Stalkers

While talking to my sister on the phone yesterday, we realized that we've both have had a lot of men stalkers in the past.

But since this blog isn't about her, we're not going to get into her male stalkers because it's not relevant to me, and no one cares.

So here goes my list of crazy stalkers. Well the ones I remember:

Crazy Stalker #1: Turd
I don't remember his actual name and I don't care. He was as creepy in personality as he was creepy in the way he looked.

He was my sisters then-boyfriends, cousin. He use to call me non-stop, like 20-30 times a day, and tell me that he was going to force me to marry him and have his babies.

I would avoid his calls but then I'd end up with like 20-30 messages on my voicemail about how he swore on his life that I would be forced into marrying him and having his babies.

I finally had to get a restraining order on this kid because I thought that he really believed that he would be able to force me to marry him and have his turd looking babies.

Crazy Stalker #2: The Wet Back
My brother use to work at an auto shop place. At least I think he did. Anyways, he had a co-worker who apparently had seen a picture of me and somehow had decided that I was going to be his girlfriend.

One day, I'm minding my business and I walk out the house. I saw this grease monkey, looking wet back standing across the parking lot just staring at me. One thing was for sure, he and his red Toyota pick-up truck were definitely in the wrong neighborhood.

So the guy approaches me and in his broke ass English says, "I know ju. I know who ju are. You bery prity. I like you bery moch."

To which I replied, "Well I sure as hell don't know you, and I'm leaving".

He says to me, "Ju are sister of Miguel, no?"

I paused and said, "Who the hell are you?"

Anyways, long story short, my brothers co-worker had somehow managed to find me. To this day I still don't have a clue how that happened.

After I told my brother what had happened, he quickly put a stop to that by telling the wet back that he would kick his ass and have him deported if he ever pulled a stunt like that again.

Crazy Stalker #3: The Dominican
So I met this Dominican at the mall one time. He seemed nice enough. Really polite and sweet. Apparently, a little crazy.

I gave this dude my phone number, and that same day he called me, which was cool I guess. So i talked to him for a little while, and then I got off the phone cause I had better things to do.

He called me, 10 minutes after we had hung up, so I answered and I'm like, "What?"

He's like, "Nothing, just wanted to talk to you".

I'm thinking to myself, is this dude on drugs? We just talked.

I got him off the phone, yet again and 10 minutes later, the phone rings. Thank God for caller ID. I didn't answer.

He calls back. My phone rang non-stop for the next 5 hours. And yes, it was him calling over and over and over. After that, I decided that I was better off not talking to this dude ever again.

For the next 2 weeks my phone would ring non-stop for like 5 hours straight everyday, and he left a message every time.

"Call me, please. I miss you". "Why haven't you called me back? I really need to talk to you." So on, and so on. Creepy right?

Eventually, I answered the phone, pretending to be my sister and I told him that I no longer lived there and had moved back to Miami. Why did I have to even go there?

Anyways, I had plenty more stalkers, but those 3 are the most memorable from what I can remember anyways.

And speaking of stalkers, I stalked the tow truck last night, but he never showed. I was thinking of maybe just leaving a note on my car with my number so that they can call me before they tow and I can try and bribe them, but still get some sleep in the process.

Stalking people makes me sleepy.