Dirty Fly

I find you so utterly annoying.  You're like a fly stuck behind the blinds.  I can't see you, but I hear you buzzing away back there.

I want to take my shoe and just beat the hell out of you til you're all smashed up and dead.  You stopped buzzing around for a while, but you're still there.  Playing dead.  Waiting for me to forget that you're back there.

Just as soon as I forget, you start to buzz again.  Wreacking all kinds of havoc.  I hate you fly.  You evil, dirty, whore fly.

Why can't you just die already and go away?!

On second thought, maybe I shouldn't ruin a perfectly good shoe on an evil, dirty fly.  After all, my shoe is worth more then your dirty vagina.  haha :)

Why Do You People Care?

Apparently, Whitney Houston died. I only know this because my Facebook account exploded with dozens of Facebook status updates from friends and family all saying something along the lines of "RIP Whitney Houston".

 I acknowledge that yes, this particular artist was very much talented, but when was the last time she even made a hit? Actually, that's not the point I'm trying to make.

 I don't understand why when a public figure dies, the world goes haywire. Micheal Jackson, for an example, was a great artist. A little strange, may or may not have been a pedophile (I believe he was a bit eccentric but by no means a pedophile though he might have possibly suffered from arrested development understandably, but that's also not relevant to this topic), tons of cash to burn which he did quite successfully, might I add. He dies and the world was in mourning.

 My point here is, I don't understand the mourning of a person you never actually knew in life. Just because they're a public figure and maybe you admire their work, you're going to be sad when they pass away? 

Other then providing you with entertainment and being highly overpaid to do such, why are we bereaved when they die?

 A good percentage of them are responsible for their own deaths. As of now, we don't know what happened to Whitney Houston, but considering her jaded pass, it's not hard to figure out what went wrong. Kind of like Marilyn Monroe, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Elvis Presley, Anna Nicole Smith, Amy Winehouse (well, that's a special circumstance), Heath Ledger, the list goes on and on and on.

Celebrities die. They are after all, human. Surprise!

Everyone mentioned aboved loved by fans for one reason or another, but at the end of the day, their job in life was to entertain us, which they all did successfully. They were also financially compensated quite well for their services, and though they all died tragic deaths, it was pretty much all self inflicted.

 Maybe I'm just heartless, but I don't understand people mourn the death of public figures. What you know about them, is what they allowed you to see. You enjoyed their work, I get that. But the world moves on. Kind of like if one us "average Joes" were to die (inside joke ;) )

 The difference is, no random stranger gives a shit if YOU die, cause they didn't know you and/or you weren't that entertaining or maybe you were fat and ugly, or maybe you were just a straight up asshole. Hell, sometimes people that you do know don't care if you die. So why are you people mourning over a celebrity?

 I would sit here and feed into the bullshit of all the RIP Whitney, or whatever but I feel it's a bit redundant and quite frankly, I don't give a shit.

 The only guarantee we have in life is that at one point or another, we will die. So why is everyone so surprised? It should've been expected. My morbidness is starting to kick in, but ce' la vie.

Ask Me

If you want to know what I'm really feeling, ask me when I'm drunk.

You might not like what I have to say, but it will be the honest truth.

P.S. You suck hairy balls, asshole.

Making Amends

There is a certain person out there, who I wont name specifically, who I feel I need to make amends with.

Can't say that I actually know this person, (you can thank your "friend" for that, since he's made it very clear that we can never meet because you're too shy and he feels some warped sense of responsibility towards you and the need to protect you. From who? I don't know. I'm actually quite a nice person).

Quite frankly, it's this stupid need to "protect" you that has made me as hostile towards you without having ever met you. Not fair to you, but let's just say I'm a very territorial person.

I like to literally mark my territory. Like I dog, I pee on things that belong to me. I've somewhat turned feral... I'm getting sidetracked.

Point is, I'm not crazy, I'm not a psycho bitch regardless of what you've heard or read for that matter, I'm not a lush (I swear, that fucker set me up), I've never been arrested nor have I ever required court order anger management, as of yet. See? I'm normal.

Not to brag, but I'm actually pretty fucking awesome. Although, most people probably wouldn't agree cause they still can't seem to see past the whole peeing into my ex's chicken ordeal. At some point and time, you have to let that go people! There has got to be a statue of limitations for certain random acts of crazy I tend to display... on rare occasion.

Again, I'm getting sidetracked... BIRD!!! Just kidding.

So yeah, person I kinda know but not really cause we've never actually met. I am offering you a peace offering to end the imaginary war that I seem to have created in my very own mind.

I do shit like that on occasions. It's what non-crazy people with an over active imagination do.

If you ever want to reach out to me so you can see for yourself how not crazy I am, you know how. Not that I expect you to, but the offer is there.

Why Bother?

I consider myself to be a good friend. Always giving advice to those in need. Lately, I've noticed that people can me all the time, at all hours and I'm there to hear their bullshit and give advice.

