with no plan but to wait it out. I drive around for about 30 minutes, and head back home, but as I'm pulling in the complex, a tow truck driver is leaving... with a a car.

Obviously, they weren't done yet because there was another tow truck pulling into the complex as the other was leaving. So I bucked a U and got the hell outta there.

I head out to the parking lot where Cornholio works. I feel asleep out there for about 45 minutes, then decided to head back home yet again.

On my way home, some crazy, psycho, meth addict jumps into the middle of the road and of course I stop inches away from hitting him. He runs up to my window asking me for a ride, claiming that his car had broken down and a bunch of other bullshit that wasn't true.

I told him, "You must think I'm fucking crazy. You think I'm gonna let you in my car so you can possibly rob and kill me. Get the fuck out the way before I run your ass over".

He asked for a couple bucks, so I threw a five out the window. The fucker has the nerve to be ask me, "How about ten?"

To which I respond, "You're only getting five, so go do something useful and OD. Get the fuck out the way".

He moves out the way, and I race home.

AS I'm pulling into the complex, another tow truck is coming out with yet another car and the HOA guy is still walking around the complex, putting on more stickers on cars that "needed to be towed".

I had enough of that bullshit, so I got the boy son out of bed and headed to "work" which is at Cornholio's parents house. Finally got some sleep, though only for about 3 hours, but it's better then nothing.

I can't do this shit all week, so I guess Terry and I are going to be having a talk pretty soon. Or maybe I'll just spend the res of the week at my moms house.

I don't really appreciate Terry's force tactic so I feel the need to rebel. This shit ain't fucking over, yet...

Fuck That Bitch

Still coming down from my high from having such a fucking, fantastic weekend, and early morning sex, I get to work and notice a letter addressed to me.

To summarize it, it basically said that my hours were being cut as was my pay rate, and that I was to start clocking in every morning, personal phone calls where to be non existent unless it was an emergency, and a bunch of other irrelevant bullshit.

For those of you who don't know, I work with The Boyfriend's mother. She's not a bad person to work for, at all. Always very considerate of all of her employees, some people might she that's she too nice. I don't take advantage of her kindness because she tends to work herself to exhaustion.

The Boyfriend's sister, Evil Slut Whore, also works with me. Obviously, you can guess by the nickname that me and her don't really get along. You can read more about her dumb ass in this old blog I had posted back in September 2007: On The Verge...

When I had started working for The Boyfriend's mother, it was because the Evil Slut Whore had quit... again.

She tends to have these little temper tantrums with her mom, over the family business, and so she quits off and on all the time.

After her last tantrum, I took her place working in the office and to be honest, I really have tried hard to do my best and do an even better job then Evil Slut Whore because I wanted to prove to The Boyfriend's mom that I was not only more capable but also more reliable for the job.

Well, of course after working for 3 months, Evil Slut Whore wanted her job back and I really believed for a second that I was going to loose my place just because she was the bosses daughter. However, much to my surprise, that's not what happened at all.

Evil Slut Whore was hired back as a driver, which naturally pissed her the fuck off. But of course, her being the way she is, she started trying to act like she was the boss over me, which of course, wasn't gonna happen.

I much rather tell her to go fuck herself then do anything that she asks me to do, which is usually how it plays out anyways.

I humor her from time to time to make it seem like it's all good and then there are days when I straight carry it.

Of course, when I first got to office and read the letter, I was fucking fuming. But I called The Boyfriend's mother and asked her what exactly was going on and why had they written me this letter instead of having the decency to personally address these issues with me.

She informed me that she knew absolutely nothing about the letter, and that it was the Evil Slut Whore who would be paid hourly and had a day cut because she choose to have an extra day off. I was assured that my pay was not being cut and that if I wanted a day off that she could accommodate me, but she was not cutting back on my hours or pay rate.

Of course, after that I figured the whole personal phone call issues was probably brought up cause her ass was jealous hearing me talk about my birthday plans and talking about golden showers with my cousin. Her ass don't have any friends so personal phone calls just don't seem to be much of an issue for her. Don't no one call her but her husband cause everyone else can't stand that bitch.

Man was that a relief to hear, cause I know that by no means, am I a fuck up like that bitch.

Evil Slut Whore called several hours later with some bullshit about God-Knows-What, and I made no mention of the letter, or my conversation with her mother. She's probably smirking right now thinking she got me, but little does she know who got who.

Fucking dumb ass. And with that I say, FUCK THAT BITCH!

Come on now, bitch. I know you didn't think it was really gonna be that easy, did you?