To Xanax Or Not to Xanax

I've been suffering from panic attacks and insomnia for about the last 2 weeks, which sucks balls to say the least.

I was on the verge of finally caving in and popping a xanax, but me being the way I am, I just had to look up the side effects.

I think it's common knowledge at this point that the side effects are usually worse then the reason you're on the drug to begin with.

Did you know a side effect of xanax is 'hallucinations, seeing and hearing things that don't exist'.

I guess they felt the need to explain what a hallucination is just in case you're too high to put it together. Maybe what you're reading doesn't exist and hallucinations isn't a real side effect.

Next on the list: thinking of harming or killing yourself or trying to do so.

This is an awesome side effect. You get a prescription for xanax cause you were a little stressed out, had some anxiety issues and now you want to kill yourself.

For some of you, xanax will push you over the edge completely. Awesomeness! Have fun jumping off that bridge!

Another awesome side effect: depression.

The funny thing about anxiety and panic disorders is that the people who have them are usually already suffering from some form of depression.

Apparently, xanax can make you MORE depressed which in retrospect would explain why you might want to kill yourself while on this drug.

I think I've read enough. I'm tossing those pills out. Insomnia and panic: here I come!

Titusville in Titusville

When we started dating about 3 months ago, Titusville and I thought that we had come up with this awesome plan that in order to not keep this relationship long distance for too long, he would take a job offer in New Jersey on a 2 month contract and then move out across the country with me once securing a job. I should mention that this contract ends in 5 days.

I guess I should also mention that this idea made sense at the time because he was going to be bringing home a substantial amount of money, so it seemed like a good idea.

Where this plan failed, unbeknownst to me, was when I went to go visit him for the holidays. Apparently, I forced him to book a hotel for the 2 weeks I was out there and drained his cash. He could've simply have told me not to come out, and that issue would have been avoided all together, but since I'm a grown-up, I'm suppose to think ahead. Anyone who knows me should know I NEVER THINK AHEAD. It's a character flaw.

Of course, planning in advance rarely works. He's pretty good at what he does which is something web related, but apparently there's only work for him on the east coast. Apparently, they don't have any web designers living anywhere else in the country. ONLY ON THE EAST COAST... IN FLORIDA... NOWHERE ELSE...

He's gotten tons of job offers back in Florida. Specifically, back in the same area he use to live. And that's ok. I don't mind waiting things out and doing the long distance thing. The problem is if he goes back to Florida, he'll be living with his former female roommate. Which isn't the problem. The problem is that he and this female roommate had a sexual relationship up until about a year ago.

Apparently, I'm suppose to trust him that nothing will happen. Which I do. I just don't trust HER. I'm sure he'd back away and not let things get to that level, but why put yourself in that situation to begin with?

So as it stands, he and I are in limbo and there's a possibility that we'll go our separate ways. All because I voiced my feelings about the subject, and anytime I bring up the topic of this roommate and my concerns about her, he throws a shit fest.

I did give him the ultimatum that if he moves back in with her, we're through. I was frustrated. And I'm not 100% sure if I really would walk or if it was just me talking out of anger. Maybe I'm in the wrong. Who knows? But what he fails to realize, ironically since he's one of the only people in this world to really know me best, is that I've been fucked over many a time.

Granted, I understand that you can't take out your insecurities, and anger on the new guy, but come on.

This woman post shit on your Facebook every fucking day, you talk to her on the phone every fucking day, and now you're going to be living together again? And you still can't see why I might have an issue with this?

Yeah, Facebook is just Facebook, but you have a relationship with this person ON and OFFLINE on a daily basis. And now you won't talk to me because I voiced a concern???

I hope that someone is reading this. Help us shed some light on who is in the wrong here, because Titusville is pretty damn good at flipping the script and making me feel guilty for not trusting him, which I never said to begin with. I'm just saying, if the situation was in reverse, how cool about it would you be?

No One Likes Rebuplicans

This is a little out of left field, but I was having a conversation with this crazy white bitch from Ohio. And we all know people from Ohio are fucking nuts. She's actually pretty cool when she's not trying to stab people.

Ohio, who is Republican, apparently came to the sudden realization that no one likes Republicans. Which is true.

For whatever reason, I came to the realization that it appears in some kind of unspoken law, that you can't be black and be a Republican, unless you're Condoleezza Rice, who black people don't consider black anyways. How did she make it so far in politics with a jacked up ass name like that?

It's like a fat person who starves themselves. That actually makes no sense. But I think that may have been my point. I mean, what fat person do you know that would willing starve themselves?

It's like this fat girl I know who's always complaining about being fat as she stuffs a 12 inch sub down her throat and complains 15 minutes later that she's still hungry and talks about how she's watching her weight by only eating 1 of the 2 12 inch subs she bought and downing it with a diet coke. See? No sense. Sleep deprivation is starting to get to me.

Die, Whore Bitch, Die

There's not a lot of people that I hate in this world.

But there are certain people who just really get under my skin and I wish a painful death. I think they do it on purpose. Because they know... I can be a psycho bitch. They want to see how far they can push me before I blow up.

They obviously, have no clue... I'm not hard to set off...

Sleep well, you whore. I've got my eye on you. Fucking slut.

I'm sorry to be so vague, but I can't just throw everything out there at the moment. Give me some time, and we shall see what is to come.

Men Are Retarded

It doesn't matter if they've love you for 12 years or have been infatuated with you for 12 seconds.


They are all the same. Sorry ladies, but I think our emotions would be kept safer if we all stuck to carpet munchin.

FYI for all you men, anytime a woman does something drastic to their hair, it usually means that's you've really fucked up or they're going through a really bad break up.

Been M.I.A.

Before you start to bitch me out, I am well aware that I have been M.I.A. for quite some time now. That's kinda my fault but not really. Let's just say shit a.k.a. life happens.

I could catch you all up, but no one cares about the details. Unless, it's all ugly. Which most of it is, truth be told.

Let's just say, I think I may possibly make a come back which really doesn't make any sense since I wasn't ever THAT popular to begin with. And yes, I'm still very much angry. Just not at the same person.

I'm famous in Japan, bitch!!! Well, not really, but I like to pretend I am. I'll work on my comeback tomorrow when I'm sober.

Oh, and... Happy New Years!!! What year are we in? 2012 or some shit... We're all gonna die... Yeah...

What the Fuck?!

If there's one thing I love to do, it's reading the comments that you guys leave me about something I've posted.

However, it has come to my attention that some people have been posting bullshit like this:

Hello!
You may probably be very curious to know how one can manage to receive high yields on investments.
There is no initial capital needed.
You may begin to get income with a money that usually goes
on daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one project for several years,
and I'm ready to share my secrets at my blog.

Please visit blog and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I make 1000-2000 per daily now.

I mean, seriously?

Who the fuck cares about what you're advertising. More importantly, why are you posting your random bullshit ads as a comment on my fucking blog?

To all you fucking spammers out there, I got one thing to say... FUCK OFF!

I don't want you junking up my comments with your random bullshit. No one gives a flying fuck. Lease of all, me.

Take your bullshit somewhere else, cause I'm just going to delete the crap anyways.

P.S. To anyone's who's interested... My birthday is right around the corner. I'll be turning 29 on May 23. Sooooo... Feel free to buy me something whether it's a gift of a couple shots of Patron while I'm out on the town, hehe. Just thought I'd put it out there.

I almost forgot... Even though I'm not Mexican... Happy Cinco de Mayo. This 6 pack of Corona's I'm guzzling down right now is for all of you (mostly myself, but sure, you guys too LMAO)