The problem is when I'm in need, there's no one there for me. Granted, I know there's a 3 hour time difference between me and my East Coaster friends, and I haven't made too many friends out west cause quite frankly, in my life, people come and go.

As evil and bitchy as I am, I am good to those I care about. Unfortunately, the feelings are obviously NOT mutual. So who do I turn to when I'm in need of advice or guidance? No one. Cause no one gives a shit. And that's okay.

Just don't bother calling me at 3 am when you've gotten pulled over for a DUI and you need help bailing getting bailed out, or when you caught you boyfriend cheating on you, or when you find out that you're husband got another woman pregnant and has a whole different family on the side, or when you cheated on you're boyfriend and don't know who the father of your baby is, or when your boyfriend gave you an STI, etc...

Quite frankly, your problems are your own. Deal with it! I honestly don't give a shit anymore.

I have wasted a lot of time listening to the bullshit of others, when I don't even have a grip on my own life.

People come and go. It's time to move on and cut out the old. Good luck to you people back east. Quite frankly, I'm over your drama.

To Xanax Or Not to Xanax

I've been suffering from panic attacks and insomnia for about the last 2 weeks, which sucks balls to say the least.

I was on the verge of finally caving in and popping a xanax, but me being the way I am, I just had to look up the side effects.

I think it's common knowledge at this point that the side effects are usually worse then the reason you're on the drug to begin with.

Did you know a side effect of xanax is 'hallucinations, seeing and hearing things that don't exist'.

I guess they felt the need to explain what a hallucination is just in case you're too high to put it together. Maybe what you're reading doesn't exist and hallucinations isn't a real side effect.

Next on the list: thinking of harming or killing yourself or trying to do so.

This is an awesome side effect. You get a prescription for xanax cause you were a little stressed out, had some anxiety issues and now you want to kill yourself.

For some of you, xanax will push you over the edge completely. Awesomeness! Have fun jumping off that bridge!

Another awesome side effect: depression.

The funny thing about anxiety and panic disorders is that the people who have them are usually already suffering from some form of depression.

Apparently, xanax can make you MORE depressed which in retrospect would explain why you might want to kill yourself while on this drug.

I think I've read enough. I'm tossing those pills out. Insomnia and panic: here I come!

Titusville in Titusville

When we started dating about 3 months ago, Titusville and I thought that we had come up with this awesome plan that in order to not keep this relationship long distance for too long, he would take a job offer in New Jersey on a 2 month contract and then move out across the country with me once securing a job. I should mention that this contract ends in 5 days.

I guess I should also mention that this idea made sense at the time because he was going to be bringing home a substantial amount of money, so it seemed like a good idea.

Where this plan failed, unbeknownst to me, was when I went to go visit him for the holidays. Apparently, I forced him to book a hotel for the 2 weeks I was out there and drained his cash. He could've simply have told me not to come out, and that issue would have been avoided all together, but since I'm a grown-up, I'm suppose to think ahead. Anyone who knows me should know I NEVER THINK AHEAD. It's a character flaw.

Of course, planning in advance rarely works. He's pretty good at what he does which is something web related, but apparently there's only work for him on the east coast. Apparently, they don't have any web designers living anywhere else in the country. ONLY ON THE EAST COAST... IN FLORIDA... NOWHERE ELSE...

He's gotten tons of job offers back in Florida. Specifically, back in the same area he use to live. And that's ok. I don't mind waiting things out and doing the long distance thing. The problem is if he goes back to Florida, he'll be living with his former female roommate. Which isn't the problem. The problem is that he and this female roommate had a sexual relationship up until about a year ago.

Apparently, I'm suppose to trust him that nothing will happen. Which I do. I just don't trust HER. I'm sure he'd back away and not let things get to that level, but why put yourself in that situation to begin with?

So as it stands, he and I are in limbo and there's a possibility that we'll go our separate ways. All because I voiced my feelings about the subject, and anytime I bring up the topic of this roommate and my concerns about her, he throws a shit fest.

I did give him the ultimatum that if he moves back in with her, we're through. I was frustrated. And I'm not 100% sure if I really would walk or if it was just me talking out of anger. Maybe I'm in the wrong. Who knows? But what he fails to realize, ironically since he's one of the only people in this world to really know me best, is that I've been fucked over many a time.

Granted, I understand that you can't take out your insecurities, and anger on the new guy, but come on.

This woman post shit on your Facebook every fucking day, you talk to her on the phone every fucking day, and now you're going to be living together again? And you still can't see why I might have an issue with this?

Yeah, Facebook is just Facebook, but you have a relationship with this person ON and OFFLINE on a daily basis. And now you won't talk to me because I voiced a concern???

I hope that someone is reading this. Help us shed some light on who is in the wrong here, because Titusville is pretty damn good at flipping the script and making me feel guilty for not trusting him, which I never said to begin with. I'm just saying, if the situation was in reverse, how cool about it would you be?